Dwarves Only Love Once
by My Favorite Dark Things
Summary: Thorin is a proud man and a stern king. Their quest is dangerous and life-threatening, but the true trouble comes in the form of human girl joining the company. Thorin breaks every rule when he shares a night with her, and the consequences could be catastrophic.
1. Chapter 1

Hey!

So this is a completely new story and even if I've written fanfics before, this is my first Hobbit fanfic. I wanted to try something mature and fic with some adult material, so here we go.

I didn't want to make another cheesy 'let's add a girl to the story' fic, so I really tried to make something different. There is a plot and it thickens later on. Also, there is some hot action later on, so you've been warned/teased! :)

This was completely inspired by the hotness that is Richard Armitage and the lack of good Thorin/OC fics.

NOTE: I used the appendices of the Return of the King about Durin's line and the conversation between Thorin and Gandalf is loosely based on the notes there.

**Please review**!

Title: Dwarves Only Love Once  
Summary:_ Thorin is a proud man and a stern king. Their quest is dangerous and life-threatening, but the true trouble comes in the form of human girl joining the company. Thorin breaks every rule when he shares a night with her, and the consequences could be catastrophic._

Rating**:** M (Mature)  
Genre: Drama/Romance/  
Characters: Thorin Oakenshield, the company members, Original Female Character  
Pairing: Thorin/OC  
Spoiler warnings: To the book Hobbit.  
Other warnings: Sexual content, violence, character deaths, trigger warnings.

* * *

** * PROLOGUE *  
**

The tension in the air was now so thick that the Orkrist could have cut it. Every breath she drew was somehow hard to take in.

Seconds passed.

Long, tensed seconds.

They had danced around each other for months now. She was so afraid that it was all her imagination, that Thorin didn't feel anything towards her.  
Laurelin tried to read Thorin's face, and she hoped to see the same hunger in him that was consuming her. The hunger that couldn't be satisfied with the finest meat or wine.

He tried to say something, but no words came out.

When she opened her mouth just a little, she heard Thorin letting out a troubled breath, and she knew she had just released a fire hotter than a dragon's breath.

When Thorin finally closed the distance between their bodies, she closed her eyes and let out a whimper.

* * *

*** CHAPTER 1 *  
**

It started as nothing, really.

She was from Dale. Or would have been, if Smaug hadn't burnt, smashed and crushed the beautiful city by the lake into millions of pieces of ash, smoke and wood. All of her family and relatives had been murdered that day - some burnt, some drowned, some lost into the woods. The shrieks and cries of the people of Dale had been horrifying, and even to that day, the Lonely Mountain and the valley seemed to remember all the lives lost long ago, because certain atmosphere of melancholy hung over the notorious place.

She had never been to Dale.

It was ironic really.

And later when she found out that Thorin's nephews, the dwarf princes Fili and Kili, had never been in Esgaroth or in Erebor, she felt a little a bit better. She had just as much as reason to hate Smaug. She had just as much as right to try and reclaim her homeland.

Her name was Laurelin.

She was named after the beautiful golden tree of Valar, a name that would honour even a dwarf, but she was a human. She was a human, and her life would be the shortest of all the people that walked upon Middle-Earth. Even halflings lived longer than her kind, but the thought of mortality hadn't ever really bothered her.

Even if she was named by a golden tree, she had dark hair and brown eyes. Her skin was soft and she wasn't tall, just a little taller than the dwarves of Thorin Oakenshield's company.

And Laurelin's story started from nothing, really.

She had lived her whole life in Bree. It was a chain of random incidents that lead her to the Prancing Pony one night, and in the corner of the room two strangers caught her eye.

A wizard with a grey, pointy hat and a dwarf, both deep in conversation.

It was fate that threw her into the same room as them. It was fate that made her glance at their direction. And it was by chance that she recognized Thorin Oakenshield.

For all her life, Laurelin had loved stories and legends, songs and poems, so she had listened when someone told a story by the fire or sang song in the Inns. Elves were her favorite, because they were beautiful and immortal, and full of mysteries. Laurelin had heard that dwarves were stubborn, impolite and greedy, and she didn't really fancy them at all.

But she had heard of Thorin Oakenshield and his ancestors, because Dale's and Erebor's fates were entwined. She recognized the oakenshield itself, put to the side but visible to curious and sharp eyes.

It was then when she drew closer, eyeing the pair warily, ignoring the long looks the men in the Inn threw at her. She was young and beautiful, and even if she wore long cape and dress, most of these rangers and visitors were lonely, wifeless men. She wasn't naive, after all. But she refused to hung his head, because she was still proud, even if she wasn't a daughter of kings or queens.

The wizard and the dwarf king spoke in low voices, obviously wary of the curious ears. Her steps slowed as she hesitated, suddenly unsure what to say.

-They are only miserable homes for exiles." Thorin said. -But you are welcome if you want to visit us. Because I've heard that you are wise and know more about this world than any other, and there are many things I wish to ask you about." the dwarf said, and now Laurelin could make out his low and deep voice.

Gandalf looked at the dwarf, clearly in deep thoughts. -I will visit you, Thorin Oakenshield, because I agree that we have a common worry - Erebor's dragon to be specific. Smaug is in my mind, too, and I don't think that the grandson of Thrór has forgotten about him."

Thorin was about to answer when Gandalf's eyes flickered to Laurelin's. He eyed her and suddenly Laurelin was aware of the attention on her, and could instantly see that the old wizard wasn't just a harmless old man, but something else entirely.

And then Thorin Oakenshield turned to her, and she startled a little. It was the first time they saw each other, and suddenly Laurelin felt stupid for wanting to catch a better glimpse. Thorin's face was masked and wary. His features were carved by sorrow and bitterness, but he sat straight and he looked like a royalty he was, even if his clothes were partly torn and dirty.

Laurelin also recognized the mistrust from his blue eyes, scanning her coldly.

Gandalf let out a puff of smoke.

-What is your business here, young one?" he asked, not unkindly but a bit sharply.

Laurelin looked from Thorin to Gandalf and back again, clearing her voice. She felt nervous and her stomach churned, but she forced herself to talk.

-My name is Laurelin, daughter of Garion of Dale." she said, lifting her chin. Thorin's eyebrow shot up when she mentioned her hometown, and his face softened a little.

She turned to him and nodded. -I recognized you, Thorin Oakenshield, from your infamous shield. I know it is not my place to ask or intrude, but surely a dwarf of such high birth isn't sitting with a wizard in Bree just for amusement?"

Thorin's face harnened instantly. -You are right, it is not your place to ask." he said harshly.

Gandalf threw a glare at Thorin and waved his hand at him distantly. -Thorin, she is a descendant of Garion. I don't think I need to remind you that Garion was Girion's uncle, and Girion was the king of Dale. So she might not be from royal line but her hometown was destroyed by Smaug. I think you can relate to that."

That seemed to change Thorin's mind. He sighed and nodded, but didn't say anything.

Before he had the chance, Laurelin stepped closer. -I know your story, Thorin Oakenshield, and I'm certain that you know Dale's. I know you and your people live on the Blue Mountains, in Ered Luin, and I have never seen you so far from home. Surely there is something going on, and if this has anything to do with Dale, I am most interested."

She knew her words were bold and she was addressing a king, exiled king but a king nonetheless, and she had no right to ask him this.

Gandalf laughed. -She is clever, I give her that." he said. The wizard leant closer and eyed her, narrowing his eyes. -We could have use for you."

Thorin's eyes bulged and he looked at the wizard, incredulous. -You can't be serious." he hissed.

Gandalf shrugged and took a long sip from his pipe. His blue eyes were old and wise, and Laurelin had the feeling they saw deeper into her mind and heart than anyone else had before.

-Yes." the wizard murmured. -You have a part to play in this quest." he said slowly.

Laurelin looked at him, confused, while Thorin hit the table sotfly with his fist.

-It is _my_ quest, dear wizard, and I don't think we should tell anything about it to complete strangers. I said that you can pick one or two companions to the quest, but I thought you would pick warriors or rangers that can be useful." Thorin said angrily.

Gandalf huffed, irritated. -You asked me to choose companions for you, and here you have one. If you thought I would give you warlords or fighters, you are mistaken, Thorin. I was going to choose someone from the west, but now my heart tells me that we need her too. She has a sharp mind and that can be very useful in this quest. I am choosing her. It is decided."

Thorin glared at the wizard, clearly outraged, and looked at Laurelin despisingly. Laurelin herself was stunned and speechless, her heart beating fast because she realized that she might have been dragged into something she had no idea of.

-I am not taking a human child with me." Thorin said through his teeth.

-I am not a child." Laurelin said automatically, raising her voice. She instantly realized that wasn't the tone Thorin was used to, but she was too nervous to care.

-I have seen over twenty summers. I am not a child." She took a breath and crossed her arms. -And while I appreciate your interest, wizard, I had no intention to take part in any quest. I was simply interested."

-Twenty summers!" Thorin repeated like it was an insult. -I have seen almost two _hundred _summers, and even my nephews that are both around eighty years old are still seen as youngsters by my people." he said, clearly getting more and more frustrated.

Then he looked at Gandalf. -And she said it herself - she doesn't want to participate, and it's fine by me. Pick someone else." Thorin said demandingly.

Gandalf's patience seemed to run out. -If you want my help, Thorin Oakenshield, then you shall accept it too. I picked her. She is coming with us. The other companion will join us later."

The wizard stood up, suddenly looking tall and important. He eyed Laurelin, then Thorin.

-We will meet in the Shire in the west, land of the halflings - or hobbits as they call themselves - three months from now. I will draw a mark to the door, you will find it easily enough. I expect you both be there in time. Good evening."

And then wizard was gone.

Thorin and Laurelin were both left stunned, looking after the wizard. Then Thorin stood up, too, and Laurelin would have found their slight height difference amusing in any other situation since she was a bit taller than him, but now Thorin just eyed her with disapproval.

The dwarf king looked unwelcoming and cold.

-Do not think that the wizard's word is more powerful than mine. There is no place for weaklings or other burdens in my company, and I will not accept any of those to the quest. Bear that in mind."

And then the dwarf king picked his oakenshield and disappeared from the room.

Laurelin was left standing there, unable to comprehend what had just happened.


	2. Chapter 2

Three months later, Laurelin did find herself on Hobbiton, staring in awe at the green fields and beautiful hobbit holes in front of her. She had heard of hobbits before, of course she had, some of them even visited Bree, but she had never been in their lands. She didn't really know why she had come. She felt reckless and careless, abandoning his home in Bree and saying goodbye to his brother. She was already having second thoughts about this.

But here she was anyway.

And when Laurelin finally found a fine green door that had the certain mark on it, she knocked hesitantly.

A small, flustered and curly-haired dwarf opened the door, sighing and looking exhausted. Laurelin smiled at him carefully. The hobbit looked confused.

-You're not a dwarf." he said, surprised.

Laurelin chuckled. -No, I'm not. I'm a human, Laurelin from Bree."

The hobbit nodded and finally remembered manners. -Oh, and I'm Bilbo Baggins. At your service." Laurelin lifted an eyebrow at the dwarf greeting but returned the words as the hobbit let her in.

Singing and loud chatter surrounded her. Laurelin wondered what gave her to nerve to be here with these strangers. Maybe it was because she graved to be part of an adventure, of those legends and tales she had only heard about. Maybe it was because she wanted to prove to the stubborn dwarf king that she was worthy of Gandalf's choice.

Hours later, when Thorin finally arrived and after greeting their hobbit, he spotted her. Surprise spread to his face. -You." he hissed.

Laurelin gave him a nod that was something between honouring and mocking.

-Yes, me. You said to me, Thorin Oakenshield, that weaklings or burdens have no place in your company, and I am neither of those." She stared at him defiantly.

Thorin eyed her from head to toe. At first he looked like he was going to kick her out of the hobbit hole, but then something like slight admiration crossed her face. Then his face turned into a mask again and he nodded.

-Very well, then. If you truly wish to take part to this quest, then you can sign the contract and come with us. Although I expect you to give up before we get to Misty Mountains and return to your Bree." he added somewhat smugly.

It was all a play to him, Laurelin realized. He only let her come because he thought she couldn't take it. That she would leave willingly as soon as the quest began. Oh, how wrong he was. She was going to prove the damn dwarf wrong. Laurelin couldn't do much good with a sword - in a close fight she was done for - but her aim was good and she could use a bow quite efficiently.  
It was her pride that finally made her sign the contract and she threw a defying glance at Thorin as she dipped the pen into the ink.

He just shook his head, like she was a misbehaving child, and her irritating boiled beneath her skin. She kept quiet, however, and feasted with the other dwarves. They took her in as a friend, patted her back and called her lass, and she felt oddly welcome.

But when the night darkened and the dwarves started to sing, the true extent of the quest started to dawn on Laurelin. Images of war and dragon fire filled her head, and she wrapped a blanked around herself, but the old chilly feeling didn't leave her. But when Thorin sang and hummed with that deep and low voice of his, Laurelin felt a spark in her heart that made her face heat up.

She quickly brushed it off as excitement for the journey, and swore that she was not going to give into the dwarf king's games. She held her head high and sat straight as the night continued.

* * *

Laurelin was quite merry when they set off to their journey. She was riding a pony, even if she could ride a horse if it was needed. Mister Baggins joined them later on, fortunately, because somehow his presence made Laurelin feel a bit less like a stranger and alien among the dwarves. She enjoyed the little hobbit's company and his nervous chatter.

They talked for hours while they were riding.

From the dwarves, especially Bofur, Balin and Gloin welcomed her kindly.

The dwarf princes Fili and Kili were chatty and cheerful, and they seemed to be joined by the hip. They threw her curious glances and even if Laurelin was young and unexperienced, she knew_ that_ look. She had seen it so many times during her working hours in the Inns that she had lost count. She wasn't bad to look at, she knew it herself, but getting all this attention from the dwarf princes made her feel a bit more self-confident.

The princes were eyeing her from head to toe. She was wearing a brown and green skirt, and Bofur had given him some leather clothes. She was now wearing leather brocade jacket. She owned only one corselet, and she had put it on the same morning. It had been uncomfortable at first, but now she realized that it wouldn't only protect her from the wind and the cold, but it would also help her to block some possible blows from orcs or every other vile creatures they could encounter.

Now that the dwarf princes were eyeing her, she was suddenly painfully aware that the corselet also highlighted the shape of her body and, well, made her womanhood stand up more obviously. Fortunately she was wearing a cape that hid her chest and everything on it quite effectively.

Even if the princes were handsome and playful, Laurelin's glance kept slipping to Thorin. She couldn't explain it, but her irritation to him made her constantly brood at their leader and glare at the back of his head.

Thorin kept riding ahead, though, and the rare times he looked behind, his eyes swept over hers for a short moment.

When they set up the camp for the first time, Thorin huffed at her. -Still here?" he asked.

Laurelin had been just arranging her bedroll and now stood up. As the night was getting colder, she was about to change into the fur coat she had, so she unconsciously opened her cape while talking to Thorin. Her fingers were shaking from sudden irritation and slight anger.

-Yes, I'm still here, _your majesty_." she said and turned to Thorin, and pulled her cape off in the same time.

Two things happened at the same time. First of all, Laurelin noticed that she had just pulled her cape off because the chilly night wind hit her bare skin on her chest, and secondly, that Thorin's eyes dropped to her front.

Laurelin felt her stomach churn uncomfortably for that look, and found herself shocked that his glance could cause such a reaction. She was now very aware of her breasts sticking out of the corselet quite visibly, and even more aware of how her skin turned into goose-flesh - because of the wind she told herself - not because of the dwarf king.

The whole thing lasted only a few seconds but Laurelin was too witty for her own good, and she had waited all day to snap back at the king, so without thinking it any further, she cocked her head slower.

-My eyes are right here." she said and she felt a glorious satisfaction when she saw Thorin startling and looking up from her front to her eyes, suddenly not at all majestic and important. She couldn't help but to flash a smile to the flustered king.

Thorin suddenly changed his weight from one leg to another and looked away, swallowing and irritation filling his face. It was already dim but Laurelin could have sworn that he saw him blush a little.

-I hope I'm not distracting this quest too much." Laurelin added and crossed her arms. She instantly realized it made her breasts stood out even more, but it was too late to take the gesture back now. She could be bold, but she hoped she wasn't testing his limits too soon.

Thorin just shook his head like trying to shake the image off his mind, growled and turned away. -Go to sleep. I expect you to take a night watch after Bifur, just like Mr. Baggins and everyone else are." he said before he took off.

Laurelin nodded. -I will." she said, a wide grin spreading to her face when he saw the dwarf king walking away. She could have sworn he looked embarrassed before turning away.

Smiling to herself, nervous and excitement churning in her stomach, she finally turned to her bedroll. She saw Fili looking at her from further away and suddenly she realized that she had been quite disrespectful towards Thorin.

Her smile faded a little when she reminded herself that no matter how much fun it was teasing the dwarf king and showing him that she wasn't afraid of her, Thorin was still the leader of the company and he could send her away if he wanted to. And she had already decided that helping Erebor would help Dale, so she was going to participate into this quest.

Thorin wasn't her king, but to the twelve dwarves he was. She had to remind herself to treat Thorin with respect, even if her small trick gave her a worrying amount of pleasure.


	3. Chapter 3

The next three days it rained. Everyone felt miserable. Laurelin was secretly pleased to know that she wasn't the only one whose long hair was soaking wet and would take enormously time to comb again - dwarves liked their hair long and they carried their heads high.

When they had free time, Bofur and Fili taught him the basics of sword fighting. She didn't learn very much and earned a handful of bruises and light cuts, but when she mentioned she could aim a bow, Kili's head suddenly turned to her and even Thorin looked interested.

-You can use a bow?" Kili asked, and Laurelin couldn't decide whether the dwarf looked pleased or challenged.

-Well, yes, a little." she said uncertainly, because she had no idea whether there were other archers in the company and how good they could be.

-Show us." Kili said and put a bow into her hand.

As it turned out, she was decent with the bow but not excellent. Kili, however, could hit a bird's eye from a long distance, and she was no match to him. However, she caught Thorin looking at her with a new expression, something between approval and curiosity. He quickly turned his head away, though, when she caught him looking.

Laurelin needed to swallow her smile. Soon she caught herself turning angry towards herself, because she was acting like a stupid young girl and not a brave young woman she was and wanted to be seen as.

There was a slight ache in her stomach, though, which she couldn't ignore completely.

Two weeks passed by.

Then out of nowhere, they got attacked by trolls.

Everything happened so fast. Just like that, the ran to the troll's camp. Laurelin took her bow and aimed it towards one of the gigantic mountain trolls, but Thorin signalled them to drop weapons when Bilbo's life was in danger. Laurelin wanted to shout disagreement to Thorin, because there was no point of giving up their weapons - surely she could shoot the trolls before they could hurt the hobbit - but decided to obey anyway.

So she ended up into a sack with the others.

When Bilbo began to buy them some time, Laurelin caught up with his plan a lot more quickly than the dwarves. The dwarves could be brave, but they were slow as bricks sometimes, Laurelin could have sworn it.

So Laurelin kept agreeing to everything Bilbo said, and while Thorin looked at her like she had just betrayed them all, she winked her eye to him and for a moment, the dwarf king looked totally stunned but then the plan dawned on him, too.

He kicked Kili to shut up and then the other dwarves played along. Laurelin smiled to herself and for the first time, Thorin eyed her with slight admiration.

When Gandalf came and the trolls were turned into stone, they finally got out of the sacks and freed their companions. Soon Thorin walked up to her and Bilbo.

-It was wise of you to buy some more time." he said to them both. -Although I strongly disapprove that Mr. Baggins let himself get caught." he said at Bilbo. The hobbit looked disappointed and ashamed.

Laurelin stared at Thorin and felt a flash of anger. -This wasn't his fault. It was your ignorant nephews that caused this. Bilbo just saved all of our lives and I don't think it's your place to blame him for this."

Thorin looked at her, surprised and for a moment he looked like he could slap her.

Laurelin realized that her tone was inappropriate and bold, and he was quiet such a long time that Laurelin started regretting her words and was about to apologize, when Thorin took deep breaths and sighed. -You are right, Mr. Baggind did save our lives, and I am thankful for that." he said and nodded at Bilbo, who gave a weak smile.

But then Thorin eyed her and stepped closer. -But I will not tolerate such disrespect in my company. You will not talk to me with such a tone, and you certainly are not allowed to talk like that about my nephews. They are princes and royalty, even if they can cause mischief or be mistaken."

Laurelin didn't even blink when she stared at him. They were so close that Laurelin could feel Thorin's breathing on her face. Suddenly she wanted nothing but to slam him against something, and the dim ache in her chest flared up.

She didn't know whether this emotion was rage or something else completely. Thorin's proximity made the air seem heavier to breathe in. She didn't let herself to think this was something else, so she went along with rage.

But she also knew she had gone a bit too far. So, she swallowed her pride.

-Fine." Laurelin said simply and lowered her voice. She straightened her back, which brought her front very close to Thorin's face, as she was a bit taller than the dwarf. Laurelin was suddenly very self-aware of her body. She wasn't doing anything on purpose, but Thorin stepped backwards anyway, and clearly was about to say something, but then decided to stomp away instead.

When Laurelin turned to Bilbo, the hobbit was smiling, eyeing Thorin and her in turns.

-What?" she asked, biting her lip. The small feeling of excitement made her feel irritated.

Bilbo just smiled brighter. -It's nothing. Thank you for standing up to me." he said.

Laurelin didn't want to admit that she guessed what he was thinking.

It was _not_ true.

Thorin irritated her. While she didn't hate him, she almost could have. And Thorin probably hated her too, would cast her out if it was his decision. Thorin thought she was a burden, incapable of bravery and deep loyalty, a human child. Thorin didn't trust her.

Laurelin just shook her head.

There was _nothing_ going on.

The ache in her chest dulled a little. She forcefully ignored it before going after the hobbit and their camp.

* * *

Later, when they found the treasure of the orcs, Thorin gave her a fine Elvish blade. -Use it only in grave danger." he said as he gave it to her.

Laurelin's fingers accidentally brushed his when she took it. For the first time, she didn't look at him with irritation, but as grateful and touched. She knew it had to be a valuable blade. Thorin looked unreadable as he eyed her carefully.

-Thank you." she whispered and his eyes suddenly looked much more open and vulnerable, and it was like his breaths suddenly got stuck to his throat. Thorin didn't look angry. He tensed a little, like he didn't know what to do.

Laurelin found herself wondering how Thorin's skin felt like before she brushed the thoughts off urgently.

When Thorin walked away, Laurelin couldn't help but to stare at him. Slowly, she caressed the blade with care.

* * *

They kept traveling on. Laurelin spent her days chatting with the hobbit or usually with Bofur, Fili, Kili, Nori or Gloin. They all were genuinely interested in her life story and the stories she could tell about the Inns like Prancing Pony and the customers. More than once she made the whole company laugh aloud, one time even Thorin smiled a little.

And while Laurelin never talked to Thorin like this, she knew he was listening.

And when they gathered around the campfire during the nights, she found herself asking things about Thorin from the other dwarves. One night she was asking about their life in Ered Luin when Bofur smiled at her brightly.

He leant closer so others nearby wouldn't hear.

-Laurelin, you must know that Thorin can be proud and quiet, but he has a good heart. Don't mistake his harsh words for hatred or contempt, he treats everyone with the same mistrust. He has been betrayed so many times that it's hard for him to let anyone in. But I can tell he likes you, you seem to be good with the bow and cooking and tending wounds. Those skills are all useful. Besides, he doesn't just like you. He can barely take his eyes off you."

That made Laurelin's heart skip a beat and suddenly she blushed angrily, even if she normally never did. Laurelin let out a nervous laugh and just shook her head. Bofur smiled and winked at her. Laurelin hated himself for feeling so delighted but couldn't help it - the flame in her chest was burning brighter. She glanced at Thorin, and once again she caught him looking at her - lately it had happened very often - and Thorin turned his glance away quickly.

Laurelin chatted with Bofur for a while more about other things before she finally went to her bedroll. But that night, she couldn't sleep. She kept thinking about Bofur's words. She remembered her sudden urge to pin Thorin against something, but she didn't want to hurt him. Not really. Not that way.

Instead, she wanted to see Thorin pant and groan and moan, not from pain but something else. She wanted to feel how his hair felt under her hands and how his beard brushed her skin and she wanted to know how those hard, big hands would slide on her skin. And the thoughts scared her and angered her, and she curled up smaller. She wanted it to_ stop_. When she finally fell asleep, her dreams were restless and filled with images that only made the ache in her chest worse.


	4. Chapter 4

They continued their journey. They met Radagast, too, just before the attack of the wargs and orcs. It was the first serious danger during their quest but Laurelin kept up with the rest of the company and Kili took the responsibility of shooting the arrows. She didn't back down or panic, and they all got out of it without serious injuries.

Soon after that, they all arrived to Rivendell, Imladris in Elvish, and she found it astonishing and beautiful by compare. Never before had she set her eyes on something so stunning as the halls and rivers of Rivendell, and she looked at everything in awe. Thorin and the dwarves, however, kept glaring at the elves and Laurelin could tell they wanted nothing more than to get out as soon as possible.

Bilbo was fortunately as excited as her. Often they walked together and talked to the elves and learnt very much new things while their stay in there.

In the peaceful days of Rivendell, Lauriel found herself thinking Thorin even more than ever. She missed him whenever he wasn't around, and she couldn't do anything to stop it. They were all given their own chambers, and when she slept alone on a large bed, the sheets felt cold and sleep unsatisfying.

Laurelin kept having dreams. One night, she dreamed that Thorin touched her face, and then slided his hand lower.

And lower.

And lower.

Then she woke up with a snap, breathing hard and sweating slightly, thanking her luck that she was alone in the room. She fell back to the bed, cursing herself.

She couldn't no longer deny it.

She had feelings for Thorin Oakenshield.

They had somehow slipped into her head and taken over her heart and mind, bit by bit, growing stronger every day.

She didn't know exactly why or how it was even possible, but she couldn't deny this ache in her chest, these dreams that were signalling the same thing night after night, and the way she missed her and the way she wanted to do...things...at him whenever he got close. She couldn't deny how her breathing quickened and heart started beating faster.

Laurelin buried her face into the pillow and wondered if it was only her. If Thorin felt something too...

_No._

Absolutely not.

Thorin Oakenshield despised humans and elves, everyone but his own kind. Thorin was too bitter and proud to even think about her in that way - he had called her a child! And child she was, compared to Thorin - the dwarf king was almost two hundred years old, and she was barely over twenty years old. She would live a lot shorter life than him.

And besides, Thorin was from the line of Durin and kings. He was royalty, a king, and she was nothing. She might be from Dale, and yes, she was distantly related to Dale's king, but there was no Dale and there was no king.

So she was no one, really.

A human girl from Bree.

Painfully young girl from Bree.

And she had fallen for Thorin Oakenshield.

Laurelin wanted to bang her head to a wall.

But she knew Thorin didn't have a wife or children, that much she had gotten out of the other dwarves. So maybe...

_No._

No, no and no.

It would never work. This...thing, it could never become anything more. She had never even heard about dwarf and human being together. That just didn't happen.

And the ache in her chest grew worse, but now it was also distantly painful.

Laurelin didn't get any more sleep that night.

* * *

When they finally left Rivendell, Laurelin was both sad for leaving the beautiful Elven city and realizing she had to continue the quest with her feelings buried underneath.

They started to climb to the Misty Mountains. After a few days, a storm suddenly came upon them. Laurelin had never been so terrified in her life when the stone giants started throwing massive rocks around, and the ground below her was suddenly moving. Before Laurelin had any time to react or even scream out, she was suddenly sucked into a moving rock with Fili and the others, separated from Thorin and the rest of the company.

She barely had time to scream before another mountain wall was approaching her with alarming speed.

There was a loud crash as the rocks collided and they all were sent flying, and Laurelin fell on her arm painfully. She could hear Thorin crying out in panic, and the amount of emotion surprised her. Laurelin was too dazzled and dizzy to stand up yet, so she kept still in the pouring rain when the dwarf king and the others rushed to them.

She turned her head just in time to see clear relief spreading to Thorin's face, and for a moment her heart skipped a beat when she thought it was for her, but then he saw Thorin giving a smile for Fili. _Oh_, she thought, disappointed, of course. Thorin cared about his nephews as they were his own children. They were his priority and the heirs to the throne.

Laurelin dropped her head while she cluthed her arm, still dizzyingly painful.

Suddenly there was someone besides her and a gentle hand touched her shoulder.

-Laurelin?" a deep, resonating voice called.

Never had her own name sounded so heavenly. Never had hearing it made her shiver, though she easily masked it to be caused by the rain.

Laurelin looked up to see Thorin looking down at her, clearly scanning her for injuries. His eyes were compassionate, open and worried. Laurelin saw worry, and she realized it was only for her.

-Are you hurt?" Thorin asked.

Laurelin took a deep breath, nodded and tried to get up. She didn't want to seem weak. But when she tried to stand up, her legs suddenly gave in and she was falling before she even registered it.

Strong arms caught her instantly, and while Laurelin's head spun, she distantly felt how she was laid down back to the ground.

Her eyes flickered dangerously, the rain just kept smacking her face and her arm hurt and she felt dizzy, and the darkness lured her. But then she felt a slap on her face and she forced her eyes open. As her vision cleared, she saw that Thorin was very close to her now, face twisted in worry.

-Laurelin?" he asked, and she could feel the warmth radiating from him, and how his voice resonated in his chest.

She blinked and looked at him. Those piercing blue eyes were filled with worry.

-Yes." she answered, her voice creaking. She glanced at the other members of company looking down at them both worriedly. -I'll be fine." she finally managed to say with a hoarse voice, and smiled weakly.

Thorin glanced at her forehead. -You hit your head, there's a small scratch. Gloin can take a look at it." he mumbled. His eyes swept across her body. -Are you hurt anywhere else?"

Laurelin blinked and her breathing was quick, both because of the adrenalin and the proximity of Thorin. -My arm..." she said carefully. -But...later." she said tiredly.

She looked past Thorin and saw that many of the dwarves were still staring at them, and suddenly she realized that whatever was going on between her and their king - this odd tension, the long looks - most of the company had noticed. She could see it in their eyes.

But it wasn't her priority. -Where's Bilbo?" she suddenly breathed out.

-What?" someone asked.

-Where is Bilbo?!" Laurelin said louder, now suddenly panicking. Their dear hobbit that had quickly become one of his closest friends...She struggled to get up but Thorin stopped her by pressing his hand onto her shoulder.

-No. Stay there or you'll fall again and cause even more trouble." he said and stood up, looking around for the hobbit.

Laurelin's heart sank for the words._ More trouble?_ She had caused trouble? Suddenly Laurelin felt ashamed for swooning like a faint-hearted girl. She wanted nothing more to get up but she was genuinely afraid that she would fall again so she stayed put like their king had ordered.

The fact that she had thought of Thorin as their king didn't really have to time occur to her when Thorin suddenly flung himself over the cliff and scared Laurelin half to death, before she realized that Thorin was trying to save their hobbit.

Thorin almost fell over himself, and the others had to heave him up. Laurelin watched the whole thing in horror, colour draining away from her face.

When they finally got badly scared Bilbo and quiet Thorin safely to firm ground, they decided to find shelter. Laurelin hung her head now, carefully cluthing her arm.

It wasn't broken, fortunately, because that would have sent her howling in pain, but it was probably lightly sprained. She was certain that the shock and her small head wound were really the things that had made her dizzy.

Laurelin closed her eyes and felt small and unwanted. The pouring rain and the dangers of the journey made her feel miserable. For a moment she wondered if anyone even cared if she had fallen off the cliff. If she had been crushed by the rocks. She darkly wondered if everyone still wanted her out of this company. They liked the hobbit, she knew it, but she wasn't too sure about herself.

-Laurelin?" Fili called.

She realized that she probably seemed a lot worse than she actually was, hanging her head down with a pale face and blood running down her temple, sprained arm in her lap.

-I'm fine." she mumbled through her soaking wet hair. With her healthy hand, she struggled to get up, leaning on the rocks, and was satisfied when only a small wave of dizziness washed over her before setting down.

She didn't look at Thorin. She waited before Kili yelled at them that they had found shelter and they all started to make their way to the small cave.

She walked quietly and when they reached the cave, she set her things next to the cave wall, further away from the others. There she leant her head against the wall and closed her eyes.

-It isn't a good thing to sleep after a hit to the head, lass," Balin said to her. -I knew someone who did that and didn't wake up at all after that."

-Sounds good to me." Laurelin mumbled.

-Come again, young one?" Balin asked softly. Laurelin opened her eyes and looked at the old, grey dwarf. Balin had a good heart and he was sweet. Laurelin felt bad for snapping at him. -Nothing. Thank you for the advice." she said, giving him a smile, even if it didn't reach her eyes.

Balin eyed her worriedly, and Laurelin couldn't help but to steal a glance to look at Thorin. Once again, the dwarf king was looking at her, but now his face was filled with surprise and slight shock, and it took her off guard.

She instantly looked away, realizing that Thorin had heard her. How she had wished not to wake up at all. Laurelin felt partly guilty for it, partly satisfied. If Thorin felt bad, then fine. He earned some misery after making Laurelin fall for him and saying such horrible things to her all the time.

In the end, Gloin cleaned her wound and took a look at her arm, but they both agreed that it would get better with time and ended up putting some light bandages for support.

Other members of the company had received some minor cuts and bruises, and Gloin tended to them, too.

Laurelin ate in silence and didn't join the others for the usual chatter around the fire.

Thorin didn't either. He kept sharpening Orkrist alone in one corner.

When they finally went to sleep, Laurelin felt tired and fell asleep quite easily. It wasn't long after, though, when she woke up to soft sounds.

-Where do you think you're going?" Bofur asked.

Laurelin waited before she moved, only then realizing that Bilbo was leaving.

Suddenly a huge pressure started to weigh on her. If Bilbo was leaving, so should her. She was as much a burden as Bilbo was. They didn't belong to this company. They didn't belong here. This wasn't their quest. Erebor wasn't their home, and Thorin wasn't their king.

Laurelin bit her lip as her eyes burned. She glanced at her things - she had already packed for the morning. All she needed was to grab them and take her coat, and then she could leave with Bilbo.

-...you don't belong anywhere!" Bilbo hissed. Laurelin stopped to listen the conversation in surprise, and could sense without even looking that Bofur was hurt by the words.

Laurelin sat up, glancing at Bilbo. She eyed him and saw the familiar, desperate results of Thorin's rejection in the hobbit. She felt it too. She couldn't bear this much longer. She needed to get out. She couldn't pretend that Thorin didn't mean anything to her.

Without a word, Laurelin pulled her coat on. While she was working with the buttons, she glanced at the spot where Thorin was lying. And she froze - his eyes were open - he was awake.

Thorin's face was unreadable, but Laurelin knew he had heard everything that had been said.

Suddenly, Laurelin didn't turn her glance away from him. If she was leaving, she had nothing else to fear - the rejection or the risk of getting cast out.

She shook her head slowly to the dwarf king. A realization filled Thorin's face - it had dawned on him that she was leaving, too.

Laurelin looked at him in disappointment. -I hope you get your mountain back, Thorin Oakenshield." she whispered as she stood up and took her bag from the ground.

-And I hope that you find some kind of satisfaction from driving me and Bilbo away. You're as cold as the stone on your mountain's walls, and almost as hard to get through to."

She started to walk towards Bilbo. -Goodbye." she said without looking at Thorin, and Bilbo just turned towards hers when the ground suddenly shook and gave in beneath her.


	5. Chapter 5

**AUTHOR'S NOTE:** Hey! Special thanks to the reviewers Elven Kat, NinjaBubblez and ZabuzasGirl. :) This chapter is a bit longer as a thank you. :)

I hope you all like that I'm going to go with the slow-build and all, I want to keep Thorin and everyone else in character.

Please tell me what you think! :)

* * *

Laurelin didn't have time to register what was happening. Suddenly she was falling, dwarves and objects swirling around her and she was sliding on some kind of stone. She heard several terrified and surprised screams everywhere around her. After some long seconds, they hit the ground and Ori landed on top of her, knocking the air out of her.

For a moment, she was breathless and disoriented, but she had no time to recover, because soon she was soon ripped up by goblins - yes, goblins - and lead deeper into the mountain.

The Goblin Town was huge and unpleasant, and quirming with nasty citizens. As they were pushed forward, it dawned on Laurelin if how deeply in trouble they were.

She tried to keep on track of the directions and she kept glancing at possible escape ways when they were brought in front of the ugly Goblin King. But they were badly outnumbered - there were hundreds, maybe even thousands of goblins everywhere around them. Fear started to take a hold of her slowly. The dwarves were quiet but she could sense their fear too, radiating in the air. The Goblin King shouted abuse at them and especially at Thorin.

Laurelin didn't really focus on the conversation, instead he kept trying to find Bilbo. Had the poor hobbit fallen into the same abyss as them or had he managed to stay up in the cave?

She also scanned the dwarves, and none of them seemed to be injured by the fall, which she felt grateful for.

Thorin's and the Goblin King's talk soon escalated, and Laurelin couldn't help but to shake a little on her spot.

And when the goblins were about to behead Thorin, Laurelin's heart felt like bursting out of her chest. She watched in horror as the goblins snarled in delight as the dwarf king struggled in their grip but couldn't break free. Laurelin was quickly thinking of a way to do something, to do anything, really, but she had no time. Because right that second, a huge white blast went through the air and knocked them all down.

Laurelin felt how her head came in contact of the floor, and it sent spasms of pain through her. Blackness took over her and the pressure wave made her feel sick and her earlier head wound suddenly reminded of itself.

She couldn't hear a thing. She was frozen, lying on the cold ground, blinking but not seeing anything.

Laurelin felt like passing out so badly that it took everything she got to stay conscious.

Someone who sounded a lot like Gandalf, shouted something and the dwarves were all getting up and rushing to get their weapons, but Laurelin couldn't move.

Her muscles just didn't work.

She was lying on the ground and she knew it just a matter of seconds, luckily minutes, before she would be killed, but she just didn't have the strength to get up. She was too much in pain, too dazzled. Every second was a fight against unconciousness. Her vision swam and she could barely see anything.

She was like paralyzed, there and then.

Ori's face loomed over her in panic, and he was saying something but Laurelin couldn't hear because her ears were ringing so loudly. He tried to get her up but he was so small, smaller than her, and didn't have the strength to help her.

-Go." Laurelin managed to whisper, her own voice sounding odd as it filled her head.

-Just go." she said, tears brimming in her eyes. She would die there because of this stupid quest and stupid Thorin Oakenshield, and why had she ever walked to him in the Prancing Pony? Stupid, stupid, stupid. She was going to die because of her own stupidity. Fear washed over her. The air was full of shouts and sounds of a struggle, but she couldn't get up.

Laurelin blinked and pushed Ori weakly away.

Then she closed her eyes. Two lonely tears escaped through her lids.

But then the ground was suddenly shaking and she was certain that a goblin had just ran to her, and suddenly she was yanked mercilessly up like a rag doll.

Laurelin was dragged forward, her feet sliding against the ground, and realized that it wasn't a goblin. When she flickered her eyes open, she caught a glimpse of the familiar fur coat and there was black hair right next to her face. It was Thorin. He had came back for her, Laurelin took a troubled breath, as Thorin was squeezing her so tightly against himself that she could barely breath.

She distantly realized that Nori, too, was helping Thorin to carry her, or drag her, forward. She heard swords flashing and arrows whirling and her whole world spun. The upright position made her feel nauseous and her ears were ringing so loudly that it was almost painful. No strength returned to her legs, and the jumps and bumps blackened her vision. She passed out against Thorin's shoulder.

For a long moment, Laurelin had no track of time or place.

She didn't know how long it continued, but suddenly she was pushed against something. It sounded a lot like Nori.

Then, three hard slaps landed on her cheeks. The pain drew her away from the blackness and forced Laurelin to focus, sober up and open her eyes. Her vision was blurry and it took a moment before she could fix her eyes on anything, but soon her eyes sharpened to see Thorin standing right in front of her.

The dwarf king was looking at her, badly out of breath, Orkrist in one hand, face filled with with worry and fear. When Laurelin blinked slowly, he slapped her hard once again, until Laurelin felt like she was completely awake.

The world around her suddenly overwhelmed her senses and the sounds of a battle and screaming goblins cracked into her ears. Laurelin winced and let out a small whimper.

She could smell blood. She realized that the whole right side of her face and some of her hair was sticky with blood - she had hit her head quite badly because of Gandalf's blast. She stared at Thorin.

-Can you walk?" Thorin asked her, but the words didn't sink in. She was still too out of it. Thorin looked even more worried.

In frustration, Thorin yelled for Dwalin and then Laurelin was loaded onto the big dwarf's shoulders.

Then their escape continued. Laurelin passed out several times before the jumps woke her, and she saw flashes of here and there, goblins and torches and swords and blood.

She felt bad. She had hit her head so badly that it was a miracle she was awake.

Laurelin struggled to hang on anyway. The skin on her cheeks where Thorin's hands had landed felt hot. She bit her lip and forced herself to gain her conciousness and awareness, little by little.

When they almost had made it, Laurelin started to feel like she was coming back around for good. She tested her arms and legs, but Dwaling took a tighter grip from her and didn't put her down.

Then they finally made it into a bridge, and Laurelin felt like she could walk again. She was desperately aware that Dwalin couldn't fight properly when he was carrying her. -Let me down." she said to Dwalin. -I can walk." she assured.

After a moment's hesitation, Dwalin put her down. After small unsteady seconds, she felt more or less alright. She knew it had to be the thrill and adrenaline in her veins keeping her up, but she didn't care. Thorin turned to look at her, obvious relief on his face, as they had stopped for a small moment to decide where to go next. Laurelin wondered whether Thorin was relieved because of her waking up or because of letting their best warrior to use his hands again.

But then they were running again, and Ori was pulling her from her hand forward. She found it oddly caring and sweet, but she barely had any time to think about it.

They kept running and ducking and slashing, until the Goblin King suddenly stood in front of them. Laurelin couldn't make out what was said, and before she had time to think about it, the ground gave in under her once again, and they were falling.

The bridge held, fortunately, and it slowed and softened their fall.

When the horrible ride was finally over, Laurelin was sent rolling to the ground, catching her breath with some difficulty. But she was alive, she was almost unscathed, and they needed to get out now.

Someone pulled her up and then they continued to the dark corridors, led by Gandalf and Thorin.

Laurelin didn't have any memory of the caves later on. It was just darkness and turns and Bombur holding her hand so they wouldn't get lost. The glow of Orkrist and Glamdring were her beacons. The journey seemed to take forever. Like hours and hours of darkness, every second making her more and more exhausted.

But she went on, because she knew that certain death would be waiting for them all if they stopped.

* * *

When they finally saw daylight, Laurelin could have cried of joy. They ran through a narrow door into the sunlight, relieved to know that the sun would at least slow the goblins down. Seeing trees and grass after the dirty and dark caves felt wonderful.

When they finally stopped, many of the dwarves sank into the ground, out of breath and bruised. Bombur let go of Laurelin's hand, and she felt dizzy again. She sat down slowly. She distantly realized that besides the side of her head and her hair, the blood has soaked her collar, too.

Gandalf was going through the company and checking out that they were still in one piece.

When he stopped in front of Laurelin, the old wizard pressed his wrinkly hand against Laurelin's head wound. She heard him mutter a few words, and suddenly her head cleared from the cloudy muddle, and she felt how the wound on the side of her head closed a little.

Laurelin looked up to Gandalf gratefully, smiled, and thanked him.

Gandalf smiled, too. -You almost got your head cut in half, Laurelin. You should be more careful."

She just nodded, and wiped some half-dried blood away from her temple. From the corner of her eyes, she caught Thorin looking at her, like he was hesitating to approach her.

Laurelin just sighed and closed her eyes, enjoying the sunlight on her face and the way the pain had dulled from her head.

Gandalf was doing a headcount, and then he suddenly cried out: -Where is Bilbo? Where is our hobbit?"

Everyone got up and starched searching the hobbit.

-He wasn't with us when we met the Goblin King." Laurelin spoke up.

-Why didn't you say anything?!" Thorin barked.

Laurelin shot a frustrated glare at him. -I guess I was too busy with getting my head smashed in." she said grimly, and she knew those wore bold words and no way to speak to the dwarf king, but she didn't care anymore. She was tired of Thorin's pride and vanity. She was sick of him treating him and Bilbo so badly. King or not, she wouldn't take it anymore.

Thorin, however, seemed to regret his harsh words because of her dry retort. He took a deep breath and turned to the others.

-Our hobbit is long gone. Master Baggins saw his chance and he took it. He's thought of nothing but his soft bed and his warm hearth since first he stepped out of his door. We will not be seeing our hobbit again, he's long gone!" Thorin said bitterly.

-No, he isn't." Bilbo suddenly said, coming forward from the trees and taking everyone out in surprise.

Gandalf greeted him gladly, and they all wanted to know how he had gotten out. Bilbo acted very mysteriously all of a sudden. It was Thorin that demanded to know why he had come back.

Bilbo took a long breath. -I know you doubt me and I know you always have. And you're right, I often think of Bag End. I miss my books and my armchair and my garden. You see, that's where I belong. That's home. And that's why I came back, because you don't have one. A home. It was taken from you, but I will help you take it back if I can."

Everyone stared at him in awe. Bilbo searched for Laurelin. -And your homeland, Dale, too. You might not have never seen it but you wouldn't have joined this quest if it wasn't important for you."

Laurelin stared at Bilbo in admiration, feeling touched. She smiled at him. -Thank you, my friend." she said with a thick voice. Suddenly she wasn't so sure whether she wanted to abandon the quest after all. Bilbo had come back, no matter how badly Thorin had treated him. Bilbo was ready to risk his life for this quest, even after everything.

-And what about you?" Thorin said and turned to Laurelin.

She suddenly felt very self-aware as the company set her eyes on her.

-What about me?" Laurelin asked. She knew her face was filled with blood, dirt, and dried tears, but she ignored it all.

Thorin stepped closer, an unreadable expression on her face. -What about you, human? Where do your loyalties lie? Do you want to continue on this quest or run back to Bree?"

She narrowed her eyes. Suddenly all the emotions that had been throwing her around in maelstrom for the past few days just pent up. The attraction, the lust, the fear, the rejection, the misery, the panic...all of it suddenly was too much. They all were suddenly fresh and raw, tearing her chest and heart with such an outburst that she felt like shaking.

She took a few, heavy breaths and stared at the dwarf king in rage.

-I almost died because of you." she hissed. Laurelin stood up, despite her poor state. All of the companions sensed the change in her and in the atmosphere, and they suddenly grew very quiet. She looked at Thorin with disgust, rage burning in her eyes.

-I have risked my life for you and this quest. I followed you here all the way from Shire. I have gotten all of your disapproval, harsh words and rejection thrown at me. And I'm even not the only one - Bilbo, too. And I'm not even going to mention how you treat your nephews!  
I understand that your life hasn't been the easiest one and that there are many that have betrayed you and wronged you, but that doesn't give you the right to treat us like this. You might be a king, but there is no difference between you and that Goblin King if you are ready to abandon your companions just like that, like you were about to leave Bilbo behind just a few seconds ago. I am tired of your childish behaviour, Thorin Oakenshield, and I'm sick of your tantrums and if you really want me to abandon this quest, say it now and say it to my face or then give me one reason why I should stay!"

Her voice was low and dangerous, and she crossed her arms defiantly. All of the dwarves stared at her in disbelief and shock, some of their mouths were hanging open. Some of them glanced restlessly around. Thorin hadn't been addressed like this ever before, and if she had been a complete stranger, she just might have lost her head for this. The dwarves were unsure what to do - if Thorin commanded them to do something to her, should they do it? But Laurelin stood tall and covered in blood and dirt, looking proud and defiant.

Thorin stared at her in surprise, eyes widened. He looked at her, scanning her from head to toe. His surprised expression turned into a stern one.

The dwarf king stepped forward towards her. For a moment, he seemed to hesitate. For a moment, Laurelin saw softness and hope in Thorin's eyes, realizing that's what she had seen before, in brief moments before the king had turned his head away during all those nights next to the campfire. Now it slowly died out and his face hardened.

-I didn't ask you to join this quest." Thorin said with his deep voice. -I didn't want you here. I took you with us because Gandalf picked you for some reason I still can not understand. I have not tried to hide that fact from you or anyone else. If it was up to me, you would still be serving ale in Bree. I wouldn't have looked twice at you, petty little human child. You don't know anything about the world, or this quest. You haven't seen the horrors I've seen, lost as many as I have. You haven't seen Smaug or felt the dragon's wrath. You haven't set your eyes upon Erebor or the city of Dale, or even Esgaroth. You can't even fight in close battle and you could have get us all killed back there.  
You risked Dwalin's life and mine when we had to drag you away from there. Now you dare to come and accuse me of your own stupidity to join this quest, and blame me when you're too proud to admit that you are simply scared? I won't give you a reason to stay because there isn't one, there never has been, and you are both a weakling and a burden to me. You have no right to question my authority here or my leadership. In any other case you could have lost your head for speaking to me in such a manner, but this time I will let you go. Now take your pride and crawl back to Bree where you belong to."

The clearing was deathly quiet.

Laurelin stared at Thorin in shock. Every word cut like a burning knife. Every one of them sank deeply into her heart. She felt smaller and smaller. She felt like a nobody. Like she had felt like her whole life - unimportant. Small. Worthless. She wasn't a princess or a queen. She wasn't from an important house or great line of the legends and stories.  
She was just a human girl. Orphaned human girl living in Bree with her brother. _No one. _And she had been incredibly naive to think otherwise. She had been childish to think that someone like Thorin Oakenshield would have set his eyes on someone like her. If he hadn't found anyone in two hundred years, why would she make any more difference?  
_  
_Laurelin's eyes burned and hot tears were gathering behind her eyes but she forced to keep them unshed and remain some dignity. How could she have ever fallen for such a cruel and heartless man? How could she still not hate him completely, even if he had just said horrible things to her?

There was million things she wanted to say to him, rage and hurt burning in her chest, but all the words got stuck to her throat or were muddled in her mind. Air seemed to be hard to draw in all of a sudden.  
Laurelin just shook her head. She wished she could be as invisible as Thorin made her feel like.  
She turned her head away, blinking her eyes angrily.

All of the eyes on the company were on her. Thorin had been right - who was she to blame Thorin for her own stupid desire to go on this quest? Who was she to challenge him?  
Laurelin's pride was wounded and her confidence was suddenly drained out. She was tired. How was she even going to go back? She wouldn't be able to go through the goblin tunnels. And in her state, she wouldn't be able to cross the Misty Mountains.

Suddenly the world seemed grim and grey.

In a sudden rush of angry despair, she looked at Thorin once more.

-I wish you would have had more spine. I wish you would have left me to the goblins. Surely it wouldn't have been a problem for you, as you were about to abandon Bilbo just mere minutes ago. You demand loyalty, but where is yours?"  
She didn't even know where she was going with this. Her anger made it impossible to come up with sharp words to throw back at the dwarf king.

Nonetheless, Laurelin kept going. She glared at Thorin with narrowed eyes. -I will wash these tears and this blood off my face and hair, but that blood is on your hands. I will leave, now that you clearly have admitted that you want me to. The prize, however, is very high. Tonight, when the goblins kill me and when they disgrace my body, that blood is your hands, Thorin Oakenshield. And it won't wash off. You and Smaug can go and fight with each other. You might not be equal in size, but you are equal in the coldness of the heart."

And with those words, Laurelin turned her back on him, took her small blade and started walking towards the mountains without looking back. She had no food with her, nor proper weapons, or extra clothes, water, bandages. All had been lost to the goblins. She didn't even have a bow with her. She would be killed easily, she knew that. In her mindless grief and rage, however, she felt reckless and careless.

The deafening silence continued behind her on the clearing. The only thing Laurelin could hear was her own footsteps. No one dared to move. No one dared to speak. Behind her, the whole company was staring at their king.

Everyone was waiting. Everyone was holding their breaths.

Would Thorin really give in and ask her to come back? Would his pride let him? Or would he let her walk into her own death?

She was giving him two options - letting her go and die, or swallowing his own pride and asking her to stay.

Every step Laurelin take she grew more and more panicked. She was going to do this. She was going to leave them. She was going to leave Bilbo, Balin, Ori, Nori, Fili, Kili, all of them...and Thorin. The dwarf king she had fallen for.

She would never see him again.

Her attraction for him would die with her.

Every step she took highlighted the seconds of silence. Every step made her more and more aware that Thorin wasn't saying anything. No one was calling after her.

They didn't dare to challenge Thorin like she had or walk over him.

Laurelin suddenly pitied him.

She might be a nobody, but at least she got the comfort of defying Thorin. She had defied the dwarf king, a human girl from Bree, and it was a pathethic thing to feel proud of, but right now it was all she had.

Tears broke free as she kept walking towards the Misty Mountains. They were going to let her leave. They were going to let her die.

Laurelin felt miserable. Was it really her fate to die at goblin's hands, too young, nameless, forgotten?

She had thought that Thorin had a heart. That somewhere deep under that cold mask there was warmth and love and compassion. She had seen how dearly Thorin cared for his nephews, how they were like his own children to him, and he had seen how the king looked after the other dwarves. She had seen flashes of here and there, and thought that they were glimpses of Thorin's heart, like sunlight stinging itself through thick trees and leaves.

But she had been wrong. Thorin had compassion only for his own kind. He had made very clear that he hated the elves and didn't care about the race of men.

He was a cold, cold man, who would never return any love for her.

She had been blinded by her own attraction and her hope that he would return the same ache that kept tearing her chest day after day, night after night.

Laurelin shed silent tears, and kept walking. No one stopped her.

So, this was how it was like to die unloved and unwanted?

Her dark thoughts made her bit her lip so badly it started to bleed.

But suddenly something made Laurelin look up from the ground - a noise like thunder somewhere further away from her. When she looked up, her eyes widened in horror. There were dozens of goblins squirming out of the caves, and a lot of them were riding wargs. They weren't far away. They would reach her and the company withing minutes.

The goblins were after the company and a revenged, she realized it instantly.

Laurelin froze to her spot, staring at the gathering creatures. They were going to hunt and kill them all.


	6. Chapter 6

Laurelin stared in a paralyzed state of shock as the goblins and the wargs started to slowly spread out on the hills above her.

-An ambush!" some of the dwarves shouted, and she could hear them grabbing their weapons and moving suddenly quickly around behind her. She stared at the massive amount of enemies gathering right in front of her eyes, heart starting to beat faster.

-Laurelin, run!" Fili shouted.

She looked back, and all of the dwarves were already about to escape, some of them running away already.

Fili and Thorin were among the few that were still holding their ground, making sure everyone got away safely.

Laurelin looked at them and her eyes drifted to Thorin's. The dwarf looked stern and unafraid. But Laurelin didn't move. She didn't know why, and she knew there was no time for this, but the emotions still dwelling inside her made her stand still.

Fili unsheathed his double swords and looked frantically at the goblins. -Uncle, we need to move!" he said hastily.

But Thorin stared at Laurelin with an unreadable expression on his face, unmoving.

Laurelin stared back. Suddenly she didn't feel afraid.

Instead, she felt recklessly unafraid.

She was ready to die. She had nothing to lose, not really. She had been aware of the dangers when she had joined this quest.

But then Thorin stepped forward and looked demandingly at her. -Run." he commanded.

Laurelin blinked in surprise. She could hear the goblins approaching, and she knew their time was running out.

Thorin looked at her with his blue, piercing eyes, and now there was despair flashing in them.

-I said, _run_. That's an order." Thorin barked with his low voice.

Suddenly Laurelin realized that he wasn't angry. He was _worried_. Thorin was worried for her, and unwilling to leave her behind.

Hope and warmth sparked in her heart once more, the same heart that just minutes earlier had been just cracked by the harsh words and rejection of the dwarf king. And at the same time the true extent of danger really dawned on Laurelin. She knew that she needed to obey. So she bit her lip and finally broke off to run. Thorin and Fili turned to run, too, and soon the whole company was running for their lives.

They were running downhill, and they could hear their enemies yelling battle cries in their nasty own language.

But soon the company came into a dead-end.

There was nowhere they could run - their escape was cut off by a huge cliff. Laurelin scanned their surroundings and tried to figure out a way to survive the attack, but there didn't seem to be any.

-Into the trees!" Gandalf shouted and the dwarves were already climbing, brothers pulling each other up and cousins helping each other. Laurelin ran under a tree that held Bofur, Bifur and Dori. She glanced nervously at her sprained arm. She didn't have any other option - she had to get up from the ground. Laurelin bent her knees and jumped.

When her hands took a hold of the lowest branch, her arm protested so badly that it sent white hot pain through her. Her fingers slipped and she fell to the ground, screaming out in pain.

Laurelin could hear the goblins and wargs approaching. Her breathing was quick and fear boiled right under her skin, heart beating fast. Laurelin bit her already bleeding lip and tried again. She jumped for the second time and cried out miserably, but she managed to hold her grip.

Tears of pain dwelling in her eyes, she held on and started to heave herself up. Dori started to help her and she was pulled into the safety in time, when the first wargs entered the clearing. Laurelin sat on a branch and grabbed her injured arm, jaw clenched and gritting her teeth together because it was like on fire.

Everything happened so quickly. Soon the clearing was on fire and they were throwing burning cones to the ground, lit up by Gandalf and his magic. And before they knew it, a huge pale orc entered the clearing.

It was the shocked gasps of the dwarves that made her realize that this orc wasn't just anyone. It was Azog, Thorin's arch enemy, the one that had slaughtered his kin and killed his grandfather. She had heard the story of Battle of Azanulbizar in front of the campfire.

Laurelin searched for Thorin, but couldn't see him from here. And soon the trees were being attacked, and she had her hands full of trying to hold on and move away from the arrows that were flying everywhere around them.

Her heart beat so fast that she feared it just might burst out of her chest. There was smoke and flames and the growls of the wargs. Soon they had to jump into the other trees, until they were all in the same big tree, which started to bend under their weight.

Laurelin held on, ignoring the pain on her arm.

Azog said something in his ugly orc language, and even if she couldn't understand it, the tone spoke volumes. The pale orc stared at Thorin with sick pleasure, and Laurelin could hear Thorin breathing out the orc's name in shock.

Slowly Thorin stood up, and everyone stared at him, wide-eyed. It would be a suicide mission to go against the orcs. But Thorin looked like the king he was now, frightening and majestic, when he stepped forward and faced the enemy.

Laurelin watched him and realized that Thorin knew this was suicide, but didn't care. The clearing was squirming with enemies and Azog was so much bigger, riding a huge warg.

Laurelin cursed. The stupid, proud, heroic dwarf king! She wanted nothing more than to shout at Thorin how stupid this was, he could get himself easily killed. And Laurelin didn't know what she would do if that happened. Suddenly, fear gripped her heart tightly, but it was not for her own life that she was afraid for.

She cared too much about Thorin. She couldn't let any harm come to him.

It was Bilbo who stood up first. The brave little hobbit staggered up and followed Thorin, clearly about to help him. Laurelin instantly scrambled up and stumbled after the hobbit.

-Bilbo, I'm with you." she said to the hobbit and Bilbo nodded, even if he looked terrified.

Then they both charged forward, where Azog's warg was attacking Thorin.

Laurelin had her small Elvish blade with her, and she didn't know how to fight in close battle, but the goblins didn't know that. So she swung it around anyway threateningly. And the goblins retreated a little when they saw her - a human woman, covered in blood and dirt, face filled with rage for the ones that tried to hurt the dwarf king, and no rage was more powerful than the one channeled from love, and the goblins looked at her nervously.

She let out a war cry and ran in front of Thorin with Bilbo. Distantly she heard how the other dwarves were running to help their king, too.

Bilbo stopped the warg and got thrown to the side. Laurelin had no time to worry for the hobbit, as she was now alone, standing between Azog and Thorin.

The orc said something threatening in his own language.

Her heart was beating faster than ever before. Her blood rushed in her ears and her hands were shaking, but Laurelin wouldn't stand down. Thorin might have been a harsh and proud man, but she still cared about him more than she wanted to admit, and she could never let him get hurt if she had anything to do about it.

-Over my dead body." she snarled back at Azog, narrowing her eyes.

The orc smiled cruelly, and it dawned on Laurelin that the orc was certain of his victory. Laurelin lifted her sword and refused to back down. If this was the last thing she ever did, then so be it. The warg breathed out a disgusting breath that smelled like bodies and rotting flesh.

Then the warg charged. Laurelin had barely time to duck, but she moved to the side and with an instinct, she buried her blade to the warg's neck. The beast howled in pain and shook its massive head, hitting Laurelin. The blow sent her flying to the air and landing hard on the ground, knocking air out of her.

Her arm was covered in the warg's blood, and her side ached from the force of the blow. She struggled to get up, searching for Thorin.

Thorin was still lying on the ground further away, and his eyes were barely open. Bilbo was nowhere to be seen.

Laurelin felt how her heart screamed for him, how terrified she was to know that Thorin was soon about to die.

Surrounded by screams, growls, smoke, fire and desperation, the time seemed to slow down around her. Suddenly all she could see was him. All of her emotions and restless nights had lead her to this.

She was here, risking her life over and over again because of Thorin. He might never return her feelings. He might even hate her. But suddenly, there and then, she knew that she couldn't deny it anymore.

_-I think I love you."_ she whispered to herself, and to Thorin, but she was quite sure he was too out of it to see her mouthing those words. And she didn't understand how she could both hate and love someone so much, and it seemed true that the line between love and hate was fine after all.

But she had now admitted it to herself.

There was no going back from here.

Then, with a snap, all of the voices and sounds rushed back to her when a goblin yanked her up from the ground from her hair and a massive blade was lift into the air, ready to strike and kill.

She saw her life flashing before her eyes, but then the goblin suddenly let go of the blade and let out a growl before it fell to the ground. Laurelin had just enough time to see that Kili had saved her life when an eagle dived in the air and grabbed her from the ground.

Before she knew it, she was flying across the air.

* * *

The eagles were carrying her and all the others, some were on top of the magnificent birds and some, like Laurelin, clasped to their claws.

She tried to see if the others were injured, but the wind stung her eyes and they were flying high, high above the ground and on the mountains.

Laurelin felt the burning worry for Thorin. She heard Fili and Kili calling after their uncle in fear, and she shared their anguish.

Their flight seemed too long, and she couldn't enjoy the beautiful landscapes far below. She saw how one of the eagles was carrying the dwarf king.

When they were finally put down, the whole company gathered around Thorin's unmoving form. Gandalf knelt beside their king and put his hand onto Thorin's forehead, muttering some words.

Fortunately, Thorin opened his eyes and everyone let out a breath of relief. Laurelin's shoulders sagged for the joy.

-The halfling? The human?" Thorin mumbled out.

Laurelin felt warmth in her heart for his worry. At least she wasn't completely insignificant to him.

-They are both quite alright." Gandalf said, smiling.

Thorin struggled to get up and he immediately turned to Bilbo and Laurelin. -You two! What were you doing?! You nearly got yourself killed! Did I not say you would be a burden? That you would not survive in the wild? And you had no place among us?"

Laurelin blinked in surprise and let out a deep sigh. Bilbo, too, looked miserable. They both hung their heads now, feeling ashamed and their hope died out. Laurelin felt grim thoughts taking a hold of her again.

-I have never been so wrong in all my life!" Thorin added, and both Laurelin and the hobbit looked up in surprise. Thorin embraced Bilbo, who looked utterly shocked.

-I am sorry I doubted you." Thorin said, but he looked over Bilbo's shoulder and locked eyes with her.

Bilbo smiled. -No, I would have doubted me too. I'm not a hero, or a warrior, not even a burglar." he said, but Thorin didn't answer. He was staring at Laurelin so intently.

She didn't know what to say or how to react to this sudden change of heart.

When Thorin pulled away from Bilbo, he stepped in front of her. Laurelin eyed him uncertainly. Small, hesitant seconds passed. Then Thorin leant closer and pulled her into an embrace, and suddenly air escaped from Laurelin.

Thorin's sudden proximity made her head feel muddled. His strong arms around her felt so _good_. His hair that brushed her neck sent shivers down her spine. Laurelin wrapped her arms loosely around Thorin and she dropped her head a bit. Her hot breathing hit Thorin's ear and suddenly the fire in her chest flared up, and she couldn't deny that she wanted him, not just as a friend. She could feel Thorin was about to say something, but then she let out a quiet gasp that sent hot air to Thorin's ear, and suddenly the dwarf grew stiffer.

Laurelin was too afraid to hope that he felt the same way. Her heart beat so fast that she feared Thorin might hear it thundering in her chest. He scented dazzlingly good, and once again Laurelin felt a sudden urge to pin him against something again, and colourful images of it filled her head. Then Thorin let go and was about to pull away. Their embrace had only lasted a few seconds, but it had awoken a fire in her chest that couldn't be put out.

Laurelin dropped her arms and let him go, and when he pulled away, she suddenly could see that Thorin was trying to control his breathing, too, and he looked flustered. Their embrace was nothing like the one Thorin and Bilbo had shared, they both obviously knew it, and Laurelin briefly wondered if the company had noticed.

Thorin quickly turned away and started to mumble orders.

Laurelin stood still, the bright fire inside her heart burning hot.


	7. Chapter 7

Alright. Now it seems that the attraction is mutual, right? This is the part where things get a bit, uhm, interesting. :)

Thanks so much for reviewing and keeping my enthusiasm alive. This is the first M fic I've written so** please, tell me what you think**! :)

**Chapter warning:** Sexual content

* * *

The rest of the day went by in a haze. The eagles kindly took them on a firm ground again, near to the forest of Mirkwood and left them there. They quickly set up a camp because they needed to rest and a chance to repair their clothes and tend to their wounds.

Gloin cleaned Laurelin's temple and was quite pleased to say that there would be a bruise there for several weeks but it would heal. Her arm was redressed and she washed her face and her hair in the small streamlet. Her collar was so badly soaked in blood that she had to cut it out with a knife. She was sad to let it go because it was warm and she had only the fur coat left after that, but she hoped she could repair it with something else soon. Gandalf talked about a man called Beorn and hoped they could be his guests soon.

So Laurelin cut the collar out. She knew that it left her neck and chest very bare and revealed her breasts even more than before. She was partly feeling modest, because she had never been someone to dress so revealingly, and partly the thought excited her because she could remember very well her fist night during this quest and the way Thorin had stared at her front back then. She had lost some weight, too, after all the running and walking, so she had to tighten her corset - which of course, made her breasts stand out even more. They weren't small or anything that she should feel like hiding, she knew it, but she wasn't used to the fact that her womanhood was very highlighted.

She felt a twinge of satisfaction, though - there weren't many men that could completely ignore her front right now, even if it would be the matter of days before they would get to this Beorn and she could repair her clothes.

She walked back to the camp, suddenly feeling very self-aware. The dwarves glanced at her, and more than one of them let their eyes slide to her chest. She hid her smile and grabbed her cape from the side.

She sat with the dwarves, ate in silence but laughed at their jokes and stories once again, and no one brought up her earlier argument with Thorin or the topic of leaving.

That night, they decided to drink the last bottles of ale they had left, because their water bottles were all lost in the Goblin city, and the only backpack they had was Nori's, which had been full of ale.

So, they took the bottles and started drinking, feasting. Their ale was strong and soon the dwarves became merrier and merrier, and even Thorin and Dwalin drank with them. Laurelin had one bottle, too, and she realized that the ale was getting into her head a little already.

The ale also made the silent burn her chest grow worse, as she glanced at Thorin. The memory of holding Thorin so close was constantly in her mind. The images of what she wanted to do to him were disturbing her and didn't let her concentrate on the stories.

Thorin drank with a heavy hand that night, and she wondered why. Usually he wasn't much of a drinker. She caught him staring at her several times, and she knew that there were things left unsaid between them, because of their earlier argument and because of the fact that she had been ready to die for him nonetheless.

* * *

After a few hours, most of the dwarves started to grow tired and many of them went so sleep. Slowly, the dwarves were scattering. They had decided that they needed two night watches because of the goblins, so Ori and Oin took guarded the east side of their camp and Thorin took the west side.

Laurelin watched as Thorin took the ale with him and walked forward to the woods and next to the big cliff. He spread out some furs to sit on and made a fire to keep himself warm. Ori and Oin repeated the same pattern further away.

Laurelin tried to get to sleep but after an hour, she was still very much awake. It was already dark. She knew that all she would dream about was Thorin, and she felt irritated. Even the ale didn't help her to sleep. And she wanted to talk to him.

So, nervously Laurelin stood up and took the last sip of her ale, before abandoning her bedroll and walking towards the place Thorin was. It wasn't within eyesight or earshot, and she had to walk for a while before she could reach it. She knew that their voices couldn't be heard from here to the camp, and she was relieved to know that they would be finally alone.

When she finally reached their night watch spot, Thorin looked up from the fire to her, clearly startled. He looked surprised.

-May I speak with you?" Laurelin asked politely, ignoring the butterflies in her stomach.

Thorin just nodded. His eyes slided over her but he quickly yanked them away and turned to stare at the bonfire before him instead. Laurelin suddenly wondered how she looked like. The chilly night air made her skin turn to goose-flesh and she sat down on the fur next to Thorin, careful to leave some space between them.

-What is it then?" Thorin asked in his usual grumpy way. He refused to look at her.

She sighed. -I think I need to explain some things to you." Laurelin said carefully. She didn't even know where to start.

Thorin glanced at her, studying her face. -Explain?" he asked.

Laurelin nodded and shifter her legs nervously. The night around them was dark and the only light came from the fire next to them, making shadows dance on their faces. She sighed. -Back on the clearing..."

-I don't wish to talk about the battle." Thorin interrupted her. Laurelin looked at him, surprised. -Oh. Why not?" she asked, slightly irritated.

-There is nothing to talk about." Thorin said dryly and fidgeted the ale bottle in his hands. -I already expressed my gratitude." he added.

Laurelin couldn't help but to chuckle. Thorin shot her a confused loo.  
-It's not that." she said, smiling. -I didn't come here to get praises."

-Then what is it, then, that you wish to say to me?" Thorin said, irritation growing in his voice. The dwarf king studied her carefully, the blue piercing eyes making her skin feel hot.

Laurelin got serious again. He eyed the dwarf king for a long time, feeling suddenly vulnerable. She swallowed and lowered her voice. -Do you really wish me to abandon this quest?" she asked quietly.

The question wasn't threatening nor accusing. It was just a question.

Thorin shifted awkwardly and sighed. He closed his eyes for a moment.

Laurelin's heart was beating fast.

-No." Thorin said quietly. He opened his eyes and turned to look at Laurelin, and now his voice was softer and quieter. -I don't want you to leave." he said, and his eyes were shockingly gentle.

Something in the atmosphere changed, there and then.

She took a silent, deep breath. Being so close to Thorin made her feel so alive and her blood was singing, longing to touch him. Laurelin wanted him, right now, so badly. But she could also ruin everything if she asked him about it, about _this_...this odd sensation between them.

Laurelin smiled weakly. - Good. Then I will stay." she said quietly.

There was a deep silence and the fire rattling was the only sound there was for a while.

She didn't know what else to stay. Thorin didn't hate her. He wanted her to stay. She didn't really have a choice now, did she? It wasn't enough, but it would have to do.

Thorin hesitated for a moment before he turned to her again. -Are you feeling better already?" he asked, voice rough and low.

Laurelin looked up, confused.

Thorin let out a careful smile. -Your forehead. And your arm." he reminded her.

Laurelin smiled brightly, she had thought that he had already forgotten or that he simply didn't care.

-I'm quite alright." she said quietly. -And I'll live." she added, raising her eyebrow and making Thorin let out an amused huff.

Their newfound peace was intoxicating. Laurelin was starting to think that Thorin might not be so cold-hearted at all. When they were here together, Thorin didn't wear the cold mask on his face.

Laurelin felt the need to talk. Maybe it was the ale that gave her the courage. -I'm sorry that I questioned your leadership earlier, Thorin. It was not my place to do so." she said, and she was being honest.

Thorin just nodded.

She took a careful breath. -And while I can't say that I didn't mean the things I said, some of them were unnecessarily harsh. For that, I apologize."

Thorin turned to look at her now, looking puzzled, and Laurelin was afraid that she was walking on thin ice here. She was too proud and too honest to take her words back, because she still thought that most of them held true.

The dwarf king eyed her for a long time, but didn't reply. Laurelin felt that the atmosphere got colder, so she shuffled on her place a little. She dropped her eyes to the ground and shook her head. What was she even doing?

Laurelin was just about to stand up and leave, when Thorin suddenly spoke up.

-Tell me," he said slowly and with a tensed voice, "did you follow me into the battle to protect my life or Bilbo's?"

Laurelin looked at the dwarf king with stern eyes. She took a steadying breath. -Both. But I was more concerned of yours."

Thorin took a careful breath. The air between was suddenly tensed and full of sparks. Laurelin wondered if she was just imagining it all, if it was her hopeful heart that saw things that weren't there.

Thorin turned to look at her, his breathing suddenly hitched. He looked at her, and this time he looked so different from his usual self that Laurelin stared at him, transfixed.

-I don't understand you, human." Thorin said, drawing some troubled breaths. -First you show how much you detest me. You clearly don't fancy this quest and you dislike me. Then you insult me in front of my company and threaten to leave, and just a moment after that you risk your life to save mine."

Laurelin held her breath and bit her lip. She was so nervous that she had to squeeze her fingers together to stop them for shaking.

Thorin shook his head. -I don't know whether you hate me or barely tolerate me. What you did in the battle doesn't make sense to me at all. So if you want to explain things, explain this."

He looked at her, impatient and puzzled. She shook her head fiercely. -You really don't see it, do you?" she whispered with a hoarse voice, leaning unconciously closer.

The air between them was so tensed that it could have been cut with a knife.

Thorin's breaths were quick and superficial. They were close, so close that Laurelin could see everything on the dwarf king's face in great detail.

She wanted nothing but to grab him, but she hovered in the midway, completely at loss whether it was just her imagination or was the attraction two-sided.

Heat wave went through her and made her shiver so badly that she knew she couldn't take it much longer. She let out a quiet gasp and blinked several times. Thorin looked at her with his blue eyes, his expression soft.

She needed to get out. Now.

-See what?" Thorin asked, his voice low.

Laurelin gasped. -This." she whispered with a husky voice, looking at him through her eyelashes. -But I know that...It's stupid." she mumbled and stumbled up to stand quickly.

Thorin, however, stood up, too, and moved to her path, stopping her.

His eyes were gleaming. She couldn't read him for sure, but...it looked like there was attraction in that gaze. His pupils were dilated and his lips were parted, drawing in superficial breaths. The air seemed thick to breathe in, and Laurelin's whole body longed him.

Desperately trying to push her attraction and her thoughts away, she leant her back against the cliff, breathing hard and quick. She once again realized that it might her bare chest and her breasts stick out, and now Thorin's eyes slided there.

She blushed instantly - his eyes on her felt so good. She wanted him to touch her. The way he looked at her, made her want to feel those arms on her skin, on her body. Everywhere.

The look continued barely a second, and Thorin turned his head away, clearly embarrassed.

-Thorin." she said, but didn't know how to continue.

The dwarf king turned to look at her again. Thorin's breathing was troubled, and he had squeezed his fingers into a fist so tightly that his knuckles turned white.

The fire in her chest grew so painful and demanding that she couldn't help but to look at him with the same fierce passion. She knew that her eyes betrayed her, that the lust was written on her face now.

But she couldn't hide it anymore.

She clutched her skirt tightly with one hand, trying everything to push the lust away.

The tension in the air was now so thick that the Orkrist could have cut it.

Every breath she drew was somehow hard to take in.

Seconds passed.

Long, tensed seconds.

They had been dancing around each other for months now. She was so afraid that it was all her imagination, that Thorin didn't feel anything towards her.

Laurelin tried to read Thorin's face, and she hoped to see the same hunger in him that was consuming her. The hunger that couldn't be satisfied with the finest meat or wine.

He tried to say something, but no words came out.

Instead, they locked eyes together, and she was thankful that she was leaning against the cliff because it stopped her from shaking. She didn't want anything as badly as feel him touch her, caress her. Feel his touch and body everywhere around her, on her,_ in _her.

Laurelin knew she could just walk away. She could break their eye contact and turn her head, and it would be over. She could walk back to the camp and they wouldn't talk about this.

But she didn't want to. She wanted this.

This madness didn't let her go.

Thorin didn't move, he hovered there, midway, like standing on the edge of a cliff before diving into the abyss.

And then suddenly, something just cracked. Thorin took a hesitant step towards her, and now they were very close.

Their breathing mixed together and now Laurelin was able to see that Thorin's pupils were dilated and the look in his eyes had changed. The usual stern coldness was gone. He looked soft, almost pained, like he was having an inner struggle with himself. Laurelin didn't move an inch. She stayed still, just breathing in and out, leaning against the cliff.

She studied Thorin's face, and she saw the same hunger that was consuming her. And right there and then, when a small smile curved its way on her lips, she knew that she had been right. He wanted her, too.

Thorin's eyes slided to her lips, and he panted quietly. He hissed something in khuzdul.

When she opened her mouth just a little, she heard Thorin letting out a troubled breath, and she knew she had just released a fire hotter than a dragon's breath.

When Thorin finally closed the distance between their bodies, she closed her eyes and let out a whimper.

Then Thorin's lips crashed to hers, and his kisses were passionate and hot, almost desperate. His arms were suddenly around her, and he let out a moan as she took a grip from his hair and pulled him closer. There wasn't any question whether they both wanted it or not. With a swift movement, Thorin lifted her and laid her down on the warm and soft fur.

Their lips never parted. He tasted distantly like ale, but she barely noticed. She was completely lost in the moment now, feeling ecstatic and triumphant. Kissing him furiously, she started to remove his fur coat.

Thorin let her. He was panting now, lost in lust, and his hand slided to her chest carefully. When she kissed him as an encouragement, his hand slided lower on her breasts. The touch sent hundred small shivers through her body, and she whimpered in delight.

She took Thorin's coat off, and his light undershirt was all that was left. In return, Thorin pulled her shirt and jacket off, leaving only the corset on.

He looked at her body like it was the most beatiful thing he had ever seen, despite all the gold and jewels he had held on his hands. Laurelin blinked and every fibre of her being was singing to him, it was so perfect and it felt so _good_.

They were both panting and the lust in their eyes grew stronger.

Laurelin pushed herself against Thorin, and she felt his arousal through the clothing. She gave him a playful, satisfied smile. His hot lips placed kisses on her breasts and neck.

She buried her head into the crook of his neck, kissing it and drawing in the dizzyingly good scent of him. Laurelin could hear how quickly Thorin's heart was beating, thundering in his veins under his skin. She bit a little, which made him whimper, and she laughed against his ear, her heart beating fast and the heat between her legs growing hotter.

She slowly opened his pants and he gently lifted her skirt. She leant back to the fur again, her dark hair spread out against it.

For a moment, Laurelin looked at Thorin warmly, panting from lust, and she slided her hand to his shirt, and pulled it over his head. His bare chest made her bit her already throbbing lip. Thorin gave her a dark and breathy smile, sweat already making its way to his temples.

She squeezed his arm demandingly, and their laboured breathing mixed into each other. Then he pushed into her gently, carefully, and she let out moan. Pleasure made her shiver and flicker her eyes.

She whispered his name with a husky voice and then he started to thrust into her. Every thrust made her moan in pleasure and she spasmed in delight. Laurelin's mind shut itself, and all the remaining coherent thoughts left her. This was so perfect. This was so intoxicatingly hot that she never wanted it to stop. She could see his face twisting in pleasure and lust, too, and he caressed her breasts and her neck and she wanted him so badly that she wanted to scream.

Soon, a pressure started to build up between her legs and Laurelin was whimpering and moaning as he rode her. She pulled herself up to sit and was cradled in his lap, their bodies tangled. She wanted to have her turn now, whether Thorin was a king or not - she wanted to have the control.

And then she started to thrust herself up and down, up and down, and Thorin let out a suffocated growl and his head fell against her neck. Drawing deep breaths, he started kissing and licking her breasts. Laurelin snapped her eyes open towards the sky, shaking, skin burning. She rode him harder, gritting her teeth as he was hard as stone inside her, and every thrust sent stars flying in her eyes.

They panted and moaned, kissed, bit, whimpered. Then slowly, she started to feel she was coming, and Thorin was so lost in their mutual pleasure that she guessed he wasn't far behind.

In the end, Thorin laid her back to the furs and rode her harder than ever before, making them both moan and almost scream in pleasure. He squeezed his eyes shut as he came, spasming and shaking, letting out a deep growl, sweaty and pleased.

She came just a few moments after him, spasming against the fur, moaning Thorin's name in delight. She felt dizzy and happy, and never in her life had she experienced something like this.

Few seconds, she felt like she was somewhere between two worlds - dream and reality - and she felt complete.

Thorin carefully pulled himself away and laid down next to her, both panting and disoriented.

They were quiet for a long time. The afterglow was peaceful and satisfying, and the fire rattled happily near them. She had never felt so good. Never in her wildest dreams had it been like this - Thorin had been even better, hotter, rougher than she had dared to believe. His body was beyond perfect, it was strong and muscular, his hands hardened by work in the forge and shoulders strengthened by holding battle axes and swords all his life. He had a fire in him that burnt brightly, something only dwarves had, something that made him a rough lover but incredibly gentle at the same time.

She let out a stuttering breath and stared at the sky far above them.

After a while the euphoria started to lessen and she managed to think straight. Laurelin distantly thanked their luck that no one had come to check on them from the started to feel cold and took her shirt and brocade jacket from the ground, slipping it back on and covered herself with her skirt that she still had on, pulling it down.

When she turned to look at Thorin, he had pulled his pants back on. The dwarf king was sitting next to the fire, staring at the ground with an unreadable expression on his face, cheeks still red.

Laurelin stood up slowly and smiled a little, because he looked gorgeous like this and she barely could believe what had just happened. It had felt so right. She had no regrets. It had been even better she had ever imagined.

Somehow she sensed that they shouldn't talk, not right now, so she took the rest of her clothes and turned towards the camp.

-Good night." she said quietly to him, but he didn't answer. Thorin kept staring at the fire with an odd look. Laurelin was too happy to notice it, so she just turned on her heels and walked back to camp. That night, she slept better than she had in months.


	8. Chapter 8

**Author's note**

Hey! So Thorin and Laurelin got it on the last chapter. :) I hope you all liked it, since it's my first M-rated fic I've written. If you have any ideas, suggestions or criticism, feel free to tell me. Note that you don't need to have an account on this site to do that.

**Reviews are worth more than gold to me. Please tell me what you think!**

Now, let's see what happens next.**  
**

* * *

In the morning, Laurelin woke up and looked around the camp smiling. She briefly wondered if anyone had noticed something the night before, but she also knew that it was improbable.

She felt both happy and nervous. She could barely believe what had happened, that she and Thorin had actually...It just seemed unbelievable. Like one of her dreams she kept having, as if it had only happened in her head. But the memories were too solid, too precious in her mind, and she could still remember everything in great detail. Laurelin could still feel the after effects of their night in her body.

Thorin and her.

Just yesterday she had been ready to abandon this quest, and after that she had saved Thorin's life and shared a night with him.

So much happened in the course of just one day that Laurelin didn't even know how to wrap her head around it.

The camp was buzzling. When Laurelin got up, she saw the dwarves gathering their things hastily.

-Are we leaving already?" she asked Nori.

-Gather your things. We'll leave as soon as possible." Thorin said to the company as he walked by, dressed completely and avoiding to look anyone in the eyes. Her good mood faded and she stared at the king, confused to see the mask and the brooding silence back on his face. Thorin even looked troubled and slightly pale, like he was upset by something.

Suddenly she had a bad feeling at the pit of her stomach that wouldn't leave her alone.

Laurelin stared at the dwarf king's turned back.

Without a word, she packed her things and they started marching.

* * *

That day, they entered Beorn's house and after such a long time, they could bathe and eat without trouble, and they all felt refreshed and rested there. Laurelin's eyes kept following Thorin, however, but the dwarf king avoided her and her gaze, and she grew more and more confused.

They decided to stay for a few weeks there.

Days passed.

Laurelin still hadn't talked to Thorin, as the king was busy all the time and avoided her. The happiness she had felt after their shared night was fading quickly, and replaced with doubt and slight anxiety.

Laurelin was growing nervous and impatient. Surely they wouldn't go on like nothing had happened?

All of her interaction with the others was half-hearted, and if they noticed, they didn't say anything.

More days passed. Laurelin tried to ask Thorin something from time to time, but he answered briefly and didn't look her into the eyes.

Her spirits became grimmer, and she started wondering what had went wrong. Thorin had wanted it too, she _knew_ it. Otherwise he wouldn't have been so passionate, so tender. They both had enjoyed it, and they both felt something for each other. Laurelin couldn't stand this waiting, and now even some of the dwarves seemed to notice there was something going on.

When two weeks had passed, Laurelin was so frustrated at the situation that he was ready to snap at Thorin any second now. In the end, she took matters into her own hands.

-Thorin, may I speak with you?" she asked.

Thorin looked uncomfortable, and like he really wanted to say no, but he nodded stiffly and waited.

-In private, please." she added as Dwalin hovered nearby. Thorin nodded again, and Dwalin and Balin left their king sit alone next to Beorn's large wooden table.

Laurelin waited until they were gone. Then she sat next to Thorin.

She hesitated a little, feeling suddenly uneasy. But her irritation was stronger. -Why are you avoiding me?" she asked straightforwardly.

Thorin looked at her and sighed. -I'm not.."

-Don't you try and deny it, Thorin Oakenshield." she said angrily. -You _are_ avoiding me. What's wrong?"

Thorin looked troubled and uncomfortable, shifting a little on his seat. He avoided her eyes. -Nothing is wrong." he said dryly.

She rolled her eyes and crossed her arms. She felt suddenly vulnerable. -Did you not like it, then?" she asked.

That forced Thorin to look at her. He looked surprised. -What? Yes, of course..." he stuttered, confused, before swallowing and taking a deep breath. His voice was low. -Yes. It was a pleasant night."

Laurelin quirked an eyebrow. -A pleasant night? It was a lot more than that." she said and bit her lip. -What is the problem then? Why are you avoiding me if you liked it? If you like...me. The others have started to notice there's something going on."

Thorin looked at her, several emotions crossing her face. The sunny, large room felt cold suddenly, and the sunlight somehow powerless. The bad feeling that had bothered Laurelin for two weeks suddenly grew worse. Thorin's face hardened and his jaw tightened.

-I apologize. It was a mistake on my half." he said.

Laurelin felt her heart jump painfully. -Mistake?" she asked, voice unsteady.

Thorin lifted his chin. -It was my mistake to...agree on it. I am the king of the Lonely Mountain, a dwarf and also an unmarried one. You are merely a human child and it was wrong for me to...use you like that. I regret it already. My head was softened by the large amounts of ale I drank that night and the thrill of the fight we had with the goblins, and if I had the chance to choose again, I would send you away before anything such drastic could happen."

Laurelin stared at him, incredulous. Thorin's words started to dawn on her. -A _mistake_?" she hissed.

Thorin looked uncomfortable again.

Her heart started to take pace by the sheer shock and hurt she felt gnawing at her chest.

Laurelin shook her head fiercely. -How dare you to call me a_ child_ after...after sharing such a night with me?! Where do you get the nerve to tell me that the reason you touched me was ale muddling your thinking, that I was a mere mistake that you regret making? I'm not blind or deaf. I was there. I remember the way you..."

She had to draw a breath as her voice was breaking and her eyes burnt. She blinked hard and turned away for a moment to gather herself. Laurelin's hands were shaking from the raging emotions inside of her.

-Laurelin, I am their King and a dwarf..."

The incredulous hiss she let out silenced him. -Their _king_? A _dwarf_?" she repeated with disgust.

Laurelin turned to look at him, outraged and hurt. -So is that the problem? That you are dwarven royalty and I'm a mere human girl? That were not the same species? Hah! It's not like it stopped you that night at all. I remember that we fitted together in more ways than one!" she spat back, standing up, heart thundering in her ears.

Thorin murmured a hasty curse in khuzdul and locked his eyes with hers, gesturing with his hand calmly. -You shall not speak of this to anyone." he said.

It made Laurelin even angrier. She stared at him in disbelief. -So you treat me now like a paid woman? This is...this is unbelievable. Don't you pretend that you do not want me! I've seen the way you look at me. And it wasn't just that night, it was ever since we left the Shire. You can barely take your eyes off me. So don't you even try and tell me that it was just an accidental drunken act. I remember how you moaned and cried out on top of me, how you touched me. You can't just spend a night like that with me and then say it was a mistake!" she screamed.

Now Thorin stood up, too. The dwarf king looked angry and stern, and there was a hint of panic flashing in his blue eyes.

-It _was_ a mistake!" he shouted back with his deep voice. -Have you_ any_ idea how severe mistake it even was? How grave abuse? It is beyond your understanding! We are_ not_ married. I have no claim for you or your body. I shouldn't have touched you, I had no right. You are young and careless, but I am dwarf and we don't touch anything that isn't ours, and you are not mine. And you will never be. Now you will leave this room and never utter a word about this to anyone!"

Laurelin stared at him in shock, unable to comprehend what had just happened.

But whatever she tried to say didn't come out as words. She was too hurt, too angry. Her lips kept twitching, but couldn't form coherent sentences. Emotions stormed inside of her. She stared at the stern dwarf king, but Thorin's features didn't soften. He stood tall and quiet, the cold mask back on his face again. Laurelin tried to find any warmth from Thorin's eyes, but there was none. So in numb shock, she turned around on her heels and left the room, banging the door loudly as she went.

In the room, the dwarf king slided back to the chair and buried his face into his hands.


	9. Chapter 9

**AUTHOR'S NOTE**

So yeah, things didn't go as planned. Like at all. Oh well, in this chapter the things get even worse, just because I can make them so. :D

Please review!

* * *

The following days were filled with silence and avoidance.

Laurelin was too hurt to even look at Thorin. She felt betrayed and used, and above all - ashamed. She felt like a stupid, love-sick girl. Laurelin hated to be disappointed so badly again. She had truly believed that Thorin had finally started to treat her better, finally accepting her to the company and maybe even admitting he had feelings for her. But no.  
The fact that Thorin had slept with her but still treated her worse than the hobbit made her blood boil.

Laurelin was certain she had never been this angry in her whole life.

The other dwarves noticed the odd change in the atmosphere. Thorin was even grumpier than usual, barking orders and brooding in silence. He didn't talk much and stayed in one of Beorn's rooms most of the days.

Laurelin started doing long walks around Beorn's lands to avoid curious and worried glances from the dwarves. She couldn't pretend that nothing had changed. She couldn't just decide that she could go on this guest and forget what had happened. Laurelin couldn't believe that Thorin didn't feel anything towards her. The way he had looked at her that night...The way he had touched her, kissed her, caressed her.

It hadn't been just animal-like lust. She knew it. Thorin wasn't the kind of man who would go so far just because of pure desire. He was too proud, and no matter how much ale he had drunk, that didn't change. Thorin had to feel something for her.

And no matter how angry she was, Laurelin couldn't help but to understand Thorin's reasoning. They weren't married. They weren't engaged. She didn't know precisely how these things went down in the dwarven way, but the humans and the elves married before they had the right to touch and sleep with their partners. Of course she knew that.

She had known that even when she had walked to Thorin that night. It had been against all rules. But this wasn't her fault, not really. It was Thorin who had made the final decision, he was the one that had closed the gap between them and he was the one who had grabbed her and laid her down to the furs.

She hadn't said no. She had let him to do it, even encouraged him, but she hadn't forced him or tricked him.

They had both wanted it, and that's why it had happened.

Laurelin still got shivers from thinking about it. It had been heavenly. No matter how much she hated Thorin right now, she hated herself even more for wanting it again. She still had feelings for him. And she couldn't help it. If it was up to her, she would have forgotten Thorin this instant and continued on the quest like nothing had happened. But hearts are stubborn things, and she couldn't silence the slow burn inside her own.

More than once had Laurelin yearned for his touch again. Thorin was nothing like human men. He had been rough and gentle in the same time. He had been like the fire that burnt and the balsam that healed in the same time. He had been fierce. His body had been hot and muscular, his large arms strong but surprisingly gentle around her. But most of all, his lips and eyes been hungry and his arousal had been anything but weak.

He had wanted her as much as she had wanted him, and that was one thing that wouldn't change, no matter how she turned the memory in her head.

And that's why Thorin's cold behaviour hurt her even more.

Laurelin felt miserable. She really couldn't go back to the way things had been, and yet she had no idea what do about the situation.

* * *

Days passed. They had been in Beorn's house for three weeks and two days now, and finally they were preparing to continue their journey.

It was that morning when Laurelin got up slowly, because she felt oddly dizzy. She had to take a good grip from the bed before the light-headedness passed, and she got up and joined the others for breakfast.

She ate without an appetite, deeply in her thoughts. Bilbo was quiet, too, but the other dwarves seemed to be excited to continue the journey soon.

That day, Laurelin felt so tired that she didn't go for a long walk.

There was a nagging feeling at the back of her mind, but she couldn't figure out why.

They were due to leave before the week's end.

The next day, Laurelin felt dizzy again when she got up.

She wouldn't have paid any attention to it if it hadn't happened several times during the following day.

She wondered if she was coming down with something, but she forgot to worry as she was busy packing their things and repairing her clothes for the journey. Laurelin still kept thinking about the situation, but for now, she didn't want to talk to Thorin. She had nothing to say, not really.

Thorin had made it clear that whatever there was between them, was over.

When the third day came, Laurelin felt dizzy again, but didn't think too much about it. It was the very thing that happened in the breakfast that really turned the course of the whole journey for her. She had just sat on the breakfast table next to Dwalin, but everything that was on the table seemed to disgust her. She didn't know why - it didn't make any sense - Beorn's honey and butter were the best she had ever had before, and she had always loved the food in this house.

Reluctantly, she took a piece of bread and started chewing. Bit by bit, a nausea took over her. She froze in her seat, lifting a hand to her mouth. Bilbo's questioning eyes turned to her. Laurelin felt colour draining from her face. She barely ever vomited, and she was certain that she wouldn't do it now. But then the nausea just grew worse, and all the scents and smell suddenly seemed suffocating.

A taste of bile rose to her throat and Laurelin dropped the bread, hurrying to stand up and then she ran out of the room. Fortunately she got outside to the porch before she retched everything in her stomach, feeling dizzy and disoriented, squeezing the railing of the porch like a lifeline.

Laurelin knew something was wrong. She had to be sick. She had caught some disease just when they were about to leave. She already cursed herself - causing trouble for the quest and delaying Thorin and the others was the last thing she needed right now.

Laurelin took deep breaths, leaning heavily on the porch railing.

She heard someone opening the front door and coming closer.

-Laurelin?" an old but kind voice asked.

Laurelin closed her eyes in relief. -Balin." she mumbled as a greeting. She kept drawing deep breaths, hanging her head, hoping the nausea would pass.

Balin walked next to her, putting a comforting hand to her shoulder.

The porch was fortunately quiet and the door was closed, so the others couldn't hear or see them.

-Feeling any better?" Balin asked quietly.

Laurelin shook her head. -Not really. I think I might have eaten something rotten, or coming down with something." she said miserably.

Balin was quiet for a while. -What are your symptoms?" he asked.

Laurelin sighed and glanced at the dwarf. -Well, this of course." she said weakly, gesturing her hand towards the grass further away. -I didn't know where it even came from, suddenly the food smelled and tasted so awful." She shook her head. -And then I've been feeling dizzy from time to time, almost for a week now." she added.

Balin stiffened beside her. A sudden restlessness sparked in her. Laurelin looked up carefully, slowly, and looked at Balin. The dwarf had grown suddenly very quiet and very still. The old dwarf eyed her with a serious face.

A slight lump started to form into her throat.

Laurelin didn't like that look. -Is it something serious?" she whispered. -Should I ask Gloin about it?"

Gloin was the most trained in medicine from the company. Balin sighed. -No, let's not bother Gloin just yet, young one." he said gently and gave her a smile, but it seemed weak and grim, and it didn't reach his eyes.

Laurelin took a deep breath, anxiety growing inside of her, gnawing at her chest. -Balin." she said slowly, voice and face serious. -Is it some kind of disease?" she asked. -I don't want to be left behind because of this. I can travel, I'm sure I'll get better soon."

Balin studied her carefully. He glanced around the porch, making sure no one was there to hear them. That made Laurelin's heart jump painfully, and her insides churned. Balin wouldn't be so quiet and serious if this wasn't an important matter. She kept staring at him, anxiety dwelling inside her.

Then Balin took a deep breath and leant closer. -My dear child, when is the last time you have bled?"

Laurelin's heart skipped a beat. When the words truly sank in, her eyes widened.

No. No.

_No. _

She quickly started to count the days. She did the math, panic rising in her and making her breathing quicken. -Six weeks ago." she hissed, voice unsteady.

It couldn't be. It just couldn't.

Suddenly she felt like her skin was burning and her stomach churning and the lump in her throat grew thicker. Balin looked at her carefully.

-Doesn't that mean..."

-I'm late." she whispered. -By Valar, I'm late." she whispered, suddenly breathing in deep and loud breaths.

The extent of the situation started to dawn on her. She buried her face against the railing, counting the days over and over. It had been six weeks than she had bled the last time. And it had been over three weeks when she and Thorin had...

-By Manwë!" she cursed aloud. The days matched. It all added up. The time had been, by chance, the most fruitful for her. And now she was late. She was late and she was feeling faint and throwing up food...

-Valar help me." she whispered in horror.

Balin rubbed comforting circles to her back, but she barely noticed. She was breathing too fast.

-Calm down, Laurelin." Balin told her gently. She suddenly lifted her head, tears of panic in her eyes. She looked at the old dwarf, shaking her head fiercely.

Balin looked at her in sympathy. -Look...I don't know anything for sure but I guessed a lot. The way you and...and..." he didn't finish, but were quiet for a moment and started again. -The way you have acted. The tensed atmosphere. It didn't go unnoticed." Balin said carefully and took a deep breath. He looked slightly ashamed for asking, gesturing with his hand distantly. -Have you..."

It took a moment before she realized what he was asking.

-Yes." Laurelin breathed out. She nodded, lifting a hand to her mouth. Her eyes were wide and she started to realize, bit by bit, how deeply in trouble she was.

Balin looked a bit troubled but continued anyway. -Laurelin, I need to ask. Was it...was it with him?" he said and lowered his voice to a whisper. -Thorin?"

Laurelin stared at him, feeling sick but not the way she had before. This was anxiety-ridden panic and horror. Slowly she nodded. Balin's eyes widened just a notch and he swallowed hard.

-Yes. It was with him." she squeaked out. With Thorin Oakenshield. With their_ king_.  
She had spent a night with Thorin and now...now...

-I am with child, aren't I?" Laurelin asked miserably, tears finally pouring to her cheeks.

Balin smiled gently at her. -I'm afraid so." he said.

Now that it had been said aloud, it truly dawned on her.

She was pregnant.

She was pregnant with Thorin's child.

It made sense.

She had been fruitful at that time three weeks ago. She was young, too. And now she was late. And had been feeling under the weather for a week now. Then the faint spells had appeared. And now the vomiting.

She could tell herself that it was some disease, but she knew it was wrong. She knew her own body, and there was something off about it, and there was only good explanation: she was with child.

Thorin Oakenshield's child.

She was three weeks pregnant with the dwarf king's child.

Suddenly she let out a hopeless cry and threw herself against Balin. Then she started to weep, openly and loudly, and the old dwarf let her. She cried and cried, cursed her own stupidity and Thorin, she cursed the quest and she cursed the Valar and she cursed Thorin again. Thorin didn't want her. She wasn't his, like he had said.

They had slept with each other, even if they had no right or claim to each other.

She wasn't from a royal house. She wasn't even a dwarf. She was a pathetic human with the dwarf king's bastard child.

Laurelin wept and wept, and Balin held her without saying a word. She kept going, until she had no tears left and her first panic started to fade.

Long moment passed. Balin patted her back gently.

When she finally grew quiet, she kept her face buried in the dwarf's shoulder. She was grateful that no one had followed them to the porch. At least fate had granted this one favor for her.

She had no idea how long she had been there, and Balin didn't talk. The sweet old dwarf waited until she was ready. Then, after what felt like hours, she lifted her head and stepped back, brushing her red and puffy face.

-T-thank you, Balin." she said with a shaking, thick voice. Balin looked at her with sympathy and nodded.

-Please don't tell anyone." Laurelin pleaded, shaking badly.

He gently shook his head. -No, I will not. This isn't my place to tell."

Laurelin stared at him. -I can't tell him." she mumbled. -I can't let him know. I won't say anything. I'll travel you for a while and then leave the quest."

Balin looked at her in slight pity. -Oh, young one, I don't want to tell you what to do, but I think that keeping something like this from him could be...unwise." He cleared his voice. -And...if you are going to travel with us, you can't hide the symptoms for a long time. Or even if you do, you'll start showing soon enough."

Laurelin blinked in dull shock. Even the thought of her belly starting to grow scared her. She wasn't ready for anything like this. She was horrified even when she tried to imagine it. The fact that she had a child growing inside of her was too big to grasp.

Her thoughts were chaotic. Suddenly something struck her. -Balin...do you think the...the child...will even survive? I'm a human...and he's a dwarf."

Balin shrugged his shoulders. -I really do not know, young one. I wish I did, but I don't."

Laurelin nodded, swallowing another wave of panic. Then she took a calming breath, shaking more than ever.

She brushed her face with her hands, pushing some of her loose, damp hair to the sides. Laurelin tried to calm down her breathing, swallowing several times.

Balin looked troubled and hesitated a little. -Laurelin...how long do humans carry?"

She blinked in surprise. -What?"

Balin just watched her with patience. -How long do humans carry before they give birth?"

She barely understood the question. It seemed to irrelevant and obvious. -Nine months." she answered automatically.

The way Balin's face screwed in worry made her heart jump. -What?" she hissed. Then it dawned on her. -How long do dwarven women carry, then?" she asked, afraid of Balin's notorious look.

Balin tilted his head. -Well...dwarven children are rare and they are always cherished dearly...But from what I know, dwarven women usually carry for seven months."

She stared at him blankly.

Seven months?

That meant that she...she might only have six months left. That after that, she would be giving birth to a child.

She needed to leave. If she truly had only six months left, wouldn't her condition start to show soon? The thought scared her.

-Do...does it show already?" she whispered anxiously. Balin stepped back a little and eyed her. She waited in horror. It couldn't show already. It just couldn't. With human women, it usually started to show on the third or fourth month. But seven months was a lot less than nine...

Now that she thought about it, she had gained weight. She had thought it had been because of Beorn's delicious food, and some of it definitely was because of the food, but...The way Balin quirked an eyebrow made her look down, biting her lip painfully.

She had been feeling a little puffy and tumid, but she had thought it had been because of the food.

Now that she grabbed her clothes and drew them tighter around herself, she noticed a little more weight around her hips and belly. It was barely anything, but it was there. And it wasn't just because of the food.

The thought seemed ridiculous - in a normal pregnancy, that wouldn't have been possible at all. The damned half-dwarf child inside her seemed to have decided otherwise.

She let go fo her clothes and let them drop to their places, grateful that Balin hadn't said anything.

Laurelin took a deep breath. -It isn't showing yet, not really, thank Valar for that." she mumbled. -But in four or eight weeks it will be obvious, won't it?" she asked with a shaky voice.

Balin nodded again. -When Gloin's wife expected Gimli, her condition became obvious before her third month." He eyed her. -Laurelin, I think you should now calm down, take some time for yourself and think things through before deciding anything."

-Decide?" she asked. -What is there to decide? Thorin can't know! He'll never accept a bastard child. I can't come with you. I'll start showing soon. I need to travel somewhere else. I need to _leave_."

The finality seemed scary. The sunny porch seemed uninviting and merciless now.

Balin tilted his head. -I'm sorry to say this, but there isn't many places that you can go right now. The Misty Mountains are too dangerous to pass, like we already noticed in the Goblin City, and you can't stay with Beorn. New shadow rises from the North and from the border of Mirkwood, and it's not safe there either. Rohan is the closest human city, and far, far away. I'm afraid that the elven land of Lorién won't welcome you at all. The closest city is now Esgaroth."

-Esgaroth?!" Laurelin cried. -But...I can't come there. It will take too long to travel, I'll start showing. And I can't travel with you anymore, not when Thorin is there..." She shook her head.  
-I will go to Rohan." she stated.

Balin shook her head. -No. The journey is too dangerous and too long for you to travel, even more so when you're with child and alone."

Laurelin bit her lip - her options started to run out. -But I can't go back to Bree or Rivendell, either. The mountains are squirming with goblins and even if I managed get to the mountains, time wouldn't be on my side. I'd be on my fourth of fifth month by then..." she started to become more and more hopeless. She blinked tears away from her eyes.

Laurelin hung her head.

-I should have perished in that warg fight." she whispered.

Suddenly Balin grabbed her hands and stepped forward. -Do not ever wish such a fate upon yourself!" he said, eyes gleaming. -This chain of events might seem unfortunate for now, but fate made you join this quest. You saved Thorin's life, and our company will be forever grateful for that. Without you, he might not have even lived to see this beautiful summer morning. And Thorin himself might seem harsh and distant, but he has a good and just heart, and he will not ignore his responsibilities. You might carry a bastard child, but it is his nonetheless and the heir to the throne without disowning, even over Fili and Kili."

Laurelin's eyes bulged in shock. -Heir to the_ throne_?" Laurelin whispered in horror. She hadn't even stopped to think about that. Sometimes she forgot that Thorin was actually a king.

She was carrying a bastard prince or princess inside her.

The thought intimidated her.

Balin squeezed her hands. -I do not judge you, young one. For a long time, I saw that burn in your eyes, and I've seen it in his, too. That kind of flame won't just burn out easily. It is your decision, Laurelin, but I think you should tell Thorin, and do it very soon."

Balin let go and stepped back. -Now, I suggest you dry your tears and think things through. It will make this all clearer." he said kindly.

She nodded numbly. Taking his advice, Laurelin quickly thanked Balin, brushed her cheeks and stepped away from the porch, walking towards the woods without looking back. After all, someone could soon start to look where they had disappeared to, after she had run away from the house.

When she walked, she was painfully aware of the truth. Her hand slided to her stomach. There, somewhere underneath her clothes and skin, was Thorin's child.

Laurelin didn't look back at the house before she disappeared to the woods.


	10. Chapter 10

**AUTHOR'S NOTE:**  
I can't thank you all enough for the support! :) It has given me lots of energy to continue the story and keep the update pack quick. Let's move on to the story. Things are getting tricky...

* * *

The rest of the day passed in a more or less shocked haze.

Laurelin counted the days and the probabilities for several times, but she always ended up on the same solution - she was definitely pregrant. It seemed like a bad joke that just after one night, the first one she had ever had with a man going this far, had ended up like this. Of course she had known this could happen, she had known that before she had gone to Thorin and after that. Her feelings for him had been too overwhelming and she had wanted him too much. Her judgement had been clouded, even if she had known the risks.

This was the prize that she had to pay.

Laurelin had gotten one night with Thorin Oakenshield and she was carrying his child now.

Damn stubborn Durins, she cursed. Of course it was the damned king's seed that got all the way through to hers.

After Laurelin had somehow wrapped her head around the fact that she was, indeed, carrying a child, she started to wonder what she was going to do. Telling Thorin didn't even seem an option. He would be furious. He would be...outraged. Laurelin feared his reaction more than anything. Thorin had already been so angry about the fact that they had slept together, that this had gotten so far already. What would he do if he heard the outcome?

Laurelin was scared that the Thorin would banish her. Throw her away. Send her back to Bree. Or force her to leave the quest and go far, far away and give birth to a bastard child, and never tell anyone about the poor child's heritage. Even to the child itself. She wouldn't tell about the father, she couldn't. And even then, her honour would be lost and no one else would marry her. Laurelin buried her face into her hands. Her life was ruined.

She couldn't help but to cry. Laurelin cried and cursed Thorin Oakenshield to the deepest depths of Aulë's halls, she hated him for being so attractive and so stubborn. She cursed herself for ever coming to this quest and ever letting herself fall for him. She cursed herself for walking to Thorin that night and most of all, she cursed that she had slept with him.

And even when she did, Laurelin could not completely regret her choices. She also knew that she still had feelings for Thorin, no matter how hardly she tried to suffocate them or deny their existence. She knew how much she still wanted him, so badly, that her condition really shouldn't be such a big surprise.

And when she got over the denial, the sharpest shock and the self-loath, Laurelin tried to look forward and make some plans. Balin had been right. She couldn't go back to Bree. If she was already three weeks pregnant and would indeed carry as long as the dwarven women - only seven months - she was in a hurry. Sooner or later she would start to show and the longer the journey took, the slower she would become.

Laurelin would never make it to Bree in time. And she wouldn't be able to find the secret way to Rivendell to the elves, even if she somehow managed to get over or under the Misty Mountains and survive the goblins.

Laurelin even thought about staying with Beorn, but the grim bear man would hardly welcome her. He had been kind to them, but it was mainly all thanks to Gandalf. Besides, she would need a mid-wife sooner or later. And how could she explain to the others that she suddenly wanted to say with Beorn? The dwarves or Bilbo wouldn't stop asking questions.  
So staying wasn't an option either.

Where could she go, then?

In the north, there was only dangers and orcs. In the south, there was the elven woods of Lórien that didn't welcome her. Then there was Rohan, land of the houselords, but it was very far away and she was afraid that the time would simply ran out for her to reach it. The east was her only choice.

In the east, there was Thranduil the Elven King's chambers, and Esgaroth. It was also the way Thorin and his company was heading, through the dangerous Mirkwood.

Laurelin stared blankly at the trees before her. She had spent hours in the woods, trying to calm herself down and think things through.

Fortunately now one came to look for her, and she was quite sure it was all thanks to Balin.

Laurelin sighed.

She could not travel with the company anymore. Not in her condition. She would start to show soon, and maybe she could hide it for the first three months or four months, but the fifth and sixth would be impossible.

Laurelin also knew that Esgaroth was very close to the Lonely Mountain. Rumors and news would reach Erebor, and if she gave birth to a baby soon after Thorin and the others had left her there, Thorin would put two and two together. He might have been stubborn and thick from time to time, but he wasn't stupid. He could do the math, too, if he by some miracle hadn't noticed that she was pregnant by then.

And their journey could be dangerous, too. It hadn't been safe this far either, but now it could get even worse.

But no matter how Laurelin tried to figure out what to do, she started to slowly realize that Esgaroth was her only choice. It was the people of men, and there would be mid-wifes. The company would be escorting her, so she would have help if she needed it. It was the safest and fastest route.

Slowly, the realization started to sink in.

If she wanted to stay alive, she needed to continue the quest.

But what if she put the whole company into danger? Laurelin couldn't bear the thought. Or what if someone else than Balin would find out? Laurelin bit her lip as she knew that her belly growing would be the least of her problems. She could wear big and thick clothes for months. But the morning sickness and the light-headedness could be far worse problems, and a lot harder to hide.

Once again, she cursed Thorin and herself.

With bleak determination, Laurelin knew she had to continue the quest anyway. And if she continued, her condition would start showing soon. She tried to calculate how long it would take to get through Mirkwood.

Two months? Three months?

If so, she would be probably on her third or fourth month. She could handle that. There might be a small chance...

But no.

Then Laurelin realized that she had to consider the length of a dwarven pregnancy, and if Balin's words were anything to go by, then being on her third or fourth month meant being on the half-way on the human calendar.

It was a terrifying thought.

She was going to be obvious by then. If she truly had only about six months left, then she was in a real hurry.

Laurelin clutched her hands into fists into so hard that her nails dug into her skin when the dreaded and reluctant thought struck her - she needed to tell Thorin. If she didn't, he would notice in time.

And Laurelin feared that things could get a lot worse if he found out by chance.

A lump that had formed to her throat earlier didn't disappear. It only got worse. She didn't want to tell Thorin. Valar help her, she feared how the dwarf king would react.

But she had to.

She had no other choice.

Slowly, Laurelin got up, hissing as slight dizziness passed over her. Then she straightened up, dried her face and lifted her jaw bravely.

In her grim thoughts, Laurelin returned to the house. It was getting dark already. Hesitantly she went to the dining room and snatched a little food for herself, hoping it wouldn't send her vomiting again. She thanked Balin silently in her mind, because when she passed the sleepy dwarves and went to her small bed, no one asked anything.

Laurelin didn't sleep well that night. Her thoughts circled around the same thing - she wasn't ready to tell Thorin.

And when the morning came, the first thing she did was throwing up everything she had eaten before.


	11. Chapter 11

In the end, Laurelin simply ran out of time.

Two days later, they continued the quest. They left Beorn's house behind and started to head towards the western border of Mirkwood.

Laurelin couldn't bring herself to talk anyone besides Bilbo and Balin. Others were clearly worried about her, but they had noticed that she had had some kind of a falling off with Thorin, and they thought it probably was because of her earlier threat to leave, but Balin somehow managed to keep them from asking questions.

Laurelin was fortunately left alone. She kept throwing up a lot of the food and feeling dizzy from time to time, but no one seemed to notice for now. Thorin barely looked at her. The dwarf king was brooding, the familiar stern mask on his face. Laurelin was quiet, too, and the atmosphere upon their company had gotten more serious.

They were given ponies by Beorn and Laurelin felt grateful. She knew it was ridiculous, but she was self-aware of herself now all the time. Everytime someone looked at her a bit more longer than usual, she was afraid they knew. Or had guessed.

But Balin was more sharp-eyed than a lot of them, and for once Laurelin congratulated herself that the dwarves could be so thick when they needed to be.

They probably had no idea that Thorin had slept with her, even if Balin had guessed.

And if Gandalf noticed something with his sharp eyes, he didn't say anything.

* * *

The trip to the edge of the Mirkwood took two more weeks, which was a lot longer than Laurelin had thought. She was constantly counting days and months now, and she found herself feeling angry at every delay. The reason for their long trip to the edge of the forest was the fact that the dwarves were reluctant to go there. The forest was evil and dark, so they enjoyed the summer days on the green fields.

Laurelin wasn't able to rejoice from the warm sun or the peaceful course of the days. All of her thoughts were laced with anxiety and uncertainty.

When they finally saw the first trees on the horizon, Laurelin was six weeks pregnant. One month and two weeks. Now she was absolute sure that it was the case. The morning sickness was horrible, and she quickly left the camp every morning so that the others wouldn't notice her gagging and almost retching for the smells of their cooking.

As the treeline came closer, they had to send the ponies away, and start walking. Now Laurelin was really becoming paranoid and scared because she hadn't realized Beorn demanded to send the ponies back. There was no way they were going to get through Mirkwood in two months without them. It would take at least three months by foot.

Gandalf also informed that he was leaving. Nothing or no one was able to change his mind, and the whole company watched in numb restlessness as their wizard took off. So, without any other options, the company started walking.

Their spirits got immediately lower. The forest made everyone sour.

* * *

Laurelin's fears worsened during the long hours of walking. She was already six weeks pregnant. If the trip took three months, she would be on her fourth month when they got out.

Maybe she was lucky and she wouldn't be showing then, but in the back of her mind she knew that it was almost impossible.

And if they got any more delays, it would mean five months.

Five months in the dark and unpleasant forest.

Never before had the course of time seemed so important before.

Suddenly the horrible images of giving birth to a child in the cold, dark forest invaded Laurelin's mind and she started to wonder if she was making the right choice to travel with the company.

It was these images and horrifying fears that urged her to finally tell Thorin. They had just made a camp - they would enter the forest the next day. It was Laurelin's last chance to back down if she wanted to. She didn't want to tell Thorin, because she feared his reaction more than anything, but she knew she was running out of time and choices.

So, after a long time of hesitating, Laurelin finally bit her lip, stood tall and walked to Thorin. The dwarf king was sharpening Orkrist in silence. Holding her head high, Laurelin stopped before him and said in her most efficient tone: -May I speak to you in private, please?"

Few of the dwarves turned their heads from the camp fire and eyed her curiously. From the corner of her eye, Laurelin saw Balin was studying the situation carefully.

The air between her and Thorin seemed suffocating and thick. Laurelin wondered if anyone noticed how coldly they both acted towards each other.

Thorin didn't even bother to look up. -Can't it wait?" he mumbled, irritated.

-No, it can not." Laurelin said with a demanding tone. That made Thorin to look up. He eyed her and her skin suddenly felt hot under his gaze. His piercing blue eyes seemed to drill into her mind, and Laurelin had to clutch her hand into a fist to stop herself from shaking. She started to feel nervous and panic started to boil under her calm façade.

Thorin stood up and nodded in agreement. Laurelin almost prayed he hadn't, because now it dawned on her that she really needed to tell him. That she was actually going to do it.

Thorin threw a quick glance towards the other dwarves and turned towards the edge of Mirkwookd. Laurelin threw one vulnerable, scared glance at Balin. The old dwarf smiled at him reassuringly, even if there was a hint of fear in his eyes.

Laurelin followed Thorin with unsteady steps.

When they were out of earshot from the others, Thorin finally stopped, turned around on his heels and crossed his arms.

-Yes?" he said with his low voice, not even trying to sound polite.

Now that she was actually standing here, she had no idea what to say. Laurelin couldn't just tell the truth straight away, could she? She shivered in the cold night and wrapped her own arms around herself.

Fortunately the twilight had settled in so Thorin couldn't see the colour draining from her face.

Instead, the dwarf king quirked an eyebrow.

Laurelin took a deep, steadying breath. Slight irritation started to grow in her. This was Thorin's fault as much as it was hers. He had no right to act so arrogantly.

-There is something you need to know." she finally said carefully, making sure her voice worked.

Thorin huffed, like he would be talking to a child. That made Laurelin's face harden and she stood up straighter.

Laurelin clenched her teeth. -I know you made it very clear what you think about me...and the night we shared, but..."

Thorin instantly let out an irritated sigh and shook his head. He stepped a little closer with an intense stare in his eyes. -I think I also made it very clear that we will not talk about that." Thorin said.

Laurelin felt a hot wave washing over her when he was so close now. His low voice was so enchanting, like dark honey in the night. She felt a familiar ache in her chest all of a sudden and she cursed herself in her mind. She still had feelings for her. And now when they were so close, vivid memories of their shared night filled her head and as much as she hated it, she still was so desperately attracted to him.

Laurelin brushed the thoughts away angrily and forced herself to concentrate.

-I think we need to talk about that after all." she said, voice calm despite her inner turmoil.

Thorin looked even more irritated. -And why is that? I think that the situation is clear to us both. It was a mistake which I apologized from my part, and it will not happen again."

Laurelin shifted her weight and tried to come up with the words to tell the truth.

She decided to try it another way. She tilted her head. -You have barely looked at me during these weeks after that night. You haven't talked to me at all." she said.

Thorin looked surprised. -So? I think it makes the situation easier for us both." he shot back.

Laurelin gritted her teeth. Now her irritation was growing stronger than her fears. -I _mean_, that if you had paid any attention to me, you would have noticed something."

Thorin looked unaffected. He glanced at the camp like he already wanted to go back there.

-I am their king and the leader of this quest. I have no time to keep track of how you look or what you do. I have more important and pressing matters at hand." Thorin explained like she was a complete idiot.

Her anger started to boil. -No." she said through her teeth. -I _mean_...if you had paid any attention, you would have noticed that I was feeling dizzy very often. And that I vomited food, especially in the mornings."

Her words made no effect on him. He just stared at her, uninterested and irritated. Laurelin realized he wasn't getting it. He didn't realize what she was trying to say.

-Well, I'm sorry that you felt sick, but Gloin can probably help you with it better than me. Was there anything really relevant or did you just drag me here to explain these irrelevant details?" Thorin retorted dryly.

That drove Laurelin off the edge. She hissed, incredulous and stared at him mouth open. -You really don't get it, do you? You dwarves are the slowest bunch I've ever met. And after all the trouble you've caused, you still have the nerve to act proud and arrogant!"

Thorin's face hardened. -Do not speak to me in that tone. I've warned you about it before. If you are not going to give me nothing but riddles, I'm heading back to camp." he said.

Laurelin shook her head fiercely, fighting the urge to punch him. -No you won't, Thorin Oakenshield. You will stay exactly where you are and listen to me." she said in a defiant tone.

Thorin was radiating anger. He pointed a finger at her. -Don't you_ dare _to give me orders, human!" he said, voice thick.

Laurelin tilted her head. She was so nervous that she was slightly shaking. She felt reckless now.

-Oh, I dare, _dwarf_." she said in a low voice. Thorin's eyes widened and he stepped closer, now clearly outraged. He hovered midway, hesitating what to do, but looking threatening and angry.

Laurelin felt like she could explode. -Now, we can both wait until you realize the truth. In that case, it could take months until you actually had to be blind to see it, so I'm telling you now."

His expression was so furious that it would have intimated her if she didn't know him better.

-Tell me what?!" Thorin yelled.

Laurelin swallowed hard. The deep silence that echoed his shout seemed suffocating.

She lifted her chin. -I am with child." she breathed out.

Thorin just stared at her.

She stared back, hands shaking badly.

Thorin didn't even blink. -What in Durin's name did you say?" he breathed out, voice husky and thick, but his face didn't even flinch.

Laurelin took a shaky breath. Anxiety washed over her, making her shiver. -You heard me." she said, but her voice wasn't defiant anymore, but quiet and unsteady.

-I am pregnant, Thorin. I am carrying your child."

Thorin stared at her for a moment, like waiting for a smile or a laugh to reveal that she was joking. It didn't come. Slowly, surprise spread to Thorin's face and his eyes widened. All of the rage died out and was replaced with silent shock.

Laurelin didn't say anything more. She waited for the words to sink in. She watched as Thorin stared her, eyes wide and mouth open, and she could see he was mentally counting the days, hoping that she couldn't be right.

He was quiet for a long time. Laurelin gave him time, and suddenly she didn't feel reckless anymore. She started to feel nervous again, and scared. And small. She studied Thorin's face when every emotion crossed his face - shock, denial, realization, shock, anger, shock, despair.

And when Thorin finally swallowed and looked down from her, he looked defeated and his shoulders hunched. The sudden silence after all the shouting seemened unnvering. The dwarf king stared at the ground for a long while. The light breeze felt chilly, and Laurelin wrapped her arms around herself tighter.

-Are you certain?" Thorin finally asked with a quiet, hoarse voice.

Laurelin sighed. -Yes. The signs are clear. And...and it's starting to show soon." she added, biting her lip.

Her condition couldn't be seen through clothes, not yet, but she had noticed it herself. The tiny bump in her belly - it was already there. And her breasts had grown, they felt tight underneath her shirt. Balin's prediction seemed to come true - the child was growing in the dwarven pace. Which meant quickly.

Thorin lifted his head and eyed her and her middle with an unreadable expression.

She rolled her eyes a little. -Of course, not yet. I'm barely seven weeks pregnant. Normally, it wouldn't start to show in a long time, but if this pregnancy is going to go forward in the dwarven way - which right now seems likely, as the baby is growing already fast - I'm going to give birth about in five months."

Thorin paled visibly for that. He turned to stare at the dark trees, and swayed in his feet little. Laurelin started to genuinely fear that he might actually faint.

His silence was the worst. He hadn't said anything in a long, long time.

Long seconds passed.

Thorin didn't move from his spot. He was completely frozen.

Laurelin couldn't stand it any longer. -Thorin?" she asked carefully.

The king just shook his head, breathing heavily in and out.

Laurelin started to feel nervous again. She had expected shouting. Anger. She had thought Thorin would have been furious, that he would have been throwing insults and accusations at her, but there was nothing. This - the complete silence - was scary. She started to wonder whether it had been wise to tell him at all.

She shifted her weight a little. Thorin still remained quiet.

Laurelin tried to think something to say, but couldn't. So she waited again.

-Who did you tell about this?" Thorin then asked slowly. He looked suddenly exhausted and a lot older than he really was.

Laurelin swallowed and hesitated a little. -Balin. Balin knows. No one else."

Thorin nodded mutely, still not meeting her eyes. Laurelin could see that he was deep in his thoughts, but she had no idea what he was actually thinking.

The chilly night air around them seemed suffocating and unwelcoming. If only the dwarf king had looked at her, but Thorin kept staring into nothingness.

-Does Balin...does Balink think it will survive? The child?" Thorin asked with a thick voice.

Laurelin chose her words carefully. It seemed to have dawned on Thorin, too, that the unborn child was technically cross-breed, half-dwarf and half-human, which rarely ever happened. -He didn't know."  
She hesitated. Now that the biggest reveal had already been made, she felt drained. Tired, so tired. But she knew she needed to do this. Laurelin studied Thorin's hunched form. He looked nothing like his usual proud self. He looked small and defeated, somehow, standing in the dim light of the night.  
-Do you...want it to survive? To be born?"

Thorin flickered his eyes at her, genuinely surprised. Laurelin felt her shoulders sag. -There might be some ways...I've heard there are some poisons that..."

-No." Thorin breathed out instantly and it was the first time that he gained some of his authority back. He looked at her demandingly.

Laurelin sighed. -There are chances I could survive that without any aftermath." she added quietly, feeling oddly vulnerable for suggesting something like this. Of course it had crossed her mind before, but it surprised herself that she had even suggested it to him.

But Thorin looked even more determined. -No." he repeated, tone empathic. -That is out of the question." he stated, making it clear that there wasn't any place for an argument. Which she was oddly pleased about. She briefly wondered was it because it could endanger her life, or for some other reason completely.

Laurelin nodded. -Alright. Well, what do you think we should do?"

Thorin dropped his eyes once again. His gaze looked blank again. He was starting to scare her now. The almost catatonic state - the lack of emotion in his eyes and face was so unlike him. Were was the fierce dwarf king she knew? Where was the stubborn and impulsive Thorin Oakenshield she would have recognized?

Thorin shook his head, like he couldn't understand what she was saying. -Do? Why should we do anything?" he asked, confused.

Laurelin's anxiety was starting to overflow now. -Thorin, I'm_ pregnant_. With your child. With your bastard child, to remind you, which is also - according to Balin - heir to the throne. In less than six months, I'm going to give birth. I certainly didn't expect this to happen or want it, so if you're ruling out the poison..."

-I am." Thorin cut in, and the intensity he said it made it perfectly clear to her that it was out of question for good.

-Then I will have this child. Unwanted or not." she said, voice shaking.

Thorin became quiet again. His lack of response was truly getting to her nerves and her vulnerable hope turned into anger. Laurelin clenched his jaw and straightened herself.

-I don't know about you, but I will take responsibility of my own actions. Like you said, you had no claim for me that night, and I have none for you, but I'm with a child now, our child, and I couldn't care less how royal the bloodline is. I will have to carry it, and bring it to this world. That's my responsibility. So tell me, Thorin Oakenshield, what are_ you _going to do?"

Thorin turned his head towards her, and suddenly there was a hint of madness and bitterness in his eyes.

-What do you_ think _I'm going to do?" he spat. -I'm going to call of this quest."

For a moment, Laurelin just stared at him blankly.

-_What_?!" she hissed, incredulous.

Thorin looked at her, shaking his head. -Do you think I can just continue and try to reclaim Erebor now? I have touched something that isn't mine. Don't you understand? Dwarves only love once. We never touch what isn't ours. I have no claim for you, and I touched you anyway. I have disgraced you and stolen your honour, and tossed my own aside. And I've impregnated you. What you are carrying inside you is a bastard child from Durin's line." his voice rose into a shout now, his gaze fierce.  
-I have abused you and taken advantage of you, you poor human child, in my own madness and lust, and I've destroyed everything my father and grandfather fought for! I have betrayed my own kind and my people, so I can not claim a throne. I can not be a king anymore. I can not ask these dwarves to follow me anymore. This quest is over. Smaug will stay in the mountains' shadow, and Durin's royal line will be broken."

And with those words, Thorin ripped the key chain around his neck and tossed it to the ground.

Laurelin gasped in shock, staring at the ground and then Thorin, shaking her head. She couldn't believe her ears. Whatever she had imagined Thorin would say, this wasn't it. It hadn't even crossed her mind as a possibility. Laurelin stared in awe at the dwarf king, shocked to see his precious key abandoned to the ground. She had known that Thorin was an honourable dwarf that took his responsibilities seriously, but this was...this was _unbelievable_. Even in her wildest dreams she hadn't considered the possiblity that Thorin would do something as radical as abandoning the quest that he had planned for years, that the revenge he had lived for was suddenly taken from him in a blink of an eye. She had never expected this and she would never ask this from him. Laurelin could be stubborn, but she wasn't selfish. Her feelings for him were too strong - she knew that this quest meant everything to Thorin, it was something he had been ready to die for.

She had no right to take it away, and she certainly wasn't going to.

-You're...you can't do that." Laurelin stuttered.

Thorin gave her a dry, defeated look. -Do not tell me what I can and can not do."

She blinked, and the cold reply made her irritation spark again. She pushed the shock aside and took one step closer.

-For starters, Thorin Oakenshield, stop calling me a child! My life won't be as long as yours and your kin's, so comparing your age to mine is not relevant. And secondly, you haven't used me. The very thought of it insults me. You did not abuse me. You did not take me by force. _I_ came to you. I would have said no if I had wanted you to stop. I could have walked away, and I had the chance to do that. I didn't. I let you to touch me, and I wanted it, I wanted_ you_, and I let you to do it. Unlike you, I don't regret that night, even if I wish that the result wasn't this. So don't treat me like a fragile, mindless child, because I'm not like that at all."

Laurelin could feel her heart beating loudly against her ribcage, but she wasn't finished yet. Thorin was staring at her with an odd look in his face.  
-And thirdly, I don't see why this makes you any less of a king than you are now. You are of Durin's line, and you're their king." She shook her head, pointing her hand towards their camp.  
-They will follow you until the end, and they would die for you in a heartbeat. Did Balin abandon you even if he knows of our night together or about the child growing inside me? No. If I was to told them all right now, I don't think any of them would turn their backs on you. You're a king but you're heart or body isn't made of stone. What you did with me doesn't take away your honour or your kingship. It doesn't disgrace your father or grandfather, and it doesn't right the wrongs that have been done to your family. What happened between us has absolutely nothing to do with them."

When she finally was finished, she was quite proud of her own words, but Thorin didn't look convinced at all. He shook his head bitterly.

-Do you think I have a say in this?" he breathed out. -You do not realize the extent of this crime. You don't know the dwarven ways. You don't know anything. We are honourable. We do_ not_ touch what isn't ours. You were not mine that night and you're not mine now. That child is nothing but of a bastard, but it still is first heir to the throne."

Laurelin shrugged. - Then disown it." she said coldly.

Thorin quirked an eyebrow. -What are you saying?"

Laurelin felt how her eyes started to burn. -Disown it. Or better yet, just escort me through the forest and I will go to Esgaroth until the child is due. I will give birth there and leave, and you will never hear of me or the child again. You can go and reclaim your throne and forget that me, our night together or this child ever existed."

Thorin looked genuinely surprised now. He gaped at her, unable to form words.

Laurelin grit her teeth. -I wouldn't have told you at all, Thorin, if I had had somewhere to go. If there was any proper city or town somewhere near, I would have gone there and raised this child alone and in secrecy."

She clenched her hands into fists. -You have made me feel like a nuisance and a burden ever since this quest began. And you said that sleeping with me was a mistake, that you were consumed by madness, lust and the ale, that it had absolutely nothing to do with me. That is how you disgraced me, Thorin Oakenshield, by claiming I was just a drunken lay. I don't care about your royal line or big words. I don't care about your high moralities and your perished relatives. All I cared about was you. All I wanted was you, no matter how much I detested you and how hard I tried to hate you. I couldn't. When Azog attacked you, I could have ripped that orc to pieces with my bare hands because I love you, Thorin Oakenshield, yes, you heard me, I love you and I wanted you that night and I still do. I'm not sorry that we slept together. I'm not sorry that your pride is wounded. I'm not even sorry that I joined this quest. No. I'm sorry that after all this time, I still thought you cared about me at least a little."

One tear escaped the corner of her eye, but she ignored it. -You are a cruel man, and I was right that day when I told you that your heart equals Smaug's in its coldness. I'm only going to stay with this company as long as we got through Mirkwood. Then I'm going to Esgaroth, giving birth to this child and then you will never, ever, hear of me again!"

And with those words, she turned on her heels and stomped towards the camp. Tears finally leaked out and streamed down her face, but she refused to let Thorin to see them.

She went to sleep without saying a word to anyone, and no one asked her anything. She laid there, alone and miserable, awake until the camp got quiet. When her tears finally dried, she blamed herself for falling in love with the cold king. Thorin could only love gold, diamonds and his moralities.

He had no place in his heart for her or their small child growing inside of her. She was now sure of that.


	12. Chapter 12

Unsurprisingly, Laurelin was awakened by the morning sickess. The nausea that gripped her was even more intense than usual, and she staggered up weakly. Biting her lip and holding her breath, she quickly walked away from the camp, passing the others - and Thorin - without looking at anyone. The landscape swam slightly in her eyes and she felt colour draining from her face.

Cursing in her mind, Laurelin continued to walk anyway.

Once she got past some rocks and bushes and she and was certain that she couldn't be seen or head, she vomited, feeling dizzy. She laid a hand over her stomach, wondering if the child had Thorin's temper when it was making her feel so bad all the time.

But then another wave of nausea gripped her and she vomited again, shaking and taking an irony grip from a tree not to pass out or fall.

When it finally stopped, Laurelin stayed like that, hunched, feeling faint and miserable. She had to make sure she wasn't going to be sick for the third time, and she knew she'd fall if she tried to walk right now.

For a few moment, she just breathed in and out, eyes closed.

Soft footsteps caught her attention and she muttered startled curses under her breath. But no matter how hard she tried, she couldn't just pretend that she was alright - so she stayed in her place instead. If someone from the company had seen her, then so be it. Laurelin could always lie that she had eaten something unfitting. But right now she was feeling too sick to care.

Laurelin heard someone stopping near her, and when she finally felt steady enough, she looked up.

For her surprise, she saw Thorin standing there with a worried and alien look on his face.

Laurelin's face hardened and she glared at him, gritting her teeth in anger. All of her hurt feelings rushed back to her instantly. She took a deep breath and huffed despisingly.

-Did you come to mock me?" she asked with a hoarse voice. -Or did you come here to watch this? Because you're making me as sick as your seed is." she spat.

Thorin looked at her with an unreadable but partly soft expression. In the daylight he looked even more handsome than ever. She dropped her head when another wave of nausea washed over her.

Laurelin whimpered and placed a hand over her stomach once again, breathing irregularly until she vomited again. She had barely anything left, so fortunately it was over fast. She couldn't help but to moan, squeezing her eyes tightly shut.

She startled when she suddenly felt a hand on her shoulder. Laurelin gasped and looked up through her hair, seeing Thorin beside her. She had to narrow her eyes because the sun shining right behind him made her feel even dizzier and she took a stuttering breath and took more support from the tree.

Thorin's strong and steady arm took a careful grip underneath her armpit.

Her ears were ringing and she would have brushed him off and snarled at him if she had the strength.

But Thorin supported her until the world around her settled and the dizziness passed. He didn't say anything, just stood there beside her. After some time, Laurelin swallowed, wiped her mouth and slowly straightened herself up.

She felt drained and tired and her eyelids felt heavy, and Laurelin had no choice but to lean on Thorin as they walked away from the trees, stopping after a few metres.

She hated herself for being so weak, like she was a swooning girl, but couldn't make it all stop by will. After they had left Beorn's house, her symptoms like the morning sickness had grown worse.

But now as Laurelin started slowly feeling a bit better, she realized that Thorin arm was still supporting her. He held her unbelievably gently. His touch seemed warm against her skin. When Laurelin finally felt steady enough to look up, Thorin's mesmerizing blue eyes locked with hers. His face was suddenly so close, and she hadn't been this close to him since...since that night.

And no matter how Laurelin had already decided to hate him and forget him, her heart flared up in flames again. Laurelin stared at Thorin, trying to remind herself how harsh and cold the dwarf king's words and behaviour had been earlier. How insignificant and small he had made her feel. She tried to remind herself how much she should despise him, only to find herself unable to. Thorin's face was once again unreadable. He looked serious and for long seconds they just stared at each other. Then she felt something tugging her arm.

She looked down and saw a water bottle in his hands. Laurelin looked at it in surprise and took it gratefully, taking a long, thirsty sip. The water cooled her down and made the awful taste wash away from her mouth. It made her eyesight sharpen and the churning in her stomach lessened. Laurelin felt instantly better.

Then she closed the bottle and gave it back to Thorin. -Thank you." she said, barely audible, and shivered when their fingers touched against the water bottle.

The moment was fragile and quiet, but his silent help had made her feel a lot better. The simple gesture of being there with her and making sure she was alright seemed odd and so unlike Thorin.

Laurelin's eyes flickered back to Thorin's. The dwarf king was studying her face carefully, taking in details.

He still hadn't said a word to her.

She still wanted him, Laurelin realized. She still loved him. She still earned for his touch. The thought irritated her, and she remembered his harsh words from the night before. They made her step back and drop her gaze.

Without saying anything, she pulled her hand away, turned around and headed back to the camp.

She placed her hand against her stomach. She could feel the tiny bump there, even if it would take a long time that it would be visible.

She had loosened the corset around her stomach so it wasn't squeezing her belly, but her breasts were getting quickly somewhat enormous compared to their previous size. They were also rather sore to touch, so she had no other choice but the keep the corset on, no matter how much her breasts stood out of it, because the tight grip protected them from moving while she was riding or walking.

She wondered if Thorin had noticed. Whether he had felt the urge to touch her again at all.

But then she reminded herself that it wasn't possible.

Laurelin straightened her back and walked back to camp in silence, not looking back even once.

* * *

It was later that day when Bilbo told her the company was going to camp there for another night. She had asked the hobbit why, but Bilbo didn't know, only that it was because of Thorin's command.

Anger had stirred inside of her once again. She wasn't going to let Thorin call of the stupid quest, not if it was the last thing she did.

At least there was something helping to occupy her mind meanwhile. Fortunately Laurelin managed to smile and laugh after such a long time. She spent time with the others again. The sharpest shock of getting pregnant had already faded out, and she had accepted it. This was what fate had thrown her. Laurelin didn't have any good reason to brood and isolate herself anymore. She was going to give birth to the child and that was that. So she laughed and talked with Bilbo and the dwarves. She joined their chores and shared jokes and stories, and they all seemed happy that things seemed to have gone back to normal.

Laurelin felt more relaxed than she had in weeks. She had told Thorin the truth - and they had agreed that she was going to give birth to the child. So, all she had to do was get to Esgaroth now, but it didn't mean she had to suffer the rest of the journey. Thorin's child inside her seemed to enjoy torturing her with cravings and nausea enough, and she already wondered if the child would be anything like him.

Only Thorin's threat to call off the quest was bothering her.

* * *

It was a few hours before nightfall when Balin sat next to her. She was sitting on the edge of their camp, mending some clothes. Balin gave her a warm smile.

-If you don't want to talk about it, young one, it's fine. But if you do, I'm right here." the old dwarf said to her.

She gave him a touched, bright smile. -Thank you." she said, truly grateful that the sweet old dwarf was so nice and caring to her.

Laurelin watched as Balin took a better position and leant back. There weren't anyone on their earshot, and she hesitated. Balin just took a shirt from the ground and started mending it without saying anything.

Balin did his work in silence. -I would only like to know how are you feeling?" he asked, without looking up.

Laurelin shrugged. -The morning sickness is bad. Everything else I can handle." she said quietly.

They both had lowered their voices.

Balin nodded and continued. It was this warm, understanding presence of the old dwarf that made her talk in the end.

-Has...has Thorin said anything to you?" Laurelin asked carefully.

Balin sighed. -Yes, he has, though not much." He turned to her. -He wanted to know how I had found out. He also asked me if there was any record of this kind of child from earlier times, half-dwarf and half-human, but I told him that there wasn't any that I knew of."

Laurelin nodded.

Balin eyed her. -And then he asked whether the child could put your life in danger."

She raised her eyebrow. -Why?"

Balin shrugged. -He seemed just worried. Listen, Laurelin, the situation isn't an easy one to Thorin, and he was acting very strangely this whole morning. I think you are already aware how many rules this...this whole situation is breaking. Thorin is a proud man and I don't think he has forgiven himself."

Laurelin blinked in surprise. -Forgive himself? Why would he need to?"

Balin's eyes were gentle. -There are certain things you don't know about the dwarven traditions, Laurelin. In Thorin's opinion, he has committed a crime-like deed. He thinks he has disgraced his whole bloodline and robbed your honour. These things rarely ever happen among our kin, and the few times that it has, the persons involved usually banish themselves from the community of the dwarves and they are never seen again. Their family name and rights are also taken away from them. Their family and relatives never mention their name again. It's worse fate than death in a way, because their whole existence on Middle-Earth will be wiped away. You see, Laurelin, the shame is too horrible for them to bear. Some of them have even taken their own lives."

Laurelin's eyes widened and she felt a slight lump forming to her throat. Suddenly the true extent of Thorin's plight and shame was starting to become clear to her. She hadn't even stopped to think that their shared night could have so catastrophic consequences.

There was a bleak silence between them for a moment.

Balin swallowed. -But Thorin is our king and royalty, so he feels responsible for his people. He feels like he has betrayed them all now, even his own kin, that his actions were selfish and reckless. And he also thinks he has doomed you to a disgraced life. Thorin sees it this way - touching you without a claim is almost as bad as if he had tried to kill you."

Laurelin just stared at Balin, mouth open, almost unable to believe her ears.

-You see, young one, that there are many rules and boundaries that you are not aware of, but within our kin they are very important. But I can see that sorrow in your heart, Laurelin, and how strong feelings you have for Thorin, and I pity you for that. But there is one thing I'm sure of - Thorin wouldn't have touched you if he truly hadn't wanted it. In his own opinion, he has destroyed everything because of that one night. He may call that urge and lust with different names of madness, but do not be tricked by it - the madness that drove you both to this has another name entirely, and it isn't an ugly one."

And with those words, Balin stood up.

Laurelin was left to stare after him, and suddenly Thorin's earlier words and devastation made so much more sense to her.

She finally realized how far-fetched and fatal the consequences of just one night could be for him. Laurelin had thought that Thorin had been angry at her, or that he hated her with burning passion, but now she was starting to understand. Thorin had wanted her so badly that it had made him forget everything he was taught. He had slept with her, even if the punishment of such act could be grim and ruthless among his own kin.

And now Laurelin also realized that Thorin's anger was pointed towards himself. Thorin felt guilty for touching her, for 'disgracing' her and robbing her honour. He felt guilty that he had impregnated her and doomed her to a life-long shame. And he had hated himself for breaking the sacred laws and traditions, for laying his hands on her without a claim.

Suddenly she remembered Thorin's words clearly:

_"Do you think I have a say in this? You do not realize the extent of this crime. You don't know the dwarven ways. You don't know anything. We are honourable. We do _not_ touch what isn't ours. You were not mine that night and you're not mine now."_

Suddenly Laurelin's heart filled with sympathy. Thorin had wanted her. It hadn't been just a drunken impulse, or a passing moment of madness. Those things would have never driven Thorin so far. He had wanted her so fiercely that it had made everything else meaningless. She could suddenly remember how aroused Thorin had been, how hungry, how passionate. Had Thorin, too, dreamed of her in the long, cold nights? Had he wondered how her body felt and looked like? Did he felt the same fire burning in his chest when their eyes met or they stood close to each other?

Laurelin squeezed her eyes shut.

Yes. The answer had to be yes.

This yearning and passion, it was two-sided. Laurelin swallowed hard. She was oddly happy to know that the child inside her had been conceived with feelings attached. It made it easier to bare.

Now she knew why Thorin had called it a mistake. It_ had_ been a horrible mistake for him in a certain way, she understood it now. Suddenly her earlier cold rage and hate died down a little. After all, Thorin had been so tender earlier in the morning, following her to the forest and helping her.

It must have taken a lot from him to do that, now that she thought about it.

But it still didn't change the fact that she was pregnant and Thorin was so obsessed about loyalty and honour, that he was ready to abandon this quest because of it.

Laurelin wondered if she could slip away from the camp on her own and save Thorin from the trouble of making the decision. But she also remembered the orc packs and the wargs scouting the lands, and she knew they would catch up to her sooner or later.

And knowing Thorin, the stubborn dwarf would try to find her anyway.

Leaving wasn't an option.

* * *

In the end, Thorin made them stay put for days. Days that soon became a week.

Laurelin had the time to think things through, and her anger faded slowly but surely. Every morning she rushed to the forest as the morning sickness gripped her, and every day Thorin followed her and made sure she got through it.

He never said anything, though. And Laurelin couldn't come up with anything to say, either, even if she was grateful for his help and the true seriousness of the situation had dawned on her.

Laurelin was starting to feel that Thorin would take the responsibility of the child, even if he didn't really want it.

But as Thorin kept a steadying hand on her, she couldn't ignore her underlying feeling and lust for him. She caught him looking at her body once or twice, and he looked guilty and self-loathing every time. Laurelin knew for sure now that Thorin was drawn to her, too.

She was now almost eight weeks pregnant. Two months. There were only five months left. So she was practically on her fourth month in the human calendar.

And whether she liked it or not, the tiny bump in her stomach was growing. The pace was starting to intimidate her. The child was definitely growing in the dwarven speed, because normally she wouldn't have had to worry about her condition showing anytime soon.

Now, she had a bump that couldn't be seen yet through clothes but she looked like she had gained some weight and if she placed her hands on her stomach, she could feel the difference right away. Tight clothes might have revealed her already.

She wondered how big she was going to end up like. Enormous if this pace was anything to go by.

But it wasn't really the thing that bothered her.

It was the fact that their journey had stopped for now.

She had no idea why they were still staying on the edge of Mirkwood when time really wasn't on her side right now. While she understood Thorin's inner turmoil better, it didn't change the fact that she had confessed her feelings for him and that he had acted so coldly towards her.

The others were growing restless, too. They started asking questions that even Balin couldn't stop from flooding, and after a week of camping, Thorin needed to make a decision.

For Laurelin's surprise, Thorin announced to them all that they would continue their quest. She secretly sighed in relief, feeling grateful that Thorin had enough brains not to call it all off now.

* * *

The next day, they entered the forest.

Before they started walking, Balin came to Laurelin and took almost the half of her things and left her backpack half empty and light to carry.

-I've heard that it's not good for you to carry heavy things right now." the old dwarf said without asking her opinion, and left with his arms full of her things. Later she spotted some of them on Dwalin's back and on several other places. She already liked Balin very much - the old dwarf had quickly become her trusted friend and advisor, and this small act of kindness just made her to like him even more.

So, Laurelin and the others continued on foot. The forest was dark and uninviting, and more than once she wondered whether it was mistake to enter it at all. But the first few days were alright, as there was a lot of light and animals still around them.

But there was something off about Mirkwood, even if she didn't know what it was. The others sensed it too.

As days crawled by, Laurelin kept glancing at the others - they didn't seem to throw curious or knowing glances at her. They didn't know.

But she was also aware of the tiny bump beneath her clothes that would keep on growing and growing.

Thorin hadn't said anything to her in days. His silence bothered her, but there wasn't much she could do about it.

The bleak forest around them made everyone moody.

-How long will it take us to the other side of the forest?" Laurelin finally asked from Bofur.

-Well, lass, if we're lucky, then we'll probably get there in about five weeks." the dwarf asked cheerily, like it was good news.

Laurelin, however, bit her lip and counted the days in her head. Maybe, just maybe, she wouldn't have to tell the others about her condition before they got to Esgaroth.

She thanked Bofur politely and kept walking in silence.


	13. Chapter 13

**AUTHOR'S NOTE**

Hey, I'm so happy that so many people have followed this story and given me reviews! :) They all give me so much energy to write this forward. Please keep them coming! As a thank you, I made this chapter a little longer.

Someone also asked what am I going to do about the ending - whether Thorin or the others will survive this quest. Well, I'm so evil that I'm not going to tell you what I'm going to do about the ending. I have it planned, though, but you'll just have to read and see what's going to happen. :D

Please review!

**Warning:** Chapter content

* * *

Mirkwood was a dark and unpleasant place, that turned everyone sour and edgy. The company continued walking nonetheless.

Fortunately Laurelin's morning sickness started to easen slowly. While she was very happy about it, it also reminded her that the child was growing.

After a week, they had traveled far to the forest. Thorin hadn't talked to Laurelin in weeks. The others might have noticed the odd change of behaviour between the two of them if it wasn't for the unsettling forest around them. Mirkwood made everyone restless and quiet, and they rarely talked loudly or dared to sing.

So it took Laurelin by surprise when one day, just when the others had set up a camp, Thorin came to her all of a sudden. The dwarf king eyed her warily, and asked to speak to her in private. Laurelin almost refused to talk to him, but she was afraid to draw attention to them if she did. And she couldn't deny that she wasn't curious to hear what he had to say.

So, she obediently walked after Thorin a little away from their camp. They couldn't go too far and Beorn and Gandalf have warned them not to leave the main road, because the forest was tricky and dim all the time, and even if it was midday, there wasn't a lot of light. The ancient, giant trees and roots fortunately gave them shelter from curious glances and ears.

When Thorin finally stopped, Laurelin crossed her arms and stood still. She could still remember all the harsh words he had said very clearly - they were fresh and raw in her mind, despite the fact that she understood Thorin's side of the situation now, too.

Laurelin didn't say anything, just waited.

Thorin looked awkward and troubled. -I...I wanted to ask you something." he said finally with a quiet voice.

She just tilted her head expectantly.

Thorin eyed her, taking in details. Laurelin had to bit her lip as his blue eyes swept over her, and she ignored the restless emotions that stirred inside her. Thorin's eyes stopped over her middle and Laurelin sighed.

-How...how is..." Thorin stuttered and then gestured at her stomach distantly.

Laurelin took a deep breath. -Fine. Everything seems to be fine." she answered.

Thorin shifted his weight and looked like he had to force himself to ask the questions. -And...you?"

Laurelin quirked an eyebrow. -Me? What about me?"

Thorin usually talked quickly and with a rich vocabulary, but now he seemed like a stuttering dwarfling. He looked at her with slight desperation flashing in his eyes.

-I mean, how are you feeling?" Thorin said with a clenched jaw.

Laurelin shrugged. -Well,_ pregnant_." she retorted dryly and shifted her weight. When Thorin still didn't show any signs of irritation and anger, and ended up looking uncertain and troubled, Laurelin felt suddenly bad for treating him so coldly. He was concerned about her and the child after all, and tried to act responsibly. She was being unfair.

Laurelin sighed and changed her tone into a softer one. -The morning sickness has almost stopped already. I haven't felt light-headed lately at all. " she explained.

Thorin nodded and hesitated, like he had no idea what to say. -...Good." he finally stated.

He hovered there, like unable to decide whether the conversation was over or not. Thorin glanced towards the direction of their camp and then back to her. His pose was stiff and he looked restless.  
Laurelin studied him, sympathy filling her. Balin had been right when he had said that the situation wasn't an easy one for Thorin. She could see different emotions crossing Thorin's face, even if he tried to hide them.

They had been avoiding each other for weeks. They hadn't talked. Yet all of the unspoken words and the tension was still lingering between them.

A distant pain stung Laurelin's heart. -Be honest with me, Thorin." she finally said aloud quietly. -I'm going to ask you something, and I want you to tell me the truth." she said, and stepped closer.

Thorin took a quick breath, clearly confused how to respond. Laurelin locked eyes with him, and Thorin looked like he was going to argue.

-You owe me that at least." she demanded. After a moment of silence, Thorin nodded reluctantly.

Laurelin took a nervous breath. -That night...that night we shared. When I came to you...was it really a fit of madness that struck you?"

Thorin's eyes widened and he blinked, eyes suddenly flickering away from her. He clearly hadn't expected that question, and was caught off guard. Laurelin waited, shifting her weight nervously.

The old forest around them seemed suffocating.

-We shouldn't discuss this matter." Thorin said with a thick voice, avoiding her eyes.

Laurelin shook her head. -Yes we should. I want to know. I _need _to know. And you owe me the truth, Thorin."

The dwarf king squirmed a little in his spot and was quiet so long that Laurelin was certain that he wouldn't answer. But then, head turned away, Thorin mumbled:

-No."

-What?"

-It wasn't a fit of passing madness. Or the ale." Thorin said with a hoarse voice. His face was slightly pained now. -They are the excuses I told myself when the shame was too great to bear. That lust wasn't born that night. It had followed me from some time already, growing worse all the time. The ale just made me careless of how wrong it was to want it. I called it madness because nothing else can truly describe the insane lust that took over me."

Laurelin held her breath. She stared at him with weak hope and wonder. Thorin turned to look at her, and his face was twisted in desperation.

-I couldn't understand what enchantment was upon me. Never before have I wanted something so badly and madly. Never before have my emotions muddled my mind and taken over me like a possession. There have been many that I've felt drawn to over the years, but this time it was different. This burn, it consumed my dreams and my heart, clinging into my thoughts like an iron lock, never leaving me alone. Day and night it followed me. Day and night it screamed for you, poor human, someone who is not even of my kin. And that night it became too much, and the burn turned into insanity and I touched you even if it wasn't my right, and it all just fed my hunger and it overflew."

His words made her shiver, because Balin had been right. She had been right. Thorin_ had _wanted her. Relief and happiness sparked in her heart, because even if Thorin's voice was laced with despair, to her the words sounded beautiful.

Laurelin swallowed hard and let out the breath she was holding. It felt like a bloody needle was suddenly drawn out of her heart, like a raw wound had suddenly closed. The weight of shame and doubt fell from her shoulders, and Laurelin looked at the dwarf king with mixed feelings of relief and uncertainty. They both had feelings for each other. Or at least there had been before. What about now?  
Thorin looked defeated and tired, like the confession had made him remember all the shame he was feeling.

-And what about now?" Laurelin asked with an unsteady voice. -Has this burn left you? Has it left you alone now?"

The few quiet seconds felt the longest of her life.

Thorin gasped quietly, and looked away again. Through gritted teeth, he said: -No. It hasn't left me. It only grew worse after that night. I know it's wrong, Mahal help me, and as much as I hate myself for it, this sick burn doesn't let me go. It keeps consuming me, as if I hadn't destroyed enough. As if I hadn't behaved recklessly enough already. I don't know how or why, but even the thought of that night lights up that burn in flames."

Laurelin took in a shuddering breath, a hot wave washing through her. Suddenly her heart started to take pace, and soon it was thundering in her ears. Thorin's pained words mended her wounded pride and made all of their earlier conversations lose their meanings. He still wanted her, felt something for her. The pain from his earlier rejections lost their sharpness. Laurelin stepped closer to Thorin and tilted her head, lowering her voice into a whisper.

-Then it makes two of us."

Thorin looked up, startled and eyes wide. His breathing hitched and he took a step back, only to be stopped by a tree. Laurelin took one small step forward, and Thorin was now left between her and the tree, their bodies suddenly very close. The air between them electrified. Laurelin distantly realized her breathing quickened and his eyes slipped to her front again, sweeping over her quickly grown breasts. Thorin let out a suffocated breath and squeezed his eyes shut, mumbling something in khuzdul.

Laurelin felt the familiar heat rushing through her.

She didn't understand how her emotions for this one dwarf king could make the rest of the world seem so meaningless and unimportant. She didn't understand how she could be physically so drawn to anyone, like he was a magnet, like she was a moth next to a flame.

Suddenly they both had forgotten the dim forest around themselves, the only thing they could see was each other.

Laurelin lifted her hand carefully and pushed a strand of Thorin's hair to the side. The touch was delicate - small and careful, but Thorin didn't stop her. His breathing was troubled and his jaw was clenched. No matter how solemnly she had promised herself that she didn't care about him anymore, her emotions took over her.

Laurelin swallowed. -You are a good king and a leader, Thorin. You should not feel ashamed because of what happened. I wanted it as badly as you, and it doesn't take away your honour or mine. Punishing yourself about it won't help anyone. No one needs to know about my condition. When we get to Esgaroth, I'll be gone. But for the time being, I don't see any purpose in self-loathing and shame."

And slowly, she closed the remaining gap between them, her body ghosting against his. A shiver went through Thorin and he stiffened, his eyelids flickering and breathing coming out in deep gasps. But he didn't step away.

-No." Thorin said, but his voice lacked power. It was more like a plea. He glanced at her, his eyes instantly dropping to her lips. Then Thorin shook his head fiercely.  
-No, I can't...I shouldn't..." he mumbled to himself and cursed quietly in khuzdul. But he didn't push her away. And Laurelin didn't move. She was almost shaking now, their close proximity making her skin burn and tingle. Thorin opened his eyes and clearly tried everything to look away from her, but couldn't.

Laurelin placed her hand gently on his chest, the heat and lust getting unbearable. She carefully leant a bit more against him. The gesture made both her breasts and stomach come in contact with Thorin's body. She could feel the tiny bump in her stomach but it didn't bother her at all. She had made her peace with the situation. But her breasts stood out even more now, and as she was just a little taller than him, Thorin's head was mercilessly close to them.

Thorin whimpered, flickering his eyes. -Stop. This needs to...it can't..." he mumbled, but his deep voice was hoarse and unsteady.

Laurelin tilted her head and her hot breathing brushed Thorin's cheek.

-Why not?" she whispered. -Even if you still think the ridiculous things like my honour has been 'ruined', it _has_ been ruined already. This...this can't do any more damage to us. This can't do any harm. Why could it be so wrong? "  
She let out a quiet, amused huff. -And I can't get any more pregnant than this, can I?"

Thorin let out a barely audible moan, and his hands hovered mid-air, as if he was torn between pushing her to the side or pulling her closer. Laurelin felt like she could explode. She realized that the thought of carrying a child and giving birth to it wasn't bothering her anymore. She had come to the terms with it. All she wanted was this.

All of her previous doubts and fears forgotten, Laurelin locked eyes with Thorin.

She smiled teasingly. -But of course you can go ahead and try." she whispered.

She knew that Thorin wanted this. He wanted it as badly as her. They both wanted it. She was already pregnant, so the situation couldn't get any worse even if they did it again. Thorin let out suffocated sounds. His pupils were dilated and he looked torn between different emotions.

Laurelin bit her lip.

-Do you want me to stop?" she asked. -Do you want me to leave?"

Thorin swallowed, staring at her.

-If you say no, I will stop." Laurelin said gently, giving him the option to back away.

Thorin squeezed his eyes shut for a moment. -I don't want you to stop." he hissed, like he was angry at himself.

Laurelin let out a careful breath and flashed a small smile.

Thorin shook his head weakly. -But it's wrong. I can't...I can't be so selfish." he mumbled through gritted teeth, blinking hard. He panted and looked at her with desperation. Slowly he lifted his hand and very lightly, he let a strand of her dark hair slide through his fingers, barely touching it at all. Thorin's hand was shaking.

-You are not mine." he whispered without looking at her, distant sorrow twisting his face. -I can't commit such a crime against you again."

Laurelin felt a rush of affection and looked at him with empathy and heat. -I don't care. I have never wanted anything as badly as this. And I see it in your eyes, too. How can this be wrong?"

Thorin's jaw tightened. -You don't understand..."

-Yes, I do." Laurelin cut in, voice passionate. -Balin told me about it. I do understand how you see the situation. I really do. But I don't share your views- it was my choice. I wanted it then, and I want it now. I don't want you to feel guilty for something that isn't wrong."

Thorin looked at her, eyes vulnerable -The shame is already heavy on my shoulders. I can't do any more damage-..."

But then Laurelin silenced him by kissing him. Thorin let out a surprised gasp as their lips met, but Laurelin didn't push it. She placed soft kisses to his lips, and then tilted her head and let her face brush his cheek, her hot breathing tickling his ear, and wet lips slide ghostily against his neck.

All of her movements were gentle, light and slow, signalling that she could stop if he only told her to.

Thorin held his breath and kept quiet. Laurelin buried her hand into his hair and took a gentle grip of it, pushing her body lightly against his.

-If you want me to stop..." she started whispering, but Thorin's hand curling around her waist made her voice fade.

Laurelin gasped and smiled, kissing his neck while Thorin's other hand slided carefully against her side, mixing into her hair. She could feel his arousal through the clothes, making her shiver against him.

Thorin let out another strenghtless curse in khuzdul before something cracked in his façade and self-composure, and his lips searched hungrily for hers. Then his strong arms were all around her and suddenly the hot dizzy rush took them both.

* * *

If their shared night had been full of hunger and passion, it was nothing compared to this. Their need for each other was almost desperate, after such a long time of thick tension and long glances. It was like they were trying to outrun the previous hurt and harsh words, trying to forget the outside world, and clinging into each other before it could all caught up with them again.

In the dim light, they started pulling their clothes off, their movements rough and shivering. She took a tighter grip of his hair and kissed his neck and collarbone, licking and biting and sucking until he moaned in delight.

All coherent thoughts were suddenly miles away from them, it was like an enchantment had fallen over them both.

Soon he had lifted her skirt and he had opened his pants, both sliding to the soft grass. There weren't any bonfire or furs this time, but they didn't even notice.

He was rock hard when she kissed him and she whimpered when Thorin caressed her breasts and kissed them, and her legs already felt like they were on fire.

Gently, he entered her and her head fell against his shoulder when he did. Thorin let out a deep, rumbling moan that vibrated in her. Then he began to thrust, and they were both moaning and whimpering, kissing and biting. Their eyes met, and they were fiery, pupils dilated and their mutual attraction going up in flames, and in that moment they were one, not knowing where the other one's body ended and their own began.

Thorin's hand traveled down her thigh and caressed it, until it slided between her legs and started rubbing. She saw stars in her eyes and it all felt even better than the first time.

She whispered his name and he kissed her, his movement laced with distant desperation, like he should stop but just couldn't bring himself to think about any of it. The familiar pressure started to grow between her legs and she leant forward, taking control. This time she made Thorin to lay on the ground while she rode him.

There was no doubt who was in control now. Thorin spasmed and moaned on the ground, eyes flickering and his wet lips forming her name again and again.

She came but she didn't stop, instead she kept going until Thorin was almost screaming, and when he finally came inside her, she took in every detail of his face full of delight and spasms of pleasure.

This what they both wanted.

How could it be so wrong?

It felt so right.

Thorin panted, eyes closed. The dark forest around them was quiet. The light was very dim. Laurelin briefly wondered if the others had noticed they were gone - but none of them dared to disturb them, fortunately.

Finally Thorin cracked his eyes open, trying to catch his breath, but Laurelin just smiled. She was still sitting on top of him, and he was still inside of her. Laurelin didn't let him go, instead, she started kissing him again, and Thorin was disoriented but kept caressing her and holding her and after a moment, he felt him grow hard inside her for the second time.

She laughed against his chest and kept going, silencing him with weak kisses. Thorin's face was painted in arousal and lust, and he looked at her like she was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen. That made her shiver and let out a suffocated moan, that vibrated through them both.

-_Nazhrik_." Thorin panted out while his muscles tightened under her. _-Baraz nazhrik_!" he hissed out, and while she didn't know what it meant, she guessed a lot.

His fingers tightened around her thighs. Laurelin kept going, and after just a moment, Thorin was spasming again, hard as a rock inside of her, and she enjoyed it knowing that it would take him a bit longer this time.

He felt so good inside her, and she had never experienced anything as satisfying and wonderful as this.

She knew she wouldn't regret this. Even if she was carrying his child and she would have to suffer the pains of childbirth and people's disgrace, she didn't care. This exact moment made up for it, even if it was the last time anyone ever touched her.

He was perfect. Thorin was perfect.

_This _was perfect.

Their first night was paling in contrast to this. She rocked him mercilessly, hard, until he was squirming under her and moaning her name, his strong arms around her. She moaned into his ear and he shivered badly, calling her name like a prayer. When Laurelin noticed Thorin was getting close, she slowed down just a bit, rocking him but making sure she prolonged it. Thorin was now so hard and he shook in pleasure and arousal, that his eyes flickered angrily and his deep voice growled. Laurelin bent closer and kissed him, kissed him so passionately that he was left breathless and he squirmed like he could explode any second now, and she chuckled and rocked back and forth slowly, teasingly.

Thorin forced his eyes open and locked them with hers, and the dwarf king looked so tender. Laurelin didn't want anything more. She wanted it to last forever. She wanted to have him, over and over again, she wanted him inside of her like this.

Their hot bodies tangled together, she finally quickened her pace and Thorin cried out in pleasure. And when Thorin finally came, the spasms were so powerful that she briefly wondered if she had just managed to knock him out. Then it was over and she sighed in delight, pulling away and lying next to him, head against his chest, euphoria radiating from them both.

They stayed like that for a while, catching their breaths.

Laurelin could feel her heart thundering inside her chest. She closed her eyes and took in Thorin's scent, hands in his hair, and felt complete.

She didn't want to move from there ever again.

She was now almost ten weeks pregnant. Two months and two weeks. She knew that two or three more weeks and she would start showing. Her hand slided to her stomach. Suddenly she felt a slight pinch inside of her, and she gasped loudly.

Thorin stiffened instantly and his sudden movement made her startle.

-What is wrong?" he asked, worry shining from his voice and radiating from his face. Laurelin looked up, a bit stunned herself, and Thorin eyed her, eyes wide. She blinked and took a deep breath.

Then an uncertain smile spread to her face. -I...I think the baby just moved."

Thorin just stared at her in bewilderment.

Laurelin carefully laid back down and kept a hand on her stomach, while Thorin stayed quiet. Then she felt it again - the slight flutter, small brush inside her. She yelped in surprise.

Thorin pushed hastily himself to sit and looked at her, slight fear in his face. He eyed her frantically, clearly not knowing what to do.

-Is it...do I need to get Gloin? Does it hurt? Something must be wrong, Mahal help me if it was because of what we just did..."

Laurelin cut in quickly, grabbing Thorin's hand before he could stand up.

-No." she breathed out, smiling. She swallowed and looked at him in the eyes. -It's...fine. You can calm down. This is normal, I'm certain of it."

Thorin still looked like a startled deer, which made him look so uncharacteristically ridiculous that she would have laughed if the sensation in her stomach wouldn't have taken all her attention.

Laurelin sensed that Thorin needed to be calmed down just a little more. -I'm serious, Thorin. It doesn't hurt, I was just caught by surprise. It's the first time I've felt the baby move. It's like...a feather tickling me or a bird's wing brushing me gently. From what I know, usually the child doesn't start to move until the fourth month, but it has quickly become clear that this child inside me is growing in the dwarven pace, so I think I can consider be on the fourth month on the human calendar then."

Thorin didn't say anything, but his shoulders relaxed visibly and the tension left his body.

Laurelin caressed her stomach fondly. She couldn't bring herself to hate the child - it was a part of her and she had accepted it already. She waited a little more but the fluttering sensation was gone.

She sighed and Thorin instantly looked at her with worry. Laurelin chuckled and rolled her eyes. -Stop worrying." she said gently and pushed herself carefully to sit. The small bump in her stomach grew slightly more visible now and Thorin's eyes slided to it.

Laurelin suddenly felt nervous, because the passion had already faded and their lust had been satisfied for the time being. The atmosphere started to change and Thorin's jaw tightened. He looked away, irritation taking a hold of his face.

Laurelin felt how the blood in her veins turned cold.

-By Mahal." Thorin gritted through his teeth and shook his head, running a hand through his hair. His hand was shaking.

The dim forest seemed suddenly unwelcoming and Laurelin could see how self-loathing started to fill Thorin's face. She watched, pained, how clearly guilt took over Thorin, how irritation and shame landed on his shoulders. Soon the dwarf king was radiating anger again. The shift was sudden and sad, and it made her bit her lip. She _couldn't_ take another rejection. Not after what had just happened.

She almost wanted to punch him or slap some sense into him. She wanted to shake him and make him understand that he shouldn't dwell in self-loathing because of this.

They both got dressed in silence.

Laurelin stood up, eyeing the dwarf king carefully. Thorin's face had hardened, and his movement were sharp. She glanced back towards their camp and hovered there, unsure what she should do.

-There is no reason for self-loathing." Laurelin said with a demanding tone and Thorin froze.

After a long, tensed silence Thorin shook his head, not turning towards her.

-I shouldn't have touched you again. Now I haven't only disgraced us both once but twice." Thorin said with a tight voice.

Laurelin stepped closer. -You haven't disgraced anyone. I'm already pregnant, and that fact doesn't change, no matter how many times you touch me again. I don't really see the point in modesty while we both want it anyway."

Thorin shook his head, and suddenly punched his fist into the nearest tree. -You don't understand!" he shouted and finally turned towards her, eyes fiery.

-I shouldn't have touched you again, but I did, and it was intoxicating. This - this was perfect. I want it more, and I want it badly, but I can't..." He took a shuddering breath. -I can't commit such a crime time after time. Now I've done it twice already. If it had happened just once, it might have been forgiven, but this time I can not blame anyone but myself. I can't abuse you or my kin's laws like this."

She rolled her eyes once again. -You're not abusing me!" she shouted back, voice pitching. -And like I said, even if we did this every night, I can't get any more pregnant than this. I want it, you want it - and don't even try and deny it anymore - so what is the problem?"

Thorin shook his head fiercely. -You really don't understand it, do you?" he hissed as he shifted around restlessly.  
-I haven't told the company about my wrongs, but I can't make them turn back now. Winter is coming soon and we can't turn back, so we have to go to Esgaroth. That's why I haven't told them the truth yet."

Laurelin swallowed hard. She felt suddenly tired of fighting with Thorin. For a moment she had truly believed that he had come to his senses, that he would let go of his massive guilt already. She glanced at the camp.  
-They don't have to know. None of them do. Keep your truth to yourself, Thorin. If we travel through the forest in four or five weeks, I can hide my condition."

Thorin lifted his jaw. -That is not what I meant. The truth is that my decision still stands - we are abandoning this quest."

Laurelin's eyes widened and air got stuck to her throat.

-Excuse me?" she stuttered out, stunned.

Thorin looked proud and kingly again. -You heard me. I will lead this company to Esgaroth, and when we get there, I will tell them about my decision. I can not tolerate disobedience or disagreeing opinions right now, so I won't give them the chance to protest. If I did, it could put us all in danger and make us scatter around. I won't let that happen, I don't want any more lives or mistakes on my account. So we are going to Esgaroth, every one of us, but the quest for Erebor is over."

Laurelin stared at her in disbelief. -I thought you had come to your senses, Thorin Oakenshield! Abandoning this quest doesn't prove anything or help anyone. Or if it does, it just gives you more reasons for your self-pity. Stop whining and brooding already. If I hadn't gotten pregnant, would your reaction be so drastic? I don't think so." She shook his head. -So stop this madness and lead your company like a king and not a brooding, scared coward. Stop channeling your guilt into me. And don't you dare to deny that what we just did wasn't exactly what we both wanted. If you hadn't wanted it to happen, you could have said no."

Sparks flew between them as they glared each other. It felt incredible that just a moment ago they had been panting on the grass, their eyes tender and touches passionate. Now the tension had returned between them.

It seemed like there was a curse between them. They were both too proud and stubborn. It was as if they were constantly walking on thin ice with each other, trying to balance the anger and the lust.

Thorin looked outraged for a moment, but then his breathing evened out slowly and after a long while, he shook his head. Several emotions crossed on his face before his shoulders hunched a little. When he spoke, his voice was quiet and controlled.  
-No, I don't deny that." he admitted, but then gave her a harsh look. -But don't you ever call me a coward once again, do you hear me? I may be a lot of things, but a coward - never. Now heed my word, Laurelin. This is the last time you and me touched each other. It will never happen again, I will make sure of that. So I expect you to respect that decision and quit giving me opportunities to break my vow because it makes it harder than it already is to stay away from you."

And with those words, Thorin turned towards the camp. Laurelin bit her lips so hard that she could taste blood on her mouth. Disappointment felt like an icy fist around her heart. Her eyes burned as she watched the dwarf king in despair and fury.

She took a breath. -But..."

-This conversation is over." Thorin said demandingly and then without saying anything else, he left the clearing. She could almost hear her own heart crack somewhere deep inside her chest, the pain punching the air out fo her.

How could she love and hate someone so much at the same time?

Shocked, hurt and alone, Laurelin stared at the spot the dwarf king had just been in, and found no comfort when the child inside her moved again.


	14. Chapter 14

After that, they did not speak again in a very long time.

Laurelin avoided Thorin and Thorin avoided her. Laurelin had never been this hurt in her entire life. Her heart felt like it could crack every time she thought about their two shared nights and Thorin's insane amount of pride and self-loathing. She hated him with burning passion, and yet she missed him and still loved him, no matter how hard she tried not to. Her emotions were tearing her slowly apart, but she couldn't do anything about it. Laurelin couldn't even look at Thorin in the eyes. She feared that if she did, she would end up either shaking Thorin angrily or punching him, or then the unshed tears would leak out and all of her hidden pain would flow out.

The worst part was that the damned dwarf king had feelings for her, too, but his pride and sense of duty were stronger.

So Laurelin didn't even look at Thorin. They didn't even talk or sit next to each other.

Their journey through the forest of Mirkwood continued. As they went on, the light from the forest lessened and almost disappeared completely, and during nights they could not see anything at all.

* * *

About three weeks later, Laurelin was three months pregnant. She was getting obvious. While the morning sickness had stopped, the baby had started moving a little, and the bump in her stomach had grown. It started to stand out under her clothes, and it was the dim light of the forest that protected her secret.

They were deep in the forest. Days crawled by, and soon two weeks went by and their food started quickly running out.

Laurelin was now fourteen weeks pregnant and she was painfully aware how quickly the baby was growing. She had about four of five weeks before her condition would be purely impossible to hide, and she was starting to worry that it wouldn't be enough. Or that the dangers of this scary forest would catch up to the company sooner or later.

It was then when they got lost from the main road.

Laurelin had never been so afraid as when they were running and stumbling around on the pitch black forest and saw the lights of the elves celebrating. Later on, she couldn't really remember the whole thing really well, because she was exhausted, hungry and tired, and she wasn't fond of the memories of it.

In the end, it all happened quickly.

Suddenly the elves were gone and she was left in the darkness. The company found each other in the darkness and someone accidentally touched Laurelin's stomach and for a second she was horrified that her secret was out but all of them were too disoriented, hungry and scared to notice.

They gathered together and Laurelin put a protective hand over her stomach in the complete darkness. She slided her hand over the bump - hidden by her clothes but very soon it wouldn't be enough. And if they starved to death she wouldn't have to worry about childbirth at all.

It was then when Thorin decided to approach the elves the third time, and this time Laurelin was right behind him.

The lights went out as quickly as before, but something unnatural was present this time. Laurelin didn't have the time to think, before she was already falling.

Her knees gave in and she distantly realized she had fallen on top of Thorin before her eyesight blackened and the elves' enchantment put her to deep sleep.

* * *

The next time Laurelin woke up, she had no idea where she was. It took her a long time before she was conscious enough to notice that she was in a dungeon.

It was warm and she was lying on a soft bed, but it was an unwelcoming and a locked room nonetheless. There was food left nearby and water, and she ate it all as soon as was sure she could keep it all down.

It didn't take long from her to realize that she had been imprisoned by the elves.

She cursed under her breath, constant fear nagging at the back of her mind.

* * *

The time in the dungeon felt long and hopeless. She had no idea what had happened or where Thorin or the others was.

After long hours, elves entered her cell and despite she had always been intrigued by them, this time she hated them for trapping her there. She tried to ask them about the others, but they didn't tell her anything. Instead, they made sure she was alright and wasn't injured, and then they left.

Later Laurelin concluded that she was being held in Thranduil the Elven King's dungeons in Mirkwood. She was treated well, but Laurelin soon started to hate the locked room nonetheless.

She spent long hours sitting there in the dim light, worrying about the others. What if the rest of the company was dead? What had happened to Thorin? Where was Bilbo?

They had been all so hungry and exhausted for so many days, that they wouldn't be able to survive long in the forest. Dwarves could be strong when they needed to, but lack of food and water could kill them all sooner or later. As much as Laurelin hated to admit it, getting captured by Thranduil's men had probably saved her life. She shivered when she imagined how painful it would have been to starve to death in the horrible, dark forest.

Laurelin had a lump in her throat when she thought about the rest of the company.

She sat in her dark thoughts, filled with doubt and fear for her friends.

* * *

It took days before all of a sudden, Laurelin heard a familiar voice through the key hole.

-Laurelin?"

She was barely able to believe her ears. -Bilbo?!" she hissed, full of hope. She rushed to the door, relief sparking in her heart.

-Yes, it's me." the hobbit whispered triumphantly and they spent a moment in deep gratefulness that they were both alive.

-Are you alone? Where are the others?" Laurelin asked through the thick door.

-They're all here, in the dungeons." Bilbo answered. Laurelin let out a breath she didn't know she was holding. Huge weight was lifed from her shoulders and she felt like she could properly breath again in days. -Thorin, too?" she asked, jaw tight.

-Yes, him too." Bilbo said, and even if they couldn't see each other, she could hear the hobbit was smiling. Laurelin briefly wondered if the others had noticed something going on between her and Thorin, but she had no time to ponder on it. Instead, she let out a relieved sigh and let her forehead fall against the cell door.

-Are you alright?" Bilbo asked.

Laurelin instinctively glanced down at her stomach. The baby had been moving already, even if she had feared that the fall had damaged the child. Fortunately everything seemed to be fine.

-Yes, Bilbo, I'm fine." she said and smiled. _We both are_, she added in her mind.

-Wonderful! So everyone got out of this mess uninjured." the hobbit rejoiced before lowering his voice again.

-You and Thorin fell under some kind of a sleeping spell, it seems." Bilbo explained. -The elves took you both here, and they have interrogated Thorin about the quest. He hasn't told them anything, though, and he sent a word to everyone to keep quiet about it. Me and the rest of the dwarves ran into some trouble with spiders but everyone got out of it alive."

Laurelin nodded even if Bilbo couldn't see her. Before she could ask anything, Bilbo continued.

-I managed to stay unnoticed, and the elves don't know I sneaked into the palace. I'm trying to figure out a way to get us all out. I can't stay long because of the guards. I'll keep you informed." the hobbit said and she could hear Bilbo was about to leave.

-Bilbo!" she called hastily.

The hobbit returned. -Yes?"

Laurelin swallowed and stared hesitantly at the locked door. -Can you please tell Thorin that...That everything is fine with me." she said with an unsteady voice. She didn't know if he cared about her that much, but somehow it made her feel better to send a word to him that she and the baby were alright.

-I will tell him that. Now I have to go." Bilbo said and then he was gone.

Laurelin sat back to her bed and looked down at her stomach. In a sitting position, her belly looked round under her clothes. A small fear started to grow in her. What if they never got out of here? What if she had to give birth to the child in the dungeon?

The thought terrified her.

She pushed the panicked thoughts away and lifted her chin, deciding firmly that she wouldn't show any fear.

* * *

The days went on and turned into a week. The elves treated their prisoners well but Laurelin started to understand Thorin's bitter hatred towards them. The elves refused to talk the common language, so after some time, Laurelin stopped trying to talk at them at all. They came and go as they pleased. Laurelin always stood up before they came in or wrapped a blanket around herself. She didn't want the elves to find out that she was pregnant, even if there was a chance that they already had noticed when Thorin and her had fallen under their sleeping spell.

She was now fifteen weeks pregnant. Almost four months.

Now that Laurelin could eat properly again, she realized she had lost weight on the forest. Now when she regained it back, and it was added to the growth that the baby had caused, she started to feel very nervous indeed. It was getting harder and harder to hide her round belly.

Two or three weeks more and she would have absolute no chance of hiding her condition. She could hide it if she was standing, but when she laid down or sat, the round bump was obvious.

Of course, she had no other options but to wait. Bilbo came to talk to her almost every day, and usually the hobbit had no news, but hearing a familiar voice worked wonders for her spirits. But Laurelin did found out that Thorin had been relieved to hear that she was alright. Despite all of her hard feelings for him, she couldn't deny the information warmed her heart. At least she wasn't completely insignificant for him.

Another week crawled by. Laurelin was now four months pregnant.

In the long nights she spent in the dungeons, she had time to think about Thorin. She still wanted him as badly as before, but she was far too hurt to even play with the thought of ever talking to him again in a proper manner. It was over. It _had_ to be.

Laurelin had simply ran out of empathy for Thorin's never-ending pride. He was stubborn and too proud for his own good. Thorin's burning passion towards things was the thing that had made her fall in love with him, but it was also the very thing that had torn them apart.

She still had dreams about him. Laurelin refused to think back to their intimate moments in the forest, because as much as it pained to admit, it had been perfect. She was constantly thrown between anger and hurt emotions, and between yearning and lust.

Laurelin knew that if they got out of here somehow, they would still have to travel to the edge of forest and to Esgaroth. Their journey had been delayed by the imprisonment, and it would take weeks before they could reach Esgaroth if by some pure luck they could escape the dungeons. And by then, no extra clothes could hide her stomach.  
As much as Laurelin wanted to deny it, she had no other choice but to accept the grim fact that the company would find out about her pregnancy sooner or later. Her time was running out.

* * *

It was the third week in the dungeons when Bilbo came up with the plan with the barrels.

As soon as she heard about it, Laurelin tried to protest because she feared for the baby, but as Bilbo reasoned with her, she realized that they had no other choice and that a chance like this wouldn't come twice. They really didn't have much options right now, and Laurelin wanted to get out as soon as possible.

Reluctantly, Laurelin made Bilbo promise that she would be the last of them he would collect, and he agreed, even if he had no idea why she was so persistent on it.

She spent the remaining time restless and nervous. Every minute felt like a small eternity. When Laurelin finally heard the keys in the lock, she bit her lip. When Bilbo finally opened the door, he fortunately had no time to look at her properly.

Laurelin hurried after Bilbo in the dim corridors.

-The others are already waiting down there." the hobbit explained. Laurelin's blood ran cold. -Wait, so they're not in the barrels already?" her high-pitched voice asked.

-No, not yet, I need to return the keys first." Bilbo said, too busy to pay attention to her nervous tone.

Laurelin bit her lip, straightened her back and followed the hobbit. When she entered the room where the others were, everyone was too busy with the barrels to look at her closely. Only Thorin froze and took a long, detailed look at her. She couldn't help but to feel relieved to see the dwarf king again, and she was once again reminded how handsome he was, no matter how messy his hair was or how muddy his clothes were. Thorin's eyes swept to her stomach and Laurelin knew that she was showing. If anyone had looked at her more closely they would have noticed. Thorin's expression, however, was unreadable, and the small moment was quickly over.

Without another word, Thorin turned away again and started to fill one of the biggest barrels with everything he could find to soften it.

Balin turned to look at Laurelin worriedly, but she just flashed a weak, reassuring smile to him.

Bilbo forced them to concentrate on the task and started to put the dwarves into the barrels. Laurelin stood by nervously. One by one, the dwarves were loaded and sealed into the barrels. The air was filled with anxiety and fear for getting caught.

When everyone except Thorin, Laurelin and Bilbo were left standing there, Bilbo let out a satisfied sigh.

-The plan seems to be working for now, but we still don't have any time to waste. Now, let's get you two ready, too." the hobbit said and pointed he biggest barrel Thorin had stuffed with everything he could to make it more comfortable. Bilbo had naturally assumed that Thorin would have taken it.

Thorin, however, shook his head and walked next to the smaller barrel. It was then when Bilbo finally looked up, confused, and eyed both Laurelin and the dwarf king.

It was then when Laurelin took a shuddering breath. -I don't think it's wise for me to come with you." she said quietly. Both Bilbo and Thorin snapped their heads into her direction.

Laurelin took a calming breath, feeling nervous and self-concious. Before Bilbo had the chance to ask anything, Thorin stepped in front of her and looked demanding. -We are not leaving you behind." he said with his deep and irritated voice, and that was the first thing he had said to her since their shared night in Mirkwood.

Laurelin shook her head. -I don't think it's safe." she said tiredly.

Bilbo lifted his hands into the air, mistaking her words for fear. -There is nothing to worry about, Laurelin. I will make sure you will all get down the river safely..."

-It's not that." Laurelin cut in and the hobbit stared at her, confused. Her eyes flickered between the hobbit and Thorin, and her shoulders hunched.

-What is it then?" Bilbo squeaked out nervously and glanced at the door. The elf guards could be there any minute now.

The hobbit tried again. -Look, the elves were sleeping earlier, but I don't think they will remain that way for long. There is a big feast upstairs and..."

-It is not because of that, mister Baggins." Thorin cut in, and his voice was now low and emotionless. He stared sternly at Laurelin. -It's because she is with child." Thorin said, and Bilbo's words got stuck to his throat. They could also hear some muffled gasps inside the closed barrels.

Suddenly the room was deadly quiet.

Laurelin's eyes widened in surprise as she stared at Thorin. She couldn't believe her ears. Had he just told the truth in front of the whole company?

Pure shock was radiating in the air, even if twelve dwarves were already sealed away.

Why now? Why like this?

Lauren gritted her teeth as she stared at the dwarf king. She quickly tried to push her shock aside, constantly aware of their precious time ticking away. But she was also caught off guard by Thorin's sudden revelation, and more importantly - confused. There wasn't any going back from here. Bilbo was now staring at her with stunned face, and now the hobbit was watching her middle, realization filling his face.

It was no use in lying. The dwarves would find out sooner or later. Laurelin swallowed and her face hardened.

-Yes." she said with a tensed voice, and glared at Thorin. -I am with a child, and that is why I can't go into a barrel and spend who knows how much time in it."

There was a heavy silence in the air.

Bilbo was still too stunned to say anything, and none of the dwarves dared to interfere.

-We are not leaving you behind." Thorin repeated. -I wouldn't have asked you to do this if there was any other way to escape, but there isn't one. You'll have the biggest barrel and it is stuffed with soft things to protect you from the possible hits and bruises. It has also the only food we could find, because you need it the most right now. Now get into the barrel. Besides, these elves wouldn't treat you well when they find out we escaped."

Laurelin clenched her hands into fists because she knew he had a point. But the thought of being stuffed to the barrel for days scared her - she wasn't scared for herself but the baby. Laurelin glanced at the hobbit, but Bilbo had just paled visibly, mouth hanging open.

The clock was ticking.

-No." Laurelin finally uttered. -I can't risk it." she said and stepped backwards. -I could risk my own life, but not the child's. But do not worry, Thorin Oakenshield, I won't tell the elves anything about your quest or your escape. You can trust me at least that much."

Anger sparked in Thorin's eyes and he stepped closer. -Like I said, that is_ not_ an option. Get into the barrel, Laurelin."

She looked at him, defiant. Thorin had fierce determination in his face.

-That is an order." Thorin said with a low voice.

Laurelin just stared at him. He really had to be desperate if he started giving her orders. Laurelin shrugged and stared at Thorin coldly. -You're not my king." she hissed back.  
Her tone sounded bitter and the words seemed to hold a lot more meaning than the obvious.

Surprise and irritation crossed Thorin's face but he didn't flinch. -Maybe I am not, but you joined this quest and by doing so you accepted my authority. I will stand here as long as it takes for you to get into that barrel. If it means that the elves run in here and catch us all and drag everyone of us back to the dungeons, then so be it."

That made Laurelin gasp in surprise. She looked at Thorin with confusion - was he acting out of a principle or affection? The dwarf king crossed his arms and raised an eyebrow expectantly. Laurelin bit her lip as her buried emotions stirred inside her heart. She refused to let them resurface. The icy atmosphere hanging between her and Thorin was now obvious for anyone to see and observe.

But Bilbo seemed to have recovered from his shock and was now ushering her to obey.

-Please, Laurelin, we have no time." the poor hobbit told them. -Do as he says." he squeaked.

It was the distant sounds from the stairway that finally made up Laurelin's mind. She flickered her eyes towards it and then Thorin, who stood firmly on his sport, arms crossed. -Fine." she mumbled and turned towards the barrel.

Thorin offered his hand to her and she accepted it grimly, even if his touch seemed warm and when he let go, her skin seemed to burn where their hands had been joined.

Laurelin got into the barrel and was relieved to notice that it was indeed, quite soft and spacey. Thorin threw one, oddly caring look to her before he disappeared from her sight. Laurelin soon noticed that her round belly was starting to get into the way as she tried to find a comfortable position. Thorin and Bilbo closed her barrel and she heard distantly how Bilbo sealed Thorin, too, away.  
If Laurelin had been a dwarf, the barrel could have been big enough, but she was a human and a pregnant one, so she had to rearrange herself several times before she found a bit more comfortable position.

Silence fell over the room outside.

Very soon after, the elves came and then suddenly her barrel was being rolled towards the river.

Laurelin placed her hands against the walls of the barrel, hell-bent on keeping herself as still as possible. She would not let anything happen to the child inside of her. The hits her barrel received sent her wincing and grimacing and more than once she bumped her head, shoulder or back somewhere, but soon the barrel hit the water and she could relax. The current took quickly the barrel to its hold but unfortunately some of the water soaked through, dampening her clothes and making her shiver in cold.

The baby moved a little inside of her, and she swallowed and placed her hand on her stomach, praying that they both would make it alive to Esgaroth.


	15. Chapter 15

The barrel ride in itself wasn't that bad. It was the chilly water soaking through the wood that really made it all soon turn into a nightmare.

It didn't take long before Laurelin was shivering with cold and every muscle in her ached. She wanted nothing as badly as to stretch her limbs and straighten her back, and feel the warmth of a fire. Every minute felt long, and every hour almost like a whole day. She longed to see the sun and breathe free air. But she had no other choice but to stay still and hope her barrel wouldn't hit any rocks.

The baby inside her moved a lot now, and she wondered if the little one could feel her nervousness and plight. Laurelin swore to herself that she would personally drag Thorin from the beard if any harm came to their child because of this.

-Your father is an idiot." she mumbled as she shivered and wrapped protective arms around herself.

Soon she lost the track of time. The little food she had in the barrel with her ran out soon.

After what she concluded must have been around two days, she was so cold that she started to genuinely fear she'd freeze to death. Her clothes were partly wet or damp from the river water that had leaked in, and they had no chance to dry out. Somewhere outside, autumn was making its way to the world, making the nights chilly, too.

Before long, Laurelin cursed as she realized she was shivering with fever and her skin was burning hot, even if she felt incredibly cold and her teeth were chattering mercilessly together. All she could think about was warmth, any kind - furs, bonfires, hearths. Anything.

But there wasn't any.

After that, she was lost in feverish dreams and she floated in and out of conciousness.

Thirst started to bother her the most. There was a small water bottle in the barrel, but it had ran out long ago. She quickly felt like she couldn't swallow. She worried for the others, too, but soon her mind was too muddled to think about them. She felt sick, incredibly sick, and Laurelin had worried for the child's health at first, but right now she was starting to wonder if she was going to make it alive herself.

In her feverish state, Laurelin wondered what Thorin would do if she died. If she did, their child would die with her. Thorin could get rid of all his problems just like that. It was a grim and a bitter thought, but she was unable to think positively when she felt like she was slowly dying.

All of her panic was useless - she wouldn't be able to get out of the barrel herself. And even if she did, she was still floating in a river. No - she had to wait before Bilbo got them all out. Laurelin didn't let herself even to consider the option that their brave little hobbit had been caught, or that he had drowned. She simply couldn't afford thinking it.

So Laurelin kept shivering, eyelids flickering, praying that it would be over soon.

After what felt like an eternity, she had completely lost the track of time. Laurelin wasn't fully conscious anymore. She passed out constantly; the lack of water, food and warmth making her disoriented and sick, the small thuds alerting her a little from time to time, but then she was out again.

* * *

When they finally made it to the shore of Esgaroth, Laurelin had stopped moving and even the loud sounds of their barrels hitting each other didn't stir her awake.

Outside, Bilbo congratulated himself for managing to get the company safely to Esgaroth and away from Thranduil's dungeons. He had hastily opened the first barrel and pulled a soaking wet, dirty and weak dwarf out of it. The hobbit barely recognized him as Thorin, and it took a moment before Bilbo got anything out of the dwarf king.

When Thorin came into his senses and remembered where they were, he suddenly stumbled up and rushed to the biggest barrel he found and ordered Bilbo to help him.

-We need to get her out." he said with a hoarse voice, barely able to speak after such a long time without any water.

Laurelin, however, wasn't aware any of it. She was lost deep in fever's claws and unconsciousness. When Thorin and Bilbo finally got the barrel nearer to the shore, they opened it hastily. As Thorin laid eyes on her deathly pale form, the dwarf king let out a suffocated moan of shock, and fear was written all over his face.

For a moment, Thorin's unspoken fear hung in the air - that she was already gone.

Laurelin _was_ still alive, but too sick to feel how Thorin's badly shaking hand reached down to her neck and searched frantically for a pulse. When he found one, Thorin squeezed his eyes shut in relief. -Thank Mahal, she's still with us." he breathed out and ordered Bilbo to help him to get her out of the barrel.

Laurelin's breathing was irregular and troubled when Thorin finally got a grip of her and despite his own weak state, he lifted her up from the barrel and carried her to the shore, kneeling slowly and laying her down carefully to the sand.

When Thorin brushed her dark hair away from her face, something in Laurelin's feverish mind stirred awake, even if just by a little. She couldn't form any coherent thoughts, but she felt Thorin's presence close to her. She was just too tired to open her eyes and she couldn't even think about moving her body -it weighed like lead and she couldn't feel it anymore. Laurelin was completely numb, chilled to the bone by the cold. She was lost in the darkness.

Thorin hovered over her, eyes wide.

-Is she going to die?" Bilbo asked in horror.

Thorin's silence told more than an actual answer. He placed his hand on Laurelin's forehead which was burning hot, and Laurelin tried to open her eyes but couldn't. She was just so tired, so cold...

Thorin was studying her in despair, realizing how bad the situation was. Now that she was lying on the sand, her round stomach stood out and Thorin threw a worried glance towards it.

-Thorin, we need to get someone else out of the barrels. We need someone to get help." Bilbo reasoned. And as much as Thorin didn't want to leave her side, he stumbled after the hobbit and started pulling the other dwarves out, one by one.

When they had enough members of the company to help the rest of the trapped dwarves, Thorin barked some hasty orders and returned to the shore. Despite his own shaky state, Thorin carefully lifted Laurelin from the ground and started walking towards the city by the river.

This is how she finally entered Esgaroth.

* * *

Some hours later, the whole company was safely in Esgaroth and Thorin had spoken with their Master. They were all welcomed with open arms and festivities, but Thorin was serious and restless, fear gnawing at him every second, and he excused himself as soon as he could, quickly demanding to be let into the room they had taken Laurelin in.

Laurelin was so far away in the darkness that she didn't feel or hear anything anymore. She had been put on a bed under several blankets, and her clothes had been changed to dry ones. She was unconscious and deathly, deathly pale, and burning with fever. The healers that were tending to her were quiet as Thorin asked them whether she was going to live.

No one knew.

So, that night Thorin stayed next to Laurelin's bedside, not resting one moment.

Even if the dwarves and Bilbo knew now about the child inside of her, no one dared to ask questions. Despite their successful escape from Thranduil's dungeons, no one rejoiced. The house that had been given to them was quiet and joyless.  
Balin sat in silence when the other dwarves were whispering to each other. He knew that all of them would guess sooner or later what had happened.

Everyone knew it had be Thorin she had been with, even if no one could barely believe it to be true.

The dwarves could have been unobservant, but they weren't blind. The sparks that had flown between their king and Laurelin hadn't gone entirely unnoticed from anyone.

Balin stayed up that night, too, unable to go to sleep or rest when Laurelin's life was hanging by a thread. Even if the barrel ride had taken its toll on him more heavily than the younger dwarfs, he waited in front of the hearth to get some news.

* * *

The next morning, when Thorin finally stumbled back to the house that had been reserved for them, exhausted and on the verge of collapsing, no one dared to ask anything. Balin stood up and his eyes followed Thorin. When their king dragged his legs towards the room that Dwalin pointed to him, he opened the door and stood there for a moment.

Thorin didn't look at anyone. The room was deathly quiet and full of waiting.

-She'll live." Thorin said with a hoarse voice before stepping into the room and pulling the door closed.

The silence he left behind was deep and heavy, however.

No one looked each other in the eyes. No one said anything.

It was like the room was filled with complete strangers.

Balin quietly buried his face into his hands.

* * *

When Laurelin finally managed to grab a fraction of awareness, she had no idea where she was, what had happened or why. For a moment she expected to be back in Bree, getting up to go the Inn, but somehow, distantly, she knew that couldn't be right.

When she gained a bit more awareness, the discomfort kicked in. She felt sick, very sick, and cold. And thirsty. She was so thirsty.

She unconsciously let out a moan that came out as a breathless whimper. She didn't have the strength to open her eyes, but someone was there holding a cup to her lips and she drank it with greed.

Then she was lowered back and she was out again.

* * *

The next time Laurelin came around, she felt a lot better. After a long while, she was able to hear warm sounds around her - the rattling fire somewhere, footsteps, distant voices.

Laurelin tried to remember what had happened.

It took her a long time, but then it came back to her - the quest, Thorin, the dwarves, the Mirkwood, elves, barrels, the baby...the baby? Suddenly fear struck her. She was pregnant. She was pregnant and she remembered parts of the time she had spent in the barrel, and how he had feared for the child.

Laurelin forced herself to open her eyes, and the light stung her angrily. She let out a moan but after a while she was able to blink.

Her vision swam and it took a long while before she could fix her eyes on anything. But when she did, she saw Thorin sitting next to her bedside, and there was also someone she didn't recognize in the room, further away. Laurelin looked at the dwarf king with tired, exhausted eyes and just breathed in and out, struggling to keep awake.

She felt relief when she saw him. It was an instinct, a happiness that stirred inside her muddled mind and heart when she saw that Thorin was alive and breathing, by her side.

But Thorin looked somehow drained. Even if he was clearly looking well on the outside - his clothes were repaired and partly new, his hair washed and some of it braided, his skin clean and his body rested; looking more kingly than he had since the Bad End - he looked worried and tired. There were dark circles under his eyes, worry and shadows were written on his face.

Laurelin just looked at him, blinking slowly, and for a long while, none of them said anything. Thorin's usually stern glare was gone and now he looked distant but soft. There was this deep, masked pain in his eyes that she could see despite the effort he had done to hide it. Laurelin wanted nothing more but to wash that pain away. Thorin had lost so much already - death and bad luck had befallen on him so heavily already.

Thorin took a breath. -You're in Esgaroth." he finally said with his deep voice.

Laurelin was too tired to answer but she noted his words with relief. They were both alive and they had gotten to Esgaroth, despite all of the odds and dangers. But greater worry was bothering her - she had no strength to lift her head but she needed to know.

Laurelin tried weakly to move her hand towards her stomach but Thorin stopped her gently by placing his own hand top of hers. He clearly had understood what she had tried to do.

Laurelin looked at him, pleading. Thorin's features softened just a little, and even if he didn't smile, his lips twisted just a little.

-The child should be fine."

Laurelin let out satisfied, weak sigh and blinked tiredly. She had so many questions, but the most important ones had been answered.

The baby and Thorin were alright.

In her muddled and still feverish state, that's what mattered most to her.

Thorin hesitated before speaking again. -We're all fine. So do not worry. Now rest." he said, and Laurelin's eyes slid closed. Thorin's hand still stayed on top of hers. Even through the fever was burning her skin, his touch felt even hotter.

She succumbed into oblivion once again.

* * *

When Laurelin awoke the third time, she was feeling a lot better. She wasn't freezing and she didn't feel as much drained as before. She felt disappointed to see that Thorin wasn't there anymore, but a human healer rushed to her side and after Laurelin had drunk long gulps of water, she leant back to the bed and looked expectantly at the healer.

-Tell me." she just said with a hoarse voice, hoping that the healer understood. She did.

-You are in Esgaroth. You and the company you were travelling with arrived here six days ago. You have been suffering from a very bad fever that almost claimed your life. Fortunately the fever broke one day ago and it should be gone by tomorrow." the healer explained.

Laurelin nodded and her hands slided instinctively towards her stomach.

The healer immediately understood the gesture -The child seems to be fine. We were afraid that the baby had suffered from the lack of water or the fever, but it has been moving and a mid-wife confirmed that it should be fine and healthy. We concluded that you're six months pregnant, is that right?"

Laurelin chuckled tiredly. -No." She had to concentrate on counting the weeks for a moment.

-Four and a half." she answered slowly, and the healer looked clearly surprised. Laurelin was too tired to explain it to her.

Then she drank a bit more water and ate some soup, and then she rested again.

* * *

After one more day, Laurelin felt strong enough to walk, but the healers didn't let her. Instead, Laurelin sat up and looked down at herself - despite the lack of food in the past week, her round belly was obvious. Clothes wouldn't disguise it any longer - and it was then when she remembered that the company already knew. Everyone of them.

Her condition wasn't a secret anymore.

A slight lump formed to her throat when she thought about it.

All of the dwarves knew she was pregnant. She didn't dare to guess how they had reacted to the truth.

As the day crawled on, nobody came to visit her. Not even Thorin.

Laurelin was certain that they were all too afraid to come to her now that they knew the truth. The dwarves could be slow but they weren't stupid - a lot of them should have guessed whose child she was carrying. She hadn't been pregnant while she joined the quest, and while the dwarves weren't surely experts on these things, they could count the months closely enough. They had seen the bickering and the tension going on between her and Thorin, she knew it, and she just wondered how the other dwarves had reacted. If Balin had been right, then the shame put upon Thorin could be massive and Laurelin feared that the dwarf king could have already lost his reputation, honour or authority because of this. It could have even torn the whole group apart - destroyed friendships and family ties. The thought made Laurelin sad and scared.

She feared that this truth could have destroyed the company in far worse ways than dragon's fire ever could.

Laurelin remembered the haunted look in Thorin's eyes earlier.

The situation had to be bad.

The only thing that cheered her up from her somber thoughts was when the child suddenly moved inside of her and confirmed the healer's words - everything seemed to be fine. The baby was of Durin and Thorin's heir after all - the Durins were stubborn and strong. And like agreeing with her, the baby kicked for the very first time and she gasped in surprise before placing her hands against her belly fondly, a weak smile spreading to her lips.

* * *

It was a day after that when for Laurelin's surprise, Bilbo came to see her.

The small hobbit was nervous and he hovered in the doorway before Laurelin saw him and yelping in joy, she invited him in.

Bilbo walked to her bedside and sat down on the chair, clearly unsure what to do or say. He ended up swinging his short legs in the air quietly.

Laurelin was sitting and she didn't even bother to hide her condition in any way. She was showing and Bilbo already knew, so there wasn't really any point in it.

-How are you, my dear Bilbo?" Laurelin asked, smiling.

The hobbit looked at her and let out a careful smile. -I'm fine. I've caught a cold but I'm getting better all the time. The people of Esgaroth have been more than kind to all of us."

Laurelin smiled. She was genuinely happy to see a familiar face, and that Bilbo was mostly alright.

Bilbo hesitated. -How...how about you? You gave us quite a scare with all the fever and everything."

Laurelin nodded. -My fever is gone already. The healers just won't let me out of this house even if I wanted to, they're persistent that I should rest well before I start walking around more. But yes, besides feeling a little tired, I'm fine." she said and eyed the hobbit carefully. She hesitated for a moment. -We both are." she added quietly.

Bilbo just nodded kindly. -I'm very happy to hear that." he said with a genuine smile on his lips. A small silence fell between them, and Laurelin's thoughts were drawn to the company.

The unspoken things were hanging heavily in the air. Laurelin hated it, and she wanted nothing more than to know how things were.

-Bilbo..." she said with a serious tone. -How are the others?"

The hobbit's smile faded and he looked away, sighing deeply. A bad feeling grew in Laurelin as he watched the hobbit's discomfort. Bilbo swallowed. -Well they're healthy and alive. Bombur and few others suffered a bit more from the barrel ride, but they have already recovered. We have been given a big house to stay in and servants to help us, and the people are very excited about Thorin and his quest. They keep singing outside the house day and night, which is rather disturbing in my opinion. They cheer and clap their hands if any of us show our faces, so we have stayed mostly inside."

Laurelin listened intently, and Bilbo's tone was cheerful but his voice tensed. It didn't go unnoticed from her how Bilbo avoided saying anything about the dwarves themselves.

Laurelin sighed quietly and shook her head. -Bilbo, it's good to hear that everyone is fine and well, but...that's not really what I meant." She hesitated and felt a lump forming to her throat. It took a lot of effort from her to have the courage and speak directly after she had been hiding her secret for so long.

-Bilbo, I'm sorry I have to ask you, but my condition is not a secret anymore." she said and felt nervous. -How...how have the others reacted?"

The hobbit looked away and squirmed a little on his chair. The silence was heavy. When Bilbo finally turned to look at her, he had a pained expression on his face. -It's been horrible. Everyone is so quiet! No one talks to each other, not really. They don't tell stories or jokes, or sing songs. The dwarves are hauntingly silent and their faces are like masks. It's like they're complete strangers to each other. The air could be cut with a knife, really. The fact that we all have to stay inside makes it so much worse. I have been using my magic ring to slip away from there more than once because of it."

Laurelin squeezed her eyes shut, taking a few calming breaths. Her worst fear seemed to come true. She suddenly felt guilty, even if she know Thorin was just as much responsible for this as her. The extent of the situation was finally dawning on her in its all seriousness. Balin hadn't been exaggerating. In the dwarven community, touching someone without a claim and conceiving a bastard child were serious crimes.

She bit her lip. -And Thorin?" she whispered.

Bilbo looked even sadder than before. -Thorin...he...he hasn't talked in days. He spent a lot of time here by your bedside in the beginning, but now when it has been clear that you'll recover, he has stayed in his room. The only ones he talks to are Balin or Dwalin."

The silence that followed was deep and laced with sorrow and uncertainty. Laurelin bit her lip and fought the urge to slam her fist into the wall. She had _not_ wanted this. She hadn't realized that this could tear the whole company apart, that it could take everything away from Thorin. Even when Balin had told her, she had found it hard to believe. The dwarves seemed so merry and friendly. Of course Laurelin knew that they had their darker sides, too, and that they all had strong sense of loyalty, honour and traditions - but she had never imagined to be like this.

Laurelin cursed the fact that she had gotten pregnant. While she had grown fond of the unborn child already and felt protective over it, this whole thing had caused so much pain and tension already. If only Thorin hadn't spilled their secret in front of everyone, she could have left the company behind without putting him into this position. Now there wasn't anything that could undo the damage that the company had suffered from learning the truth.

Bilbo hung his head. -Laurelin...I'm...just...Everyone is wondering...I mean, a lot of us have guessed...but we haven't dared to say anything aloud..." the hobbit stuttered.

Laurelin knew what he was asking. She knew there was no point in lying. -Yes, Bilbo. The child is Thorin's."

Bilbo looked up in surprise, and yet, he didn't seem surprised at all. She looked at him gently. -I think it's safe to assume that the dwarves have also guessed as correctly as you."

Bilbo flashed a joyless smile. -Yes. That they have." he said quietly and now eyed her middle for the first time nervously. -How long..."

-I'm almost on my fifth month." Laurelin said. Bilbo nodded and before she gave him the chance to count the months, she sighed. -It was before we went to Beorn's house."

-Oh." Bilbo said quickly and nodded, blushing badly and looking embarrassed that he had asked.

Laurelin didn't even consider telling anyone that Thorin and her had slept with each other the second time in Mirkwood. And what difference did it make? Her part in this quest was over. She was in Esgaroth now, and she would stay here until the baby was born. Then she would leave and none of the dwarves would ever see her again. She didn't want to leave Thorin or her friends behind, but she also knew that nothing would be ever the same as before.

And even the thought of facing the dwarves was scary.

Bilbo and Laurelin sat in silence.


	16. Chapter 16

**AUTHOR'S NOTE**

Hey everyone! I'm so happy for all the awesome feedback I've gotten - all the follows and lovely reviews. :)  
It took a bit longer from me to update this time, because real life like essay deadlines got in the way. But I think this chapter is worth the wait. :)

Also, someone asked me how often do I update in general. I usually update in 1-3 days, so quite quickly. If I have some school stuff taking my time then it might be a few more days than that. But don't worry, I will not leave this story unfinished.

One of you said that I've got Thorin's personality to a tee. Wow! That was an amazing compliment, and really one of my main aims with this story. I wanted Thorin and everyone else to be in character, because usually all the fics with some mature stuff in it are painfully OC. I hope you are all enjoying my character portrayal, development and build-up. :)

And I will be an evil writer and not spoil you what I'm going to do about the ending or tell you who is going to survive. You just have to wait and see what's in store for them all.

Phew, alright. Let's get into it. Please review, they keep me writing and help me to update faster!

**Warning:** Chapter content

* * *

It was the next day that the healers said Laurelin could finally start moving around and could join the others in the guest house. While she was happy that she was finally free to go, Laurelin didn't know whether she was even welcome in the company anymore. She had no idea how the others would react or treat her.

But in the end, she had no other choice. Other patients were brought in to the healer's house and Laurelin knew it was unfair to stay there any longer. So after washing herself thoroughly, dressing herself in the new clothes that the healers gave her and after brushing her hair, she looked better than in months. She looked rather beautiful and good if she hadn't been too modest to admit it. The long dress was warm and thick, and her round stomach didn't especially stand out of it when she was standing upright, but anyone that stopped to look at her would notice. And when she was sitting, she was obvious.

Her long, dark hair was soft and fresh, and Laurelin felt a bit better about herself. She was finally among other humans, and she didn't feel alien here. She had had enough of Mirkwood for a lifetime already, not to mention the dungeons and barrels. They weren't in constant danger here, or having to look over their shoulders all the time.

Laurelin was clean, almost completely healthy, rested - and she had eaten, drunk and slept properly for the first time in a very long time. All in all, she had regained her strength quickly and looked like it. But despite it all, she felt grim and her doubts were constantly nagging at the back of her mind. Bilbo's words were fresh on her mind, a painful reminder that the dwarves had not taken the news well.

Laurelin feared where the situation would lead to.

Thorin had already told her that he would call off the quest when they arrived to Esgaroth. But she had no idea whether Thorin had even talked to the others after their arrival. Did he still have his authority left? Was he still their king? Or had Thorin lost his friends and allies because of this?

Laurelin didn't know. The only thing she did know was that there were damages. How bad they were, she would soon find out.

So, after she had recovered from the fever, Laurelin was finally led away from the healer's house by a servant. She was feeling extremely nervous and edgy when she slowly walked towards the house the dwarves were staying in. If she had had anywhere else to go, she would have gone there. But she didn't really have options.

Laurelin thanked her luck when none of the dwarves weren't on the kitchen or the big living room they walked across. The air in the house seemed heavy and hostile, like it had been poisoned by the atmosphere and whispers. She could sense the tension everywhere - the house was deadly quiet. None of the dwarves were spending time together. Something was broken in their company, and Laurelin hung her head in guilt as she walked up the stairs towards the room that had been prepared for her.

The room was small but cozy, and she quickly thanked the servant before dismissing him.

When Laurelin closed the door, she almost prayed that she would never have to step out of the safety of these four walls.

She was so afraid to face the others.

Their company had been shaken from the very core, and she feared that no words could repair it.

* * *

The house was quiet. Laurelin stayed in her room for the rest of the day. The food and everything else she needed was brought to her, and the rare times she entered the other part of the house, the few dwarves that saw her didn't say anything. They barely looked at her. As if she was invisible. As if she was just air. Their faces were like masks, just like Bilbo had said, and Laurelin didn't even recognize them to be her friends. These were strangers. Cold and distant dwarves.

Laurelin started to feel sad and isolated very soon. She didn't dare to wonder around the house, not really, even if she wanted badly to see how Thorin was doing and ask him what was going to happen next. And she couldn't go outside, either, when there were dozens of people singing outside the house day and night, singing about Thorin's victory, rivers of gold, legends and dragons. Laurelin fought the urge to throw something at them from her window. The merry songs reminded her that after all the trouble and dangers they had gone through to get here, even if the Lonely Mountain could be seen from here, the company might not never actually go there.

So Laurelin stayed in her room. She didn't want to make the situation any worse than it already was.

It had been two weeks since they had arrived to Esgaroth. She was now nineteen weeks pregnant, almost five months. The baby was moving every day now, kicking her from time to time.

Laurelin found it hard to enjoy from these small things when the poisoned atmosphere in the house was constantly hanging over her like a dark cloud.

* * *

Another week crawled by. She was now five months pregnant. She was obvious whether she was sitting or not - she had gained some of her lost weight back because they finally had as much as food as they liked.

No one else besides Bilbo visited her. The hobbit usually described what he had seen or heard in the city when he had slipped away using his magic ring. Bilbo tried to cheer them both up with the stories and more than once Laurelin pulled him into a hug, thanking him for being her friend in such dark times. Bilbo just smiled and nodded.

But they didn't talk about Thorin or the future plans. The whole situation was frozen for the time being.

* * *

The nights were the loneliest. Laurelin dreamt about Thorin often. As much as she would have hoped, her feelings for him hadn't faded at all. Quite the contrary. She missed him. Somewhere in the back of her mind Laurelin started to wonder how she was going to cope with the possibility that Thorin might just leave and go back to Blue Mountains with the others. That they wouldn't see each other ever again.

She couldn't bear the thought.

As long as they were all still here, Laurelin refused to think about saying goodbyes to anyone.

More than once, Laurelin stood in front of her window and stared down at the dim city by the river.

* * *

On one rainy night, Laurelin couldn't sleep because the baby kept kicking her constantly. Laurelin got up and waited for it to pass, but it didn't. Frustrated, she got up and stared at the door hesitantly. It was very late at night, and she was certain that no one in the house was awake. She had grown so tired of the small room already that she wanted to get out a little. After some time, Laurelin had gathered enough courage to pull the door open, walk downstairs and sit in front of the hearth.

The house was quiet and it seemed almost empty. Long shadows were dancing around the room.

Laurelin, however, felt glad that she could enjoy the warmth of the fire and leave her room behind. She winced from time to time as the baby kicked her quite hard. She briefly wondered how someone so small could have so much strength already. Maybe it was because of the stubborn dwarf-blood. Or the blood of the line of Durin. It was Thorin's child after all, so it shouldn't be any surprise that the child was throwing some kind of a tantrum, Laurelin thought bitterly. She was too proud to admit to herself that she missed Thorin badly - with tantrums or not.

A servant alerted Laurelin from her thoughts, asking her whether she wanted anything. Laurelin distantly asked for something hot to drink, and the servant nodded and soon brought her a steaming, hot mug and she took it thankfully. Laurelin wasn't used to servants and it felt unnatural to have them around. But right now she was too tired and troubled to care. Even if her stomach had grown, it wasn't too big to slow her down yet, and Laurelin felt grateful for the opportunity to stay still.

Rain hit the roof distantly. Esgaroth was sleeping, and this silence was natural, unlike the one lingering in the house.

Laurelin winced as the baby kicked her again.

* * *

After some time, Laurelin was suddenly alerted from her deep thoughts as she heard the floorboards cracking. She blinked and swallowed, realizing someone was in the room with her. Holding her breath, she turned her head to see who it was.

There, in the dim light, stood a familiar figure. Laurelin's heart jumped a little when she recognized Thorin.

She looked at the dwarf king with surprise and uncertainty. On the outside, Thorin looked healthy and well, but his usually proud stance was slumped. It was his face that caught Laurelin's attention. Thorin looked like he had aged years in a matter of weeks, as he had dark rings under his eyes and sleepless nights shone from his tired features. The worst part were his eyes, though. The usual fire and pride was gone from them, like someone had blown a candle out, and it was replaced with a haunted and guilty look. Laurelin's heart ached as she saw the results of the situation so clearly taking their toll on Thorin - he looked like a broken man.

Suddenly she felt a rush of empathy. This quest was the very thing Thorin had lived and fought for. His revenge had given him the endless strength to carry on, but when it came down to his family ties, Thorin clearly cared a great deal about them.

Laurelin let out the breath she was holding.

It was odd to see him after such a long time. Laurelin's memories of the time she had spent in the fever's claws weren't very sharp. She took in every detail of him, eyeing him as the shadows from the fire danced in their faces. Laurelin didn't know what to say.

They remained silent. Slowly, Laurelin blinked and looked away, turning to look at the fire. Her heart had started beating faster; it always seemed to do that when Thorin was around. She sharpened her ears to hear if he moved. He didn't.

What could she say? What was there to say? Or do? Their journey seemed to have reached a dead-end, a bitter interruption. The company was broken. She had no idea what would happen now.

Suddenly, Thorin finally spoke. -Why are you up?" he asked with a hoarse voice, as if it had been a long time since he had used it. The question, however, was simple enough.

Laurelin took a calming breath and shrugged a little. -The baby is keeping me awake."

Thorin walked slowly closer, stopping some distance away from her. Laurelin turned to look at him. The dwarf king looked slightly confused. -How so?" he asked, clearly uncertain.

Laurelin took a careful sip from her mug. -Keeps kicking me. I couldn't sleep."

Thorin's eyes widened a little and he stared at her in awe. -Kicking?" he repeated in bewilderment. Laurelin looked at him in surprise, and only then remembered that Thorin wasn't aware that besides moving, the baby had started kicking, too. She watched him, hiding her amusement and nodded slowly.

-Yes. And quite hard, actually."

Thorin's eyes slided to her stomach. Then they flickered back to her face. Slowly the surprise faded out and then his face turned unreadable. Laurelin had no idea what he was thinking, so she hesitated to talk. She turned towards the fire.

A long silence fell between them.

-The healers told me you're well again." Thorin said quietly.

Laurelin nodded. She was about to reply when she gasped and winced - a strong kick had just landed on her from the inside. Thorin instantly shifted his weight restlessly.

-What is it?"

-It's just the b-..."

Another strong kick made her gasp and grimace and she had shift a little on the chair. -It's just the baby." she finally breathed out. She sagged a little against the backrest frustratedly.

Thorin hovered nearby, and when she glanced at him, he looked something between nervous and thoughtful.

-Is it painful?" he asked, looking worried.

Laurelin couldn't help but to smile weakly. -A little. But mostly it is just irritating." she said and Thorin's lips twitched a little, like he was amused to hear it.

His features softened and Laurelin felt her heart beating faster. He looked gorgeous and incredibly tender there in the dim light, and she was mercilessly reminded how badly she still was in love with him, how much she wanted him. Thorin was proud and stubborn, but the fire in his heart was something that drew her to him like a moth to a flame. Her mind replayed glimpses of the memories from their two shared nights.

A sudden rush of affection and lust washed over Laurelin, and she had to turn her head away to mask her sorrow. He would never be hers. They would never touch each other ever again. Soon she might have to say goodbye to all of her friends, including Thorin. This might be one of the last times they would ever see each other.

Her eyes burned so she bit her lip and took another sip from her mug, fighting back tears. When the baby kicked her again, she winced and tried to find a more comfortable position.

-Does this happen often?" Thorin asked after a small silence.

Laurelin swallowed, forcing herself to concentrate. Showing her emotions and sorrow to Thorin were out of question. The weight of the situation was quite enough already. So bravely, she cleared her voice and hid her inner turmoil. -It started about three weeks ago. Usually the baby doesn't kick this much during the nights, though." she replied distantly.

Laurelin didn't have the heart to ask Thorin about the other dwarves and how they had reacted to the news. Laurelin was happy to have him there, even if it was only for a short time. She wasn't going to ruin the moment.

-You should be resting, even if you can't get any sleep." Thorin said quietly. -You need to gather strength after the fever."

Laurelin was touched by his concern and also too tired to protest. -Yes, well, I'll sit here for a moment before I go back to my room."

Thorin hesitated, taking a step forward. -It would be better if you went now. I can escort you."

Laurelin had been ready to protest but Thorin's offer silenced her. Laurelin turned to study him for a while, but Thorin's face didn't reveal anything. Finally, she sighed.

-Fine." she put her almost empty mug on the table and pushed herself up. She caught Thorin scanning her from her head to toe, and she briefly wondered did he like what she saw. But she brushed the thought off and headed towards the stairway.

Thorin walked beside her and they climbed the stairs in silence. His proximity made Laurelin's heartbeat quicken, and the air around him seemed hotter. She noticed her thoughts started wondering, and the blood rushed loudly in her veins. She was still so madly drawn to him - it was like some kind of magic at work.

They approached her room in silence. She opened the door and Thorin stopped on the doorway, hesitating. -Is the room alright?" he asked.

Laurelin nodded. -It's good." Her eyed swept over the big bed in the middle of the room, covered in warm furs. She leant back to the doorframe suddenly when another kick made her gasp.

Thorin looked at her in worry, leaning instantly closer. Laurelin squeezed her eyes shut for a moment, unable to stop thinking about how close Thorin was when they both stood in the doorway, how his hot breathing brushed her hair distantly. Laurelin didn't want to move from there. She wanted him so badly again.

But Thorin misunderstood her gesture as pain or dizzyness and took a grip from her arm. -Laurelin?" he asked with a worried tone, as if she was going to collapse.

Laurelin felt like her arm was on fire on the spot Thorin was touching it. She opened her eyes and Thorin's face was now so close that she felt like air was hard to breath in. She took a stuttering breath and Thorin looked at her even more worriedly, tightening his grip.

Their faces were inches from each other, and she could see everything in great detail.

Laurelin looked at him with masked pain, because she felt like she could cry for knowing that she would lose him forever. Thorin would be out of her life. She didn't know how she could handle that. All she would have was the memories, and Laurelin knew she would cherish them even if all of them weren't good or pleasant.

And she almost wanted to scream, because Thorin was so tender and protective, holding her up and looking after her. She wanted him so much. Over and over again. She never wanted to let him go.

Laurelin bit her lip. -Please stay for a moment?" she asked with an unsteady voice. She knew that it was wrong to let Thorin think that she was feeling faint but she couldn't bring herself to pull her arm away from his grip. She just wanted a bit more time with him, being close to him like this.

Thorin looked uncertain and clearly felt reluctant. He blinked and glanced at the corridor. Laurelin knew what he was thinking - the other dwarves and the bleak situation with them. But then Thorin turned to her, obviously fighting an inner battle, eyeing her. Laurelin knew this was selfish, asking Thorin this, but she feared that it could be the last time they ever were alone with each other. So she waited.

Thorin almost looked like he was going to disagree. But then he nodded slowly anyway. Laurelin felt a rush of excitement and relief, and turned towards the room. She pulled the door closed behind them with her free arm. Thorin refused to let go of her, until they had walked to the edge of the bed and she sat down.

Thorin was now standing in front of her, and he looked amazing in the dim candle light. He was only wearing some light night clothes that could be easily taken off. The walls were thick and no one would hear them from here...Everyone else was asleep.  
Laurelin wanted nothing more than to grab him and pull him to the bed.

They spent a moment, frozen to their spots, tension suddenly thick between them, suddenly aware of the closed door and dim room around them.

Thorin eyed her and she could see something in his eyes that she recognized - she had last seen it in Mirkwood - and suddenly it dawned on her that the same thought had crossed his mind too. The lust...

But then Thorin's face twisted in shame and he turned his head away, irritation filling his voice.

-Will you be alright during the night?" he asked, voice strained.

She almost wanted to disagee. -Yes."

-Good. The servants should be somewhere close if you need anything." Thorin said sternly and took a step towards the door.

Laurelin felt her heart sink. -Thorin, wait." she said quickly and the dwarf king stopped and turned to her.

She let out a deep sigh. Thousands of words crossed her mind but none of them came out from her mouth. She felt like her heart could crack in to pieces.

Rain rattled somewhere outside.

Laurelin let out a pained breath. -What now?" she asked quietly.

Thorin raised an eyebrow.

-What will you do now? About the quest?" she asked.

Thorin looked grim. -My decision still stands." he said dryly.

Laurelin knew it was no use to try and argue with Thorin right now, so she didn't say anything about it.

-As soon as I can, I'm finding a place to stay in Esgaroth and leave this house. I think it's for the best for everyone." LAurelin said, although she felt sad and disappointed to admit it aloud. She wanted Thorin to protest, to say that he didn't want to let her go, that he wanted her to stay. Surprise and disagreement crossed Thorin's face, but he didn't protest or say anything. He just nodded stiffly.

The silence in the dim room seemed heavy. It was another quiet gasp from her that broke it as the baby kicked her once more.

Thorin stepped closer once more as she winced. He hovered mid-way, but didn't do anything. Hesitantly, she looked up uncertainly. Thorin looked intrigued and slightly worried. He was eyeing her stomach with careful eyes. Sudddenly Laurelin guessed what he was thinking.  
-Would you...would you like to..." she asked, gesturing at her middle.

Thorin looked suddenly torn and uncertain, flickering his eyes between her face and her stomach. -I probably shouldn't..." he muttered quietly.

-But do you want to?" she asked challengingly. Thorin clearly was in two minds. Laurelin waited in silence. She suddenly knew that the dwarf king wouldn't do anything if he wasn't pushed a little.

-Here. Give me your hand." Laurelin said and offered her hand. Thorin looked at it but slowly offered his own. She pulled him a little closer and placed his hand against her stomach.

For a moment, nothing happened. Then, a powerful kick landed right under Thorin's hand and he gasped in surprise, eyes widening. Laurelin couldn't help but to smile even if the kick had hurt a little. Quietly she pulled him to sit next to her to the bed and held Thorin's hand under her own. The simple gesture felt right and warm.

It was as if the baby had noticed who was present, because several small kicks landed now under Thorin's hand and he stared at her stomach in awe, his blue eyes sparkling in the dim light. He leant closer and suddenly his face was inches away from hers and she felt her heartbeat quicken. Laurelin had a heart time keeping her breathing steady, and she barely now noticed the baby moving and kicking inside of her. She was completely lost in Thorin's face and her thighs suddenly felt hot - the lust was close to overcome her.

This felt so right.

Even the child inside of her felt right - no matter how many rules it was breaking.

Then Thorin flickered his eyes to hers and seemed to notice how close they were. He startled a bit and drew his hand away from her stomach but she didn't let go of it just yet.

Gently, she held his hand in hers and she breathed out slowly, letting her eyes slide on Thorin and to his lips and his hair, wanting nothing more than to lean in and kiss him. She took all the details in carefully. The air between them was suddenly electrified. The unspoken thoughts were lingering in the room.

Their breathing turned irregular and tensed.

-I should..." Thorin said with a thick voice. -I should go." he said but made no attempt to leave. Instead, he eyed her face and her hair, his pupils dilated and mouth slightly open.

Their joined hands seemed like they were on fire.

-There are a lot of things you should do." Laurelin said quietly, locking eyes with him. -But it seems that they are always different from what you want."

She leant a little closer, sparks once again flying between them.

Thorin looked suddenly pained and bit back a moan. -No." he breathed out huskily and closed his eyes. -I can't..."

Laurelin studied him and her hurt pride seemed forgotten. All she could think about was the fact that this could be one of the last times she could be with Thorin, be so close to him. She wanted it so badly. She wanted him.

She didn't care how wrong it was supposed to be. The rest of the world seemed unimportant and insignificant.

Her fingers brushed ghostily his hand, but she didn't do anything more. She let him decide.

She would let him go if he truly wanted to.

She wouldn't put him into the position where he wasn't able to back down. Laurelin knew that she was selfish for putting Thorin into this position, for letting him choose, for giving him the chance to break all the rules for the third time.

But this felt so right. Everything in it felt so utterly, perfectly right.

Thorin shook his head fiercely and blinked hard. His pupils were extremely dilated and his breathing uneven and quick now. He panted and looked at her, almost angrily, like it insulted him how badly he wanted her.

His eyes that slided over her were hungry.

Her heart felt like it could burst out of her chest. Laurelin tried not to let the emotions ovewhelm her or take over. This was Thorin's decision. He could say no.

Seconds crawled by.

Thorin's eyes gleamed in the dim room. When he spoke, his voice was barely a whisper.

-By Valar, what is this enchantment upon you, you human? Why can't I stay away from you?" he murmured, face filled with torn emotions.

Laurelin bit her lip hard and she suddenly felt a pang of guilt. Hastily, she pulled her hands away and let go of his, taking in a stuttering breath and turning her head away.

-I'm sorry. I shouldn't have...It's fine. I shouldn't have put you into this position again. It was unfair from me, since I have caused so much trouble already." she whispered with a thick voice, trying to keep her heart from shattering.

She couldn't look at Thorin.

But Thorin didn't stand up or move. He stayed beside her. Second passed, and Laurelin waited for Thorin to walk away from the room.

Instead, she felt his hand tugging at her arm lightly, pulling her hand back to his. She looked up, surprised, and saw Thorin staring at him with incredibly gentle eyes, even if his face was filled with uncertainty.

-It is wrong from me to want this so badly." Thorin said. -I...I have caused enough damage to everyone already. Yet I am not able to leave this room. I spent one night at your bedside when the fever almost got the best of you, and the fear in my heart in those longs hours was paralyzing. I feared we would lose you. That...that..."

He blinked and swallowed. His voice was hoarse. -That was when I thought that if you ever opened your eyes again, I needed to tell you this. I want the things I shouldn't desire. It is my weakness; I am selfish when it comes to you."

Laurelin held her breath, heart thundering in her ears.

Thorin slowly leant closer, his fingers tightening around her hand.

-But if you say no..." he started.

Laurelin panted and smiled weakly. -To you? Oh, Thorin...I couldn't, even if I wanted to."

-Then are you saying yes?"

She let out a tight smile. -Yes." she whispered.

And then Thorin closed the gap between them and their lips met. He pulled her gently closer, burying his hand into her hair. Their kisses were slow and hesitant at first, both of them trying to hold back and maybe even stop, but they couldn't. Then they became slowly passionate, rougher and their hands were all over each other.

There was no going back from there. The game was lost that instant.

She pulled him properly to the bed. Soon their breathing turned irregular and superficial. Laurelin's heartbeat was loud in her ears and her blood was singing.

She pulled Thorin's dark blue nightshirt off and when he drew her into his arms, she felt his arousal growing harder. It was like they were in some kind of trance, both wanting it so much even if they shouldn't have, yet feeling so ecstatic that they possibly couldn't stop.  
Thorin pulled her dress off with ease, and she hastily started to take his pants off, and this time they both ended up completely naked.

Laurelin pushed Thorin against the sheets and she climbed on top of him with a swift movement. Her round stomach was clearly visible now but fortunately it didn't get in the way. Their kisses grew hungrier and she caressed him, sliding her hand on his chest and hips, and Thorin brushed her breasts and sucked her fingers teasingly.

All track of time was completely lost from them now. Their bodies were tangled to each other. Laurelin's whole body and heart was filling with euphoria as they went on, soon both moaning and then she started to ride him slowly, teasingly. It felt so incredibly good that she sighed in delight, and Thorin squirmed in pleasure under her. She was starting to know what he liked, so she used it shamelessly for her own good.

Thorin, too, put his hand between her legs and started rubbing, and soon she was shaking and shivering, both lost in the lust. Soon they were both close, and she kissed him hard. She came before him, and her spasms and moans sent him over the edge just a moment later.

The orgasms were powerful and left them both breathless, but she wasn't done yet. Just like their time in the Mirkwood, she started it again and Thorin mumbled something in khuzdul but she just laughed quietly and soon he grew hard again.

Then they did it again, and this time Thorin was left breathless and he squirmed under her, moaning and flickering his eyes, deep growls escaping his lips.

When he had come the second time, they were both sweaty and high on the afterglow, but she didn't let him go yet. Mercilessly she started again, and Thorin tried to protest but very soon ended up almost begging her to continue.

It took longer this time but they both enjoyed it so much. The rain rattled somewhere outside, but they didn't even spare a thought to it. All they could feel and see was each other, entwined and tangled together.

This time Thorin pushed her gently against the sheets and rode her, tender hand sliding against her breasts and her round stomach.

Soon they were both moaning and almost screaming, and then they both came the third time.

Then Thorin pulled himself out of her and sighed in delight. He laid down next to her to the bed, drawing one of the furs on top of them both. They were both out of breath but incredibly satisfied, and Laurelin pressed her naked body next to his, letting her hand travel on his chest. Thorin held her in his arms like she was the most precious thing he knew.

They spent a long while just lying there. Laurelin, head on Thorin's chest, listened to his heart beating fast, slowly getting more calmer. She closed her eyes and never in her life had she felt happier and more complete.

She knew that they shouldn't have done this, that they shouldn't be here together. This was the last thing they should have done when their whole quest and Thorin's future were hanging by a thread.

As if Thorin had read her thoughts, Thorin took a breath to talk, but Laurelin put her finger on his lips and silenced him.

-Shh." she whispered gently. -It was perfect. Do not explain anything. Do not apologize or feel ashamed. I have no regrets - I wouldn't change a thing. Now good night, my king." Laurelin whispered and placed a tender kiss on his cheek. Thorin stayed quiet.

Her last two words hung in the air. The rain outside hit the roof as the dwarf king mouthed a pained _'Mahal, help me'_ and buried his face into her hair.


	17. Chapter 17

When the first rays of sunlight woke Laurelin, she opened her eyes lazily. It took a few seconds before she remembered what had happened during the night, and she turned her head where Thorin had been but there was only empty space in there.

She sighed and slided her hand on the sheets, but she also hadn't really expected Thorin to stay.

Nonetheless Laurelin couldn't help but to smile, though, because their shared night had been amazing and she felt incredible. She wanted to enjoy the memory, even if only it was for a little while, before all the worries and doubts of the escalated situation would crawl back into her mind.

Laurelin fondly caressed her stomach. The baby had settled, fortunately.

She briefly thought about her brother back in Bree. She also realized that she would be giving birth in two months according to the dwarven calendar, and four mounths in the human calendar. She wondered how long it was going to be. She truly hoped she wouldn't end up enormous, though. The thought of childbirth scared her to no end.

The baby was growing quickly, though. It seemed that the good food and passing the half-way of her pregnancy had only speeded the progress.

Laurelin forced herself not to think about the future. But the big questions were nagging at the back of her mind - what would happen now? What would the company do? Where would Thorin go? And there was the question she was too scared to say aloud - had last night been the last time Thorin had been with her?

An icy fist took a lingering hold of her heart as Laurelin wondered would she ever had to chance to hold him again.

A pang of guilt struck her - they shouldn't have been together at all. Now it was the worst possible timing for that. But Thorin had had a choice, and he hadn't walked away. No matter coldly Thorin had treated her from time to time, they both seemed to end up in each other's arms anyway.

Laurelin wondered if Thorin truly had feelings for her. Not just lust and attraction. But something deeper. Laurelin knew there had to be something at least, because otherwise Thorin wouldn't have touched her in the first place - he was way too proud for that.

Was it possible? That Thorin cared for her deeply? That he even...even loved her?

Laurelin squeezed her eyes shut. The thought of it was overwhelming. Euphoric. And most probably delusional.

So she decided not to think about it at all.

Laurelin took a deep breath and brushed these things out of her mind and got up. She knew that there were hard times ahead of them all. The frozen situation with the company wouldn't last forever. And she had the feeling that it could break very soon.

* * *

The day was cloudy but the rain had stopped. Laurelin didn't want to test her luck and go outside, because she feared she might make the situation even worse than it already was. So she stayed that day in her room. Bilbo came to visit her later, and he eyed her with an awkward smile. -You're a little, uhm...you're getting..." the hobbit stuttered, gesturing at her with a waving hand.

-Big?" Laurelin finished, amused, and Bilbo nodded. They both chuckled, but not unkindly, because Bilbo was already perfectly comfortable around her.

They chatted this and that, but Laurelin soon noticed that something was bothering Bilbo. When she asked about it, the hobbit went awkward and squirmed in his seat.

-I...I just happened to hear that...that Thorin is gathering the company together today. That he wants to talk to them."

Laurelin's heart jumped a little. -Oh." she said and bit her lip nervously, instantly wondering if their shared night had changed something. Partly she was happy that the dwarves would finally do something about the situation, but she also feared the consequences.

The atmosphere in the room had tensed. Laurelin eyed the hobbit worriedly.

-Did Thorin want everyone of us there, or just the dwarves?" she asked.

That's when Bilbo truly went pale. -Uhm...just the dwarves and me." He shook his head apologetically. -I'm sorry, Laurelin."

She felt a flash of irritation but she swallowed it quickly. It probably was for the best if she wasn't present during the meeting. -It's...fine. And understandable, really. I imagine the situation is rather unsteady right now. And after all, I'm not part of the company anymore, am I?" she said quietly.

Bilbo just squeezed her hand compassionately.

* * *

That day seemed one of the most longest of her life. After Bilbo left, Laurelin kept pacing in her room restlessly, constantly worrying about the meeting and wondering what they would talk about and what would be the result of it.

In the afternoon, Balin knocked on her door.

Laurelin was surprised but glad to see the old dwarf. She invited him in expectantly and Balin sat next to her, taking a long look at her. They hadn't seen each other in weeks, and Laurelin had missed him a lot. The sweet, old dwarf had supported her along the way so much. It seemed that even the tensed situation didn't stop him from visiting her, even if all of the other dwarves refused to even look at her.

-You look well." Balin finally said, gently.

Laurelin nodded. -I am well. Both of us are."

Balin smiled but it didn't reach his eyes.

There was a fleeting silence between them. Laurelin sensed that Balin had something on his mind that he was hesitant to say aloud. The dwarf looked suddenly sad.  
-Is it true, then?" he asked. -That you're going to leave us soon and find a place to stay before the child is born?"

Laurelin nodded sternly. -Yes. I think it's for the best for everyone."

Balin sighed. -I'm truly sad that our ways are parting, Laurelin."

Laurelin swallowed heavily.-So am I, believe me." she said with a thick voice.

There was another silence, this time deeper.

Laurelin shifed her weight nervously.

-Balin? Bilbo told me you are having a meeting today. Do you know what is Thorin planning to do?"

The old dwarf stared out of the window. -Thorin is collecting us all for a_ kzicrig_, to make a decision - a judgment. It is a rare proceeding in the dwarven traditions. He wants us to be his council, his jury so to say. He expects everyone to agree that the quest is over, and that he has disgraced his bloodline. You see, Laurelin, this is Thorin's way of putting his kingship aside and letting us to decide what to do about the situation and to him. It's what _kzicrig_ is: he thinks he doesn't have the right to decide anything for us anymore, that he can not give us orders while he has broken so many sacred laws himself. Thorin needs us to agree on these claims, to give him the judgement and strip him down from his authority over us. He expects us to deny his right to reclaim Erebor and dethrone him. Then Thorin will most likely leave to the wilderness or back to Ered Luin with Fili and Kili if he gives up his birthright to Erebor."

Air got stuck to Laurelin's throat and she covered her mouth in shock and growing despair. Balin hung his head.  
-So he has lost everything, then?" Laurelin whispered. -His birthright, his throne, his revenge...even his friends?"

Balin sighed and looked away. Laurelin's heart ached badly and guilt washed over her. This was partly her fault. Never in her life had she imagined that the consequences of this whole thing could be so catastrophic and dire. She pitied Thorin, and remembered how pained he had looked the night before, clearly wanting nothing more to stay away from her, from making things worse, but couldn't. She hated the thought of Thorin losing his authority and pride. She detested the mental image of an ashamed and broken, dethroned king he could soon become. Laurelin gritted her teeth in angry despair. Why had it come down to this?

Balin stood up. -We'll just have to see what happens next." he said and walked to the door.

Laurelin eyed him with glistening eyes, but she wasn't able to say anything. Balin left the room in silence.

Laurelin blinked and stared at the floor. The bright sunlight streaming through her window looked suddenly grey and powerless. She swallowed and turned her head away from the light, only to notice her hair smelled faintly like Thorin.

Bitterly, she swallowed her anxiety and fears.

* * *

Slowly, the evening crawled closer.

Laurelin had to fight the urge to eavesdrop the meeting that took hold downstairs. More than once she wanted nothing but to barge in and find out what they were saying, but she also knew her presence could only make things worse. She had barely seen any of the dwarves since they had been traveling Mirkwood. And now they all knew she was pregnant with Thorin's child. Laurelin wasn't stupid - she knew Balin and Thorin had just given her a small glimpse of the true meaning and shame her condition was causing among the dwarves.

She could distantly make out arguing voices, sometimes even shouts and tensed silences. Once Laurelin cracked her door open and tried to hear something, but apparently the dwarves had switched talking in khuzdul. She would have had to be deaf not to notice how poisoned the atmosphere was.

Feeling sour, she closed the door once more.

Fortunately the visit of a mid-wife distracted her thoughts. The sweet elder lady called Haria made sure everything was going well, though she was shocked to know that Laurelin was only on her fifth month and not further than that. Laurelin secretly hoped she would go into labour after her seventh month because by judging the speed of the child growing, she would otherwise become enormous.

Haria brought her some other news, too. They had found a house further away in the city for Laurelin, and she could move in immediately. Laurelin had mixed feelings about this, and felt unable to feel happy. She knew she could move out of here swiftly, because she barely had any of her things left after getting lost in Mirkwood, being imprisoned and then stuffed into a barrel.

But the thought of leaving carved a small hole into her chest. Leaving would mean goodbyes.

And she didn't want to say goodbyes.

* * *

Hours later, the mid-wife had left.

Numbly, Laurelin had started to pack her things and it took a short moment after everything was clean and empty. When she was ready, it was almost nightfall. She turned to look around, and the room looked strange - just the night before she had had Thorin on that bed, panting and moaning and whispering her name. Now the furs looked like they couldn't warm her up anymore.

Like all of it had been just a dream, fading as time went on.

Heart heavy, Laurelin sighed and put a protective arm around her belly. This had been the last night she had spent with Thorin Oakenshield. The last time she had ever touched him, maybe even talked to him. And she had loved it and she would cherish the memory until the day she would die.

She tried to swallow her bitterness. She had fallen in love with the dwarf king. No matter how much he had irritated her in the beginning. No matter how infuriating and stubborn Thorin could be. No matter how improbable it seemed, it was true. Laurelin loved him today and she would love him tomorrow. And the day after that. Maybe even years from now.

And she couldn't help it.

Maybe she could meet someone in the future that she could hold and kiss and caress, even live with, but no one could match Thorin Oakenshield. He was the love of her life, she realized now, as she was standing on the doorway, staring at the empty room.

It wasn't a screaming catastrophy to admit how much she cared about him. No. It was a quiet, sad whimper, because she knew she could never have him.

With these grim thoughts, Laurelin finally turned around and opened the door. A servant was waiting her there, and she gave the small things she had with him. The servant left quickly and Laurelin started to walk downstairs.

Each step was reluctant. Each step reminded her that this was the end.

When she reached the big living room, Laurelin was relieved to see that the meeting seemed to be over. The others weren't there. Instead, she saw Thorin standing in front of the hearth, hands behind his back, shoulders hunched.

Her insides clenched. She knew that the dwarves had made their decision, she could feel it in the air.

Something big had happened, and she feared what is was.

But then she reminded herself that despite of it, she was leaving.

Thorin heard her coming and Laurelin almost wanted to rush to the door so she wouldn't need to say goodbye. But she also wanted it more than anything.

Thorin turned around. His face was serious and bleak, and when she saw him, a shiver went through her. Laurelin studied him, trying to read him and deduce what had happened, but couldn't. There was a lump in her throat and her hands were shaking. Bravely, she stood up straighter and swallowed her sorrow.

-I'm leaving now." she said quietly.

Surprise spread to Thorin's face. -Now?" he asked in confusion. His voice was hoarse and strengthless somehow. It was like the dwarf king was drained somehow, beaten. Laurelin was too afraid to ask what had happened in the meeting.

So slowly, she just nodded. -Everything has been taken care of. There's a house I can stay in." she said, trying to hide her emotions and keep her voice steady.

Thorin blinked. He looked at the floor for a long time. The air seemed heavy in the room.

-Is there anything you need to..."

-No." Laurelin cut in, trying everything to hold her emotions back. Her heart felt like it could crack into pieces any second now. -The mid-wifes have arranged it all." she added tightly.

Thorin nodded awkwardly and glanced around the room, like he wanted to argue but didn't. He cleared his voice nervously, looking like it took a lot of effort from him to be rational.-Naturally I will send something to help you with the costs."

Laurelin blinked in surprise. -There is no need."

Thorin shook his head sternly. -Yes, there is. You have taken part in this quest, even if you don't finish it. And you might need something with the..." he gestured his hand distantly towards her stomach.

She bit her lip and nodded.

If he was any other man, she would have demanded him to take responsibility of his child, but this was Thorin. She knew that if she did, she would destroy Thorin's quest and put his whole house into shame, and she loved him too much to even consider it. He was in enough trouble already.

The atmosphere was tensed.

But one question kept bothering Laurelin too much. She needed to know. She just _had_ to know.

Carefully, she tilted her head. -What did the others say?"

Thorin's features darkened and his jaw clenched. -The meeting...was a long one. Balin told me that he has explained the purpose of it to you." He swallowed. -I told them everything they wanted to know. I demanded them to abandon this quest and ban me from the line of Durin, but there were several that disagreed. So after a long while, they decided to vote."

Laurelin held her breath. -And?"

Thorin looked away. -They did not want to abandon the quest. They want to continue and travel to Erebor before Durin's Day. And they demanded me to remain as their leader and refused not to deny my kingship."

Laurelin blinked in surprise, relief flooding to her heart.

Thorin just shook his head. -I did not deserve such mercy and forgiveness from them. They could have judged me and strip me of my authority and kingship, but they did not. I broke our laws and committed the crimes, and I admitted it. I wanted them to punish me as the guilt is already heavy to bear, and the price I had to pay isn't as cruel as it should have."

Laurelin stared at him in confusion. -What price?" she asked, and walked slowly closer.

Thorin looked up at her and suddenly she noticed that there was something different about Thorin. She froze to her spot and she saw that there were long strands of hair missing from Thorin's head. There were clear marks of a dull knife here and there, and hesitantly Laurelin glanced at the fireplace, her suspicions confirmed when she spotted some of the hair burning there.

Her face filled with empathy. While with humans, their hair was not that important, but to dwarves it was their pride and they never cut if it wasn't absolutely necessary. She realized now that this was Thorin's price, to cut his hair as a sign of shame. She quickly glanced at Thorin's fingers and saw there was small cuts and dried blood on them.

Laurelin knew Thorin well enough to know that he hadn't been gentle to himself. He had torn some of the hair out with his hands, only cutting some of it, making it as painful as possible for himself. She swallowed. Thorin truly didn't think he was worth the forgiveness of the others. The guilt and the shame were still eating him from the inside, and Laurelin wanted to shake him and tell him that he should let go of his self-loathing already.

Thorin clearly noticed that she had guessed what had happened, but he didn't say anything. Instead, he looked away.

-We will continue our way to Erebor soon. We will reclaim our homeland and challenge Smaug." he said, and there was a flash of the old, familiar passionate fire in Thorin's eyes.

It mended Laurelin's aching heart a little, knowing that the quest wasn't over. That Thorin would get the chance to relaim Erebor. And she smiled, and it was a wide and genuine smile. -I'm happy to hear that." she said. -I truly am."  
But somehow she felt cold and lonely all of a sudden - abandoned, somehow. Not that the quest was going to continue, she didn't feel so responsible anymore. She hadn't ruined anything or damaged the company permanently.

She realized that she was going to be the only one left behind.

-When will you leave, then?" Laurelin asked, not able to keep her voice steady.

A flash of uncertainty and pain flashed in Thorin's face. -Within a week."

She stared at him, surprised. She had thought...she had wondered...she had presumed that Thorin would at least stay until she gave birth. But then she remembered why they were in a hurry.

-Durin's day is coming soon." she whispered as it dawned on her. It was the only chance they would have to find the secret door - it was a month from now. She gritted her teeth a little but nodded quietly.

-I would follow you into Erebor, Thorin." Laurelin said with an intensive voice. She locked eyes with the dwarf king now - she wanted him to know this. -I would have followed you there and fought for you, for myself. Most importantly, I would have fought for my dead parents and relatives that Smaug murdered."

Thorin listened her intently.

Laurelin felt numb. -But..." she glanced at her stomach. -I'm due to give birth in two or four months. So you will have to fight for me too, even if your own revenge is great and you hold no responsibility or no affection for me or my dead family members."

Thorin suddenly tilted his head and sucked in a quick breath. -That is not true." he said, barely audible.

She looked at him in confusion.

Thorin glanced at her, suddenly looking vulnerable. -You are not indifferent to me." he breathed out, and suddenly Laurelin felt like her heart could break apart. The small words made all of the pain and trouble worth feeling. All of her words stuck to her throat.

-So, yes, I will promise you, Laurelin, that I will fight for your revenge too, even if not as greatly as for my own." Thorin said with a low and strong voice.

-Thank you." Laurelin said and nodded, blinking hard. Her eyes were burning and she knew she would start crying if she didn't leave now. She looked away.

-So, I think this is goodbye then."

Thorin didn't answer. Instead, he walked slowly closer. Laurelin took a shuddering breath and turned to look at the dwarf king. Thorin looked gentle and soft, and even...sad? His features were slightly twisted into a sorrowful expression.

They stood close to each other, just breathing in and out. The shadows of the fire danced everywhere in the room, but the fire itself seemed to lack warmth.

Laurelin bit her lip and looked Thorin in the eyes. - I just want you to know that...that you did not abuse me. You did not force me into this situation. I don't want you to punish yourself because of it. Those were my own decisions, own choices, that lead into this. I wanted it as much as you did. So you're not to blame."

The room felt small and suffocating.

-I..." Laurelin started but couldn't continue. She couldn't tell him she loved him. She couldn't. Not now, not like this. She fought back tears that were dwelling somewhere at the back of her eyes. She looked at the dwarf king, painfully aware of how much she wanted him to be hers. She felt the urge to close the gap between them and never let him go. But she also knew that this would probably be the last time they saw each other. She needed to do what was right. So, swallowing her thousand unspoken words, Laurelin forced herself to say something else instead. -I wish you all the luck and good fortune in the world, Thorin." she whispered.

Laurelin's mind replayed the memory of Thorin's arms around her, their bodies tangled together, but she did not lean in and embrace Thorin. She couldn't. She squeezed her eyes shut for a moment.

Laurelin wanted nothing more to scream out that she didn't want to ever leave him, that she wanted to have him for the rest of her life, and that she wanted him into her bed, into her arms, she wanted him every way and every sense, with her, on her, in her.

But she could not have him.

Thorin was a king, and soon he would gone.

So Laurelin opened her eyes and was unable to look at Thorin anymore. She turned around on her heels and started walking towards the door, tears brimming in her eyes. She didn't give him the chance to say anything, because she knew it would break her apart if he did.

-Goodbye, Thorin Oakenshield." she said before she banged the door shut behind her.


	18. Chapter 18

**AUTHOR'S NOTE**

Hey everyone! So, the plot thickens. I'm so happy for the awesome reviews I've gotten. Please keep them coming, they keep me writing and updating!

Let's get into the story then. Please don't hate me for this chapter, haha. :D

* * *

Laurelin didn't remember anything from the long walk to her new home.

She didn't feel anything.

She refused to.

Days started to pass, all in a haze.

* * *

Laurelin didn't know when Thorin and his company would leave. But she was certain that it would happen very soon.

She felt empty and numb. Even the child growing inside of her couldn't bring joy to her grim days. She kept looking at the big, grey Lonely Mountain from her window and wondering if Smaug was still in there. Their quest had been so full of dangers that most of them had stopped worrying about the dragon altogether. But the people of Esgaroth talked about the mountain with hushed voices and shot ominous glances towards it.

Laurelin felt a bad feeling settling to her heart, never leaving her alone. If Smaug was still there, how could Thorin and the others ever beat it?

She also felt bad for leaving them all without saying goodbye properly, especially because of Bilbo and Balin, but she couldn't bear the sorrow and loss of her friends. Not right now. She didn't want to say goodbyes, because it would have meant that she had accepted her fate and the fact that she wasn't likely going to see any of them anymore.

And it physically hurt to think that.

Laurelin hardened her heart and grew quiet.

* * *

After a week had passed, Laurelin got the news: Thorin and the company had left. People sang songs about them, day and night, gossiped in the markets, repeated their names in the streets.

Her heart ached - none of the dwarves had tried to find her and say goodbyes. She was utterly alone now, in a town full of strangers, even if they were all humans like her.

Slowly, the chilly days turned into another week.

And another.

Every day Laurelin waited to get some news about Erebor, but there were none. No one knew what was happening in the Lonely Mountain, and Laurelin was restless.

Days crawled, and another week went by. She was now five and a half months pregnant. Her stomach was growing quickly, and she was getting slower because of it.

Laurelin was in a dark mood constantly, and it was only heightened because there weren't a of things she could do. She couldn't really work or do anything else useful, since everyone refused to let her lift heavy things or move around too much. Laurelin hated that she was being treated like a fragile object all the time. She was pregnant, not a half-wit.

During the nights, she dreamt of Thorin.

The memories didn't leave her alone.

* * *

When the third week had passed by, everything changed in the blink of an eye. A sudden loud sound woke up half of the town. It was like a noise of thunder that shook the air. Startled, Laurelin rushed to her window and yanked it open, and the horrifying sound only got louder. Laurelin had never heard how a dragon sounded like, but she instantly guessed that this was Smaug's roar. Restless leaves were blowing in the wind, dark clouds hanging in the sky. Some of the windows of Esgaroth were even shaking from the angry roar, even if the Lonely Mountain was far, far away.

Laurelin's heart sank and panic started to take an icy grip over her - had Smaug caught Thorin and the company? Had they awakened the dragon only to be killed by its fire brutally? Were they all dead and cold, burnt alive? Laurelin covered her mouth in shock, shaking, the baby moving restlessly inside of her.

She narrowed her eyes and stared at the Lonely Mountain, but there was no movement.

Laurelin breathed irregularly and waited - but Smaug was quiet now. If worried people weren't wondering on the streets, she could have made herself believe that this was all just a bad dream. That no harm had befallen on her friends. But somewhere deep inside, her hope was starting to fade.

* * *

If the Master of Esgaroth had reacted quickly enough, the result of the next days could have been better. Laurelin tried to warn everyone she could, suggest that they'd take precautions, but nobody really listened. The Master was a man who cared about money and wealth, and soon the fright the horrifying roar had caused was already passing.

It was the worst mistake the people of Esgaroth could have made.

It was a few days after when a similar roar tore the air and people let out frightened yelps, opening their windows and doors, worried glances thrown towards the Lonely Mountain. This time, Laurelin knew something had gone truly wrong. If Smaug was still angry, it meant that there was still something that had caused the dragon's rage to lit up. The chances were slim, but Laurelin wished from the bottom of her heart that Thorin and the others were still alive by some miracle. But that day, Smaug didn't just let his voice to break the air. Soon there was a distant rumble echoing from the hills, and soon there were lights of the flames licking the mountain, and Smaug's horrifying body flying in the air.

Alarm bells rang and people screamed - Smaug had risen and he was angry.

Panic quickly set in and Esgaroth was spiraling into uncontrollable chaos.

-The dragon! Smaug! Smaug the Terrible! Death is coming! Death is coming! Fire! Fire!" a horrified man yelled in the streets.

Laurelin's mid-wife, Haria, burst into her room and she shouted that they needed to leave the city immediately. Laurelin had no time to think - she pulled a coat over her shoulders and then Haria yanked her from the arm, pulling her away from the house.

When they went outside, they heard how people cried and wept. A lot of them were running madly around the streets, some had locked themselves into their houses, but most of them were already rushing to the forest nearby or to the several boats surrounding the lake city. In the horizon, Smaug had spread its wings, flapping them with strong movements, and everyone knew the dragon's wrath would be upon them soon.

-Laurelin, come on, we need to go! Now!" Haria shouted to her. Laurelin cursed that her belly was slowing her down, but she bit her lip hard and refused not to let the fear overcome her. She pulled Haria to a halt.

-No. We need to help the others. There is still time!" she shouted over the sea of panicked voices everywhere around her.

Haria's eyes widened and she looked at Laurelin as if she had lost her mind. -You are with child! We need to leave immediately!" she protested with a shaky voice, shivering badly and constantly glancing at the sky.

Laurelin shook her head fiercely. -I know you're scared. I am too. But we can't leave these people to die."

_-We _will die if we stay! Smaug will burn us!" Haria cried out.

Laurelin took a calming breath. -Just gather as much as people as you can. We'll lead them out of the city."

Hastily, Haria just nodded and they started to rush towards the boats and the forest, shouting to the nearest people that they needed to follow them. Laurelin's voice was soon hoarse from yelling orders and commanding the families to leave their houses behind and get into safety.

The situation had soon gotten out of hands, and Laurelin was out of breath. Her heart was banging against her ribcage, blood rushing in her ears, fear strangling her chest.

But she kept going.

Laurelin refused to look up, she refused to stop. She knew that if she saw Smaug, the sight could paralyze her with fear. And dragons were treacherous things; they could enchant people if you looked them in the eyes.

Laurelin could hear the destruction getting nearer. Suddenly they could all hear the flapping of the monstrous wings above, and Smaug's roars so terrible that they locked her ears. Never in her life had Laurelin been so scared. Smaug flew over her, and the horrible smell of the dragon almost knocked her out. But the dragon flew higher and then spiraled back, drawing in cold night air to breathe fire. Laurelin bit her lips so hard it bled. The chaotic seconds passed in a haze. She only managed to catch a glimpse of Smaug diving towards the city. Then suddenly there was smoke and fire, and Laurelin was coughing uncontrollably, staggering forward, certain that this was how she was going to die.

* * *

Further away on the gates of Erebor, Thorin and his company had rejoiced that Smaug had left the halls. They had been relieved that they hadn't needed to face the beast in a fight, and now they had all gathered to the main gates to get a good view to the lands below. But their joy soon turned to ash, as they saw the distant fire glowing in the lake below. They couldn't see Smaug from here because the city of Esgaroth quickly became a massive burning ball, clouded with long grey smoke, without shape or order.

Thorin's eyes widened as he stared down at the distant city. -No!" he cried out.

The horrifying realization dawned on them all, right there and then.

Thorin's horrified breaths got caught into his throat, and his face was filled with pure shock.

-NO!" he screamed out, and wept as he watched how Esgaroth burnt.

But the dwarves knew their king wasn't weeping for the lost lives of men. Not even because of Esgaroth itself. Dwalin and Nori had to hold Thorin back as he rushed forward madly, watching the bleak sight in horror; agony twisting his face.

Balin hung his head in sorrow. His eyes were glistening, grief overwhelming him. Slowly, he put a comforting hand on Thorin's shoulder.

-We all knew you cared about her, Thorin." the old dwarf said quietly, carefully. No one needed to speak her name aloud.

But Thorin had gone absolutely mad from the sorrow. -No!" he yelled. -No you_ don't_ understand! None of you do! I took her. I took her and held her like she was mine, and she is carrying my child!" he yelled frantically, still struggling to get free from Dwalin and Nori holding him on place.

Balin sighed, gritting his teeth in empathy.

Thorin didn't take his eyes off the burning city. -And now...Now that cursed Smaug has burnt Esgaroth. This is my fault." His voice was getting higher and more despaired.  
-She is burning, Balin, _burning_! Burning to ashes, slowly. Valar will be cursed! By Mahal, I wanted her! _Draqzaak_!"

Everyone was eerily quiet. Thorin's heavy breaths were the only ones breaking the silence. All the relief they had felt over Smaug leaving had faded. Now they all stood there in shock, watching how the city that had welcome them was burning, red flames eating hungrily everything in its way.

The air was black with smoke, just like their heavy hearts.

Thorin's struggles slowly died down and now, he slid to his knees strengthlessly, moaning miserable curses in khuzdul. The whole company was mourning. Even if the dwarves had felt disapproval of Thorin's and Laurelin's behaviour and of the unborn bastard child, no one would have wished this kind of fate upon her.

Laurelin had been their friend. They had liked her, gotten fond of her. Even missed her since she had been left behind. And every one of them were struck by sadness and grief as they watched powerlessly the big funeral pyre gleaming in the night. Bilbo was the only one who wept openly, and the poor hobbit found no comfort from Balin's words or reassurances of revenge from the dwarves.

Suddenly the price for getting Erebor back seemed high.


	19. Chapter 19

**AUTHOR'S NOTE**

Hey! So after a rather cruel cliffhanger, here is the new chapter. The amount of follows and hits is truly astonishing. Thanks so much for everyone!

Also, one of you said you couldn't differ my writing from my Tolkien's, and let me tell you - that is one of the biggest compliments I've ever heard. I've been a Tolkien fan almost 10 years, so this is really flaterring. Wow.

There were also requests to write about Fili, Kili and the others reacting to the situation. I'm thinking about this, and I might add something to the future chapters. :)

Alright, but let's get into the story, then. Please review!

* * *

When Laurelin opened her eyes, she had no idea where she was.

It took a moment before her vision sharpened and she realized she was in a forest, curtains of smoke floating somewhere far above her.

Slowly, the memories kicked in. They weren't very specific - screams, fire, smoke, chaos. By pure luck and with the help of Haria, Laurelin had somehow managed to get into safety in time. She was among the lucky ones, and even if she had stopped and helped others, dragging other people after her, she had had enough time to escape. She had gotten her left arm burnt a little, but it would heal.

But Smaug hadn't gotten her. She was still alive - dirty and smelling like smoke - but very much alive. The baby seemed to be fine, too, moving around from time to time.

Laurelin got up carefully from the ground she had been sleeping on, and sighed sadly. Everywhere she looked, she saw destruction. The lake was still steaming, as Smaug's enormous body had fallen to the shallow water. The dragon's fire had been put out, but the smoke would remain there for a long, long time.

Esgaroth had been burnt. The beautiful, lively city was no more. But houses could be rebuilt, and most importantly, Smaug was dead. An archer called Bard had killed the dragon with a single arrow.

Most of the people have survived. This wasn't the end.

But Laurelin kept glancing towards the Lonely Mountain, anxiety in her heart.

She knew that there was no way Thorin and the others could be alive.

But somehow, she couldn't stop hoping she was wrong.

* * *

Laurelin was now spending her time among the other survivors, trying to make sense of the situation. After the first shock had passed, Laurelin started to think forward. She was almost six months pregnant now, and she knew that the winter was coming soon and the weather was getting colder. And there had been rumours of the elves gathering in Mirkwood.

Smaug's treasure was now unprotected, and the news had spread far. It was only the matter of time before people would start to become greedy.

But Laurelin was only thinking the strong walls and doors of Erebor, and the shelter they could offer.

She decided to take the situation into her own hands, and searched the archer Bard. Bard was a bleak but honest man, and after she had explained her situation, Bard just nodded.  
-I am heading to visit Erebor. I am taking a small group with me. If you truly want to come, then I will not stop you." he said.  
-I'm insisting." Laurelin said.  
She knew that Thorin and the others were probably all dead, but she needed to be sure. She knew it wasn't wise to go alone, especially in her condition, and Bard knew the way to the Lonely Mountain. Besides, she couldn't stay here. Several people said that it would take months before there would be any houses built, and by then it would be winter. Mirkwood wasn't naturally an option, and she didn't really have time to travel anywhere else.  
Laurelin knew she had to get into some place warm for the baby's sake, and she couldn't give birth here.

No matter how mad it seemed, she was going to Erebor.

And so, after four days in the camp of the survivors, Laurelin, Bard, Haria and seven others formed a small company that left to travel Erebor.

The journey was long and weary, and Laurelin felt exhausted more than once. But they kept going, traveling through the desolation of Smaug, and she thanked her luck that she had a pony to ride on - she was now six months pregnant. Her stomach was getting frustratingly big - it started to look like a balloon more than a bump. She was also constantly getting slower because of the extra weight, and Laurelin was now quite certain that she would give birth in a month just like the dwarven women. She also hoped that it would be the case, because her back was constantly aching and she hated to be so immobile all the time.

Laurelin was too scared to hope that the company had survived. It was too good to be true - Smaug had most likely burnt them all. But as long as she had no proof, a stubborn hope refused to die out in her heart.

She didn't want to believe that the child inside her was all that was left of Thorin Oakenshield.

* * *

When they finally approached Erebor, Smaug had been dead about a week. Laurelin stared at the huge Lonely Mountain in wonder - even if the gates and the surroundings had still marks of a dragon's wrath, she hadn't pictured Erebor to be so impressive. Laurelin started to understand why Thorin had been so bitter for losing it - this wasn't a nasty goblin city. It was a beautiful, magnificent dwarven fortress, even if the grass had grown high and most of the stone was broken.

It was quiet.

As if the dragon had silenced all sounds of life, even the birds seemed to be gone.

Laurelin quickly forgot to admire the view, since her heart started to take pace. She was torn between hope and bitterness - she couln't allow delusional hopes to crush her heart. There was no way anyone could be alive here. She swallowed and forced the emotions aside.

Bard demanded to approach the gates alone, leaving her and the others behind. They all feared that Thorin and his company would be found dead, or that there were other vile creatures lurking around the mountain. But when Bard got closer to the gates, for their surprise, a familiar stern voice answered from the gates.

-Hold! Who are you and what is your business here?" it said.

Laurelin would have known that voice anywhere.

_Thorin._

Her breath got stuck to her throat and Laurelin snapped her head up, eyes widening. For a moment, she wondered if she was hallucinating, if this was just the product of her own imagination. Her heart started to beat fast, hope suddenly flooding to her. When Bard didn't answer anything, Thorin repeated his question.

-Who are you, and what is your business here?" Thorin shouted.

It was definitely him. Laurelin started to shake.

She felt so relieved that her heart could have burst out of her chest. Hastily, she pulled her hood off and walked after Bard, against all the orders, and approached the gates quickly. She passed Bard defiantly, ignoring his nervous protests. She could hear someone, probably Kili, drawing an arrow as a warning.

Thorin raised his now irritated voice to repeat his questions for a third time, but then he leant over the balustrade and his voice suddenly got caught into his throat. Laurelin looked up, only to lock her eyes with Thorin's. Even all of the empty space between them couldn't stop a shiver going through her. Thorin looked like he had seen a ghost, and colour drained from his face. Laurelin's heart jumped, an overwhelming happiness washing over her. Laurelin felt her heart mending itself and all the sorrow was now gone, like it had never been there in the first place.

-By Mahal." Thorin breathed out, eyes wide.

Slowly, Laurelin's lips curved into a smile and she let out a breath she was holding.

Kili's bow was immediately lowered and thrown aside, and then the heads of the other dwarves started to pop up and rejoicing voices filled the air. Their disbelief was laced with utter joy and Laurelin blinked tears hastily from her eyes. It seemed like a miracle that they were all live.  
Bard, however, turned to look at her and eyed her critically. -You mentioned you knew Thorin Oakenshield, but I never realized you were so close to them." he said quietly and his eyes swept over her stomach, then back at her face.

The sudden realization filled Bard's face, but he was wise enough not to say anything.

Laurelin barely heard him, as she took in the familiar faces she had missed so much.

Within a few moments, the dwarves quickly opened the gates partly to let her and Bard in. As soon as the doorway was open, Bilbo ran to Laurelin and hugged her tightly. The hobbit tried to say something, but he wasn't able to talk. Instead, he started crying and Laurelin just laughed and hugged him back, even if her belly was slightly in the way.

The whole air was radiating relief. None of the dwarves looked at her unkindly. They all still stared at her like they couldn't believe their eyes, looking happy and bright, and the weight of guilt finally let go of Laurelin. After all the long months she had felt ashamed to have broken so many of the dwarven laws, she saw that the dwarves were just as happy as she was for this reunion.

When Bilbo finally let go of her, Balin came forward and took Laurelin's hand between his own and smiled at her.

-We are so happy to see you're well." the old dwarf said with a thick voice, tears of joy glistening in his eyes.

-Me too." Laurelin said and pulled Balin into a hug, burying her face into his white hair.  
Balin held her tightly. -Thank Mahal." he mumbled.

Smiling, Laurelin let go and turned to look at Thorin.

The dwarf king was standing a few feet from her and looked still stunned and pale, like he couldn't believe his eyes. He was white as a sheet. Laurelin felt her heart fluttering unsteadily when she eyed him. She flashed a weak smile to Thorin and gave him a small nod. She thanked the Valar to see him once again.

-We thought you were lost in the fire." Thorin finally breathed out, eyes wide.

Laurelin sighed. -For a moment, I thought so too. But we got out in time. Smaug burned the whole city down, but most of the people of Esgaroth escaped."

She swallowed and took a long, stuttering breath. All of a sudden her pent-up emotions were flooding to her. -And we thought that you were all gone, too, when we saw the flames and heard Smaug roaring above the mountain."

Bilbo shook his head, smiling and brushing tears from his cheeks. -I got my feet burnt a little, but we are all fine." he said happily.

Laurelin nodded. -Smaug is dead. You have gotten Erebor back." She turned to look at Thorin gently. -Congratulations." she whispered and Thorin just nodded slowly, still not fully recovered from the shock.

But then the other dwarves were already taking her further inside, offering her food and drink and making sure she was warm enough. Everyone was just so happy that they had survived, and none of them showed any disapproval.

Bard and the rest of the group were welcomed inside too, even if they were a little wary and stayed mostly on their own.

Laurelin felt so incredibly happy to be back, to have her friends around her, to hear them all laugh and joke and tell stories, sing, eat and drink. She enjoyed every moment. It was like she had gotten home after a long time. She had felt so lonely in Esgaroth. So isolated. Now she was sitting in front of a fire, with all of the dwarves around her, loud and merry. Every second felt like a gift, every moment passed quickly.

The tension of the company and the poisonous silence were gone. Now they were all back to normal, like the merry gathering they had been before.

Thorin, however, sat further away from the company and barely talked. He kept staring at Laurelin every time he thought she didn't notice. Laurelin wanted nothing more than to run to him and embrace him, but she didn't want to cause any trouble. And it seemed that Thorin hadn't recovered from her return, so she gave him time to take it all in.

In the next few hours, she laughed more freely than she had in months.

* * *

When the dwarves finally started to spread out and go to sleep for the night, Laurelin pushed herself slowly up. She had to take some support from a wall and she inwardly cursed how slow she had become - she was now six months and one week pregnant. If she was lucky, she'd give birth within a month, and she almost prayed that she would, because the thought of the child growing until nine months seemed horrible. She would become enormous and giving birth to the child could become tricky.

Laurelin struggled for balance, and then Thorin was suddenly next to her and offering his arm to her. She looked up in surprise but Thorin didn't move, just kept still. His sudden proximity made her skin feel hotter. Laurelin huffed.

-I'm not a cripple, you know." she said with a slight smile playing at her lips.

-No, but you might as well be with that speed." Thorin said dryly.

Warmth sparked in Laurelin's heart and she chuckled incredulously, but couldn't help but to smile. -You can blame only yourself." she shot back and straightened up now. Thorin looked surprised and uncertain, but Laurelin just flashed another playful smile at him and Thorin just shook his head, his lips twitching a little. He took a sobering breath.

-You can have one of the chambers near the main hall. Ori and Dori cleaned it up. It used to belong to one of my cousins." Thorin said when he started to lead her to the corridors. His touch seemed to heat up her skin.

Laurelin nodded. -Thank you." she said quietly. She didn't really need his support anymore, but Laurelin didn't want to let go of Thorin's arm and Thorin did nothing to pull it away. So their arms stayed tangled and thier bodies close to each other.

They walked in silence. Soon they had left the main hall behind, and they were alone. Somehow Laurelin knew that Thorin had something he wanted to say. She tried to guess what it was, and how could things go from here - she couldn't go back to Esgaroth now. She would have to give birth in Erebor, because the winter was almost upon them and it would take a long time until Esgaroth could provide a house and warmth enough for the baby. So she wasn't going anywhere in a while. They would need to talk about it.

But she didn't want to bring it up now. Not when she had just gotten her friends back and she was with Thorin, the man she loved and she had thought she would never see again.

But all Laurelin's thoughts were suddenly interrupted when they stepped to the throne room. Her breath got stuck to her throat and Laurelin blinked, gasping as the mighty halls of Erebor surrounded her. She froze and unconsciously tightened her grip from Thorin's arm.

Thorin's head snapped towards her instantly. -What? What is wrong?" he asked urgently. He stopped too and eyed her with a careful and worried expression, but Laurelin didn't even notice. She was too busy looking up and turning her head slowly, admiring the handwork of the dwarves and the diamonds and gold glistening on the walls.

Erebor was all so breathtakingly beautiful and stunning that she was frozen to her spot.

Thorin seemed to realize the true cause of her behaviour and relaxed. He smiled in the dim light.

-Do my halls please your eye?" Thorin asked.

-They're magnificent." Laurelin breathed out.. -Incredible." She added and tried to get a better look, but the halls were too dark without torches in the nighttime. She caught a glimpse of the huge treasure piles further away, but she guessed there was a lot of more of it somewhere else.

-When they told stories about Erebor in the Inns of Bree, they said it was beautiful...They said the treasure was stunning. But this was beyond my imagination. The details, the carvings...It's more beautiful than I could have ever imagined." Laurelin said with a husky tone.

Thorin was beaming with pride next to her. -I'm glad to hear that." he said, and she finally turned towards him. Thorin's eyes were gleaming with odd dwarven fire, and he looked every inch of the king he was now.

Their eyes locked in the dark and they stared at each other in silence. Suddenly Laurelin felt a rush of affection flowing through her. She took a shuddering breath.

-I thought you...you all died. That Smaug had..."

Thorin swallowed and looked pained. Laurelin bit her lip, tears brimming in her eyes. -People were singing mourning songs for you." she added.

Thorin suddenly looked torn and he took a troubled breath. -We thought the same." he said. -That the cursed dragon had burnt..." but Thorin's voice broke and he turned his head away, taking a deep breath.

Suddenly it dawned on Laurelin how deeply affected Thorin had been. How much it had pained him to think she had died. Suddenly Laurelin felt warmth filling her chest. She felt another powerful rush of affection and took a gentle grip from Thorin's arm.

-But we are both alive, aren't we?" Laurelin said gently and smiled.  
-Or well...all the three of us." she whispered.

Thorin looked at her and his eyes were so vulnerable that it almost knocked the air out of her. Thorin glanced at her round belly and then her, looking torn and pained.

-_Kzizak nú zean ru_." Thorin whispered.

Laurelin looked at him in slight confusion. The dwarf king looked like he had said something important to her, but she couldn't understand a word of khuzdul - the dwarves never taught their secret language to anyone.

-I don't..."

Thorin just shook his head, like he didn't want her to ask. So she didn't. They stood in silence and she wondered how badly Thorin had reacted to the thought of her dying. Had it changed something?  
Thorin looked like he wanted to say something, and kept struggling with himself. But in the end, the dwarf king just shook his head again.

-I'll show you the chambers." Thorin said quietly and started to lead her forward again. She felt a sting of disappointment but ignored it.

Laurelin walked beside him in silence. The baby suddenly kicked her and she grimaced a little. She was used to this already, so she didn't pay too much attention to it. Then it happened again, and the kick landed on her left side where Thorin's arm was.

Thorin's steps slowed down and he looked up, confused.

She chuckled, amused. -That wasn't me." She kept walking, so Thorin had to follow her, until the baby kicked again and she winced lightly. Thorin's eyes were a little wide.

Laurelin couldn't help but to smile. -The baby really has some strength if the kicking is anything to go by."

Thorin huffed. -Of course, bastard or not, the child is still of Durin."

-And as stubborn, too." Laurelin mumbled. Thorin threw her an odd glance but didn't say anything. Laurelin enjoyed secretly how Thorin talked about the baby, with passionate tone. She played with the thought of Thorin raising the child with her, how protective and loving father he could be. Laurelin had seen that side of him briefly whenever Thorin was with his nephews. She bit her lip as it all seemed like a dream, too good to be true.

They finally reached the door and Thorin stopped.

-If you need anything..."

-Yes. I will find my way back to the main hall or call someone." Laurelin said as she said as she started to pull her arm away. But Thorin glanced at her hand and stopped her, taking a light grip from her wrist. He furrowed his brows, turning her hand around carefully and lifting it closer.

-What's this?" he asked, worried.

Laurelin had almost forgotten that Smaug's fire had burnt her left hand. It was partly covered in bandages, but it had almost healed already.

-Dragon fire." she said.

Thorin's eyes snapped up, anger and surprise flashing in his eyes. -Were you hurt?" he asked with an intensive voice, his loathing for Smaug shining from his face and tone. Laurelin felt touched by how concerned he immediately was. She smiled faintly.

-No. It's just my hand. And it has almost healed." she said.

Thorin looked relieved. He looked down to her hand, tracing his finger above the bandge. Part of the burn was visible, and he brushed it gently, careful not to hurt her. Laurelin's skin heated up, and this fire was a lot hotter than Smaug's, and even more painful.

-This will leave a scar." Thorin said bitterly.

Laurelin lifter her chin. -And I'll carry it with pride. Not many have lived after being burnt by a dragon."

Thorin looked at her oddly, almost admiringly. Then he looked back down, realizing that their hands were still joined. Once again, like so many times before, the air between them electrified.

Unspoken words and desires hung in the air. Thorin let slowly go of her hand, even if Laurelin wished he hadn't.

She bit her lip. Thorin hovered there on the doorway.

Laurelin wanted nothing more than to close the gap between them and kiss him. To take him to her to the room, hold him and listen to his heart beating, feel the warmth of his skin, feel how he was so alive. Her king, her fierce king...Here. Right now, so close, so warm. They were both alive. They had both survived the dragon. They were both _here_. And she wanted to hold him and never let him go.

Instead, Laurelin forced herself not to move.

-Thank you, Thorin." she said quietly. She didn't even know whether she was thanking for the room or the fact that he had survived. She felt more grateful for the latter.

Thorin just nodded, watching her tenderly. He took a slow, hesitant step closer. They hadn't touched each other after that night in Esgaroth, not really. They hadn't even embraced on the gates, Thorin had been too stunned. But now they were alone. And so close.

-I am glad that you are well. That you're here" Thorin said with his low voice. Laurelin had to force to keep her arms down and not to wrap them around him. She blinked, breath hitching. -Me too." she said, eyes flickering to his lips and then back again.

Their breathing mixed together in the dim doorway. Thorin leant slowly closer, their faces inches from each other. Her heart jumped a little, skin tingling with heat.

Thorin closed his eyes, their foreheads almost touching. He breathed in and out. In and out...Like he was in a battle with himself. His lips ghosted against hers, brushing them gently. But none of them moved, they were frozen like this. Laurelin shivered, her heart on fire. She wanted him so badly. She took in every detail of how he scented, looked, felt like. Thorin's lips touched hers as lightly as a feather. Seconds passed.

But then Thorin blinked his eyes slowly open and leant back, stepping backwards.

-Good night, Laurelin." he said with a strained voice, before turning away with heavy steps.

-Good night." Laurelin managed to reply unsteadily.

And when she closed the door of her room, she pressed her forehead against the cool wood.


	20. Chapter 20

**AUTHOR'S NOTE  
**Hey again! I'm rather busy with school stuff right now, so it has taken me a few more days than the usual to update. Also, my shoulder is lighty sprained so I have to avoid making it worse. But I couldn't keep away from writing this chapter since things are going to get interesting. :)

One of you said that this fic is nice to read since it's not all rainbows, sunshine and sugar-coated happiness all over. I'm so glad to hear that. Because I wanted this to be a more realistic story than that, with the characters feeling uncertainty and conflicted emotions about things.

So yeah, that's about it. Reviews are always very welcome! :)

* * *

The next week was busy for all of them.

The dwarves started to repair the places that Smaug had destroyed, and cleaning the halls and chambers. They went through the treasure piles, and Laurelin, too, saw the whole treasure and she spent many minutes just staring at it because the stories she had heard about Thrór's gold had not given it justice. There were more gold, jewels and valuable things in Erebor than she could have ever imagined. And for the first time in her life Laurelin partly understood the greed and admiration in the dwarven hearts for gold. But it chilled her to the bone to know how many had died because of it.

And how many could still die?

She didn't want to think about it.

* * *

Soon, Laurelin became bored. When the first wave of relief and happiness over the miraculous reunion had passed, everyone had their hands full of work. But Laurelin couldn't help with the cleaning, not really, because she wasn't allowed to lift any heavy things and she was too slow to be useful.

So most of the days she spent keeping company to the dwarves or wandering the halls of Erebor. Bilbo was often with her, and they talked and laughed for hours in a row. The hobbit wasn't too interested in the treasure. Instead, he told with great detail how he had talked with Smaug and had gotten his feet burnt. Laurelin admired the Bilbo's courage - he had truly become a hero during this journey; he barely resembled the scared little hobbit who had fainted just because of a story about Smaug in Bag End all those months ago.

They had all changed. None of them would ever be the same the were before, both in a good and a bad way.

Laurelin still kept getting bigger. She was now six months and two weeks pregnant, and she knew that she was due to give birth soon. It was the matter of weeks - two or three maybe - if the dwarven calendar was anything to go by. She was starting to feel nervous, now, and thanked her luck that Haria was there to help her at least. The baby seemed to be fine, though - moving around a lot right under her heart. Laurelin had feared that the smoke she had inhaled in Esgaroth could have injured the child, but it didn't seem to be the case.

Thorin also spent some time with her every day, making sure she was alright. But the dwarf king's good mood started to darken day by day. Laurelin didn't know why, since they had gotten Erebor back and Smaug was dead, and everything seemed to have gone better than expected. Everyday, Thorin kept going through the treasure, growing somehow irritated, as if he was looking for something he couldn't find.

A bad feeling took a hold of Laurelin.

She sensed that something was off, but no matter how hard she tried, she couldn't put her finger on it.

* * *

Another week crawled by.

Laurelin was slow and she had trouble getting up, and couldn't get a comfortable position anywhere. Bilbo tried to help her as much as he could, even if Laurelin usually tried not to show her discomfort. Her back was constantly aching, and Laurelin found herself wishing that the baby could be born already. Her stomach was round and big, and if it got any bigger than that, it could soon cause some problems.

It hadn't been necessary to tell the dwarves that she wasn't in any condition to travel now, and that she would have to give birth here in Erebor. Everyone seemed to have realized that, and none of them even asked about it from her.

Oddly, the dwarves seemed to have come to terms with the situation. None of them showed any disapproval towards her. Ori, Dori and Bifur even seemed to become more polite and almost protective around her, constantly asking if she needed anything or could they help.

Laurelin knew that dwarven children were rare and usually cherished, since dwarven women weren't as many in number than the men. But she wasn't a dwarf and the child inside of her was half-human and half-dwarf, so she had no idea how the dwarves reacted in general to cross-breeds. They were rare in Middle-Earth. The only one she knew of were the children of Beren and Lúthien, that were half-elves, half-human.

But she had never heard about half-dwarves. Dwarves usually stayed in their own kingdoms, and rarely interacted with humans or elves in any other matters than when it was about selling or trading.

Then again, Laurelin knew very well that Thorin hadn't planned to sleep with her in the first place, not to even mention the fact that she had gotten pregnant.

Or that they had done it again after that. Twice.

Even the thought of their shared nights heated up her skin and filled her head with hot images. Laurelin wondered if Thorin still thought about her in the same way. Whether there was still attraction and lust between them.

But then Laurelin remembered how tenderly Thorin had looked at her on the night she had arrived, how he had almost kissed her. How torn and pained Thorin looked every time a tensed silence fell between them, their bodies touched, or their eyes locked for a long time.

For a while, Laurelin had mistaken it for guilt. That Thorin had still felt guilty about the situation.

But now she was starting to think that it was something more.

That maybe Thorin was struggling with feelings too, the feelings he was denying he had.

Or was she just being hopeful? And delusional?

Sadly, Laurelin knew that she was a lost cause in this matter. Her feelings had only gotten stronger after she had thought that Thorin had been gone forever. The slow burn in her chest had become a constant flame.

* * *

Days went slowly by.

Bofur and Nori joked about her getting heavier than Bombur, which didn't really seem to please Bombur but Laurelin laughed freely, since she enjoyed the fresh atmosphere in Erebor.

It was like the air had been cleaned of all the harsh words and bitter thoughts that had hung heavily around the company back in Esgaroth. The dwarves seemed to have accepted her condition and most of them didn't show any signs of holding a grudge against her.

Laurelin felt like she could breathe properly in months. Her laughter was genuine again.

Balin, too, was as sweet as always. But more than once Laurelin caught him eyeing Thorin with a worried glance, and she didn't know what to make of it. Clearly she wasn't the only one who had noticed their king turning grimmer everyday.

Fili and Kili were excited and playful as ever. They had never seen Erebor in their lives, and Thorin spent many hours with them, showing them the rooms and halls, talking them in khuzdul with a serious tone. The dwarf princes beamed with pride and wonder.  
Laurelin knew that Fili was next in line to the throne, then Kili - but she also remembered what Balin had said. That without Thorin disowning the child inside of her, the baby was the heir of the throne.

This bothered Laurelin. She still had no idea what would happen after the baby was born. What would Thorin do? Would he disown the child? Would he send her away? Or would he ask her to stay? What was really going on between them anyway? And how would they go on from there?

Despite the good spirits of the dwarves, there were dark clouds gathering to the horizon.

The feeling of dread in her heart just grew, and Laurelin feared it was all just calm before the storm.

* * *

As much as she had wanted to be proved wrong, soon things went haywire.

The raven messengers alerted them about Thranduil and his elven army were approaching Erebor. Thorin, as expected, didn't react well.

Then Bard and his few companions claimed that they wanted to have a part of a tresure. Bard's reasoning seemed fair and justified, but Thorin casted them all out of Erebor in blind rage. He was furious of people wanting to get their hands on the treasure.

Not long after that, the Mirkwood elves arrived to the gates, and Bard and the others joined them. Only Haria was left - even in his state of fury, Thorin had seemed to realize that a mid-wife was crucial to have around now.

Thorin's rage was out of control. He barked curses in khuzdul, yelling angry accusations towards the elves. He paced around, kicked a few chairs aside and threw his hands into the air.

-No help came from the elves on the day Erebor was taken. None. And what about when we were starving, dying and lost in Mirkwood? They treated us as like enemies and prisoners, they interrogated us and delayed our journey. Twice, they turned their backs. And now they have the nerve to claim my treasure? They are traitors and hypocrites. The line of Durin have given many sacrifices, suffered many unnecessary deaths. My brother, father, and grandfather died because of Erebor. They have died, and what has Thranduil lost? His men? His kingdom? His family? No! That pointy-eared traitor has not lost even a single strand of his hair! If he dares to show his pretty elven head in my gates, I'll just might strike it off from his shoulders!" he roared.

Even if the other dwarves weren't as bitter and angry as Thorin, they all held a grudge against Thranduil. And they had no intention to give any of the treasure to him.

The dwarves stood grimly around their king, everyone tightening their grip on their weapons.

When Laurelin heard about this, she rushed to the others. Thorin had already disagreed to give any of the treasure to the elves and turned Thranduil and Bard away from his gates, and he was still furious. Laurelin knew better than to argue with him, right now. She knew it was no use to try and calm Thorin down or see other side of things.

But Laurelin wasn't stupid. She knew that if Thorin didn't agree to any of the terms Thranduil and Bard gave him, there would be a war ahead of them. And she didn't want that happen in any circumstances. Too many people had already died because of the gold. While she understood Thorin's rage, she didn't approve of his strict disagreement.

Laurelin stood aside when Thorin hissed angry curses and accusations, eyeing the other dwarves critically. Some of them looked as angry as Thorin, but there were flashes of doubt in them too.

In the end, Balin, Ori and even Fili and Kili questioned Thorin's decision openly.

They pointed out the possibility of war, should they refuse.

-Let them come, then!" Thorin roared. -Let them come and try to get in! There might not be a lot of us, but Dain will come. He didn't answer my call when this quest began, but he will answer now. He has an army. And not a single elf will walk into Erebor while I still breathe. Not a single one of my enemies will get a hold of the treasure of my ancestors, do you hear me?!"

The halls were eerily quiet.

The light of the day seemed to turn grey.

* * *

Laurelin waited. She wanted to wait until Thorin had calmed down, and she would be able to try and talk some sense into him.

Except Thorin didn't calm down. He become brooding, quiet and paranoid. He spent hours in the treasure room, and finally he declared that he wanted the Arkenstone, and everyone who would take it without giving it to him would be a traitor and an outcast.

Laurelin's bad feeling only grew. It was like she could hear the domino pieces starting to fall down, towards something terrible.

Other dwarves became edgy and wary around their king, too. The singing and laughter once again faded, and Erebor was ghostly silent again - as if there weren't any living things inside it anymore. Everyone avoided Thorin and they now kept watch night and day at the gates, since the elven army had come to stay.  
Laurelin was constantly feeling tired now, since she was so heavily pregnant. She didn't have the energy to confront Thorin right now, and she stayed in her chambers a lot. Besides, Thorin barely ever left the treasure room, searching for the Arkenstone for hours and hours in a row.

Day by day, Laurelin started to feel a bit under the weather and Bilbo mentioned that she looked pale and got worried about her. Haria said she wasn't a physician but a mere mid-wife, so she couldn't tell what was wrong with her, either. Haria just said that the baby had grown really big already, and it could cause some trouble if she didn't go into labour soon.

Laurelin spent several days on her chambers, mostly in her bed, and tried to hide the growing pains in her back and stomach. She felt like her back was on fire constantly. She was able to keep up her facade when Bilbo or Haria were visiting her, but when she was alone, she winced and moaned every time she moved. She cursed aloud more than once.

The rare times she got up to eat or walk, were unpleasant and slightly painful. She had become exhausted and pale, and her spirits were low.

Thorin seemed like a completely other person now, obsessed with the treasure. It was like the world around him had become distant, and he couldn't connect with it.

It was Balin who had finally forced Thorin to react to Laurelin's weakening condition. Laurelin hadn't seen Thorin in days, and even when he had been there, he really wasn't. His mind was somewhere else completely.

Thorin happened to walk into the chambers right when Laurelin had gathered the courage to ask something that had been on her mind for a long time now.

-I...I really don't know how to say this in any other way, but...is there anything to start the labour?"

Haria sighed. The elderly mid-wife looked like she had expected to hear the question for a long time now. -Yes. There are some herbs that..."

-What is this?" Thorin asked frustratedly as he stood on the doorway. He looked harsh and cold, and Laurelin simply didn't have the energy to pretend she was completely fine. She hadn't slept properly in days, the threat of war was constantly on her mind and everything around her was draining her.

So Laurelin just squeezed her eyes shut and rested her head against the wall, hand on her now large belly. She knew she was pale and looked sick, but she hadn't expected Thorin to visit. She almost hoped he had stayed away, and wouldn't have seen her like this.

-What is wrong?" Thorin demanded from Haria angrily.

The mid-wife kept her irritation out of her tone, even if it could be seen from her face. -She is almost due. But the baby is growing so fast that it's starting to press her from the inside out. It causes her pain and drains her from her strength. I have never seen anything like this. I guess it is because the child is half-blooded human." she said sharply and for a moment Thorin looked like he was going to smack her, but then suddenly at least some emotion returned to his face.

He fell silent.

Haria put her hands on her hips and studied Laurelin. -I don't have those herbs with me, Laurelin. They were all lost in Esgaroth's fire. And winter is coming, so I don't know if we can find them anywhere on the wild."

-No one can leave." Thorin mumbled. -There is an elven army outside."

Haria glared at him. -So you'd risk the child and Laurelin just because of that?"

Thorin looked at her coldly. -You didn't say anything about a life-threatening situation." he barked.

-Please." Laurelin whimpered and they both fortunately fell quiet. -Just stop." she breathed out, and winced as the simple gesture caused her pain.

Without saying anything else, Haria helped her to lay down and Laurelin was happy to do so. After that, the mid-wife left the chambers and Thorin was left standing in the middle of the room.

He slowly approached her bed. Her dark hair was messily framing her head. Laurelin breathed in and out superficially and turned her tired eyes to Thorin.

All of a sudden, Thorin seemed to realize the true extent of misery she was in. Some emotion cracked into his face and he eyed her with slight worry.

-Are you in pain?" the king asked.

Laurelin just nodded. It was no use in lying.

Thorin sighed. Laurelin squeezed her eyes shut once again and felt exhausted, like her eyelids weighed like lead.

-Just go." she finally said with an unsteady and pained voice. -You don't need to see me like this. Besides, you seemed so busy trying to find Arkenstone and caressing your gold that there is no need to watch this instead of all the jewels."

She knew she sounded bitter, but she was too tired to pretend like his transformation didn't make her heart ache.

Thorin just stood there without saying anything.

Laurelin was about to continue when the baby kicked and she cried out, wriggling weakly in pain. Thorin startled and yelled the mid-wife to get back there this instant, but Haria had left already. Besides, there wasn't anything she could have done.

Laurelin kept her eyes closed and bit her lip from the pain, praying that the baby didn't kick her again. Fortunately, it didn't happen again. Thorin asked her something but she didn't hear, instead her eyes watered of all the pent-up pain and emotion, and Laurelin hated how weak she must have seemed.

It was Thorin's touch that forced her to listen, to open her eyes. Thorin was now looming over her, eyes wide and worry written all over his face. For the first time in a long while, he looked almost like himself again. Laurellin realized he had tried to say something to her but she hadn't answered.

Laurelin looked at the dwarf king with glistening eyes.

Thorin was right there next to her, but he really wasn't. His mind and heart were somewhere else.

-I should have burned." Laurelin suddenly said out loud.

Thorin froze completely. -What did you say?" he asked, incredulous.

Laurelin closed her eyes once again. -In Esgaroth. I should have burned."

The dwarf king let out a shocked huff. -Why in Durin's name would you wish something like that?" he asked angrily.

She sighed. -Because Smaug got you after all, Thorin. You didn't win. The dragon did. You share Smaug's obsession and madness over cold metal and pretty things. Your judgement is clouded by your greed, Thorin. You're calling deaths upon all of us if you welcome war and want everything to yourself."

Thorin sucked in a breath loudly. He raised his voice. -You can not..."

-Yes I can." Laurelin interrupted, but her tone was slow and melancholic. She opened her eyes and locked them with Thorin's. -I see no difference in who sits at the top of a golden hill if they are obsessed with it. You just switched the places with Smaug. So yes, Thorin, I wish that I had burned in Esgaroth, rather than to live and see how Smaug has killed the man I loved."

Her last words seemed to catch Thorin off guard, and he just stared at her, his angry words stuck at her throat. She loved him. What was the point of hiding it anymore? She had said it before. It wasn't like Thorin didn't know it already.

He had so much anger and bitterness inside of him that it scared Laurelin. She wanted to make it go away, to see and feel the Thorin that had held her in their shared nights, who had been fierce and tender at the same time.

The man before him was like a shadow of himself.

The dragon sickness had poisoned him.

And now Laurelin just looked at Thorin with disappointment and her heart aching. She just shook her head, turning it away. For a moment, Thorin stood there, but said nothing. Then he turned around on his heels and left the room.

If Laurelin could have rolled onto her stomach, she would have done that and buried her face into the pillow.


	21. Chapter 21

**AUTHOR'S NOTE**

Hey! So, the situation gets even trickier in this chapter. (As if it wasn't tricky enough already, haha)

Please give me a review? It makes me update faster! :)

* * *

Dain and his army were approaching the Lonely Mountain three days later. Laurelin heard from Bilbo that the war was upon them, but she felt powerless to do anything, even if Balin told her that whatever she had said to Thorin, had finally put some sense back to their king.

The threat of war hung heavily over Erebor.

Blood-shed seemed inevitable.

Five hundred fierce dwarves from the Iron Hills would soon be there, ready to fight to the death. The elves kept their bows close by, and the survivors of Esgaroth sharpened their swords.

All because of Thrór's treasure.

The elves had made a camp outside the gates, their constant presence reminding everyone that the war would start soon, if Thorin didn't change his decision by some miracle.

At least Thorin had calmed down a little and started to talk with the others again. While he refused to negotiate with the elves and silenced the other dwarves' arguments about the situation, he didn't spend hours in the treasure room anymore. It was a good sign after all.

Laurelin's weakened condition and her harsh, honest words seemed to have affected Thorin, but the dwarf king stayed quiet and moody nonetheless. Everyone avoided him most of the time, since the transformation in him seemed to confuse and worry the others, too. But they didn't question his authority or kingship, even if some of them disagreed with him.

But Thorin didn't come to visit Laurelin.

She didn't know whether to feel relieved or bitter about it. While she was still angry at him for being such a stubborn idiot, she still missed him and thought about him constantly. Laurelin wished from the bottom of his heart that Thorin would see just how badly the dragon sickness had taken over him. He was blind to anything else.

Laurelin was almost praying now that she would go into labour, because she was sick of just waiting and being miserable. She was so heavily pregnant that it was getting ridiculous, she could barely move around without being slow and her every limb aching. She also dreaded the elves and the humans would attack Erebor. What if the citadel was taken? What if Thorin or the others were lost in the battle? What could she do?

The only solution Laurelin saw was to convince Thorin to give in to Thranduil and Bard.

It was the only way they could avoid slaughter.

But she also knew that the task was almost impossible. How could anyone make the stubborn dwarf king to listen to the voice of reason?

Thorin was so lost in his greed and dragon sickness, that he wasn't thinking straight.

* * *

It was the day Laurelin decided to walk to the gates, no matter how much time or effort it took from her. She felt light-headed and exhausted, and grimaced as her back and knees protested every moment. But she managed to get up and looked at herself in the mirror and winced. She looked rather sick.

After she had washed her face and brushed her hair, it did wonders for her looks. She looked rather well again, despite her swollen stomach and aching ankles. It didn't bring the colour fully back to her cheeks, but at least Laurelin felt like she could step out of her chambers.

She was so sick of being immobile and useless that she ignored all of the discomfort that walking caused.

Laurelin made her way to the gates, thinking hard what she could say to Thorin. Were there any arguments that could convince Thorin otherwise? What was there to say when Balin and the younger dwarves, even Fili and Kili, had tried to reason with him?

But Laurelin's thoughts were interrupted when she heard worried shouts and sensed an electrified atmosphere, and as soon as she got to gates, she asked Nori what was happening. The dwarves were moving restlessly.

-Orcs." Nori breathed out in horror. -There is a huge orc army marching towards the Mountain." he hissed.

Laurelin blinked and just stood there in shock, covering her mouth with her hand, eyes wide. Her breathing got stuck to hear throat as the world sank in. An _orc_ army? An orc _army_? She turned to look at the horizon, and she could faintly make out a sea of black ant-like creatures there, slowly approaching.

Laurelin watched the sight in silent horror, her heart taking pace.

-By Valar." she shuddered.

This was it then.

The war was ahead of them anyway.

And orcs were ruthless and cruel. They were hostile and unhonourable, only interested in machines, robbing and murdering. They held no sympathies for their enemies, and they would strike down everything in their way and if they won a battle, they always disgraced the dead in the worst way possible. And there were _so_ many of them. Hind of despair crawled into Laurelin's heart as she stared at the horizon.

The elves below the gates were moving restlessly, and the air was filled with worried murmurs and anxious whispers.

Everybody knew why the orcs where here for.

This was war.

Thorin's quest had stirred the goblins and orcs, had made them to join together.

And now the massive army was going to march to the Mountain and slay them all. The orcs would make no difference between a man, dwarf or elf. They would kill every living creature in their greed and anger.

The unseen turn of the events had changed everything. Enemies became allies - the elves, dwarves and men all hated orcrs more they could ever hate each other, so hasty messages had been changed between them. An alliance between them were quickly made. Dain and his army joined Thranduil and Bard, and soon the three leaders were making war strategies together.

But Thorin stood on the gates, staring at the distant sight of the orc army with angry eyes. The messengers didn't even bother to try and negotiate with him. And besides, how could thirteen dwarves, one heavily pregnant human and one little hobbit make any difference in a battle so vast like the one upon them? Laurelin bit her lip as she glanced around their small company, and suddenly realized someone was missing.

Their hobbit was nowhere to be seen.

-Where is Bilbo?" she asked worriedly.

To her shock, Dori explained what had happened - that Bilbo had taken the Arkenstone and given it to the elves. She couldn't believe her ears. Thorin's face hardened when the story was told to her, and Laurelin felt angry at him for abandoning their hobbit. Laurelin instantly realized how clever Bilbo's plan had been - the hobbit had seen Thorin's obsession over the Arkenstone, and used it as an advantage. Bilbo had tried to make peace with the only object Thorin would have been ready to bargain about, and Laurelin admired Bilbo's wisdom and his courage.

But she had to brush her thoughts off, since their time was running out already.

-What are you going to do?" Laurelin asked from Dwalin, gesturing towards the orcs.

-We will fight." the large dwarf answered her simply, taking a better hold from his battle-axe.

-What?" she said, surprised. She took support from the gate and walked closer to Thorin.

-You can't go to war." Laurelin stated, trying to reach Thorin's eyes. The dwarf king was staring at the army below his gates, eyes burning.

Laurelin felt anger boiling under her skin. -Thorin, this has gone too far! Bilbo is out there! And even Gandalf was here? You can not leave Erebor behind!"

Thorin suddenly snapped his head towards her. -We have no other choice but to fight! And Bilbo is a traitor! I shouldn't have taken him or you with us in the first place. I was a fool to listen to Gandalf, he has brought nothing but misfortune to this quest. Even now he is siding with the enemy. And the damned wizard chose you and Mister Baggins as the members of the company, and look how you both ended up! I wish nothing more than I would have never met any of you, that I would have only taken my kin to this quest."

Laurelin stared at him, mouth open, shocked for a few seconds. -How dare you?!" she hissed.

Suddenly the dwarves had gone very quiet and still around them. The air had electrified.

Everyone sensed that her patience had run dry.

Laurelin started shaking in anger.

-How _dare_ you?" Laurelin spat. All of the dwarves now turned towards them both. All of her pent-up emotions, feelings, suffered pain and dark thoughts suddenly made her furious at the dwarf king. Despite her big belly, she straightened up to her full height, which was just a little taller than Thorin, and stared at him venomously and took a shuddering breath.

-Bilbo and me, we saved your life on that clearing if you had already forgotten!" Laurelin shouted. -Without us, you would have already died when Azog attacked us. You wouldn't be standing there now! And what gives you the nerve to call Gandalf's choice a mistake? This isn't Gandalf's fault. Gandalf didn't force you to take us with you. Gandalf didn't bewitch you to sleep with me. That was_ you_, Thorin. And you can blame the ale or the thrill of the fight to have caused your 'mistake' all you want, but I don't buy it. Maybe you can tell yourself that, or the others, that it was because of these things that made you to do it. But what about the second or the _third _time then, huh?" she hissed and she could hear the other dwarves gasping slightly and their mouths hanging open.

Laurelin felt too reckless to care that she had told about their other shared nights in front of everyone. That their crime was even deeper than the others had thought before; that they had slept with each other more than just once.  
Thorin turned to look at her now, and his eyes were wide and cold. His hands were squeezing the railing so hard his knuckles were white. His lips were tightly pressed shut and he glared at her warningly. But Laurelin didn't care.

She stared back at Thorin with cold rage. -And without Bilbo, your nephews and all the other dwarves would have been eaten by the spiders in Mirkwood. Or better yet, we'd be all sitting in Thranduil's dungeons! Bilbo has saved us all more times than you have, and you still call him a traitor? You're ready to cast him out the second he does something that doesn't please you? You're ready to cast any of us out if we remind you of your own mistakes? Or disagree with you?  
I think Bilbo was wise to give Arkenstone to the elves, because at least he managed to beat some sense into you, Thorin Oakenshield!"

Laurelin shook her head and pointed her hand sharply towards the elven groups below.

-Look at what has happened, Thorin! Look at it! There are four armies on your doorstep, and that is not Bilbo's fault or mine. You keep blaming others for your own mistakes. You talk of honour and yet you hide around the big word like a child in his mother's hems. And you call sleeping with me a mistake, because you can not face the fact that out of all the people on Middle-Earth, you had feelings for me - a young, nameless human girl - and that you loved it, every single time we did it, that you still want it - want _me_, and I'm sick of you pretending like I'm a burden! Your pride will be your downfall, Thorin Oakenshield, just like Gandalf said, and you will have to swallow it before the end if you want any of us to survive."

Laurelin lifted her chin defiantly. The dwarves were deathly quiet now, some of them taking a careful step backwards. Thorin's blue eyes were drilling into hers, his jaw clenched and fists clutched. He stood tall, like the king he was, and several emotions crossed his face.

Laurelin's voice was low and quiet now. She swallowed bitterly, and then talked once more. -No matter how much I despise your actions, I still have the courage to admit that I love you. It's a lot more I can say about you. And even if things didn't turn out like they were supposed to, like the fact that I'm carrying your child, I don't dwell in self-pity and hide behind excuses. I take responsibility of my actions - I may not be royalty or from a noble house, but I still know what dignity is."

Laurelin gave Thorin a long and meaningful look, making sure her words had sunk in, and then turned to look at the other dwarves. They looked stunned and scared, clearly not used to hear their king addressed so boldly - and shocked about the things she had said. The dwarves were like frozen statues. Their startled faces would have made her laugh in any other situation, but now she was just radiating disappointment and anger.

Laurelin suddenly realized she didn't belong here. And she never would. These might be her friends, but she could never feel like home here. Thorin would never accept her, would never admit that at some point, he had had feelings for her. He would never swallow his pride and ask her to stay. No matter how much she loved him, it physically pained her to know that Thorin and her would always end up here. Round and round they went, throwing insults and fighting, yet the next moment they were incredibly tender to each other, then they fought again, then they ended up on the same bed, kissing, caressing, moaning, yearning for the other, their bodies like the opposite magnets, drawing the other in like a moth to the flame. And then they started fighting again, and it always Thorin's pride that came between them.

And that's how it would continue.

Laurelin had truly believed that Thorin was able swallow his pride when the situation was really dire.

It seemed she was terribly wrong - both in her own case and with the war knocking on their door. It was a sudden, devastating realization, and somehow it felt so final. Like after all this time, she could finally see the truth right in front of her. That she had just been a naive, love-sick girl that had not realized how things really were. Thorin had only loved her body for three nights, nothing more. He kept rejecting her time after time, and now she was certain she knew why.

Thorin saw her as a burden, a responsibility, nothing more. If he had ever had feelings for her, they had to be gone already. All Thorin could think about was gold. She wished bitterly that the cold metal could keep him as warm as night as she had.

But as another wave of worried shouts filled the air, Laurelin remembered that the war was still upon them. Her inner turmoil was meaningless, if none of them lived to see tomorrow.

She pitied her unborn child - death, greed and destruction was suffocating the world.

The clearing on the gates was quiet. Everyone waited Thorin to answer Laurelin - to remind her of her place; to tell her that she couldn't talk to him like that, to defend himself, but the dwarf king stayed quiet. He radiated fury, standing there on his own.

Laurelin felt small and unwanted. She knew that this war between the armies would cost lives, but she didn't dare to think about it. It was also partly the reason she was so angry, she quickly realized - she was so afraid that her friends could die.

Finally, Thorin broke their eye contact and turned away. When he finally spoke, his voice was hoarse and deep.

-Dwalin, take her inside. Barricade the main doors and get ready for battle." he said. -The orcs will reach the gates in a few hours."

Laurelin just stared at him. He was locking her in? That was his solution? Of course she wasn't in no shape to fight, but...He couldn't just force her to stay inside while her friends all fought!

Dwalin turned to her. Laurelin just glared at the big dwarf. Before she could protest, Balin stepped further.

-Laurelin, please go inside. A battlefield is not the right place for you right now." he said gently.

She hesitated a moment, but then she just nodded. -Just because I consider you my dear friend, Balin." she said quietly and turned around, brushing Dwalin off. She felt her heart crack a little when she walked away from the gates.

Thorin hadn't said a word to her.

Once again Laurelin cursed the fact that out of all people, she had to fall in love with the proud and stubborn dwarf king.

* * *

Hours crawled by.

Haria was Laurelin's only company, but they were too nervous to talk. The heavy promise of war was hanging upon them, and they were restless. Laurelin saw some of the dwarves all dressed up in war gear - mithril shirts, shining armours and battle axes. They were sharpening their swords and humming dark battle songs in khuzdul.

None of them talked to her, though. They barely talked with each other. They were too busy and too grim for that.

Laurelin felt irritated that she couldn't help - she wasn't in any condition to be let out on the battlefield.

She felt useless.

Powerless.

And she missed Thorin already, no matter how angry she was at him right now.

And she missed Bilbo. The sweet little hobbit had done a brave deed, and she wished from the bottom of her heart that he would survive this battle.

She even missed her brother. She missed Bree, too.

But Laurelin knew she had no time for this. She sighed as she sat down on her bed once again, wincing as her limbs ached and back protested. She put a hand over her big stomach, and stared at a wall with empty eyes.

How had it come to this?

This quest had started as a simple journey from the Shire. During it, she had slept with Thorin Oakenshield, gotten pregnant, Esgaroth had been destroyed and they had reclaimed Erebor, Smaug was dead, and there were four armies outside, ready to fight to the death.

All this for gold and revenge?

Was it really all worth it?

Laurelin didn't want just to sit here and wait. What if they lost? Would the orcs charge in here and kill everyone in their path?

She got up slowly again, because she couldn't find a proper position. She walked to the door and to the nearest hall, where the dwarves were running around, preparing for battle.

Laurelin watched them in silence. Thorin was nowhere to be seen.

The air smelled like fear and anxiety. Everyone knew that the orcs had bigger numbers, even if their own were combined with the elves, Dain's dwarves and the remaining men of Esgaroth.

Balin stopped next to her for a moment. He gave her an empathic smile and put his hand on her shoulder.

-Do not feel bitter about staying behind. It's safer for you here, Laurelin. You have to make sure the little one is safe." the old dwarf said.

Laurelin gave a weak smile, but it quickly faded. She sighed and looked anxiously away.

Balin sighed, too. -I know you're scared, we all are."

Laurelin shook her head and bit her lip, eyes suddenly burning. A wave of despair washed over her. -What if some of you won't come back? What if our quest ends in tragedy?"

Balin squeezed her shoulder a little. -That is the risk we have to take. But at least we will not make it easy for them to break us down. We are fierce dwarves, and we will fight until the end." The old dwarf eyed her carefully and hesitated. Then lowered his voice just a little. -Laurelin, I once told you that Thorin is a proud man. He may still claim that he was driven to you by some madness or lust, but the real reason has a completely other name and it isn't an ugly one."

Laurelin looked away, a lump suddenly in her throat. Balin gave her a gentle smile. -You are just scared to lose him. Remember that after a night comes a day, after a storm the sun shines brighter, and all the shadows and sorrows are not forever. Do not feel ashamed that you fell in love with Thorin, because how can love be wrong? In such dark times, it is the only thing that separates us from the monsters. And in the end, unlike the orcs, we don't fight only because we hate our enemies, but because we care so deeply about our loved-ones."

Laurelin blinked and stared at him in awe. She felt speechless before his wise words.

Balin eyed her kindly. -And if this truly is our last night on Middle-Earth, then I want to tell you how happy it makes me that I have known you, Laurelin of Dale." And then he pulled her into a hug, and it took everything from Laurelin to hold back her tears.

She squeezed her eyes shut, the true seriousness of the situation dawning on her. This battle would claim lives. And she feared more than anything that her friends could be among the dead.

When Balin pulled back, he gave Laurelin one last reassuring smile. Then the old dwarf turned away and joined the others to prepare their weapons. Laurelin bit her lip and swallowed her tears. She needed to see Thorin. No matter how angry she was at him, she needed to see him before the battle. She just couldn't bear the thought that...that..

She refused to even think about it.

Fate couldn't be so cruel to take Thorin's life when he had just gotten Erebor and his old life back.

It just couldn't happen.

Laurelin didn't know what she would do if that happened, so she forced herself to brush the horrible thought off. Instead, she glanced around, wondering where Thorin was.

It was the sudden odd sensation between her legs that made Laurelin stir from her thoughts.

Something was trickling down against her thigh, something warm and liquid.

Laurelin gasped and stared down in horror. It couldn't be...It just couldn't...Not now. Not here. Not_ now_.

It was too early. It was two weeks too early.

But as a slight contraction knocked the air out of her, she whimpered in pain and took a fim grip from the wall.

Her waters had broken.

She was going into labour.

And even with her full willpower, she couldn't make it stop. Laurelin knew she couldn't possibly give birth now, in the midst of battle. It was the worst timing there could be. She took calming breaths and forced herself to think rationally. Haria had said that it would take several hours before she would be anywhere near to the actual childbirth. The contractions would slowly get more frequent - it could take almost twenty hours or so before the baby would be coming.

Laurelin swallowed and pressed a hand over her stomach. Damn Durins, she thought. This was the worst time possible to come into the world.

She couldn't tell anyone. Not right now. She couldn't tell Thorin - Thorin was going to a war, and knowing about her situation would only distract him, it might even endanger the others. As much as the thought pained her, Laurelin knew she needed to lay low until the battle started. She couldn't go and see Thorin after all, she didn't trust her ability to hide the truth. Fortunately Haria was here with her, they could make it through together. They had several hours ahead of them.

She just needed to hide the pain until the battle started. She could do it. She had to.

Quietly, Laurelin turned around and tried to stand up straight as she started to walk towards her chambers. It was slow and she had to stop a few times, but fortunately she made it. Quickly, she called for Haria.

Her blood thundering nervously in her veins, Laurelin prayed they would all make it through the night.


	22. Chapter 22

**AUTHOR'S NOTE**

Hey! So, there is some suspense ahead.

It was interesting how many worried reviews and messages I got from people that asked me not to kill Thorin (and Fili and Kili). Haha, I totally see where that is coming from since I'm still sad about Tolkien's decision to kill them off in the book, but I'm not going to promise anything with this fic. Yeah, I'm evil like that. :D

And also, everyone seemed to agree that the baby is definitely a Durin and so obviously Thorin's, since there is such a dramatic entrance in the midst of battle, haha.

Thank you all so much for the support and feedback, it has kept me going and made me very happy.

Alright, let's get into this chapter. **Please give me a review!** :) Takes only a moment, means a lot.

**Warning: **Chapter content

* * *

The orcs were even faster than expected. The elves, humans and Dain's dwarves had quickly formed their war strategies and were getting ready to fight side by side despite their earlier quarrel. No one had protested the newly formed alliance - they only had a chance to survive if they joined their forces. No one held sympathies for the orcs, and the battle would turn into a blood-bath had they not been determined to beat the hideous creatures as a unit. The tension and the grim waiting was thick the air, clouds grey and hanging low in the sky.

The now large army before the Lonely Mountain stood in waiting, long and bright flags flapping in the wind.

Everyone knew this day would stay in history, no matter what the result was.

In Erebor, bleak determination had taken over the thirteen dwarves. They looked magnificent and dangerous in their war gear - spears, battle axes, mithril shirts - though Laurelin only saw glimpses of them. She was too busy trying to keep herself calm and had quickly went to her chambers and called for Haria, informing the mid-wife about the fact that the baby was coming, but also made Haria swear to keep quiet about it.

Thorin needed to concentrate on the battle. Laurelin didn't want to cause any distraction for him, because it could endanger lives. More importantly, it could endanger Thorin's life, and she wasn't going to risk it. In any other situation, she would have told him immediately. She was about give birth to their child after all. She knew that Thorin wouldn't be pleased about her hiding this. That is - _if_ they both survived. But Laurelin refused to consider that option. They were going to all live, because she couldn't bear the thought of anyone dying. But Thorin couldn't know, so it seemed that they both needed to go into their own battles separately. Laurelin, however, was consumed with fears and doubts. It was still too early for the baby to be born. Two weeks too early. What if something went wrong? What if the baby was still too small? What if there were any problems? How could she stand the pain? Or the possible blood-loss? Could she do this only with Haria's help? What if the citadel was attacked?

But these things didn't seem to be on her hands anymore.

She was going to give birth to the child, no matter how early it was, or how bad the timing was.

Laurelin had no other choice but to brace herself and remind herself that the child was of Durin. And Durins were strong, hard-headed and stubborn, and none of them would give up easily. Thorin had proved that to her.

* * *

The time seemed to crawl.

Laurelin was too anxious to just sit around, but she couldn't really move a lot either. Even if the first shock had passed, restless anticipation and fear were boiling right under her skin. She had forced herself to calm down, or at least to appear calm.

She was, after all, in labour.

The thought was somehow terrifying. Of course Laurelin had known this moment was inevitable, and she had long ago accepted the fact that she had gotten pregnant, but none of the earlier conversations with Haria seemed to help right now. In mere hours, she would bring a whole new person into this world - a living, breathing child. Her own child, Thorin's child - and the heir of Erebor. And all she could do was wait and swallow her inner, growing fears.

An hour later since her waters had broken, the contractions were still rare. They had thickened just a little, but still far apart. But they were getting stronger all the time, and more painful. Laurelin fought the urge to scream out every time when one of them struck her, but she knew that if she as much as yelped, one of the dwarves could hear her and find out what was happening. And she did not want that.

So mercilessly, every time a contraction gripped her body, Laurelin pressed her clutched fist against her mouth and squeezed her eyes shut and fought through the pain, even if it some of them darkened her vision and Haria had to support her. But even during the sharpest stings of the pain, Laurelin couldn't herself to regret the first night all those months ago when she had gone to Thorin. That was what she had wanted, and still wanted, and she felt protective of the baby inside of her.

She wasn't going to let anything bad to happen to the child.

But it unnerved her how long the progress was taking.

The actual childbirth was still hours away.

So most of the time, though, Laurelin was just waiting. Anxiously waiting, because she wanted it to be already over. Haria had paled visibly when Laurelin had told about the situation, but now the elderly mid-wife had hardened her face into determination and her trained skills took over. Haria made sure that everyone was going as it should, and Laurelin just thanked her luck that at least the mid-wife was with her, because even the thought of giving birth alone was terrifying.

* * *

In the end, none of the dwarves had time to say goodbye or visit her. The orcs were surprisingly swift, and they wasted no time with formalities. They were a chaotic, ruthless mix of goblins and orcs that were angry, murderous and thirsty for blood of their enemies. They had approached like a black wave, and the army outside had arranged itself to be ready. Then the battle started quickly, flaming into a full, loud and violent attack. A war had started.

Laurelin could hear distantly battle cries and sounds of a fight echoing somewhere far away outside.

Minutes crawled.

She bit her lip and hoped from the bottom of her heart that the orcs would lose. Laurelin thought about Thorin and the others constantly, fear in her heart. She dreaded they would get hurt or even...even killed. As more minutes passed, her worried and anxious thoughts were only interrupted by a powerful contraction. Now that Erebor was finally empty of everyone else, Laurelin howled from the pain openly. She didn't need to be quiet anymore. The screaming was oddly helping, even if it did nothing to reduce the pain. Quite the opposite, every contraction was getting stronger and more painful. Even if the baby was early, her stomach was huge and Haria had said several times that if it got any bigger, they would face problems. Despite the fact that dwarves were small compared to elves and most of the humans, their children seemed to grow in the womb very fast.

Laurelin heard how the battle raged on outside, but she was going to bring the little one into this world, tonight, she kept telling herself.

Perhaps everything would go well. Perhaps Thorin and everyone else would survive the battle without major injuries, and maybe she would give birth to a healthy child, and she would get to see Thorin's face when she would carefully place their child to his arms for the very first time.

But a bad feeling had settled into Laurelin's heart, and she couldn't brush it away.

She was afraid that something would go terribly wrong.

Very, terribly wrong.

* * *

The battle went on.

The clock ticked slowly.

Haria tried to get a glimpse of the battle outside from the small windows. She didn't say anything, but her horrified expression spoke volumes about the situation, even if she tried to lie that everything seemed to be going well. Laurelin felt despair gnawing at her chest. They couldn't be losing. They just_ couldn't._

But soon the unbearable pain of another contraction took her under and she was screaming out again.

Haria brushed sweat out of her forehead and offered her water. The mid-wife talked some calming nonsense to her when the contraction was at its sharpest. When it was finally over, Laurelin felt desperation and restlessness overwhelm her. She was left breathless.

-How long?" she asked with a strained voice.

Haria swallowed and looked troubled. -I'd say that it will take three to six hours."

Laurelin just let her head fall against a wall and squeezed her eyes shut. She just wanted it to be over already. Not just for her own sake. She couldn't stand being unable to fight, to just stay inside and do nothing. She knew she wouldn't be able to just wait until the battle was over. She needed to see it. She needed to see how it was going, to see whether they were winning or not...Whether the others were _d__ying_ or not.

So frustratedly, Laurelin let out a deep breath. -I can't just sit here. I need to see the battle."

Haria's eyes bulged. -Absolutely not! You're in labour, Laurelin. For Valar's sake, you need to take care of yourself and the baby. It's dangerous to go outside."

Laurelin grit her teeth and pushed herself up stubbornly. Every movement made her want to whimper out loud or grimace, but she couldn't stand to stay still any longer. -You said it yourself - it will take hours before the baby is actually coming. I just don't want to sit here and wait for another contraction, I need to see how the battle is going." Haria was still about to protest, but Laurelin gave her a meaningful look. -And whether we need to flee."

That silenced Haria finally, and she kept looking at Laurelin for a long time.

Laurelin just sighed. -I am going, whether you're helping or not. But if you help, it will take a lot less time."

Reluctantly, Haria gave in and she helped Laurelin up from the bed. -This is insane."

Laurelin didn't answer. Her heart was beating fast, and the bad feeling in her chest just grew worse with every step. It was as if she knew that something terrible was about to happen, and that was why she needed to see what was going on. She couldn't explain it, it was like an odd hunch.

Slowly, they made their way to the gates, and the sounds of the battle got louder. When Laurelin started to approach the small door which lead to the gates, Haria stopped and refused to follow her outside.

-I am begging you, do not put your life in danger so foolishly." the elderly mid-wife pleaded with a scared voice.

For a moment, Laurelin considered not going. But instantly, her every instinct told her that she just needed to go, that something was close to happen. So, even if she could hear the cruel sounds of battle raging outside, she walked determinedly towards it.

When she finally stepped out to the door and to the gates, the battlefield spread out in front of her. The voices became instantly louder, the air thicker and colder.

The sight was devastating, and it took Laurelin's breath away.

Thousands of bodies were already lying on the ground. The sky was grey, and the air was filled out with cries, shouts, snarls and yells. Screams of pain and whimpering last breaths, slashing and whirling of the arrows. Even the horrors of Smaug's attack on Esgaroth were nothing compared to this sight.

There was so much death and destruction in front of her - reckless, bottomless hate. And so much danger. Anyone she saw could be dead within seconds.

Laurelin looked at the sight in front of her with widened eyes, fear crippling her and the true extent of this war dawning on her. Hundreds of soldiers were dying right here, every second - elves, dwarves, men, orcs. Air got stuck to her throat and Laurelin watched the battle with her eyes burning - it looked hopeless, terrifying and murderous.

There were just too many orcs. Everywhere. The hills were squirming with them like they were ants. Arrows swirled in the air and crows were already circling on the sky.

The ground was growing black with blood.

Laurelin instantly tried to find Thorin from the fields. She scanned the dark mass in front of her. At first it seemed hopeless, and her heart was thrumming with fear, adrenaline running through her veins. But then by pure chance, by some a miraculous luck, she spotted Thorin. It was Thorin's shining armour and the long swing of Orkrist that caught her eye, despite all of the orcs. Laurelin thanked Valar that Thorin was still alive, still fighting - alongside Fili and Kili, in a small group not too far from the gates.

Of course she had known Thorin was a great warrior, but her memories or imagination hadn't given him justice. The rage and the skill Thorin slashed his enemies down with, one by one, was impressive. Laurelin finally knew why Thorin's enemies feared the dwarf king and Durin's line so much - he was a terrifying, deadly sight. He dealt blows with a massive speed, shouting orders to left and right.

It was an arrow whirling close by that stirred Laurelin from her transfixed gaze, and she startled badly and took a step back. She needed to go inside, as much as she wanted to stay. Any second an enemy could spot her and try to take her down. She could also hear Haria calling after her with a frightened tone.

Just as Laurelin was about to step back, her eyes happened to slide over a familiar figure. Stopping dead on her tracks, Laurelin let out a shuddering breath as she saw the Pale Orc not too far away. _Azog._ Azog was riding a huge warg, his guards everywhere around him. And slowly but surely, the cruel orc approached Thorin. Laurelin's eyes widened, her alarm bells ringing instantly - distantly she realized this was why she was here, why her heart had told her to come outside despite the danger, and she rushed back to the railing, leaning further towards the battlefield. Laurelin's breathing was quick and panic had flared up in her. Thorin didn't see the pale orc. Neither did Fili or Kili. They had their hands full with the orcs next to them.

Azog would flay them all alive. He wouldn't even give Thorin a warning, she just knew it. This was how Thorin would die if she did nothing to stop it. SowWithout giving it a second thought, Laurelin took a deep breath.

-THORIN!" she cried out, but her voice drowned under the noise.

She swallowed her horror and pushed her panic aside, and tried again. -THORIN!" she screamed from the bottom of her lungs. Laurelin didn't know did Thorin really hear her or was it luck or the same odd hunch that had drawn her to the gates that made the dwarf king glance at the gates while he killed his enemy with Orkrist. Laurelin couldn't see Thorin's face clearly from this distance, but she saw how he froze for a moment, looking right at the spot she was, obviously shocked to see her there. Fortunately there weren't any orcs right next to him.

But there was no time for this. Laurelin shot her arm forward, pointing out to the direction where Azog was coming from. Thorin turned his head just in time to block a blow from an orc and kill it, then swirling around with deathly speed and cutting a head off from another orc that was trying to attack Fili. But for her own relief Laurelin saw that Thorin had spotted the Azog and his guards approaching.

Thorin shouted something in khuzdul, and Fili and Kili and few other dwarves nearby followed him, killing everything in their way.

Letting out a breath, Laurelin watched as Thorin started to make his way towards the pale orc. It was then when another contraction struck her and she whimpered, bending over and putting a hand over her stomach.

-Laurelin, you need to come inside right now!" Haria shouted from the small doorway, eyeing the battlefield with terrified eyes.

Laurelin bit her lip and was aware that every second spent next to the railing was dangerous, but couldn't bring herself to move. Her heart thundered in her ears, and she prayed that none of the orcs had spotted her yet. As the contraction finally passed, Laurelin straightened her back hastily and looked back to the battlefield, only to find Thorin fighting with one of Azog's guards. The dwarves were badly outnumbered.

A wave of nausea went through her. Laurelin realized that the orcs would kill all of them - Thorin, Fili, Kili, Dwalin and Nori if they didn't get some help very soon.

-Get me a bow!" Laurelin yelled at Haria.

-What!?"

-Get me a bow, now! And don't argue, just do it!" Laurelin roared as she clutched to the gate railing, heart beating so fast that it felt like exploding from her chest. Adrenaline pumped inside her veins and she looked at the sea of enemies below her, sounds of battle tearing the air, and yet all she could think about was Thorin.

-No! Get inside, now!" Haria protested.

Laurelin gritted her teeth angrily. -Get that bow or I'll get it myself!" she shouted at the mid-wife, not at all gently, feeling fiercely protective over her friends.

By some miracle, Haria actually obeyed her and brought her one of the bows from the inside.

-This is madness! This is not a place for you! This is war!" the elderly woman said as she shook badly, and tried to hide behind the railing.

-Yes, it is war, and that's exactly why I can't stand by and watch them all die. " Laurelin hissed and yanked the bow out of Haria's hands hastily and took an arrow and fired. Her big stomach got in the way, so she adjusted her shoulders.

Laurelin prayed that the arrows would carry long enough. Her first arrow didn't hit a target, so she took another and aimed it at one of the orcs from Azog's guard. She fired, and this time her arrow hit an orc, although not the one she had aimed for.

She didn't have time to rejoice, though. She cursed her mediocre archery skills - she couldn't risk hitting the dwarves, so she could only aim at the orcs futher away. Laurelin ignored the distant pain in her body and the fear that was about to overwhelm her, and fired another arrow. And another. And another.

Haria begged her to stop and come inside, but Laurelin didn't even hear her.

All Laurelin could see was Thorin. The dwarf king that was fighting for his life. She needed to help him. She wasn't going to let him die.

She could still remember the horrible emptiness she had felt in Esgaroth when she had thought Thorin had been gone forever - that Smaug had burnt the whole company alive.

All of Thorin's harsh words and behaviour seemed unimportant now.

It was the good memories that filled her mind - his eyes, his touch, his passion, his caresses, kisses, moans, tender looks.

She loved him too much to lose him.

No matter how much of a stubborn idiot Thorin could be, she was deeply, permanently in love with him.

So Laurelin grit her teeth and fired again, again and again. Orcs fell down at the battlefield.

* * *

But her good luck didn't last.

Soon, one of Azog's guards started to look around where the arrows were raining from, and the nasty creature spotted her. Laurelin was too busy picking arrows and aiming to notice. Soon the orcs were shouting orders to fire at her, but she didn't hear them or even if she had, she wouldn't have understood their language.

She did not realize the horrible danger she was in.

Laurelin killed a few other orcs, one of them right next to Thorin. The dwarf king snapped his head briefly to the direction where the arrow had came from. Thorin spotted her, and shouted something but Laurelin couldn't make out what it was. But Laurelin knew him too well - Thorin was probably cursing her stubborness and yelling at her to go inside this instant. He was _worried_ for her.

But Laurelin couldn't leave him to die. that was what her mind kept repeating over and over.

Laurelin was about to fire again when the orcs took aim at the gates. Their arrows suddenly started to whirl towards her. Instantly, Laurelin knew it was time to get to cover or she was as good as dead. Haria screamed out in horror and Laurelin dropped her own bow, stepping back from the railing.

It was her mistake. Now the orcs could see her better and her body was exposed more, and some more orcs below the gates - and much closer to her - sent arrows flying towards her.

Laurelin yelped and stepped back, ducking out of the way. The arrows hit the stone everywhere around her - suddenly there were so many. The sound of them whirling in the air filled her ears and icy fear gripped Laurelin's heart. Haria was screaming, ordering her to get inside.

And Laurelin tried. She rushed away from the railing, towards the small door, but that was when her luck ran out.

Just when she was about to get into safety, Laurelin felt a white, slashing hot pain tearing her and she let out a loud scream of pain.

Before she had any time to register it, she was falling, and only Haria's quick dive forwards saved her from crashing into the ground.

Laurelin was left breathless, and her head spun violently. Everything suddenly sounded far away, as if seconds had slowed down, and she realized that she had an arrow sticking out of her right shoulder.

Somewhere from the battlefield, a heartbreaking cry tore the air. -NO!" it shouted, and hazily Laurelin somehow realized it must have been Thorin. He had seen her fall.

But then darkness almost took her. Haria dragged her inside and soon the sounds of the battle was left behind. Erebor's strong gates and walls surrounded them once again, so they were safe for now. But the arrow on her shoulder was sticking out and there was blood seeping out of it. Haria was panicking, as she dragged Laurelin towards the nearest chambers.

Laurelin tried to take deep breaths, but everything hurt. The walls kept bulging in and out, and her legs felt like they could give in any second now. The arrow was the size of her finger and it had gone through.

-I am no physician." Haria cried. She somehow managed to drag her properly inside, but Laurelin begged her to stop. Everything hurt so badly. She didn't want to be moved. She started to sink slowly, and Haria lowered her down on the cold stone ground. Laurelin's heart hammered against her ribcage, her shoulder like on fire. She took quick, superficial breaths, pain pulsing through her body with every tiny movement, her flesh and damaged muscles in the shoulder feeling like they were about to snap in two.

Haria tried to calm them both down.

Laurelin just stared at the ceiling somewhere far above her, trying to catch her irregular breaths and calm herself down. She was shaking, and Haria was pushing her hands down on the wound to slow the bleeding down.

-It's not that bad, Laurelin. It's not that bad." Haria stuttered. -It's only the shoulder. If we don't remove the arrow, you'll be fine. You can make it."

Laurelin swallowed, gritting her teeth in pain, and flickered her eyes at the mid-wife. An awful realization dawned on her.

What about the child?

She might pull through, but if she had to give birth...

A wave of desparation went through Laurelin.

This couldn't be happening.

This wasn't possible.

Soon Laurelin lost the track of time. She only focused on trying to fight back the pain, to stay conscious. When a contradiction hit her, she howled from the pain that it caused and also because the movement tore her wound. The pain was so overwhelming that it was almost impossible to believe to be real. It was like from a nightmare, a dark and tormenting nightmare. Laurelin screamed so loudly and powerfully that her voice felt hoarse, and she writhed on the cold hard floor.

She hadn't been in so much pain in all her life. She hadn't even known that this kind of pain existed. Pain she couldn't even register, since it was so strong.

Fortunately, the contraction finally faded. Haria kept pressing the wound around the arrow and tried to keep her as still as she could. Once or twice she slapped Laurelin carefully to the cheek to make sure she stayed awake. She kept talking some soothing nonsense to her, but Laurelin didn't listen.

Laurelin had no idea how much time passed.

She prayed that it would stop. The room spun around her and she dreaded that another contraction would rip through her body. She wanted to make it _stop_. She didn't want to feel any more pain.

Suddenly, like through a thick wall, she heard distantly some footsteps. As if someone was coming. Hasty footsteps - someone was running. Before Laurelin had the time to fear that an orc had gotten in, a familiar voice filled the air.

-Laurelin!"

A shocked, deep voice.

It couldn't be _him_.

No.

Thorin was out on the battlefield, there was no way that...

But suddenly the dwarf king came into Laurelin's hazy view, and Thorin was staring down at her in horror, blood and dirt on his face, hair messy. The signs of the battle were written all over him, but it was definitely Thorin.

He was really here.

He was with her.

It wasn't a dream, or a hallucination.

Laurelin just blinked slowly and stared at him through the pain. Thorin asked angrily something from Haria, but Laurelin couldn't make out what it was. Then Thorin dropped to his knees next to her, Orkrist clanging to the ground somewhere, and Thorin wrapped his arms carefully under Laurelin's knees and shoulders.

Helplessly, she once again cried out for the pain the movement caused, no matter how gently Thorin lifted her up. Her head spun and she had to struggle to stay awake. Soon she was laid down on a bed in the middle of a large chamber.

-Why did you let her out?" Thorin shouted angrily at Haria.

The elderly mid-wife just shook her head, putting a pillow under Laurelin's head.

-Why did you let this happen?!" Thorin roared at the poor mid-wife, fear seeping into his voice.

Laurelin's whimper drew Thorin's attention back to her. Thorin glanced at her, his face paling a little, and placed his hands carefully next to the arrow, staring anxiously at the blood spreading through the clothing.

The arrow had sunk between her shoulder and neck. The arrow was thick and it had gone through. Thorin examined the wound for a moment and then let out a breath and looked at Laurelin carefully.

-Laurelin. Listen to me. The wound is _not_ fatal. Once we get bleeding in control, there is no immediate danger. You will survive this." Thorin said, voice hoarse. Despite his hopeful words, Thorin's hands were slightly shaking.

In the battlefield, he had been a fierce dwarf warrior, killing orcs and smashing their heads. Now Thorin was quiet and covered in dirt and blood, his emotions barely hidden - fear was shining from his face.

It was then when another contraction rip through Laurelin.

The cry of pain she let out would have made even the coldest man on Middle-Earth to feel pity for her. Thorin instantly lifted his hands, thinking he had caused her pain with his touch. Laurelin's whole body wriggled, and the movement caused bolts of pain go through the shoulder wound. Helpless tears of pain filled Laurelin's eyes and the pain was so horrible it almost knocked her out.

When it finally passed, she breathed superficially and quickly, eyes fluttering.

Thorin took a grip from her arm. -Laurelin! Stay awake!" he commanded, his voice intense. He had crouched right next to her, placing his hand on her cheek gently. -Stay awake!" Thorin repeated, worry radiating from him. Laurelin heard Thorin's plea and it was the only thing that forced herself to stay conscious. She moaned in pain and forced her eyes open.

Thorin let out relieved breath and moved his hands to press the wound again. He shot his head up towards the mid-wife.

-What was that? How is..." Thorin started, but Haria cut in.

-She is in labour." Haria said while she ripped her sleeve and offered the torn cloth to Thorin as a make-shift bandage.

But Thorin had frozen completely and just stared at her blankly.

-What?" he hissed out.

Haria nodded. -The contractions aren't yet very close each other, so it will take many hours before the baby is coming. But she is in labour anyway."

Thorin just stared at her, paling visibly. Laurelin finally managed to blink her vision clear again, gaining her awareness back. She locked her eyes on Thorin's face.

-Now? She is in labour_ now_?" Thorin muttered in horror. Haria just nodded and shoved the ripped cloth into his hands and gestured at him to press it on the wound.

-Yes. Now put pressure on the wound." Haria commanded. Years of training took over the old mid-wife. She forced her shock away and started to work.

-We need something to ease her pain." Haria continued. -Herbs, anything. And we need to get the arrow out sooner or later. If we can treat the wound well enough, she should get through this. We only have to make sure that she won't lose too much blood, because she is going to lose some in the childbirth."

Thorin just stared at the mid-wife in shock. Laurelin swallowed and blinked slowly. Her shoulder was like on fire.

It was then when Dwalin rushed into the room.

-Thorin!" he shouted, badly out of breath. Thorin turned his head towards him. For a moment, Dwalin glanced at the scene before him, but then looked back at his king. -We are in trouble. Fili and Kili can't hold them all back." he said.

Laurelin couldn't see Dwalin, but she could heard him. She saw how Thorin stiffened by the mention of his nephews, the two dwarf princes he loved so dearly. While Laurelin's head was muddy and she was in pain, she forced herself to talk.

-Go." she whispered rasply, and Thorin turned to look at her. This time, his eyes were vulnerable and unmasked, full of uncertainty and worry. He looked at Laurelin with fearful eyes, his hands shaking while he kept pressure on her wound. Dwalin walked closer.

Laurelin managed to give Thorin a weak, reassuring smile. The dwarf king looked completely torn.

-Is that an orc arrow?" Dwalin suddenly hissed. Something in his tone caught everyone's attention.

Thorin snapped his head back to him instantly. -Yes. Why?" he asked, his voice deepening.

Dwalin's usually stern and controlled face twisted into horror. -Get it out. Get it out right _now_! It's poisoned. All of them are!"

Laurelin's heart skipped a beat as she heard the words leaving Dwalin's lips.

_Poison._

The horrible word took a second to sink in.

Poison.

Poison in her shoulder.

In her body.

Spreading to her veins.

-Thorin..." she whispered, panic kicking in. Thorin turned to her, eyes wide and mouth hanging open in. Never before had his face been filled with such utter fear before. Laurelin felt tears filling her eyes, and her heart raced. The same heart that was pumping blood everywhere to her body.

-The...the baby." she breathed out. -The poison will hurt the baby." Laurelin said, blinking tears from her eyes. The realization filled Thorin's face, too. Laurelin took a troubled breath, gritting her teeth. Fierce determination took over. -Get the arrow out. I won't let those orc scums to take away our child."

-Get ready!" Thorin barked at Haria hastily, as Dwalin rushed closer.

Haria and Thorin had both clearly assumed they would remove the arrow carefully, but Dwalin just took a steady grip of the arrow sticking out of Laurelin's shoulder and yanked it in two. Laurelin had barely time to react before pain ripped through her again and she once again screamed, from the top of her lungs.

Thorin yelled something at Dwalin in khuzdul but had no other option but to keep Laurelin as still as possible. Dwalin didn't let her anguish slow him down, so with a stern face he just lifted Laurelin's injured shoulder and pushed his fingers to her open wound.

This time, no scream left Laurelin's lips.

Black spots danced in her eyes, air escaping her lungs.

Thorin looked pained, as Dwalin grabbed the remaining part of the arrow with his fingers and pulled it out, too, and the awful sound of flesh tearing filled the room. Laurelin prayed she'd faint, anything, to get away. She could hear her own shoulder muscles ripping apart and blood oozing out of her freely now, and as Dwalin laid her back down, Laurelin's eyesight became hazy.

-Thorin..." she whispered helplessly, mutely, as the voices went in and out.

Then, her eyesight blackened.


	23. Chapter 23

**AUTHOR'S NOTE**

Hey!

I've been truly taken aback by the amount of reviews and messages I've gotten about the latest chapter. There have even been several threats to track me down and force me to sit down, write and update, which I see totally as a huge compliment, haha. :D

It has been also really interesting to hear all of your theories about what is going to happen. I'm glad that many of you said it wasn't predictable. But I have to admit that I've known for a long time how I'm going to go down with all of this, so now I've been trying to find the time to write it all down. It's taken me a few days to update, but then again the chapter is a bit longer than the previous one. And it's quite a rollercoaster, I dare to promise. I hope that makes up for it.

Please tell me what you think! :) Reviews are worth more than gold to me.

**Warning:** Chapter content

* * *

It seemed that the black oblivion didn't last long, in the end.

The first thing Laurelin heard was people talking with worried, intensive voices around her, even if she couldn't make out who they were. She didn't remember where she was.

There was an annoying sensation somewhere at the back of her mind, but she didn't know what it was.

Slowly, her awareness started to flood back to her. Her hearing sharpened and the muffled voices became clearer. Then the pain did, too. It was the very thing that violently drew her back to awareness, since Laurelin's shoulder felt like it was full of tiny, burning needles. Her heart was beating fast, the steady thumping in her veins sounded loud. And her back and insides were aching, like something had squeezed and pulled them together and then apart.

Then Laurelin remembered where she was and what had happened.

Erebor. She was in Erebor, and she had gotten hit with an arrow...Thorin had been there. Contractions...The poison...The _poison_.

Laurelin suddenly felt a rush of panic struck her. The baby...She was in labour but the baby was still inside of her, and her heart was pumping the orc poison everywhere. Laurelin swallowed sharply, voice hoarse from all the screaming. She could feel the after effects of her last contraction in her body, and her shoulder was getting worse every second.

Poison was spreading in her body. Slowly but surely.

At least the cursed arrow was removed. Laurelin could still remember exactly how Dwalin's fingers had felt like inside her torn flesh, how the big dwarf had pulled the poisonous pieces of it out of her. The wound throbbed, and she wondered whether it was the actual damage or the poison doing it. Even the brief movements she made caused small bolts of pain to vibrate through her. Laurelin felt sick, but not because of the blood loss but because of the knowledge that the poison could harm the baby inside of her.

-Laurelin..." someone called. Laurelin fought hard to regain consciousness, realizing that the previous annoying sensation was someone's hand at her cheek, tapping it to wake her up.

As much as her head and body protested, Laurelin forced her eyes open. The dim light seemed to pierce her skull and she had to blink several times, letting out a moan. Instantly, there was someone next to her, wrapping a careful hand around her healthy arm.

-Stop that." a familiar, deep voice said to someone, probably to Haria, and the tapping on Laurelin's cheek stopped. She distantly felt grateful for it, but the increasing pain was taking all of her energy.

-Laurelin." a voice called again, demandingly, worriedly - and she instantly recognized it to be Thorin's. So he was still here. He was alright. The orcs hadn't gotten to him, the battle hadn't claimed him. Thorin was right here beside her, and it oddly gave her a sense of security, even if the situation was far from safe or alright.

There was a war outside, she was in labour, and she had been shot with a poisoned arrow. Things were slowly spiraling into chaos. Even with her muddled mind, Laurelin could feel that the air was laced with a hint of panic. The small room felt suffocated with unspoken fear.

For a few more seconds, Laurelin gathered her awareness. The pain was still increasing, almost getting unbearable, and if she had had the strength, she would have cried out or tried to get a better position. But Laurelin knew that any movement would tear her damaged shoulder and would only become a vicious cycle of piercing pain. Laurelin was scared to even think about another contraction which couldn't be far away, yet she desperately wanted to get the baby out as soon as possible.

Swords clashed together somewhere far away outside. Yet the battle seemed so far away.

The room was unnaturally quiet, and a bad feeling was hanging in the air. Laurelin could sense it, could hear it from the intensive tones of the voices, she could feel it the way Thorin was clinging to her healthy arm. He was holding onto her just a bit too tightly, like afraid that she'd slip away.

Laurelin blinked her eyes open, the ceiling somewhere far above adjusting.

Thorin leant closer. Laurelin turned to look at him, and the open vulnerability on Thorin's face made an icy wave wash over her. There was unmasked worry and poignant fear all over his face.  
Thorin was_ afraid_.  
The realization dawned on Laurelin, there and then. Thorin was afraid for her. Worried about her. He cared about her, and refused to leave her behind, even if there was a war raging outside and his friends and one of the last members of his family fighting for their lives there. There was also a chance to kill Azog, his arch enemy, to revenge the deaths of his father and grandfather.

Yet, here Thorin was.

Beside her, holding onto her arm. Usually so guarded and reserved, Thorin had dropped his mask. All of his emotions were written on his face. He was still covered in orc blood and dirt, hair messy and clear signs of the battle on his armour and posture. Yet he looked nothing like the fearsome warrior he had been outside. He looked scared, standing beside her bedside and keeping a firm grip on her uninjured arm. Laurelin swallowed as she looked at him, only some empty space between their faces.

-Laurelin?" Haria called. -Are you with us?" the mid-wife asked and came closer.

Laurelin just nodded, blinking heavily.

For a fleeting moment, Thorin looked relieved. He shifted his weight carefully and glanced at Haria, then back to Laurelin.

She was too tired to talk, so she just waited for someone else to tell her what had happened after she had blacked out.

Thorin hesitated, but then started to talk. -None of us are physicians, but we did the best that we could with your shoulder." he said, and his voice was low and strained, as if he was trying hard to appear calm. -We cleaned the wound and tried to get as much as poison out as possible." he continued.

Thorin avoided her eyes.

Laurelin nodded, gritting her teeth. She sensed that it wasn't all.

The small room's air seemed heavy to breathe in.

Haria stepped closer. -Laurelin, we managed to slow down the bleeding, but we couldn't make it stop altogether. There were some herbs that I used on the wound that lessen your pain, but we don't have anything stronger, and any other herb could harm the baby."

Laurelin just knew that they were all dancing around something unspoken. She glanced towards her stomach, worry gripping her heart. The childbirth would be painful beyond imagination with her current state, and yet all she cared about was the safety of the baby.

There was another deep silence in the room, and for a moment the battle cries and clanging from the battle outside could be heard distantly. Dwalin stood further away, hands covered in blood -_ her _blood, Laurelin realized. He was staring at the ground and something at his restless posture alerted her.

-You're not telling me everything." Laurelin rasped out, as she turned to look at Thorin and Haria. Haria's face twisted with guilt. Anxiety started to set in, and suddenly there was a lump in Laurelin's throat. Everyone else in the room knew something she didn't. She turned to look at Thorin.

-What is it?" she demanded, despite her voice was hoarse.

Thorin looked grim. His shoulders were tensed. Slowly, he locked his blue eyes with hers, and Laurelin instantly knew that it was something bad. She blinked and took a shaky breath, ignored all of the throbbing pain in her body and just stared Thorin with a cold feeling at the pit of her heart.

-What is it!?" she hissed, hating the deep silence that was filling the room. She felt helpless, lying on the bed, almost in the center of the chambers. And nobody told her the truth, like it was too horrible to say out loud.

Seconds crawled.

Then finally, Thorin took a deep breath. -There is...there is a chance that..." he started, but his voice faded away. The dwarf king swallowed and looked away. Alarm bells rang in Laurelin's mind - if Thorin was so affected, it _had_ to be bad.

Despite the pain, Laurelin lifted her uninjured right hand and took a grip of Thorin's wrist, squeezing it. -Tell me." she said.

Thorin clearly struggled to talk out loud, searching for words. There was a shadow on his forehead and his face was full of sorrow. -Laurelin..." he muttered.

Finally, Dwalin cut in. -There is no antidote to this poison." the big dwarf said with a hollow voice. He leant on the wall further away. -So you need to fight the poison off, fight against it until it wears off. It is possible. But until that happens, the poison will spread in your blood."

Laurelin held her breath. Thorin's jaw tensed and he stared the ground. Dwalin sighed and continued, and the usually stern dwarf was now clearly struggling to hide his sorrow.

Finally, he continued. -The mid-wife here says that the child won't be born until after some hours. In that time, the poison will spread throughout your body and it might...there is a chance that..." Dwalin looked bleak.

Thorin's fingers tightened around Laurelin's arm.

-That the baby won't survive long enough to be born." Haria finished.

Air escaped Laurelin's lips and the shock struck her. -No." she whispered in shock, eyes suddenly burning.

This couldn't be happening.

After all this time...After everything they had gone through...

_No._

She couldn't let the baby die.

She just couldn't.

She had carried it for almost seven months in her body. She had felt the little one moving, kicking...She hadn't meant to get pregnant, no, but it didn't mean she didn't love the baby already. It was hers and Thorin's, and there wasn't anything she wouldn't do to protect it.

Laurelin drew a shuddering breath. It sounded loud in the deathly quiet room.

One tear broke free and poured down at the side of her face. Despite all of the pain her body was in, nothing compared to the thought of losing the child. It burned a hole into her heart, a hole that would become big, empty and incurable over time should it not be mended.

She squeezed her eyes shut. The room seemed to close in on her. Hope turned to ash.

This was her fault.

She had gone outside to the gates. She had endangered herself and gotten shot with an arrow. It was her fault if the baby died - the child was too small to fight against an orc poison, a Durin or not. But then a small voice at the back of her mind reminded that without her, Thorin would most likely be dead. By going out to the gates, she had warned him about Azog, and helped him and the others by taking down the orcs.

Laurelin gritted her teeth. The news were even harder to take in when she was unable to regret her decision to go to the gates.

She let out a pained whimper. She wanted to scream and bang her fists into a wall, but she couldn't even move without bolts of pain going through her. She was struck with grief, anger and guilt. And helplessness. And she hated nothing more than the feeling of being insignificant. Laurelin opened her teary eyes and flickered them to Thorin.

The dwarf king was hanging his head and staring at the floor with unseeing eyes.

It was sorrow in Thorin's posture. Loss. The realization only deepened Laurelin's anguish. Even if Thorin had not wanted this baby in the first place, the possibility of losing it was clearly affecting him.

Laurelin squeezed her fingers tighter around Thorin's wrist, and felt like she deserved all the pain torturing her body every second. Thorin turned to her, letting out a heavy breath. His blue eyes were clouded with grief, and Laurelin felt breathless, like she was drowning on the guilt and loss.

-This is my fault." Laurelin whispered miserably.

-It is_ not_ your fault." Dwalin cut in harshly. -Without your warning, we would be all dead already. Azog would have killed us. We can only blame the orcs. Those scums put poison into their arrows, those _drazvnizg ryénie, _cruel worms." the dwarf spat out.

But Laurelin found no comfort in Dwalin's words. She just swallowed once more, feeling like her whole throat was full of tiny pieces of glass.

-I can not let it happen." Laurelin said, her voice pitching. Panic was finally breaking loose in her. She stared at Thorin. -I can not give birth to a dead child."  
Thorin's face hardened, but he didn't say anything.

Laurelin took a shuddering breath. -I can't!" she said desperately. -Thorin!" she pleaded, and Thorin reluctantly turned to look at her with haunted eyes.

She stared back, numbly in shock.

-There is nothing more we can do." Thorin finally said carefully. -We can't make the poison to go away that has already gotten into your body. We can only pray and hope that the child is strong enough to survive it."

But Laurelin knew that no one in the room believed that. It was just a false promise of a false hope. She was going to give birth to a dead child, a lifeless little baby, and she couldn't bear the thought. Unborn or not, Laurelin loved the child so much already, her strong little one, and she hated to see that grief in Thorin's face, she hated it because she knew this would haunt them both. Despite how unwanted this child had been in the beginning, this would cause deep sorrow. It would fracture her heart, the guilt would start eating her from the inside out. What would be left of her in the end? From years to come? How could she go on with a broken heart? It just _couldn't_ happen.

-Is that all you can say?" Laurelin said to Thorin with helpless despair. -You can't just let this happen!" she hissed. She knew that she wasn't being fair, that she couldn't just channel her sorrow into him, but she couldn't just accept her fate either.

Thorin's face hardened again. He looked at Laurelin with some fire lighting up in his eyes. -Do you think I want this to happen? Bastard or not, the child is mine, too. I would have given a lot if there was a chance to undo this, but there isn't one, Laurelin. I can not even blame you for being so reckless and coming out to the gates, even if it was the most foolish thing you could have ever done, because your warning saved my life, and Fili's and Kili's. So what do you want me to say? I can not say anything, because no words can help us now." he breathed out, shaking his head.

Laurelin just stared at him, icy fist curling around her heart. Of course Thorin was right. Laurelin was about to answer him, but then a contraction struck her.

The pain almost knocked her out again, because the contractions were getting stronger all the time. Her whole body shook and she shuddered, voice caught in her throat, only one miserable, breathless whimper escaping her lips. She snapped her eyes open towards the ceiling, black spots dancing in her vision, shoulder feeling like it was torn to pieces - the herbs that had used to the wound only took the sharpest edge of from the pain. It felt like the were thousand needles stinging her everywhere at the same time, repeatedly.

She wanted nothing but to scream from the bottom of her lungs; it felt her ribs were about to snap in two. But breaths got stuck to her throat and the room spun.

Thorin stayed beside her, calling her name, squeezing her arm, but she barely noticed.

The contraction just lasted and lasted; they were getting longer all the time. Laurelin prayed every second that it would stop, that it would be over. This was pure torment, like torture. And if she was going to suffer all this pain for nothing, she didn't know how she could stand it.

Thorin was keeping her still, she realized. He was trying to minimize the pain. His strong arms were holding her down, but at the same time he was trying to be gentle.

Laurelin almost wished the darkness would take her again, so she could forget for one moment that poison was spreading to her body and would most likely claim the life of the baby. Her eyes flickered dangerously now; her eyelids felt so heavy.

-Laurelin, stay awake." Thorin's hoarse voice asked, his hazy face close to hers.

It was the worry in his voice that made her obey. Thorin always tried to hide his emotions behind his unreadable mask, but now his anxiety and worry shone from his face and voice. And so she gritted her teeth together with determination and clutched her right hand into a fist. She forced herself to cling into awareness.

Finally, the contraction passed. She sagged strengthlessly back.

Laurelin just breathed in and out. The air tasted bitter. She could feel the baby moving, just a little. Helpless tear rolled down to her dark hair - how long could she feel that? What if the baby soon never moved again?

Why had everything gone so terribly wrong? What had she done to deserve this?

Her despair started to turn into anger.

As soon as the pain settled a little again, Laurelin blinked her eyes clear and took a careful breath. -Haria." she called. The mid-wife came to her side and looked down at her.

Laurelin swallowed. -How long will it take?"

Everyone turned to look at the mid-wife. Haria sighed. -I'd say that if we are very, very lucky, then two hours. But it will probably be three or four hours, maybe even six."

-That's too long." Laurelin said through her teeth. Suddenly a sense of finality took over her.

Time seemed to slow down. There and then, she realized that the baby would die if before it was born, if they truly waited that long. She would never get to hold her living, breathing child, nor would Thorin. This day, this war had claimed so many lives already, and so many would be lost before nightfall on the battlefield, but the baby inside her had done nothing wrong. Had hurt nobody. Had every right to live, to survive.

Laurelin did not regret going out to the gates, since it had saved Thorin's life. But she knew that for the rest of her life she would felt incomplete if she lost the baby now. She would blame herself for this for years to come. She needed to bring the little one safely into this world. And it would mean that it needed to happen right now. Now that the poison hadn't hopefully spread to all over her body, now that there was still a chance that the baby was unharmed.

-That's too long." Laurelin repeated, but this time her voice was stronger. Suddenly, her panic eased. Determination took over her, bit by bit. She was _not_ going to lose the baby. Even if that was the last thing she ever did.

Laurelin took one more, calming breath and swallowed. The room was quiet. She turned her head towards Haria. -We can't wait for hours. If the poison is really spreading in me right now, we are losing precious time. Every second there is a bigger chance that the baby will be harmed. And I will not let that happen. I can't just lay here and wait all that time, I can still feel the baby moving, and that means that everything is till fine. But we need to act fast."

Thorin let out a confused, worried sound. -What are saying?" he asked, voice tensed.

Haria just stared at Laurelin, realization slowly spreading to her face. Laurelin felt surprisingly unafraid. All of her guilt quieted, the aghast faded in her heart. She looked at the mid-wife calmly. -Take the baby out. Right now. Then we can at least give the child a chance to survive. Cut me open."

Thorin drew a loud, incredulous hiss. -No!" he breathed out in shock, eyes widening. -Absolutely not!"

Haria paled, and opened her mouth to say something, but nothing came out.

Laurelin gave the mid-wife a weak, joyless smile. -I know you have done it before. I've heard that sometimes, when the need is dire, it can be done that way too. It is the only chance."

Thorin shook his head fiercely. -Laurelin, I said _no_. That is not even an option." the dwarf king said with a low and intensive voice, anxiety growing in his tone.

Laurelin turned to look at him. Thorin's eyes were so full of emotions that it made her heart ache - fear, worry, disbelief, shock. Caring. Thorin was so afraid for her. Distantly Laurelin wondered if she had been wrong earlier, if Thorin still had some feelings for her, if there was something more than a sense of duty towards her in him. But she had no time to ponder on it. And he couldn't change her mind. Laurelin sighed.

-It's the only way, Thorin. Don't you see? I can't let our child die. This was my fault, and I'm taking a responsibility for it. We can't wait for hours."

Thorin stared at her with disbelief, desperation and anger flashing in his face. -That is out of the question!" he breathed out hotly. -This is _not_ your fault but mine, all of it. It is because of me that you're lying here wounded and in pain. It was me who impregnated you, it is my actions that sparked the war outside; my revenge that gave the orcs the chance to fire that cursed arrow. This is my fault, so I will not let you to take responsibility for it. I am forbidding you to even consider this. It is dangerous and you could..." but his voice faltered and he hesitated.

-You could lose a lot of blood." Thorin finished, his voice unsteady. He looked at her, pleading. Warmth tinkled in Laurelin's heart. This was the right thing to do. She flashed Thorin a small smile, placing her fingers over his carefully, gently.

The air in the room was thick with uncertainty and fear, yet Laurelin's chaotic mind was quiet and clear. She had never been as certain about anything as she was about this.

Thorin stared at her, and grimaced as he saw her determination. He swallowed heavily.

-I can not take any more losses...There has been too many already." Thorin mumbled. -If we are going to lose the child, then so be it. But I will not endanger you both." he said, his voice barely a whisper.

Laurelin curled her fingers tighter around his emphatically.

Haria stepped closer. -You must be aware that such an operation like this is dangerous and possibly life-threatening." the mid-wife said. -If I cut you open, I can lift the baby out, but your skin, your muscles, everything will be torn in two. You will bleed heavily, and you have almost lost quite a lot of blood. I can not guarantee that you'll survive this."

Thorin glanced at the mid-wife, then at Laurelin. -You heard her!" he exclaimed. -That is a risk I'm not willing to take. The baby is lost already, there is nothing we can do. So I am forbidding this, once and for all."

But Laurelin's inner peace wasn't disturbed. She looked at Thorin with pity. He was right, he had lost so much. But Laurelin loved him too much. Both of them - Thorin and the baby. She wasn't going to let anything harm them. She was being stubborn, she knew it, and maybe her decision was risky, but she didn't care. Thorin and her were both hard-headed and independent and a lot more alike they would have wanted to admit. Thorin's passion and protectiveness was the very thing she had fallen for. It had both irritated and fascinated her in the beginning. But he was not going to tell her what to do.

Laurelin sighed a little. -I don't think this is your decision to make, Thorin. It's my body."

Thorin eyed her with fire gleaming in his eyes, growing desperate.

-But you belong with me!" he suddenly snapped fiercely. The whole room quieted. Laurelin blinked her eyes in surprise for his words, something stirring in her chest. Thorin seemed to have even surprised himself with his sudden burst of sentiment. He shook his head, like trying to clear it.

-It is my child, too." Thorin muttered. -And despite the tragedy of this, we must accept that there is _nothing_ we can do. I am not letting you to take such rash actions. You could get yourself killed! And I still remember how that felt like when we thought that Smaug had gotten to you in Esgaroth, that you were gone forever. That is something none of us will never, ever, want to experience again." He swallowed. -So as your king, that is my final order." Thorin declared with a voice that left no place for disagreement.

But Laurelin just watched him gently - his authority had never intimidated her in the first place. And it wasn't going to stop her now. While she understood Thorin's reasoning and pitied him for his emotional outburst, she couldn't give in to him.

Laurelin sighed. -I know you're worried,, Thorin. It's alright. But I can't lose the baby. And like I said, this is my body. I am ready for the pain, if it means that the baby has the chance to survive. I have made my decision, and we are just losing precious time."

Thorin shook his head angrily. -You stubborn human!" he hissed and looked at her with fiery eyes. -I can not lose you! Don't you understand? Don't you see why I am refusing to let this happen?" Thorin's jaw tightened. He obviously tried to calm himself down, and lowered his tone to a softer one. There was a small pause before he spoke again. -You can have other children. You can have as many as you want, but for that you need to_ live_."

Several emotions rushed into Laurelin's heart - empathy, pity, love. Her chest ached and she watched the dwarf king with tender eyes. -I don't want any children if I they're not yours." she whispered quietly.

Thorin froze, and flickered his troubled gaze to her in surprise. Whatever he had been about to say was forgotten. Laurelin swallowed and caressed Thorin's fingers lightly, heart suddenly filling with poignant yearning.

She just loved him so much that it made no sense.

There was a heavy silence in the room, and Haria and Dwalin both felt like they were intruders, seeing and hearing something they shouldn't. But the war continued on somewhere outside, and the clock was ticking.

Laurelin and Thorin just stared each other, like they were battling each other's stubbornness with their minds.

But Laurelin didn't back down. Silent, long seconds passed. The only sound was their breathing filling the room.

Then Thorin bent lower towards her, their faces suddenly very close. Even now, Laurelin felt her heart fluttering for his proximity. His blue eyes seemed to drill into her soul. He looked so vulnerable. Slowly, Thorin placed his fingers on Laurelin's cheek, touching her skin like she was made of glass, and studied her face.

She could feel his warm breathing on her skin, and it tingled. The ghostly touch on her cheek felt so good - oh how she had missed his touch. Laurelin let out a shuddering breath - despite the pain and the chaotic situation, he still managed to wrap her heart around his finger so easily.

Thorin was so close now. He looked at her so gently, so pleadingly. He looked pained as he took in every detail of her face.

-I can not lose you." he whispered with his deep and rumbling voice, sounding like it was hard for him to admit it.

Thorin looked at her like she was the most precious thing on Middle-Earth, and suddenly Laurelin found it hard to breathe properly.

She blinked hard, trying to think rationally and form words, but couldn't.

Thorin's brows furrowed. His voice was barely above a whisper. -If commanding you doesn't work, then I am asking you...Please, do_ not_ do this."

Laurelin just stared at him - had Thorin Oakenshield just said 'please'? Had he truly begged her?

She studied him, distracted by his touch and his face and lips being only inches from her face. It seemed to numb even some of the pain. And for the first time, Laurelin hesitated. Just for a moment, she considered his suggestion. Thorin had never asked her anything, not even when his whole heritage and honour had been on the line. But he was asking her this now. He must have been truly desperate.

But the tiny movement in her stomach drew her back to bleak reality and Laurelin took a breath, shaking her head weakly. -I'm sorry, Thorin. But I can't live with myself if I don't do this."

Thorin's face twisted in frustration and he pulled his hand away. He straightened himself and turned away swifly, throwing his arms into the air. He let out a pained hiss. -Someone talk some sense into her. Stubborn human. _Draqzaak_!" he cursed, shaking his head desperately.

Haria looked at Laurelin uncertainly. Laurelin just sighed. -Get everything ready." she said.

Haria nodded and started to rush around the chambers, gathering things. Thorin almost barged after her and stopped her, but Dwalin caught him and pulled him back, saying something in khuzdul. Thorin answered him angrily, but Dwalin wasn't provoked.

Laurelin took a few calming breaths. She could feel her shoulder still burning, and she felt increasingly sick. Distantly she realized it had to be the poison spreading in her, and she tightened her jaw. She knew that soon she would be in a lot worse pain than this, that she would be torn open, but she knew she could handle it as long as they got the baby out in time.

Thorin was still arguing with Dwalin. After what sounded like a long and a heated debate, Dwalin said: -_Nzarpe_, Thorin. It is her decision."

-It is not! This is an insane, desperate act! It could kill her!"

-But she will never forgive you if you stop her from doing this."

-At least she will be alive to be angry with me!" Thorin spat back. -Do you think I can ever forgive_ myself_ if something bad happens to her?"

Dwalin sighed. -You are being selfish. You don't own her."

-Well maybe I should if I am the only with some sense in this room!" Thorin shouted. -I am not being selfish, I am being rational."

Dwalin quirked an eyebrow at him. Thorin just glared him back, struggling to get free from his grasp. -And who are you to question my authority? I am your king."

Suddenly Dwalin seemed to lose his composure. He let go of his king, but straightened his back defiantly. -By Mahal, Thorin! You touched her without a claim, and yet it was her that was ready to leave the quest without telling any of us about the baby. She survived dragon fire and has saved your life twice. She isn't some mindless child you need to order around, she has very well proved that she does exactly what she likes. If you now rob her the chance to save the baby, she will never forgive you. You may be my king, but I still agree with her." Dwalin said.

For a moment Thorin looked like he was going to argue, but then his shoulder sagged and he looked beaten.

Dwalin lowered his tone. -The real reason why we all forgave you in Esgaroth, why the company continued this quest and kept you as our rightful king, was the fact that we saw she is your _lwehliah_, Thorin."

Thorin startled like he had been hit and his eyes widened. He quickly turned his head away.

Suddenly the air between the two dwarves was electrified.

-We should have been blind not to see that." Dwalin continued. Thorin refused to look at him, hiding his face behind his long hair. -Everyone of us realized it sooner or later. The only one that didn't seem to spot the most obvious thing in the world is you, Thorin." Dwalin muttered.

When Thorin finally spoke again, he sounded oddly tired. -Even if you're right...It can never be." he said.

Dwalin tilted his head. -What do rules matter anymore? You have broken so many of them already. So I don't think you have a choice anymore in this matter, not really."

Laurelin shot a confused look towards them, guessing that this was something important, irritated that she had no idea what Dwalin had meant. But the pain was increasing slowly every minute, and it was getting harder and harder to concentrate on anything else.

Haria rushed to her side and drew her attention away from the dwarves. -I have everything I need." she said to Laurelin.

Laurelin nodded, slight anxiety stinging her. -Let's not lose anymore time, then." she said.

Haria cleaned the sharp knife she was holding. -You need to stay as still as possible or you might cause some extra damage. This will be painful beyond your imagination, Laurelin. But you need to stay awake. Once I get the baby out, I will close the wound. You will lose a lot of blood. Are you still certain you want to do this?"

Laurelin swallowed her increasing fears and nodded. Light reflected notoriously on the sharp knife in the mid-wife's hands.

Haria turned to the dwarves. -I need someone to hold her down and keep her still as possible. And I need someone else to assist me, to take the baby when the time comes and help me to close the wound."

Dwalin and Thorin turned to look at the mid-wife, and Thorin looked defiant. Laurelin flickered her eyes to him. -Please, Thorin, don't argue. We don't have much time."

Thorin gritted his teeth. For a moment, he looked like he was going to refuse. But then slowly, it seemed that both hers and Dwalin's words quieted him. Something in his eyes, face and posture changed; like he had just decided something important. Hesitantly, Thorin closed the remaining gap between himself and Laurelin, and looked down at her. -On one condition." he said sternly.

Laurelin tried to ignore her growing anxiety and the throbbing pain, and looked at him in confusion.

There was an odd look in Thorin's face now. A short, tensed silence passed before he talked. -I will agree to this with only one condition - if you accept my claim."

Dwalin seemed to realize what his king was up to and his eyes widened a little. But Laurelin just blinked, knowing that despite the urgent situation, this was something she had to do first. Otherwise Thorin would never let Haria proceed.  
So she raised her eyebrow. -What claim? What are you claiming?"

Thorin lifted his jaw a little. -You. As mine."

Laurelin just stared at him, mouth open as the words sunk in.

It couldn't mean...There was no way that..._As his?  
_Laurelin was certain she had misunderstood. Thorin looked calm, but she could see a hint of nervousness and expectation in his eyes._  
_

She swallowed. -As...as yours?" Laurelin stuttered. Suddenly her skin felt hot. -Do you mean...?"

Thorin nodded.

Laurelin just kept staring at him, then glanced at Dwalin and back to Thorin. -I'm not sure if I understood right..." she whispered.

Thorin shifted his weight restlessly. His calm façade was starting to crack here and there, and he took a deep breath. -I'm afraid that Dwalin here is right. It truly seems that this is something inevitable for me anyway. So, this is my only condition. Do you accept my claim?"

Laurelin could feel her cheeks turning red, despite her weak state. She felt suddenly dizzy, and it wasn't because of the blood loss or the poison. Her mind seemed to have frozen; this felt like an odd dream altogether.

After a small silence, Dwalin rolled his eyes. -He is asking you to be his queen." he explained with frustration.

Laurelin's breath got stuck to her throat, and her heart jumped a little. Slowly, she covered her mouth with her uninjured, shaking hand, just staring at Thorin with disbelief. -Q-queen?" she stuttered out through her fingers.

It was truly dawning on her now.

Thorin looked slightly nervous and just nodded again.

Despite all of the throbbing pain in her body, her fears and the chaotic situation, Laurelin felt a rush of warmth and overwhelming happiness washing over her. Thorin was asking her to...All of a sudden...He was actually asking her to...He wanted her to be his...Queen._ Queen._ He wanted her to be his queen.

-But..." Laurelin rasped out. -I'm...I'm not royalty. Or even a dwarf."

Thorin tilted his head. -Yes, I am aware of that." he said.

-You can refuse if you want to." Dwalin offered with a serious tone.

Laurelin glanced at him, then Thorin. She waited him to back down, but he didn't. She still expected this to be some kind of a misunderstanding, that he would show signs of, but there was nothing. He looked serious as ever. He was truly asking her this.

-Is...Isn't this a little bad time?" Laurelin managed to mutter out incredulously.

There was a fleeting bitterness in Thorin's face. -I have waited too long already." he answered quietly. -Without realizing it myself."

He shifted his weight again nervously. -But if you say no..."

Suddenly Laurelin could vividly remember their shared night together in Esgaroth, when Thorin had found her in front of the fireplace and had escorted her into her room. He had sat next to her, when their mutual attraction had been sparking in the air, and Laurelin had already backed down and had been ready to let him go. But Thorin had asked her if she wanted to continue, wanted him, using the exact same words: _'But if you say no...'_

And Laurelin smiled, smiled brightly despite the pain, remembering exactly what she had answered then - and what she was going to answer now. She took a shuddering breath. -To you? I couldn't, even if I wanted to."

Thorin studied her warily, suddenly the recognition lighting his face too. As if he had read her thoughts, sharing the memory, his lips twitched in a nervous, tiny smile. -Then are you saying yes?"

Laurelin felt tears, this time of joy, burning her eyes. -Yes."

Thorin breathed out, and looked at her tenderly. -Yes?" he asked, as if he couldn't believe he had heard right.

Laurelin nodded, biting her lips because she was smiling so widely. -Of course I'm saying yes, you fool of a dwarf. We wouldn't be in this situation in the first place if I could have ever said no." she said, her emotions almost overwhelming her.

Thorin huffed a little and tried to hide his wide smile. There was a small silence, filled with unspoken happiness, and even the horrors of war echoing couldn't disturb it.

Then Thorin shifted again, as if he had only then remembered something. He shuffled his hands hastily and lifted something into the air.

He cleared his voice. -I am aware that the timing is bad and that this isn't a proper way to do this by any means..." Thorin said and reached for Laurelin's left hand. Laurelin glanced down and saw that Thorin was holding his royal seal ring next to her hand. -So for that, I apologize. But it was this cursed day that forced me to realize it was my pride that has been clouding my judgement...It has been pride that has not let me admit the very thing that the others claim to be obvious."

And with a swift movement, Thorin crouched low, so his face was right next to hers. He looked at her with gleaming eyes. -If you take this ring, I'll take it as a promise to be mine from this day forward."

Laurelin gasped, still unable to believe this moment was real. She smiled. -I'm yours, to the end of my days. I always was, ever since I joined this quest." But then she locked her eyes with him and turned serious. -But only if you swear to me that you're not just doing this because of duty. That this isn't just a whim of a thought."

Thorin sighed. -I admit that I hadn't planned this. And I'll admit that I am doing this now because I am..." He struggled for words. -Because I am afraid. For...for all of our sakes. I don't even know if there is a tomorrow for any of us. If this war is lost, this night might be our last. So yes, this is a quick decision, but do not think that I will ever regret it. I thought I lost you once, I can't stand the thought of going through it again. So maybe I am desperate, but by Mahal, you have that effect on me."

Laurelin couldn't help but to smile fondly at him. Then she nodded, and Thorin slipped the ring carefully onto her finger.

It seemed one of the most terrifying and also the happiest moments of her life. It was almost surreal. For a moment, none of the pain or the fear mattered, there was only her and Thorin. And Laurelin swore to herself that she was going to fight until her last breath to survive, for Thorin and for herself. There was a risk she could die, but she had never wanted to live so badly.

So determinedly, Laurelin nodded. She flickered her eyes to Haria.

-Alright. We can't lose any more time." she said.

Dwalin's and Thorin's faces darkened, but Thorin kept his promise. As reluctant and bleak he looked, he nodded too. Haria gestured Dwalin to come closer and get ready. Without saying anything, Thorin swallowed and leant closer, taking a careful but strong grip of Laurelin.

Laurelin felt her anxiety rising and her heart churning inside of her chest. She knew that just in the matter of seconds, she was going to be in unbearable pain.

She forced herself not to think about it and didn't listen the advice Haria told Dwalin. She closed her eyes and breathed in Thorin's familiar scent.

Seconds crawled.

There was an odd sense of finality hanging in the air.

Laurelin gritted her teeth and squeezed her fingers tightly into a fist, the touch of the ring giving her strength. Then she waited.

And when the blade finally sunk into her skin, for the shortest of seconds, she felt nothing. Then the incredibly powerful and violent pain hit her, ripping through her whole body and she writhed, Thorin's strong arms holding her down, and she could feel blood starting to pour out of her like a small stream.

And Laurelin screamed.


	24. Chapter 24

**AUTHOR'S NOTE**

Hey! So here it comes, the very anticipated chapter. I got a lot of capslocked reviews and messages last time, and that is always a good sign, haha - you know you've managed to make your readers to feel something. And I really hope that especially this one will stir some emotions.

This chapter is longer since it took me a bit longer than usual to update, but I dare to promise it's worth the wait. And hopefully you won't even think about the length when you start to read forward. With this chapter, I really can't comment anything else.

Please tell me what you think! I would be extra-happy if you review this chapter! :)

**Content warning:** Chapter content, trigger warnings.

* * *

Nothing could have prepared Laurelin for the sensation that followed.

She could feel the sharp blade cutting her stomach like butter, the awful sound of flesh tearing filling the air. She could feel her own muscles and nerves snapping in two, could feel the warm red blood starting to pour out of her.

Suddenly there was blood everywhere.

Her world was red and painful, and she distantly realized she was still screaming. Thorin was holding her down, murmuring something comforting to her, but she couldn't hear him. Her stomach was ripped open, inch by inch. Her shoulder was on fire, and her heart was thundering in her ears.

Laurelin breathed out irregularly, nausea stirring in her. Her eyesight was blurry for all the tears of pain and the blood loss.

She screamed until her voice was hoarse. She couldn't concentrate on anything but the pain, so she lost the track of time.

Haria, Dwalin and Thorin talked in nervous voices around her. The air was electrified with fear. Seconds crawled.

Pain was pulsing everywhere in Laurelin's body. Pain, pain pain. It was all she could think about. Violent, powerful pain. Not even the contractions had hurt this badly; nothing in her whole life could match it. She had paled to a ghostly shade of white, her skin ashen. Small drops of sweat had risen to her forehead.

She was shaking badly, eyelids fluttering.

She had never felt this sick and hurt in her entire life; she could barely believe that this kind of pain even existed.

Thorin was beside her, asking her to stay awake.

The room was spinning and she felt sick. The war outside continued on, but none of them spared a thought to it now.

Just when Laurelin thought that it couldn't get any worse than this, she could feel Haria pushing her hands into her torn, open stomach. Laurelin could feel them, how even a brush of them felt like she was being stabbed. Laurelin wanted nothing but to force herself to get up and shove Haria as fas as she could, if it only that would have made the pain go away. But she didn't. Laurelin knew that Haria was reaching for the baby, only doing this because she had asked her to. This had been her choice.  
But she was getting weaker and weaker, strength fading slowly along the blood that oozed out of her and the poison that was still spreading in her body.

-Just stay awake." Thorin said to Laurelin. Anxiety was leaking out of his voice. Laurelin blinked hard, trying to find Thorin's eyes.

Thorin looked pale, too, and there was masked fear in his face. Their eyes met. The dwarf king swallowed and studied her worriedly. He looked like he wanted to say something, but couldn't find the words.

Laurelin gritted her teeth as some helpless tears poured down. It just hurt so badly.

She whimpered and clung to her determination, reminding herself why she was doing this.

Long moment passed.

Haria was muttering orders to Dwalin. Then her tone intensified and the mid-wife started to raise her voice, almost shouting something to Dwalin.

Laurelin was too tired to scream anymore, so she just prayed it was soon over. Thorin held her tightly down to stop her from moving and causing any further damage. She was starting to lose the feeling on her legs. The blood loss was making her dizzy and nausea wasn't too far away, either.

She couldn't let herself think about how she was torn open, the image was too gory to picture.

So Laurelin just battled through every long second.

The atmosphere that hung in the room was thick and fearful.

Then, after what felt like an eternity, Laurelin could feel Haria pulling something out of her torn stomach. Within just a few seconds, suddenly a tiny but clear cry broke the air. Laurelin snapped her eyes open and gasped. Thorin turned his head towards Haria shakily. Unmistakable sound of a newborn baby crying filled the room, and Laurelin let a breath of relief. It sounded like music to her ears, an unbelievable miracle, to hear the first cry of her child. She knew she wouldn't regret this, no matter what happened.

The whole room was suddenly taken over by sheer amazement.

Haria and Dwalin exchanged nervous and excited words. Laurelin couldn't see anything behind Thorin, and was too tired to lift her head.

She only listened the baby crying with a tiny but loud voice, staring at the ceiling and all of the overwhelming pain seemed bearable again. Relief flooded to her aching body. Thorin had frozen to his spot, like he was too afraid to move.

Then the dwarf king turned his head towards Laurelin. There was an odd look in his face, a mix of surprise and relief. He was struggling to breathe proplerly. Somewhere further away, Haria lifted the baby into her arms carefully. The mid-wife was sweaty and bloody, but she was smiling a little. Quickly, she wrapped the little one into a warm cloth. Everyone stared at her, waiting, still bewildered. Then finally, Haria looked up to Thorin.

-It's a girl." Haria breathed out. Thorin just stared her back blankly. Haria nodded solemnly and gestured Dwalin to come closer. The big dwarf looked lost.

-Have you ever held a baby before?" the mid-wife asked warily.

Dwalin nodded stiffly. -Yes. Many years ago, I've held Gloin's son Gimli and also Fili and Kili..." he muttered, but Haria cut in. -Good. Then take her, I have to finish this soon." she commanded and handed the tiny bundle to Dwalin. In any other situation, Dwalin could have looked comical standing there with a tiny baby wrapped in his big arms, still dressed in war gear, eyes wide as saucers, but none of them had time to think about that.

Then Haria turned back towards Laurelin and her face got serious again.

Dwalin turned to look at Thorin, astonished. Thorin just stared back, like he was still trying to believe that the whole situation was real.

It was Haria's surprised gasp that drew all of their attention. The mid-wife's looked completely stunned for a moment, like she couldn't believe her eyes. Thorin instantly shifted nervously, fear creeping to his voice. -What? What is it?" he croaked out demandingly.

Haria took a sharp breath and shook her head, clearly upset over something. Then she finally looked up to the others. -There...there are two of them."

For a short moment, the room was completely quiet, except the baby crying softly in Dwalin's arms.

Laurelin blinked her eyes open weakly, uncertain if she had heard right. Thorin's sharp, shocked gasp was the only thing breaking the silence. He stared at the mid-wife incredulously.

For a few, shocked seconds, everyone was completely frozen.

Then Haria took a deep breath and started immediately working again. -Alright, keep her still." she mumbled to Thorin.

Laurelin bit her lip not to scream from the pain as her torn skin and insides were touched again, but the news were slowly sinking in. Thorin kept staring at Haria with wide eyes, then at Dwalin. Laurelin was almost too afraid to breathe, she could barely believe the news. Slowly, Thorin turned his head towards her. The dwarf king looked pale and shaken, like a startled deer. Thorin's hands trembled a little as he held her down, and his eyes gleamed as he locked them with hers.

-T..twins?" Laurelin finally breathed out in surprise, trying to ignore the bolts of pain pulsing through her. There was two of them? She had been carrying twins all this time?

Thorin just stared her like he couldn't believe what was happening, frowning. He couldn't get a word out of his mouth.

But then Haria started barking hasty orders. -I need someone to take the other baby. Then I will close the wound. We need to hurry, Laurelin has lost a lot of blood already." the mid-wife said. Dwalin looked helplessly at her, already holding the firstborn baby, his hands full. The dwarf snapped his head towards Thorin.

-Thorin, you need to take her." he said. -I will help the mid-wife with the other one."

But Thorin just stared at Dwalin, completely frozen. Dwalin hissed in frustration and took a step closer to his king. -_Nzarpe_, Thorin! Now is not the time for this. Concentrate."

It seemed to bring some action back to Thorin, because he startled and gently let go of Laurelin, making sure he didn't cause her pain. He cleared his voice nervously. -I need you to be still." Thorin said to Laurelin, gesturing at Dwalin. -I can't...There is..." he stuttered.

He looked so lost.

Normally Laurelin would have found his bewilderment hilarious but now she just nodded weakly. She was trying to hard to hide the torment that was Haria's hands inside her torn stomach again. Everything hurt, every tiny movement felt like a flaming knife ripping through her.

But she fought back. She needed to stay still, as much as she wanted to squirm and wriggle. Thorin had to take the baby into his arms, so he couldn't hold her down, she reminded herself.

Thorin turned to Dwalin and very carefully, Dwalin placed the tiny bundle to his king's arms. Then it was safely done, Dwalin turned hastily back to Haria.

Laurelin's ears were ringing but she couldn't tear her eyes off Thorin when he looked down at the baby in his arms for the very first time. Thorin was left speechless; joy, pride and surprise spreading to his face. His face was like a painting, transfixing and fascinating. For a moment, Thorin just stood there, clearly struck by a wave of emotions.

For a moment, Thorin didn't see anything else in the whole world but the baby. And his face lit up.

It was pride.

That bright look in Thorin's eyes was pride. And it wasn't dark, consuming pride but protective and caring. He held the child so gently, carefully, like it was the most precious thing he had ever held.

Thorin swallowed heavily and turned to Laurelin. And when his sparkling, bright eyes turned to her, Laurelin suddenly felt like all of the darkness could ever take this moment away from her, not ever. Despite the torment she was in, tears of joy burned her eyes.

Thorin let out a confused smile. -She is..._ilzech_. Perfect." he breathed out and blinked hard. He crouched a little so Laurelin could see the baby too.

And Thorin was right, Laurelin knew it the very second she laid her eyes on their child. The tiny baby was perfect - maybe a little small and unclean - but still perfect in every way.  
Thorin swallowed as he straightened slowly. -My...daughter. Little princess of Erebor." he whispered hoarsely.

And Laurelin smiled through the pain, smiled because this moment was more precious to her than she could have ever hoped. The situation was bloody, painful and terrifying, but it was also worth it.  
But then another bolt of pain went through Laurelin and she cried out. Black spots danced in her eyes and she gritted her teeth to stay still and awake.

-Get ready." Haria barked to Dwalin.

Just a few seconds later, another tiny cry rang through the air. It took everything from Laurelin to stay conscious, to fight back the horrible pain and the blackness. She could feel blood still flowing out of her freely, the sticky red liquid making her feel both hot and cold.

-It seems..." Haria rasped out and carefully lifted another baby into her arms. -...that the little princess has a twin sister."

Laurelin could barely believe it.

The room spun in her eyes, but all she could hear was two newborns crying softly. Never had anything sounded more beautiful in her ears - the first breaths of her children.

-Two...two girls..." she slowly whispered to herself. But it was getting harder and harder to keep her eyes open. -Thorin..." she mumbled. Her mind couldn't form very coherent thoughts anymore. -Twins..."

-Laurelin! Do not fall asleep. You need to stay awake." Thorin said gently, his voice suddenly thick with worry, as if he had got too distracted with the baby in his arms for a moment.

Laurelin whimpered helplessly as the pain just didn't let her go. Thorin gritted his teeth and inhaled sharply. -Quick, get her something to ease the pain now that the babies can not be affected by it. We can't let her suffer any longer than necessary." he said.

-I need to close this first." Haria said hastily and started to work with shaking but quick hands. Laurelin bit back the cries and shrieks as Haria started to sew her torn skin close. She bit her lip so hard it bled, and sluggishly cursed in her mind - she couldn't afford to lose anymore blood. At least the babies were safely out.

Thorin cradled the firstborn gently in his arms. Despite the weakening state of Laurelin and the war still raging outside, Dwalin flashed Thorin a weak smile. -_Zvégez, _Thorin." he said quietly. -Your daughters are of Durin." Thorin was clearly touched for the simple words, and he smiled a little and nodded, turning to glance the little one in his arms.

-My daughters..." he mumbled, like testing how the word sounded. He looked incredbily gentle. -My children...My heirs." he muttered.

Suddenly he got serious.

-I will never let anything bad happen to you." Thorin said quietly to the tiny baby. -Nor to your sister. I might not have wanted you in the beginning, but it seems that you two wanted to come into the world anyway. I guess that it only makes it clear that you both have inherited the nature of this family. I take back all of my earlier wishes - I will cherish you two like treasures, I will protect you to my last dying breath, I will tear mountains down for you if I have to. This I promise. You two are precious to me already, little ones. " he muttered solemnly.

Laurelin rejoiced in her heart for Thorin's fiercely protective promise, but couldn't keep her eyes open anymore. Her eyelids fluttered dangerously, the room twisting in a nauseous way. She couldn't feel her own legs. All she could think about was the pain, the warm blood on her torn stomach. But the pressure of the babies inside of her had at least eased. Suddenly it made sense why her stomach had been so huge; why they had thought that the baby had grown so fast and why it had started pressing her from the inside out. Instead, she had carried twins all this time. Somehow it seemed fitting that Thorin hadn't just gotten her pregnant with one child, but with two. Durins, she thought warmly. Stubborn but strong Durins.

She wanted to hold the little ones in her arms, to see them properly, to learn every inch of their faces and the exact shade of their eyes. She wanted to kiss their foreheads and hold them against her chest, close to her heart; her heart that they had grown next to.

But it would have to wait. Right now, she had barely the strength to open her eyes.

Yet even if she was lying there on the middle of the room with her insides cut open, Laurelin could not regret a thing that had lead her here. She didn't regret wandering to Thorin all those months ago near the Carrock, or sleeping with him. It had what she had wanted them and what she wanted now - to be with Thorin. In every sense of the word. And how could she regret anything which had given her two beautiful, little daughters?

Laurelin didn't even regret her decision to let Haria cut her open and take the babies out, because it gave the little ones a chance. It was certain that some poison had gotten to their bloodstream, it was inevitable, and all Laurelin and everyone else could do was to pray that the twins were strong enough to make it through.

They were breathing with their own lungs; their own hearts were beating, and they were crying softly with their own voices. For now, that was the most important thing Laurelin could have wished for. And the way Thorin had cradled their firstborn protectively in his arms, how he had vowed to love them, had made up for all the pain she was in. Thorin had finally claimed her, as unbelievable as it still seemed, and he had called the twins his daughters, his _heirs_. He wasn't going to disown them. He was going to be a father to them, to raise them, to see them grow, to protect them.

And Laurelin wanted herself and the twins to live to see it, to become a real family. _Family._ The word sounded odd and unfamiliar in her head, but she hoped she could get used to it. She had a family now. Thorin had claimed her as his queen. Their children had came into the world in the eve of war, but Laurelin already had seen how gently both Thorin and Dwalin held the twins - she could imagine how fiercely Thorin and his kin would protect the little princesses.

Haria made her drink something - a pain reliever, probably - and slowly Laurelin felt her body finally numbing. The pain dulled to distant ache. Her stiff muscles relaxed as she was lying on the bloodied and hard bed.

Laurelin's voice was hoarse from all the screaming, and she felt exhausted. She could could feel Haria closing her cut stomach, to sew her broken skin together. She could feel the mid-wife cleaning the wound and carefully make the bleeding stop.

After what felt like forever, it was over. The babies were out, and her wounds were closed. Laurelin had already started to wonder how much blood there even was in her body, since she had seemed to have lost so much of it.

But even through the numbing, warm potion that she swallowed, Laurelin could feel her shoulder twinkle with a burning sensation. The poison was still doing its damage in her, spreading through her bloodstream - or what was left of it anyway. Even if she survived this, it would take a long time to heal. She could already imagine how frustratingly over-protective Thorin would be, fussing over her. The thought warmed her heart.

Laurelin felt distantly relieved to know that her stomach was flat again - that she didn't need to carry all the extra weight any more. Being pregnant hadn't been the most comfortable experience, especially during the last two months of it. But Laurelin also knew that if Thorin got her pregnant again within a few next years, she would gladly give birth to more children. Hopefully not as painfully as now, though.

Laurelin exhaled carefully. She had lost the track of time. She felt like she was hanging somewhere between sleep and reality, her body pleasantly numb after all the unbearable pain but her mind sluggish and only half-awake. She knew she must have looked terrible - her dress torn over her stomach, her skin ashen, sweat on her forehead and blood staining her shoulder, stomach and legs, and making them sticky.

Somewhere further away, Dwalin had become practical. He was holding the other twin in his arms. -We need to get the little ones cleaned and make sure they are fed and warm." he said to Thorin.

Thorin was still standing beside Laurelin, completely distracted by the baby in his arms. He was clearly struggling to concentrate on the situation, since he still seemed to be so awed by the twins. Laurelin cracked her eyes open tiredly and smiled faintly at the sight of him.

Thorin looked up and blinked. -Of course. Yes. But they need names."

-Can't that wait?" Dwalin asked with frustration.

Thorin swallowed and suddenly a shadow crept over his face. -No. We can not wait." he said, his voice suddenly harsher, a hint of fear in it. Everyone in the room realized the real reason Thorin wanted to give names to the twins - some of the poison had inevitably gotten into them. There was a chance they wouldn't make it throught the night, a chance that no one wanted to consider and no one wanted to say aloud.

Dwalin dropped his gaze and nodded.

Thorin turned to look at Laurelin. He winced in worry when he saw how weak she looked, even if the acute situation had already passed. Gritting his teeth, Thorin stepped closer to her.

-We need to give them names." he said quietly. Dwalin walked next to Laurelin's side, too.

Haria gave them a glare. -She needs to rest. And the twins, too. There is poison in all of them and this isn't helping." Haria muttered.

Thorin shot her a warning, almost furious look. It quieted the mid-wife. Haria bit her lips and stepped back, cleaning the dried blood from her hands with a cloth.

Laurelin blinked and forced her mind to sober up a little. She felt almost too tired to talk, but she gathered her strength. -I've heard that...that the dwarves have a secret name in khuzdul that they never tell anyone." she said, and even one sentence seemed difficult to produce.

Thorin nodded. -Yes, that is true." he said quietly.

Laurelin swallowed. -Then you can give them those and just tell them to me later...But the non-secret names, the ones they will be called with..."

-Yes, they need those too." Thorin said, clearly feeling guilty for making her talk. He hesitated. -Do you have anything in mind?"

Laurelin was quiet for a while. Her mind was slow, and it took effort to think. She gestured Dwalin to come closer, since she hadn't even seen the other twin properly.  
Warmth sparked in her heart when she set her eyes upon the tiny baby. She could already tell the twins would look very much alike, and most likely would have dark hair. It wasn't a surprise, though - both her and Thorin's hair was dark. While she recgonized some of her own features from the little one's face, both of the twins had something they had inherited from Thorin.

A ghost of a smile played in her lips.

-They have their father's eyes." Laurelin said quietly, wishing she had enough strength to lift her hand and caress the baby. Thorin looked surprised and glanced at the firstborn, clearly taken aback by her words. Laurelin smiled tenderly at him.

-Aye. That they do." Dwalin muttered in agreement.

The corners of Thorin's lips twisted; he was clearly trying to hide his pride.

Laurelin took a careful breath. -I...I think we should name them similarly, like your nephews." She turned the letters in her head for a moment. -How about...Thaurin? Elera?"

-Elera." Thorin repeated. -I like that one, it sounds beautiful." He lifted an eyebrow and glanced at the twin in Dwalin's arms. -But I think it would fit her better."

Laurelin had to blink hard again to stay awake. -Yes. Elera it is, then...I like it already. How about our firstborn? The big sister?"

Thorin chuckled softly for that. -I'm not certain if she can be referred as the big sister, since they were just some minutes apart...But yes, we should give her a matching name too."

There was a small silence.

Laurelin was just fighting back the exhaustion and the dull pain. Finally, Thorin tilted his head.

-Thara?" he suggested.

-Yes." Laurelin mumbled. -Thara and Elara."  
She didn't have the need to try and think any other names. These were fitting and beautiful. -Our children. The twin princesses..." Laurelin uttered dreamily, a rush of happiness going through her. Their children had names now. They felt suddenly real, and permanent, like that the horrible war or anything evil couldn't touch them. That they were safer, somehow. Suddenly Laurelin understood why Thorin had insisted giving them names so quickly. It felt like a shield against the orc poison, a link to this world.

Dwalin shifted his weight. -We need to tend to them now. And she needs rest too, Thorin."

Thorin nodded, turning serious again. -Yes. I expect that you and the mid-wife will take care of the twins?"

Dwalin hesitated only for a second, throwing a worried glance towards the windows. For a short moment, the echoes of the war is still raging outside could be heard.

Thorin sighed and looked grim. -I know Balin is there, and you worry for your brother. I worry for my nephews too, and several others, but..."

-But you can't leave your children or wife behind." Dwalin finished.

Laurelin cracked her eyes open for the word 'wife'. It sounded so odd, so alien. She didn't even recognize the word as referring to her. For a moment, she was in awe of the fact that she was, in fact, Thorin's queen. He had claimed her, and she had said yes, so she was his...his wife. Or a future wife at least. Once again, Laurelin felt her heart filling with happiness over it.

But then she brushed the thoughts off and struggled to speak. -If you need to go..." she rasped out.

-No." Thorin said. -I won't go anywhere. I will stay." he said, looking down at her. Laurelin sighed in relief - she couldn't stand the thought of Thorin going to the battlefield anymore. But she couldn't have asked him to stay, either, when she knew that Fili and Kili were in danger.

She closed her eyes for a moment.

-Are you in pain?" Thorin asked worriedly.

-Not really, not anymore." she muttered. -Don't worry, my love." she added, feeling oddly satisfied to have the right to call Thorin hers. She could sense Thorin's surprise radiating in the air, and she smiled to herself.

But then Dwalin snapped back into action, calling Haria closer.

Laurelin fell somewhere between dream and reality, the voices fading and sounds of moving around in the room, but she didn't listen. The grave blood-loss was making her feel exhausted, sick and weak, and she was painfully aware that the poison was still spreading in her body.

Fainty, she heard Thorin talking quietly to Haria. -Is there anything that we can do for her? Anything at all?"

Haria sighed. -Not really. We closed her wounds and the bleeding has finally stopped, and she isn't in pain anymore - her body is numb. Now it's all in Laurelin's hands. She has to fight through it. But don't be tricked - she will get worse. So will the twins, probably. The poison hasn't revealed its teeth yet; it will weaken them and spread through their bodies. And Laurelin has lost a lot of blood. I am sorry to say this, Thorin, but right now the only thing we can do is pray that all of them make through it."

Thorin's deep silence was laced with thick worry, but he didn't answer the mid-wife.

Laurelin swallowed hard.

The joy of the birth of the twins had faded from the room, and was replaced with a heavy atmosphere, full of expectation and worry.

The battle continued outside the walls, but Laurelin knew she had to fight this battle for herself. And for Thorin and for her children.

She wasn't going to give in. She was going to fight and survive, she wanted to live to see the twins grow and spend her days and the nights with Thorin.

Laurelin took a careful breath.

It was going to be a long night.

Finally, the exhaustion won and Laurelin felt the blackness of restless sleep take over her.

The sounds of the war faded.

* * *

A distant ache.

A ghostly touch on her arm.

Those were the things that Laurelin felt when her awareness started to crawl slowly back to her.

This time, she hadn't forgotten anything that had happened. Her sleep had been light, as if her mind didn't let her rest properly. She remembered sharply the twins and the incredibly painful childbirth. She remembered Thorin claiming her, and she remembered that she had been shot with a poisoned arrow.

Her body felt strange. It was numbed so she couldn't feel the pain, but Laurelin could still feel that something was out of place in it. It was as if her veins were full of small, burning pieces of glass, slicing her and searing her from the inside out. It was something even the numbness couldn't cover up or hide - and Laurelin darkly realized it was the poison. And now it wasn't just in her shoulder anymore, it was everywhere.

Her body was torn, cut open and poisoned.

Laurelin knew she was in a bad condition, could almost sense her skin being ghostly white. Slowly, she gathered her awareness and sharpened her senses. The room was quiet. But the battle hadn't still quieted, she could hear echoes of it. There was a fire rattling somewhere near her. Somehow she felt a lot more comfortable than in the hard and plain bed she had been on before.

Someone shifted close to her. Laurelin flickered her eyes, the dim light piercing them. But she blinked until they adjusted and cracked them open.

The room swam into view. It was the same room as before, but this time she was placed in the corner of it, on a larger bed. The fire had been lit and it was warm and peaceful. As if nothing bad could reach the chambers.

Laurelin blinked slowly. Thorin was sitting on her bedside, looking tired and worried. He had taken some of his armour off and cleaned the blood spatters from his face and hands. He was still looking a little messy from the battle, but Laurelin barely noticed. He looked handsome to her, even now. He had placed himself carefully next to her, but not too close so he wouldn't cause her any pain.

Thorin studied her face carefully. -Laurelin?" he asked warily.

She just nodded very lightly. She glanced down, noticing she was placed on a soft bed, partly covered in warm furs. Her now flat but bloodied and bandaged stomach couldn't fortunately be seen, it was hidden under the covers.

-We thought this would be more comfortable." Thorin said quietly. -If you're cold, or in pain, just tell me, and I will..."

-It...it's good." Laurelin mumbled, her voice hoarse. She cleared her throat quietly, hating how weak she sounded.

Thorin nodded, but his face was darkened with worry and fear. Laurelin concluded she must have been sleeping for an hour or two. Her thoughts instantly were drawn to their children.

She sighed. -The...the twins?"

Thorin swallowed. -Dwalin and Haria are looking after them. The little ones are washed and clothed, fed and warm."

But Laurelin kept looking at the dwarf king with a demanding and almost pleading eyes.

Thorin clearly struggled to talk again. -They're...they are weaker. Quiet. Unnaturally so." he said with a thick voice. Then he lifted his chin, trying to look determined. -But they are of Durin. They are strong, they will not give into the orc poison."

But something in his façade was already crumbling. Laurelin suddenly realized Thorin was really scared, terrified even, because there wasn't anything he could do. He could only sit here and wait, unable to help.

The dwarf king looked suddenly torn. -And you will not either." He flashed a weak, affectionate smile. -If you are even as half as strong as you are stubborn, then you will easily make it."

Laurelin smiled faintly. She studied him with tender eyes. -Then it makes two of us. I don't think I've ever met someone as stubborn as you."

Thorin frowned but couldn't help but to smile. Then slowly, it faded and he turned serious. He locked eyes with her, suddenly thoughtful.

-There is too much truth in that in my liking." He took a troubled breath. -I know I can be too proud sometimes."

Laurelin tilted her head a little. -I agree with that. But you have a good heart, too, if you just let others see it." she said quietly.

Thorin looked surprised, and eyed her. Confused admiration took over his face. -After all of my harsh words and behaviour, you still aren't bitter. I acted so coldly towards you, yet you hold no grudge."

Laurelin raised an eyebrow tiredly. -Of course I don't. You...you claimed me as yours. I _am_ yours now. Why would I hold grudges?"

Thorin let out a breath, clearly upset at himself. He looked away and shook his head. -Because I wouldn't be able to forgive so easily if I was in your place. My actions were cold and arrogant. I touched you when I had no right, and when you told me you were carrying a child, I pointed all of my anger towards you, even if it really was appointed to myself."

Laurelin sighed. -Thorin, it was a long time ago, and I..."

-No, I want to say this." Thorin cut in, taking a heavy breath. -I was so angry at myself. During the beginning of our journey, you came into my dreams, you distracted my thoughts all the time. I couldn't get my eyes off you, and I couldn't understand why. You are a human, someone that wasn't even supposed to join this quest, who just happened to walk into the Prancing Pony at Bree at the same time I met Gandalf in there.  
Before long, I noticed you had some skill in archery, and that you could be fearless in battle. You were a good addition to the company, and I refused to admit it. I wanted you to leave, to abandon the quest, because I was afraid of how I felt about you, how it was just growing stronger and more demanding all the time. Ane when you saved my life in the battle with Azog and the goblins, I couldn't hate you anymore. I knew that without you and our hobbit, I would have deceased long before we reached Erebor. And when I embraced you on that clearing after the battle, I knew there was no going back from there. When your body was against mine, I couldn't deny the attraction that flared up in me. "

Thorin hung his head. -And when you came to me that night near Carrock, I was trying to fight it. But the thrill of the fight and the ale made me feel reckless and dulled my mind. I wasn't even certain if you felt the same, or had I been imagining things. But when you didn't pull away...I knew it was wrong, of course I did, but I just wanted it so badly. And it just felt so right, so good..."

The dwarf king closed his eyes briefly. -And the next day I realized how badly I had taken advantage of the situation, how I had broken every rule there is when I touched you. And I was so angry at myself that I could barely made myself to look at you. And I was afraid of myself, because no matter how wrong it was, I wanted more. Even more badly than before. So I tried to turn you away when we were at Beorn's house, tried to call it just a mistake; something done in the heat of the moment. And when you avoided me all the following weeks, I found it easier to go on. But then we started to travel again and you told me that you were with a child...It was like a nightmare. You must have already seen how unacceptable it had been to touch you without a claim, but impregnanting you with a bastard child? Unforgivable."

Laurelin blinked tiredly, and sensed this was something he needed to do - to tell her this. So she didn't interrupt him.

Thorin sighed. -I was certain that the quest was over, that the others would dethrone me as soon as they knew. And I felt like I had dishonoured you and destroyed your future. I hated myself so strongly, wanted nothing but some punishment on myself. And as if my own self-loathing and the crime I had committed wasn't enough, my body still didn't stop lusting yours. When you came to me in Mirkwood...I couldn't stop myself. But when it was over, I realized that I couldn't keep breaking the rules so boldly, and my conscience was almost crushing me. I pushed you away and told you to stay away, because it had dawned on me that I couldn't say no to you. It seemed insane."

Laurelin listened to him, now growing more and more fascinated to hear his side of things.

Thorin's face was filled with self-loathing when he continued. -And when Thranduil captured us, I was terrified that the elves would find out about your condition, that they would somehow know you were carrying my child, and would have used it against me. In my darkest dreams, they tortured you. Fortunately Bilbo told me you were fine. And when we were about to escape in the barrels, I saw that you were starting to show, that very soon it would be there for everyone to see."

Laurelin blinked slowly, memories replaying in her head. -I never understood why you told everyone then."

Thorin clutched his hands into fists. -Because I knew that you might just leave the company in Esgaroth, like you had threatened, and that no one would ever know about our shared nights. I hated the thought that you would live your life in shame and loneliness, paying the price of it all by yourself. So I needed them to hear it from me, to tell them before I had the change to be a coward. So I did."  
Thorin shook his head angrily. -But then we almost lost you when we got to Esgaroth. I was so scared that you or the baby - well, the twins - were harmed or that you wouldn't make it. Thank Mahal you did. The _ kzicrig_ was long and troubling, but the others insisted on continuing the quest."

Laurelin studied Thorin, not sure where he was going with this. The dwarf king looked away again. Suddenly air seemed to get stuck to his throat.

-And when we left, and you stayed in Esgaroth...When we saw Smaug burning the city down...I was certain that you were gone forever. And when I stood at the gates of Erebor, I felt my heart cracking, and the agony that struck me was almost unbearable. Suddenly all of the gold or the jewels in these halls seemed meaningless. There and then, when we watched the flames down in the lake, I realized how much of a fool I had been. How my feelings for you had not disappeared, only gotten stronger, how badly I wanted you to be alright. The night we spent together in Esgaroth, it just...it felt so right. I realized how deeply attracted I was to you, it made no sense to me, I even thought I was losing my mind because I wanted you so badly. And I cursed myself, because I had never had enough courage to tell it to you. And in that moment when Esgaroth burned, I thought I would never get the chance to tell any of this to you; I never even said you a proper goodbye. Maybe I wished that it wasn't the last time we would see each other when I didn't. But then I regretted it so much, I wanted nothing more than to go back in time."

Laurelin felt her eyes burning with fondness, and she bit her lip.

Thorin turned to look at her, and now his eyes gleamed fiercely. -And when you appeared to the gates a few weeks ago, I couldn't believe my eyes. I was absolutely certain that my mind was playing tricks on me or that I had seen a ghost. But no. There you were, unharmed and alright. And the whole first evening, I was trying to keep my composure and hold back my relief and emotions. And when I lead you to the chambers, I wanted nothing more but to caress you, to take you to the chambers and never let go. To hold you, to kiss you, to..." Thorin's voice cracked and he took a steadying breath.

Laurelin listened to him, tears now dwelling in her eyes. She could remember that night well.

Thorin's voice was strained. -But I couldn't. I still forced myself to pull away. Even after all this time, I tried to make myself stop caring about you so deeply, to suffocate the feelings that had stirred in my heart. I tried with all the willpower I have, yet to no avail. I couldn't get any sleep at nights, because all I could think about was you, and even if I fell asleep, you filled my dreams, too. I tried to deny it from everyone else, I tried it do deny the truth even from myself. I tried so hard not to feel like this about you, but by Mahal, I simply couldn't."

Laurelin swallowed hard, blinking the tears away. -Why did you fight back so much?" she asked vulnerably. -Why was it so awful for you to admit that you had feelings for me? Is it truly so terrible for you to come into terms with the fact that I'm not your kin, that I'm not royalty? That I'm just a mere human girl from Bree?"

Thorin gasped and snapped his head towards her, locking eyes with Laurelin. He studied her intently, eyes slowly widening. -Did you truly think that it was because of that?" he hissed in shock. He shook his head in disgust. -Did you really think that it was the reason? That it was the problem?"

Laurelin was suddenly speechless, caught off guard by Thorin's reaction. She just stared at him, nodding warily.

Thorin's face twisted with a pained expression, as if she had struck him, and he leant closer to her, looking incredulous, taking her hand between his. He looked suddenly very serious, and he took several calming breaths.

-I am truly sorry if I've acted so coldly that you'd think of so lowly of me. Even if I can't blame you for that. But let me tell you this, Laurelin - I would have_ never_ turned you away just because we're not the same species, or because you're not from a royal line. That would have been extremely pretentious from me, since I had already touched you and impregnated you. Sleeping with you was against all the rules, I don't deny that. I betrayed my kin's laws, violated the sacred traditions - I broke all of the rules with you, and of course I felt guilty for that, for dishonouring us both and letting down my companions. I hated myself for committing such crimes, but the others forgave me in the _ kzicrig, _the meeting in Esgaroth, they freed me from the consequences and just made me to pay a low price for it all. But they didn't do it because of the goodness of their hearts, I even suspected it back in Esgaroth. No, there was a whole another reason. Didn't you hear what Dwalin said earlier to me? The real reason why the other dwarves forgave me?"

Laurelin just stared at him, wide-eyed, and shook her head weakly.

Thorin sighed. -Dwalin said...Dwalin said they had all realized, already then, that you were my _lwehliah_." he said solemnly.

Laurelin recalled the fleeting moment, but she hadn't understood what it meant. She raised an eyebrow.

Thorin swallowed heavily, eyes gleaming once again. -I didn't remember that humans or the other people of Middle-Earth don't share the meaning of the word. _Lwehliah_ is khuzdul, and it doesn't have a matching word in the common tongue. But it could be translated to something like an other half, or a soulmate. You see, Laurelin, I already told you this before, long time ago - dwarves only love once. We have a long life, sometimes close to three hundred years, but we only fall in love once in our lives; sometimes not at all. We live through our years, and some of us find their _lwehliah_, the one they were destined to be, someone who they can love unconditionally and endlessly. These couples usually marry, and never leave the other's side. Even if the other one is lost in battle or in sickness, the other one will not marry again or ever love again. Instead, they will wait before death claims them both."

Suddenly tears glistened in Thorin's eyes, and his hands shook around Laurelin's.

-Do you know what happens to dwarves when they die?" he breathed out with an unsteady voice. Laurelin held her breath, several emotions rushing through her. Thorin swallowed hard, like he had trouble to speak aloud.  
-We go to Mahal, the v_ala_ that you and the elves call Aulë. Aulë created us, the dwarves are his creation and people, and it is his halls where our spirits go when we leave our bodies and die. Every single dwarf that has born to this world, will go there when they die. My grandfather, father and brother is already there - so is all of my other deceased family members. They will be waiting for me, and that is why their deaths are easy to bare, because I know that someday I will join them and will be united with them."

One, single tear escaped the corner of Thorin's eye and poured down his cheek. -But where do humans go when they die?" he whispered brokenly. -Elves go to Valanor, and the dwarves go to Aulë's halls. But with humans, your life is not eternal like the elves'. You have the shortest life of us all." Thorin's voice was barely audible. -So where do your spirits go to rest when your life on Middle-Earth is over?"

Laurelin's eyes suddenly filled with tears and she couldn't see properly. She held her breath. An icy fist curled itself around her heart, filling it with agony. Another tear poured down Thorin's cheek, and his hands trembled around hers.

-No one knows." Thorin breathed out. -No one in the whole Middle-Earth knows what happens to humans. But one thing is certain - humans and dwarves don't share the last resting place..."

Thorin hung his head, and there was a thick silence. Then, with a strained voice, he talked again.

-So I tried so hard to stop myself for caring about you. I fought back so hard because I knew this could never be. Because how could you be my other half when you weren't my kin? But Dwalin and everyone else saw it before I did, and that's why they didn't punish me properly in Esgaroth, because they knew, oh they knew that the true price I had to pay was so much higher than they could have ever made me pay. They saw it already then, and they pitied me, and they couldn't hold me responsible for my actions. Because when it comes to_ lwehliahs, _everyone knows that the bond is eternal and strong, inevitable even."

Thorin's face was twisted with overwhelming pain. He blinked hard, eyes full of tears and leant closer. -I tried so hard to deny that I had these feelings for you. I tried with everything I have, but I couldn't. Because like Dwalin said, Laurelin, you are my _lwehliah_. And I..." he struggled to talk, like the emotions were almost making it impossible.

Then Thorin swallowed and lifted his chin just a little. He looked incredibly tender and torn. -Because I love you, as hard as it is for me to admit it. For a long time, it was because of my pride that I refused to believe it. But after Esgaroth was burnt, I knew it was fear. I hoped that it couldn't be true, that such burden wouldn't be appointed to me. But I know it now, you are my other half, and I will never love anything or anyone like I love you - madly, deeply, eternally. I have never loved anyone like this before, and I never will. And I hate myself that it took me so long to claim you as mine, as my queen, because of all the time lost. I will cherish you to the end of my days, and you couldn't have made me happier when you said yes. I will raise our children with you. I will watch them grow and protect you all. I will be happy to share my days with you, and the nights, too. I love you more than I can ever express to words - I love your stubborn and brave nature, the way you challenge me and talk some sense into me. I admire your strength and wisdom. I love your body, your soft hair, the way you smile, the way your hands feel on my body. These are all the things I never said to you before, all the things I feared I wouldn't get the chance to say."

Laurelin let out a gentle smile, tears still leaking out of her eyes. -I love you too." she whispered, squeezing her fingers around Thorin's hand.  
-I realized I loved you ever since Azog almost got to you..." she said quietly. -And that's why I don't regret anything that I did. Now I'm even happy that your seed got into me, because we got two little princesses. And if we are blessed with more children in the future, I will happily to carry them too. I'm sorry I doubted it was just a whim of a thought when you asked me to be your queen, but now I understand why. And...and I..."

She let out a silent sob, trying to control her emotions. Laurelin smiled weakly. -And I will cherish every day we have together from this day on. At least we have them ahead of us. We shouldn't think about the afterlife now that we're still both here." she said weakly.

Thorin looked at her, pain still written all over his face. He brushed some of the tears away with his sleeve, swallowing hard. There was a small silence when they just shared a glance, echoes of the battle and the fire rattling on the background.

Laurelin chuckled. The slight movement made her shoulder sting and her numb body reminded her that she was in a bad condition. -I'd embrace you if I had the strength." she said tenderly to Thorin.

Worry flashed in the dwarf king's face. Laurelin hated to see it. -Come closer." she asked.

She couldn't even lift her head from the pillow. Somewhere deep down, Laurelin knew that the numbing potion was tricking her into a false sense of security - her body was torn and poisoned. But for a moment, she wanted to forget it. Thorin leant closer carefully, making sure he didn't stir the bed too much and cause her pain.

He leant close to her. Laurelin breathed out. -Closer."

Thorin did as he was told, carefully leaning over her, their faces close. Laurelin felt his warm breathing on her skin, and got lost into his blue eyes. This felt so right. She swallowed, cursing silently in her mind that she was so strenghtless. Thorin lifted his hand and slowly brushed her dark hair, while not breaking their eye contact.

Laurelin felt her heart aching - she wanted this so badly. She wanted this for the rest of her life, to be with Thorin. She let out a careful breath.

-Kiss me." she whispered.

And Thorin did. His lips were careful and light. Laurelin closed her eyes, and she was burning now, burning with the poison and burning because of his kiss, the flames licking her from the inside out. Her heart fluttered a little, her stubborn little heart, that was still fighting to keep her alive.

Laurelin kissed him back, and there was an edge of desperation in it. The kiss was long and tender, but Thorin finally pulled away. Laurelin took a breath, flickering her eyes and looking at Thorin. -I love you." she said again, purely out of an instinct, because no matter how tortured her body was, it still answered to his call. And so did her mind and heart.

Thorin swallowed, like it was still hard for him to say it back. -I love you too." He looked pained. -So much that it doesn't still make any sense to me."

Laurelin studied him for a long while. Her body was distantly aching, the poison in her veins taking its toll. She felt tired, exhausted again, and she blinked slowly. She had lost so much blood. It had poured out of her like a stream. And no matter how much she wanted to, it had done its damage.

It slowly dawned on her.

There was a long, heavy silence.

Laurelin swallowed. -My body is broken." she whispered.

Thorin's face twisted with fear. -No." he hissed and tightened his grip on her hand. -Don't say that. You will get better. You are strong, so is our children. You can fight back to the poison, I know you can. You are my queen, and you will carry the Durin name now."

Laurelin watched him sadly. -Don't think that I...that I wouldn't want to live. I have now even more reasons for it than before." she said hoarsely.

Her voice was getting weaker. Thorin looked alarmed. Quickly, he got up from the bed and instead knelt next to it, so their faces were close and he was holding her hand with both hands. Thorin looked at him, eyes gleaming.

-Don't you say that. You are not going to give up now. You need to see how our children will learn to walk. To hear their first words. You need to be there when I read them bedtime stories, when I tell them about this day, about our quest, I want you to see the pride and excitement on their faces. I want you to see me yell at Fili and Kili because they will very likely teach their cousins every form of mischief they know. I want you to grow old with me, to someday laugh at this moment." he hissed intensively.

Laurelin couldn't help the tears returning to her eyes once again. -I want that...more than anything." she whispered. -But...I don't think my body is as strong as my mind."

Thorin shook his head fiercely, now desperation creeping into his face. -It is. You just have to hold on until morning, and it will get better then. You'll start healing - I will ask Gandalf...or even the elves, did you hear me, _even_ the elves for help. They must have something that can help." And he carefully brushed the tears off her face.

Suddenly the room seemed darker.

Laurelin eyed Thorin with silent sadness and took a deep breath. -I can't feel my legs. Or my middle. I barely can feel your hand." she said, sorrow making her voice raspy.

Thorin nodded, but a bit too eagerly. -It's because of the numbing potion we gave you. It's supposed to take the pain away." he said, caressing her cheek. -Just hold on, my queen."

Thorin smiled faintly, like something had just crossed his mind. -That's what I said to you on the night you came to Erebor. I didn't want to tell what it meant, not then. I wasn't ready. _Kzizak nú zean ru_. That's what I said. It means, _I have found my reason to be here." _

Laurelin drew a choked breath. She could barely believe that it was real. That after all this suffering, uncertainty and hurt feelings, she had this moment. Thorin so close to her, so perfectly and entirely hers.

Thorin continued. -And before our shared night in Esgaroth, I wondered aloud what enchantment was upon you. And I told you that I am selfish when it comes to you. You make me desperate. You make me...better." he said gently.

Laurelin took a careful breath. She had to close her eyes for a moment, because her eyesight was blurring. She felt dizzy and so, so tired.

She just felt her body growing weaker and weaker, and she couldn't stop it from happening.

-Laurelin!" Thorin hissed fearfully, tightening his grip around her hand.

Laurelin blinked her slowly eyes open and Thorin let out a relieved breath. -Don't scare me like that."

She felt suddenly deep grief taking over her heart. She looked at Thorin, the face she loved, those fierce blue eyes, strong shoulders and gentle hands. And she mourned, because deep down, she knew that the time was running out. She would never get to hold him again. She would never see him smile and laugh with their children. She would never get to make love to him again.  
She was only a human, and there was a limit how much one's body can take. She knew she had been just denying it from herself to this point, but now it was coming clear.

-Thorin...I'm dying." she whispered.

Thorin's eyes widened and a shiver went through him. He blinked and crouched closer, panic flashing in his face. But he didn't really look surprised - as if he had known it, too, only refused to believe it. His eyes glistened once again, he kissed her hand passionately.

-No. That is not true. You can not leave me behind, not now. Not when you have just brought perfect little twins into the world and saved my life for the second time. Not now when...when we are finally equal and belong to each other."

Laurelin swallowed. She felt darkness lurking right at the back of her mind. -I can feel my body giving in...I've lost too much blood...The poison...The poison is trying to make my heart stop."

-Then don't let it!" Thorin hissed hotly and placed his hand to her cheek again, turning her head a little, making her to look at him in the eyes. Their eyes met, longing and warmth sparking in the air. But a thick sensation of finality had settled into the air.

-Do not leave me." Thorin begged.

Laurelin looked at him with pity and sorrow. Her body was so numb, so cold...And she was just so tired. Her heart was struggling to keep beating, and she couldn't even feel the poison anymore. It was a very bad sign, she knew it. She didn't have the strength to move a muscle anymore. She had fought her battle when Haria had cut her open, and she had made it. She had given birth to the twins, and she had given them a chance. As fiercely as she wanted to live, her numb and broken body was too abused.

It took so much effort to just blink. Her eyelids were so heavy. Breathing felt like something she had to concentrate on. Air flowed heavily in. Laurelin could only struggle helplessly as her own body was shutting down, refusing to fight anymore.

Slowly, she was slipping away.

-Th-...there was something Balin said to me before...before the battle." Laurelin said hoarsely. Thorin looked at her, clearly trying to hide his overwhelming emotions. He was breathing irregularly.

-That...that after a night comes a day, after a storm the sun shines brighter." she repeated slowly, her sluggish mind already cloudy. But even through the sorrow, she smiled bravely. -...and all the shadows and sorrows are not forever. That love is the only thing that...that separates us from the monsters."

Thorin took a shuddering breath. -But he was wrong. Because this sorrow would be forever. This parting...it would be forever. This sorrow _will_ be eternal. Do you hear me?"

Laurelin's eyes were darkening a little. She blinked to get them clear again, but the blackness only faded a little. -So is...is my love for you." she struggled out loud. Aghast filled Thorin's face, agony radiating from him. He squeezed her hand into his, bringing it next to his face.

-I will not let you die. Fate can't be so cruel that it separates us now, long before it was supposed to. That the short time we can spend together is robbed from us." he said brokenly.

Laurelin could barely keep her eyes open anymore. She didn't feel anything anymore. She couldn't even feel Thorin holding her hand. Every second, her heart was beating a bit weaker.

-Thorin.." she whispered, her voice barely audible.

The dwarf king leant closer, eyeing her with wild panic. -No. _No. _Fight back. I beg you, fight back." Thorin pleaded and turned her head carefully towards him.

Laurelin's eyelids flickered; she was so tired. So cold already...She wanted nothing but to grant Thorin his wish, but couldn't. In a fleeting moment, Laurelin realized these were her last moments. She was dying, and there wasn't anything that could change that.

One more time, Laurelin forced her eyes open by sheer stubbornness, locking them with Thorin's blearily.

To that look, she poured all of her love, affection, attraction, fondness, sorrow, pity and grief. Thorin stared back at her, tears finally breaking free and flowing to his face. He let out a pained moan, tilting his head, his fingers tightening around her fingers. Even through the curtain of numb darkness, Laurelin felt that, Thorin's last effort to hold onto her. And she struggled with everything she had left, and managed to squeeze back.

Thorin gasped in surprise and false hope flashed in his eyes. But then he looked back at Laurelin and saw the look of finality on her face. Seconds suddenly seemed too quick, too cruel. Laurelin's hand went limp in Thorin's grip.

-G-...goodbye...my king." Laurelin muttered out. Thorin stared back at her in helpless panic. For a few, precious seconds, Laurelin looked at him with tender eyes. Then slowly, the light started to fade and then it died out completely.

And she was no more.

-No!" Thorin cried out breathlessly. -Laurelin!" he called with a broken voice.

But he knew his queen couldn't hear him anymore. Thorin let out a pained moan, dropping his head against the bedside. -No, by Mahal, no." he repeated. Tears flowed freely now, dropping onto the cold stone floor.

But no one answered to his call, no other sound broke the deep silence in the room. Thorin lifted his wet eyes and looked at her with desperate grief. -Come back to me!" he shouted with a thick voice. Crushing sorrow twisted his face and his tears were bitter and heart-broken. The air flowed heavily in and out, when Thorin knew his queen would breath no more.

With a shaking hand, Thorin reached to her face and closed Laurelin's eyes gently. He squeezed her limp hand in his, hoping nothing more than to feel her squeeze back. Thorin staggered up and sat to the bed, pulling her still warm body into his arms.

He wept as he held her, burying his face into her hair. Thorin never wanted to let go, never wanted to lose the scent of her, the touch of her. -C-come back to me, I...I a-am begging you. I would give anything." Thorin sobbed brokenly and tightened his hands around her.

-By Valar and everything sacred, give her back to me!" he repeated with deep agony. But no one answered. It was hauntingly quiet in the chambers. And Thorin cried.

He cried miserably, cried more than he had ever cried in his whole life. He wept more heart-breakingly than he had when he had held his dying brother in his arms on the battle of Azanulzibar or buried his grandfather. Nothing in this world matched to his grief.

Long moment passed.

War went on outside the stone walls, the war Thorin blamed himself for, hundreds of soldiers dying there for the gold of Erebor that didn't matter to Thorin Oakenshield anymore. He would have given every piece of the gold in the halls, even the Arkenstone without a question, had he gotten a chance to trade them for her life.

The fire started to turn into embers on the fireplace, the room was getting colder. Thorin mourned until his tears ran dry, his voice was hoarse from sobs and screaming after her and he was shaking like a leaf. He didn't hear the distant shouts from the corridors, or the sound of eagles outside. Even if he had, he wouldn't have cared.

Minutes passed, maybe even hours.

Time seemed meaningless now.

Everything seemed meaningless.

Thorin held her until her skin started to feel colder, last signs of life leaving her. And he wept, he cursed the valar, he cursed himself and the line of Durin. He drowned himself in self-loathing and guilt. But nothing brought her back - not the accusations or the prayers.

And some of the fire in Thorin's heart and eyes, that Laurelin had loved so much, faded permanently away.

He looked emptier now. As if his spirit had been so damaged that it had drained his life force.

Soon, the distant sounds of the battle faded. The fire went out at last. The room felt chilly.

As if the sun was mocking Thorin's grief, a ray of light suddenly shot through a window and hit the floor. And all he could think about was her hopeful words. _After a night comes a day, after a storm the sun shines brighter..._

Thorin stared blankly at the sunlight. It looked grey and ugly in his eyes.

_...and all the shadows and sorrows are not forever._

But this one_ was_ forever.

His sorrow would never fade, would never mend. His heart or his spirit would never be whole again, because the other half of it was gone.

And Thorin turned his head away from the light, holding his queen numbly.

* * *

After what felt like hours, Thorin was forced out of his grief by the loud shouts from the outside. Like in a trance, he put Laurelin's body gently back to the bed. Numbness had taken over him, and Thorin walked heavily and slowly towards the door, dragging his feet.

When he pushed the door open, he was instantly faced with dozens of bodies lying on the floor. Men, dwarves, elves. He glanced towards the gates of Erebor, and saw that the battlefield was covered with dead bodies, too. But other than that, it was empty. The battle had been fought. The air looked clearer again. Eagles were circling in the sky, several elves were walking amond the fallen, probably searching for the wounded.

Thorin let out a heavy breath. He looked back towards the dead at his feet, and suddenly noticed Balin standing near, his back turned to him.

Thorin couldn't find his voice, so he stepped closer. Balin heard him, and turned around. Bloodied, bruised and battered, the old dwarf looked dirty and horrible, but very much alive. It only gave Thorin a fraction of relief, because Balin's face had tear tracks on them.

Thorin knew they had lost someone at the battle.

Balin was clearly about to say something, but his words died to his lips when his eyes met his king. Balin's eyes widened and air escaped his lips when he saw how Thorin looked.

-What is it?" he asked with a fear in his unsteady voice. He swallowed and shook his head. -Dwalin told me she gave birth to two little baby girls..."

Thorin stared at him numbly back. He tried to find something to say. There wasn't anything. His mind didn't seem to work properly.

So slowly, he just shook his head.

-No!" Balin cried out, his face twisting in agony. -Not her. By Mahal, not her." and tears glistened in his eyes. -We have lost so many already." he whispered.

Thorin swallowed heavily. When it came to the survivors of the battle, he had only two persons he truly cared about right now. It took effort from him to talk. -Fi-Fili? Kili?" he whispered.

The way Balin's face twisted into a stricken grief answered Thorin. Time seemed to slow down. There and then, Thorin's heart stirred, and the numbness faded out of him. -Whe...where are they? My nephews?!" Thorin asked in plight.

Balin shook his head, taking irregular breaths. Then with a shaking hand, he pointed his hand further in the corridor.

Thorin's feet were moving before he even registered it. He rushed to the direction as quickly as he could. Then a terrible sight came into view.

Fili and Kili were placed on the floor next to each other. Their bodies were bruised, their clothes partly torn, hair messy and dirty. Kili's broken bow was on the ground. There was blood in several spots in their bodies. Thorin could see many places where arrows had sunk into their flesh, and had been pulled out later. Their eyes were closed.

Thorin fell to his knees.

He crashed to the ground, all strength leaving him. He felt like he couldn't breathe. -No." was all he managed to utter out, until he reached for his nephews.

Balin stepped closer, brushing tears from his eyes. -The lads fought bravely. Kili saved the human called Bard, but got hit with an arrow. Fili came to protect his brother, but...There were too many of them. They fought together, until Kili had six arrows in him and fell. Fili was shot with four arrows. He was there with Kili when he died. Fili held him in his arms, their hands joined. And when we got to Fili...he was close to dying himself. He told us to leave the arrows. 'I need to be with my brother' he said. 'I promised him that we would always be together' he said as he got weaker. So we respected his last wish and stayed beside them until life left him too." Balin said, his voice cracking.

Thorin let out a miserable cry and brushed the hair on his nephews' hair, as if they were fragile. Then he dropped his head against Kili's forehead.

-I loved them as if they were my own." he finally said, sobs writhing his body. His tears dropped to Kili's pale cheek and then rolled to the ground. -I promised Dís I would get them to Erebor safely, that no harm would come to them. I promised my sister, Balin, I pr-promised..."

Thorin's voice broke into miserable weeping. He cradled Fili, too, in turn. For a long moment, the two dwarves mourned for the young princes. Once so merry and lively, their laugh easily bubbling in the air, their mischievous grins well-known. Now they were so quiet. The stone walls of Erebor echoed distantly.

-It's my fault!" Thorin yelled. -It's my fault that Laurelin, my beloved queen is cold now, that she is lying lifeless there. And it is my fault that my nephews are unmoving...dead, lost in battle, so young and innocent, my sister-sons...Why, Mahal, why? Why did you not take me?! Take my life and let them live? Take me in their stead!"

Balin just shook his head sympathically. Thorin wept again, as if he hadn't cried enough for one day, for one lifetime - pulling his own hair and clutching his hands into fists so harshly that his nails sunk into his skin and bled.

-You will meet them again, one day, in Mahal's halls." Balin said, trying to comfort his king, but Thorin's pain only got sharper.

Another fit of sobs went through him.

Long moment passed. When finally, Thorin got quieter, Balin placed a hand on his shoulder. -This has been a horrible day, and I know there isn't a lot of good in it. But you can not give into despair, Thorin. The war is won, and everyone else from the company is alive. And you might have lost your queen and your nephews, but you still have your own children. You need to live for them, Thorin. You need to raise them."

It barely gave any comfort to Thorin. But after a long while, Thorin finally lifted his red face up and looked at Balin with blood-shot eyes. He looked scaringly empty, like grief had been carved permanently into his face now.

Balin looked gently down at him. -You are still our king." he said and offered his hand. Thorin stared at it, and then slowly took it. Balin pulled him up, and Thorin stood on his two own feet, even if he staggered a little.

Balin gave him a hopeful, weak smile. -You have twin girls, Thorin. Your heirs. And they need their father to raise them."

Thorin clung onto that thought when the losses seemed to be too much. So he straightened his back despite all of the darkness. He owed that to Laurelin. He owed that he lived and raised their children, the children she had wanted to save so badly that it had cost her own life.

-Where is Dwalin and the mid-wife then?" Thorin asked finally with a hollow voice, trying to gather himself.

Balin turned his head towards a dwarf futher away, that had to be a member of Dain's army. -Be a good lad and get my brother Dwalin here." Balin asked him.

The dwarf nodded and did as he was told. Balin turned back to Thorin. -The last time I saw Dwalin, he was with with the twins, and refused to leave their side even for a one moment. You should have seen him, Thorin, he fussed over them like when Gimli was newborn or when Kili..."

But suddenly he quieted. Sorrow returned to Balin's face and he shook his head. Thorin swallowed heavily.

He had a bad feeling when it took some time before Dwalin arrived.

And when the big dwarf finally came into the view, he dragged his feet. Usually the stern and serious dwarf looked pale. And Thorin stared at him, air escaping his lips once more.

And Dwalin looked at Balin, then Thorin. Shadow crept over his face, and Thorin guessed what he was about to say before he opened his mouth.

-Thorin, I am truly sorry..."

And that's when he knew.

Dwalin looked torn. -I am so sorry. There weren't anything we could do. The little ones were too small, too young for this..." he stuttered.

Thorin squeezed his eyes shut.

The air was thick with shock and unbearable sorrow.

-Both of them?" Balin breathed out, horrified.

And Thorin snapped his eyes open, waited for joy or slight hope to fill Dwalin's face, to give him something to hold onto. He stared at the big dwarf with desperate, pleading eyes, but Dwalin couldn't stand to look at his king and his friend into the eyes. He hung his head.

-Both of them." Dwalin said bleakly.

And Thorin could feel his heart cracking in his chest, icy emptiness taking over it.

He fell to his knees again, close to the unmoving bodies of his nephews. He did not cry. He did not scream. He had nothing left to give.

Thorin could not express this pain, could not form it into tears or words, could not cry out from the bottom of his lungs to release the agony. So he just hung his head and slumped to the cold stone ground of Erebor, his dead family so very eternally, irreversibly gone.

Balin caught him before he sagged to the floor.

The battle of the Five Armies was over.


	25. Chapter 25

**AUTHOR'S NOTE  
**Hey again!

**So, this author's note will be a bit longer than usual, since this is the last chapter and I feel like I should point out a few things.**

Most importantly - wow. The reactions to the latest chapter are astonishing me, since I got lot of emotional reviews saying that people had actually cried. I'm so flattered to hear that, I really am, because I wasn't sure whether my writing managed to be powerful enough to stir some emotions. It seems I've succeeded in that?  
I also really hope you all liked Laurelin as my original character, and made her relationship with Thorin interesting and worth reading for.

Alright, then a few other notes. First of all, the whole thing Thorin was talking about the different afterlives of the dwarves, elves and humans - it's canon. This wasn't something I made up, it's all Tolkien. So as tragic it is, different races of Middle-Earth don't share the final resting place.  
On a side note, I have to admit that the part with Fili and Kili was the hardest for me to write. I've known pretty much from the beginning what would happen to Laurelin and the babies, but with Fili and Kili I hesitated a little. It's so painful to know that they die in the book and in the movie, too, so it was kind of hard to put in. Oh well.  
(Though I was originally planning for Laurelin to have only one child, but then someone suggested me to make them twins so I did.)

Just to point out, there are a few quotes and references from the books (both Hobbit and LOTR) in this chapter, if you happen to notice.

Thirdly, when I had just published the latest chapter, I happened to hear the song 'Dark Paradise' by Lana del Rey. It was almost scary how much that song fits this story. I thought about copying some of the lyrics here to prove my point, but it seems that I would have needed to copy all of the song. So yeah, if you're interested you might want to check that song out.

Here we are.** This is the last chapter of this story.** It's been quite a ride. I am truly happy and flattered that so many of you started to read this and reviewed it. It really means so much to me. I've noted all of your suggestions for a future reference. I really enjoyed writing this and I hope that you've liked my style and the plot progress. The amount of follows and favorites was a true surprise, and I know that there are a lot of more of you reading the story than there are people reviewing. I'm so, very taken aback by this. Thank you all so much.

Many of you also asked about my plans for future fics. Yes, if you guys are interested, then I'll gladly write and publish more stuff. I had an idea about a fic centering around Thorin, Fili and Kili.  
And since so many of you were so sad and affected by last chapter, I'm going to offer you something - **I can write an alternative, happier ending to this story and post it separately. If you want me to do that, then let me know.**

So, let's get into it then. Please, _please_ write me a review for me, one last time? :)

**Warning:** Chapter content

* * *

It seemed like a bad dream.

A very, very bad dream. A cold and endless nightmare, that just didn't end.

Everyone waited for a sudden miracle, a chance to go back in time, or the moment that they would open their eyes in their own beds and realize this wasn't real, but such relief never came.

The dead stayed dead.

The night crawled forward, and the next day revealed the bleak outcome of the previous day.

Thousands of dead bodies laid unmoving in the fields before Erebor's gates. Mostly there were just orcs, since the elves of Mirkwood had been swift to gather their fallen, and people of Esgaroth hadn't been so many in number. Dain and his dwarves went through the sad pile of bodies, the grim task taking hours and hours, since there were just so many.

Battle of the Five Armies had claimed countless lives on both sides. The orcs were beaten, slayed and the rest hunted, and it would take a long time before they dared to cause trouble again. But no one raised their voice in triumph or joy. No feasts were held that night. Nobody sang glorious battle songs.

It was hauntingly quiet.

The horrors of the sudden war that had been sparked by a simple quest that had begun from Hobbiton, had done some devastating damage. The ground was black and stained with blood and dirt. Clouds hung heavily on the sky, as if the sky itself had mourned for such a sorrowful event.

There wasn't anything glorious in it. Even if dwarves, elves, men and eagles had fought side by side despite their quarrels with each other, the victory came with a bitter price.

Erebor was quiet. Some of Dain's dwarves had come to help, and had brought the fallen inside. During the night, they had started arranging funerals - many would have wanted to bury their dead or even try and take them back to the Iron Hills, but digging graves would have taken days and the distance to the Iron Hills was too long. So Dain ordered his people to build pyres instead.

High, simple pyres were gathered everywhere outside. Bittersweetly, the lands had much of dry wood lying around, since Smaug had burnt and ripped trees from their roots from the ground or burnt the soil so badly that nothing would grow in it in many years to come.

For the time being, the dwarves took orders from Dain.

Dain had naturally wanted to meet Thorin and discuss the urgent matters with him, since Thorin was now rightfully king under the mountain. But none of the dwarves from Iron Hills saw Thorin Oakenshield that day. Neither did Dain Ironfoot. No one wasn't allowed to the private chambers in Erebor where Thorin had spent the night after the battle.

Balin and Dwalin didn't let anyone else in. Not even the other members of the company.

Inside his chambers, Thorin sat numbly and stared blankly ahead. Tear tracks were still visible on his face. He hadn't slept at all during the night. He was pale and barely recognizable even for his closest friends. He did not speak. He didn't move. He didn't answer when he was talked to. Air flowed heavily in and out.

And his hands were empty. There were no queen to hold onto, no newborns to cradle. And there was no ring in his hand, because he had given it to Laurelin. And it still was in her cold, unmoving finger.

Thorin's heart was broken.

* * *

Two days after the battle of Five Armies, a small and unceremonial funeral was held in Erebor.

Laurelin, Thara and Elara were buried deep into the mountain. Fili and Kili were put side by side, because no one even thought about separating the brothers. The whole event was short. Only Thorin and the members of their company were present. Like by pure luck, Bard had found Bilbo from the battlefield, and carried him inside Erebor. The hobbit had gotten quite a blow to his head, but recovered quickly. He had rejoiced to meet his friends again, but his joy was short-lived when he heard the news.

Bilbo had cried for hours miserably. Bofur and Ori had tried to comfort him, but there wasn't really anything they could do or say to make it better; to make it hurt less. Bilbo and Laurelin had been good friends. No one reminded Bilbo about Thorin casting him out before. It didn't matter anymore. None of the gold and jewels did right now. Thranduil even came and gave the Arkenstone back to them, saying that it didn't belong to him, and sent his condolences to Thorin. The elven king had his flaws, but he wasn't cold-hearted.  
The dwarves thanked him dryly, and Thranduil left without saying anything more. He made no claim about the treasure.

But the Arkenstone didn't bring joy to the company. None of them even looked twice at it, even if it was truly a magnificent sight.

It was put back to the throne room where it had originally been, all those years ago.

* * *

The funeral was spent mostly in silence, because no one knew what they could say. There wasn't any words to describe the sorrow they all felt for their lost friends, or the pity they felt for Thorin.

Bilbo and the dwarves were mourning openly now when they all stood in the dim hall. None of them held back their tears or grief. Thorin was barely able to stand upright on his own, and Dwalin was constantly near him, ready to support him.

Thorin hadn't talked in three days, not to anyone. Dwalin and Balin had been with him the whole time, made sure he at least ate something and rested a little. But still, he was barely recognizable. His once so proud stance was slumped and his shoulders sagged. His face was pale and empty.

But the worst part was his eyes. Thorin's blue, bright eyes had dulled and darkened. The fierce fire that used to gleam in them was gone. His gaze was haunted.  
He looked like he wasn't even there, as if his spirit had escaped his body and left an empty shell behind.

The cold stone of the mountain around them seemed to mourn with them. Today, nothing looked beautiful in their eyes. Not even the great halls of Erebor.

Balin held a small speech, but could barely keep his voice steady. Thorin didn't look like he even heard what was being said. He just stared blankly ahead.

But when they were about the seal the graves, Thorin suddenly looked up to Dwalin. He swallowed hard, as if it was a struggle to remember how words worked. Slowly, he pulled the Arkenstone from his pocket and gave it to Dwalin. He had obviously gone and taken if from the throne room. Dwalin stared back at his king with surprise and confusion.

Then for the first time in days, Thorin talked. -Put that in there." he said with a hoarse, hollow voice. Everyone startled for that.

Dwalin looked at the Arkenstone, then Thorin. Thorin blinked, but no emotion sparked in his empty face. -I don't want it anymore. I want it to be buried with my other treasures that I will never hold again."

Dwalin's face twisted with sorrow. He looked at his king with hesitation, wondering if he should ask whether he was certain of it. But then he just slowly nodded. -As you wish, Thorin." he said quietly and did as he was told.

None of the other dwarves dared to say anything when the family jewel of Durin's line and Erebor was sealed into the mountain forever. They all just watched quietly, some drying their eyes with their sleeves, some numbly standing still. The atmosphere was heavy and full of bottomless sorrow.

Fili and Kili would never fill the air with their easy and happy laugh. They would never grin and joke around, or play harps. They would never irritate Thorin with their pranks and mischievous ways.

And Laurelin would never stand beside Thorin where, now they all agreed, she would have belonged. Erebor has lost its queen far too soon. And its heirs. The sparkling laugh of small children would never make Thorin smile in a protective and warm way, he would never get to raise his children.

Everyone wished that they could have somehow given Thorin his family back. Or at least some of them. Anything.

But they couldn't.

Thorin didn't cry. He had shed so many tears already that they had run dry, he had nothing left to give. His heart was broken, his spirit damaged, and they would never mend.

After a long silence, Thorin turned his back to the graves and glanced at the company. For the first time in days he seemed to notice their presence. He even looked at Bilbo, but he didn't hold grudge against the hobbit. He didn't have the energy.

-Now that you are still all here, I have something to tell you." Thorin said. His voice was steady but emotionless. It had none of its usual sternness or authority. He took a breath. -I have made Dain the Regent. He is the king for the time being. I do not wish to rule or take charge. So take orders from him, show him the respect he deserves. He is the king of the Lonely Mountain now. I can not wear a crown since it was bought with such a high, bitter price."

There was a shocked silence, and everyone stared at him with wide eyes.

Thorin looked tired. -Take what you want from the treasure rooms. No one will stop you. You can also stay here in Erebor if you want, or you can go elsewhere." His voice was monotonic. -I want to thank you for answering my call and joining my quest, and fighting in the war my actions sparked. And I am sorry for the trouble and pain the quest might have put you in. I hope you do not think ill of me. I give you my warm goodbye."

And then Thorin nodded, and slowly started to walk away. Without embracing his friends or saying anything more. As always, Dwalin followed Thorin.

Soon the crownless king and his closest friend disappeared to the corridors.

No one said anything.

Bilbo's quiet sobs were the only thing audible, and they echoed in the halls, as if the mountain itself would have been weeping too.

Suddenly the gold they had all been ready to die for seemed worthless.

The company stood in silence.

Somewhere outside, the funeral pyres were burning and black, thick smoke was rising into the sky.

* * *

Thorin kept his word - Dain took the throne of Erebor. A lof of dwarves from Iron Hills and also the Blue Mountains came and moved into the Lonely Mountain, and after such a long time, the halls were filled with the sounds of life - talking, singing, laughing, working.

The halls and the gates were quickly repaired and the damage Smaug had done was slowly mended.

The humans built Esgaroth again, Bard as their leader, and started trading with Erebor again. They have vowed friendship with each other. Dain had even made peace with Thranduil. It would take a long time before the soil would be green and flush again, or before trees would grow in the valleys, but everyone was hopeful to see that happening one day.  
So after such a long time, Erebor was growing stronger and livelier, and the shadow of war had passed permanently. Orcs were beaten and alliances made, peace finally achieved.

Bilbo had left his goodbyes to his friends and went back home. The dwarves sent him back to the west with warm goodbyes and a good pile of gold, even though the hobbit wouldn't have wanted much of the treasure.

Dain Ironfoot ruled as the King under the mountain wisely. He never once asked about Laurelin or the lost twins from Thorin. Soon it came clear to everyone in Erebor that this was something that they shouldn't talk out loud. Soon, everyone avoided mentioning the lost queen and the heirs. The dwarves even avoided talking about Thorin.

He almost became like a ghost in his own halls.

* * *

Slowly but surely, weeks passed and turned to months.

* * *

Thorin had gotten quiet. He rarely left his chambers or took part in the meetings or councils.

Dwalin and Balin didn't leave his side often. They took care of him and kept him company, even if it meant just sitting beside him next to the hearth.

Thorin never smiled again. Nor did he laugh. His face had been hardened to a pale mask of sorrow and guilt. His eyes were blear nowadays, as if he couldn't see properly the world around him. And even when he was there, his mind wasn't. Balin and Dwalin couldn't do anything but to stand by and watch as their king and friend was slowly becoming more and more tired.

Thorin never talked about Laurelin. Or about Thara and Elara. Sometimes he mentioned his nephews, but that was rare.

Balin once asked him whether he was still going to stay aside and let Dain rule as Regent, but Thorin didn't answer.

Outside, autumn's leaves were turning brown and black.

* * *

The winter that followed was cold and long.

And unfortunately, it brought a sickness with it. First it struck the people of Esgaroth, and then it spread to Erebor. One by one, dwarves started to fall ill. Soon there were so many that Dain had to arrange one of the bigger halls to be emptied so the sick could be put there.

Soon there were dozens of pale and weakening dwarves lying there, taken care of by healers night and day.

And as if Thorin Oakenshield hadn't suffered enough already, he was struck with the illness.

It started with a little cough but soon a fever took him into its claws. Dwalin and Balin forced him to rest and let the healers treat him.

A few days passed.

But Thorin only got worse.

His fever got higher, he got paler, more exhausted. He stopped eating altogether and barely drunk anything. His condition got weaker and weaker, and after four days, Thorin was in a bad condition. Dwalin and Balin took turns and refused to leave his side for one moment.

But no matter what they did or how well the healers treated him, Thorin didn't get better.

And soon, the faces of the healers became grim and a sense of finality took over them.

Balin and Dwalin refused to see it, refused to prepare for the inevitable, ignored the warning signs.

They cared too deeply about their friend and king.

They stayed in Thorin's personal chambers. They kept the room warm and made sure they were prepared for anything. They tried to get Thorin to eat, but didn't succeed.

* * *

After six days, the two brothers were slowly starting to face the truth.

Thorin wasn't getting better.

He was getting worse.

Heavy and ominous silence hung in the room.

Outside, snow had covered the ground and more was falling from the sky. It was cold and dark outside, and this chilliness seemed to go into the bones.

Dwalin and Balin shared worried looks. Thorin usually slept, as he was exhausted for battling the sickness.

But no one said the most obvious thing in the world out loud.

Thorin was dying.

And it wasn't this sickness that was killing him, it was the sorrow in his heart that had been doing its damage for a long time now.

All joy had been drained from Thorin's life. If he had fallen ill a year or two ago, he would have gotten through it easily. But now, he had lost the will to fight. His fierce, stubborn nature had been tamed.

* * *

On the sixth day, for everyone's surprise, Thorin's fever went down. But the small spark of hope was quickly suffocated - he wasn't recovering. He was lying on a warm and soft bed, face pale and colour drained from his face, some sweat on his temples. The sickness had taken his strength.

When the twilight set in and the night turned everything blue outside, Thorin slowly woke up from his restless, hazy state. Balin was sitting next to his bedside, as he had sent Dwalin to sleep. Fire was rattling nearby, and it was quiet in Erebor. Somehow the shadow of death and sickness was lingering in the halls and chambers. The atmosphere was bleak and black. Many had started to lose hope. Some of the dwarves even said that this was the last evil deed of Smaug - that the rotting body of the dragon had somehow sent this plague-like sickness to them. In the end, it didn't really matter - it didn't bring back the dead or cure the sick.

Thorin opened his eyes and looked at Balin, and his eyes were oddly clear after a long time. No fever dulled them this time.

Balin leant closer to him in surprise. -Thorin? How are you feeling?" he asked.

Thorin let out a deep breath, eyeing Balin. He had a weirdly peaceful look on his face, after months and months of torment and masked guilt. It alerted Balin, and the old dwarf's alarm bells were suddenly ringing loudly in his head.

-Do I need to sent for the healers?" Balin asked worriedly, studying him frantically.

Thorin gave him the slightest shake of his head. -Balin." he breathed out, like gathering his strength to talk. He cleared his voice.

Balin nodded. -Yes, Thorin, I am here." the old dwarf said reassuringly. But his body was tensed, and face full of worry.

But Thorin looked calm. His voice was stronger than in days, and his eyes were clearer. And for Balin's surprise, Thorin seemed to be more present in the room than he had been in months, ever since the Battle of Five Armies. His gaze was sharper and there was a shade of his old self in his eyes.

-I was...I was dreaming." Thorin finally said.

Of all the things Balin had expected him to say, this wasn't it. He raised an eyebrow. There was a small silence, and then Balin swallowed. -You were dreaming?" he asked warily.

Thorin nodded a little. -Yes. And it was a good dream. The best one I've had in a long time." he said seriously, like this was really important. Balin's head was still rushing for worried thoughts and questions, like should he send a word for the healers or Dwalin, but Thorin's sudden talkativeness caught him off guard.

He rarely talked this much nowadays, so Balin felt hesitant to interrupt him. And Thorin tilted his head a little and continued after a small time.

-I dreamt...of my own life from a few years from this day. In a world where things had gone differently." he said slowly. -So many times I've been plagued by nightmares, horrible nightmares, Balin, but this one was different. It was very vivid. And in my dream, all of my actions that caused destruction, chaos and damage, hadn't gone so terribly wrong."

After a long, long time, some emotion flashed in Thorin's eyes. It made Balin startle - to see that familiar glint in his king's eyes. He had missed it so badly that it made chills crawl in his skin and he took a shuddering breath. His thoughts were restless and anxious, and he was still uncertain how to deal with this sudden, radical change in Thorin's behaviour. But Thorin looked as peaceful as ever.

-I dreamt of _her_." Thorin breathed out. Now Balin paled a little - not once had Thorin talked about Laurelin. Not once after the day she had died. If he hadn't been truly alarmed before, he was now.

And as if to magnify that, Thorin curved his lips into a tiny, faint smile. Balin stared at him, eyes a little widened, hands shaking a little. He had almost forgotten how Thorin even looked when he smiled. The sight was as scary as it was relieving.

A flash of tenderness crossed Thorin's face. -I dreamt of her, Balin. I dreamt about Erebor for a few years from now. I dreamt that all of them had lived. It was a warm summer day. Grass had started to grow on the side of the mountain, flowers were blooming. And Erebor was full of life - laughter, singing...The sky was blue, only a few little white clouds in it. And I stood outside the gates, next to that small clearing. And my daughters were playing together in the sun. They had brown hair and some flowers in them. Bofur had braided their hair earlier, but of course they couldn't last through all their games and playing, so their hair had gotten a little messy and the light breeze wasn't helping, either. But Thara and Elara didn't even notice. They laughed with each other, that kind of innocent and happy laugh that children have. Of course they were still clumsy and chubby, but they were perfect in every way."

Thorin closed his eyes for a moment. -They wanted to fly a kite. They had heard Fili and Kili talking about it, probably not by accident - and they kept asking for a kite. They were so fascinated about a 'bird that could fly without wings' - a Kili's addition, I imagine. But they were too small for that in my opinion. But the little princesses had already found my weakness - they looked up to me with their big, blue eyes and sometimes hugged my knee at the same time. '_Da, please'_ they asked, until I couldn't just refuse. So I built them a kite. Of course I could have bought it from elsewhere or even asked Bifur to build it, since he used to work as a toy-maker, but I wanted to make it myself. So I did. And it was the perfect day to fly a kite - there was this warm summer wind. And they were so excited when the kite finally flew into the air and wandered in the western wind, the long colourful ribbons flowing against the summer sky. They clapped their little hands and jumped on their spots, shrieking in delight."

Balin barely dared to breathe.

Thorin continued. -My little daughters, they were so happy because of a such simple toy. They didn't care about jewels or gold, they never played in the treasure room. And they loved everything sweet, cakes especially - apple cakes were their favorite. I could have learnt so much from them about the small things in life..." Thorin shook his head and opened his eyes, now looking at Balin. And now, Thorin's lips curved into a proper smile.

-And then _she_ came outside. Balin, you should have seen her - her long dark hair open and blowing softly in the wind. She wore a purple dress. I would have given her any diamond or jewel she had ever wanted, but she never really cared much about those things. She still wore the royal seal ring I had given to her, and a simple but beautiful little necklace. And she looked so healthy and strong, as if she was glowing. She smiled so fondly when she walked to us, that bright smile of hers, and I smiled back to her. When the girls noticed their mother coming closer, they let out tiny little shrieks of happiness and ran to her._ 'Ma! Look what Da built us!'_ they said and Laurelin embraced them, laughing freely and kissing their foreheads. She of course complimented the kite like it was the best thing she had ever seen, and Thara's and Elara's faces were beaming with pride. And then Laurelin asked them to pick up some flowers for her, and the girls were happy to, and they rushed to the small meadow nearby, only stopping to chase butterflies as they went."

Balin had a lump in his throat now, and he had a hard time holding his emotions back.

Thorin blinked dreamily. -And when we watched our daughters picking flowers and enjoying the summer day, Laurelin came to me and gave me a crooked smile. _'I'm quite certain that the girls didn't learn about a toy called kite on their own.'_ She said playfully. I laughed and sighed._ 'No, they most certainly did not. I need to find Fili and Kili and tell them that they can't keep filling our daughters' heads with new ideas all the time. Although I do not know what to say to my nephews, since this surely isn't first or the last time I'm going to lecture them.'_ I shook my head in disbelief. '_They have only gotten worse after they realized they won't have to rule. Sometimes I feel like Thara and Elara are more mature than them.'"_

Balin's eyes were burning as he listened to his king, a lump in his throat.

Thorin sighed and continued the story. -And Laurelin laughed and placed a quick kiss to my cheek. _'Oh, Thorin, I'm sure that this won't be the worst idea your nephews put into their heads. Just wait until Thara and Elara grow older, I can feel that there will be a prank war going on then. Although I have a strong feeling your nephews will lose.' _She said and tilted her head a little. I looked at her with fascination._ 'How are you so sure that my nephews will lose? They've had a lot of practise, I can assure you that. I was there when they were just dwarflings.'  
_And Laurelin laughed again, this time a wide smile on her face. She bit her lip and shrugged, like trying to hold back a laugh._ 'Oh, it's not that. I'm sure your nephews are good at mischief, but our children will have the upper hand._'  
I raised my eyebrow, but I saw she had something in her mind. Before I got the chance to ask, Laurelin bit her lip again. _'And by upper hand, I mean superior numbers.'_  
I didn't understand. _'But they are equal in number...'_ I started, but then I saw the way her face lit up and my argument was forgotten. It took a moment from me to realize what she was trying to say. And she had the brightest smile on her face as she looked at me. I could barely get a word out of my mouth. _'Are you certain?'_ I stammered out, and she nodded. For a moment, we just looked at each other, and then I embraced her and placed kisses on her cheeks and lips, and she giggled against my ear. She put her arms around me and I thought to myself that life couldn't get better from this, that I couldn't have been more blessed. _'I love you so much, and I'm so happy.'_ Laurelin whispered to me. And then Thara and Elara ran to us, carrying flowers in their hands. And they wanted me to embrace them, too, so I lifted them to the air one at a time and swinged my arms and the little ones loved it, they said it was like being a kite themselves.'"

Now Balin couldn't hide his eyes glistening with tears. He looked at Thorin with deep pity and sorrow, touched by how beautiful the image seemed. He was too moved to speak. Thorin was quiet for a long time, and the smile faded from his lips.

Balin could barely keep his voice steady when he finally talked. -Oh, Thorin...I can not even tell you how _much_ I wish that dream would have been real. How gladly I would have given that to you if I had the power to do so." And the old dwarf swept tears from the corners of his eyes.

Thorin's face darkened. -Maybe this is the price I had to pay to realize my mistakes. To see through my greed and foolish actions that sparked a war and caused the deaths of so many. Maybe this was a lesson for me, to remind me that it was my own fault that my true treasures weren't stolen by Smaug, but doomed by myself and now buried into the root of the mountain."

Balin put a comforting hand to Thorin's arm. -You can not think that, Thorin. No one knows what would have happened if you chose differently, if any of us chose differently. If you had given Thranduil and Bard part of the treasure when they asked for it, it wouldn't have changed anything. The orcs would have still attacked us."

Thorin looked tired. -Maybe. But it wasn't the only situation where I could have chosen otherwise." He sighed. -If only more of us valued food and cheer and song above hoarded gold, like our hobbit, it would be a merrier world."

Balin eyed him sadly.

Thorin turned to look at him, too, and their eyes met. -And sad or merry, I'm about to leave it behind."

Balin's eyes widened and he shook his head. -No, Thorin. Not yet. You should live for many years still, and rule Erebor."

For the first time in a long time, raw, open pain flashed Thorin's features. -Why would I want to sit on the throne when it has been bought with such a high price? No. I am tired, Balin, my friend, so very tired. And I have almost seen two hundred summers already. It seems I've destroyed everything I touch. So I do not want to lay a hand to Erebor anymore, because it still is dear to me after all this time." He took a deep breath. -And I miss my brother. And father...grandfather; Thrór, Thráin, Frerin...And most of all, Fili and Kili. They will be all there waiting for me."

Balin looked away.

The horribly painful and unspoken truth hung low in the air. That yes - all of of Thorin's lost relatives would be waiting for him, but not the loved ones he wanted be reunited the most.

-Maybe I should not lose hope completely." Thorin whispered. -Maybe after all this suffering I've gone through for my mistakes, I can get peace after all. Just maybe...Maybe the _valar_ will make exceptions for us. Maybe they'll let _her_ into Mahal's halls. Or maybe I'll meet her beyond time, someday, somehow."

Balin nodded. -Yes, maybe. All sorrows are not forever."

Thorin winced a little for that, for the echo of the words and what they reminded him for. But slowly his calmness returned to him and he stared at the ceiling for a moment.

-You and Dwalin have been the most loyal friends to me. For that I thank you." Thorin said.

Balin nodded.

With a sudden clarity, Thorin spoke again. -I will not live to see the morning light. But I am not bitter. I always wanted to die in the blaze of glory, maybe in the battlefield. But now I have found certain peace. My life has taught me something important - all that is gold does not glitter. As for someone who spent most of their life greedy for shiny things and graving for revenge, I dare to say that there is worse wisdom I could have been dealt."

Balin tightened his grip on his king's arm. -Is there any use of me asking you to hold on?"

Thorin shook his head weakly. -No, Balin. Let Dain know that he is the king under the mountain now. I trust his wisdom with the task."

Balin sighed heavily and hung his head. Thorin looked ghostly pale already. -Now, one more request. Give me something to help me sleep."

And with a heavy heart, Balin stood up and poured him some broth that had a light sleeping draught in it.

When Thorin had drunk it, his eyes wandered at the ceiling. He was oddly calm. Despite his sick and bad condition, there was something in his eyes and face that looked whole again. Like he had made peace with the world and himself. After a while, his eyelids got heavy and he closed them. Thorin fell asleep.

And Balin sat beside him.

The cold wind whirled with snow outside. The fire rattled quietly. But Balin didn't find the moment overwhelmingly tragic, since Thorin had finally put his rage and bitterness aside.

* * *

The hours crawled slowly by. Dwalin came in to the room later on, upset when he heard what had happened, but there was nothing they could do. The brothers stayed up the long and dark hours of the night.

Just before the dawn, Thorin had gone very pale and unmoving. His breathing was light and irregular. Balin and Dwalin braced themselves for the inevitable. They knew that this was the end of Thorin Oakenshield.

And then suddenly, just in the moment Thorin stopped breathing, his lips curved into the faintest smile - and it was identical to the one he had worn before, when he had told Balin about his dream. It held no misery, no sorrow - it was a smile of happiness and light, all things good. And Balin and Dwalin looked at him in bewilderment, wondering silently if it was true - and valar had made an exception for him.

And that's how Thorin died. Despite all the misery he had been been dealt, he died with a small smile on his lips.

And even if their friend and king was now gone, Balin's and Dwalin's grief wasn't crushing them. Odd sense of hope had filled the room.

-What do you think he saw?" Dwalin whispered. -In his last moment?"

And despite it all, Balin turned to his brother. He stoop up slowly, and suddenly the old dwarf had a strong certainty filling his mind. Balin placed his hands on Dwalin's shoulders and eyed his brother gently. Then he gave the most genuine and brightest smile the he had worn in a very long time.

-Oh well...I am quite certain that he was about to go and fly a kite." he whispered happily.

And then the brothers pressed their foreheads together, and they cried after their friend and king, but the tears they shed weren't laced with bitterness. Because not all tears are evil.

And somewhere outside, dawn slowly started to fill the world with new light.


End file.
